


bright lights and cityscapes

by celaenos



Series: take these broken wings [2]
Category: Glee
Genre: F/F, Female Friendship, Friends to Lovers, Gen, Mother-Daughter Relationship, Motherhood, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-04
Updated: 2014-10-19
Packaged: 2018-01-18 02:32:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 20
Words: 94,088
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1411687
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/celaenos/pseuds/celaenos
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Quinn moves into an apartment with Sam and Kurt and tries to navigate college life, motherhood, friendships, and the slow realization that she is gay and falling in love with Rachel.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> and here is part 2! 
> 
> Sorry, I wanted to get this out a little earlier in the week, but work is a bit hectic right now. It's going to continue to be this next upcoming week, and a tiny bit the week after that, so please bear with me. I'm hoping I can get the second chapter out by the end of next week. I hope you enjoy, and please let me know what you think:)

_"_ _Adapt or perish" - HG Wells_

 

Quinn sets Beth down onto the floor and takes in the apartment.

It's a total shithole.

Kurt walks up with a suitcase and stands beside her, wearing an equally unimpressed face. Sam drops bags of luggage with verve and slings his arms around their shoulders. "This is great right?" He asks with a huge grin on his face. Quinn and Kurt share a look and don't say anything. "We've got to fix it up a bit, but I mean, it's rent controlled and there's enough room for all of us and just...it's  _ours_!"

Beth takes off and Quinn lunges to catch her. "We need to baby proof this place immediately." Kurt announces as Quinn hoists Beth back up into her arms.

"I'm not a baby, I'm a big girl!" She insists.

"Yes you are." Quinn kisses her cheek. "We should  _big girl_  proof this place," she murmurs to Beth. "Right  _now_ , or I'm never gonna be able to put her down." She directs at the boys.

Kurt is in his element apparently. He orders Sam around, covering up this and that, moving furniture in ways that are harder to bang into; making sure everything is safe while Quinn gets Beth settled in their bedroom.

She takes the time to get sheets on her bed, then flops down onto it, too exhausted to start unpacking for real.

She cannot believe they are in New York. The summer flew by. Once Quinn had officially decided on Columbia, it sparked a whirlwind of plans. Sam had made it clear he was coming with her, he applied to the LaGuardia Community College nursing program and got in, then proceeded to find them a place to live. Having Beth in the dorms wasn't really something Quinn could work out, so getting their own apartment was the only thing that made sense.

Paying for it, that's going to be quite another thing entirely. 

Quinn doesn't know how, but Sam convinced Kurt to apply to LaGuardia as well, to get his general credits out of the way before transferring somewhere else.

Sam made all the arrangements, and somehow, two months have gone by and the three of them are renting an apartment in Long Island City. He's worked out everything so if each of them can manage almost 500 a month, they've got this place for almost two years. It's not very big, but there are two bedrooms, a living room, a kitchen, a bathroom, and a smallish hallway that doesn't really lead to anywhere that could be a playroom for Beth. It's the best they could afford. By Sam's calculations, it should take Quinn a little over half an hour to commute to school and the two of them a little over twenty minutes. All in all, it's not bad.

Rachel and Brittany are only half an hour away at Tisch, but Santana's down in Brooklyn--over an hour away on a good day.

Oddly enough, Rachel and Brittany are roommates.

Britt told Quinn this shortly before they left. She wanted to room with someone she knew, despite being in different programs, they managed to share a dorm. Quinn's not exactly sure how that's going to end up going, but a jealous Santana is no one's friend.

Santana is the only one alone and the furthest away. She's not happy about it in the slightest.

They don't bother unpacking much the first night, only digging out the essentials for dinner. The three of them end up cross-legged on the floor, dining off a coffee table. Kurt manages to get them some champagne. It's cheap and not all that tasty, but they toast with it all the same.

…

…

By the end of their first week, they've got almost everything unpacked, begun decorating a bit and found a semi decent grocery store about ten blocks away.

Quinn's didn't bother to bring Beth's crib along with them. She really is too big for it now anyway, so Quinn just pops Beth in the bed with her. Beth's delighted. Quinn knew she didn't want to deal with worrying about waking up to a wet bed, so she spends most of the summer potty training Beth.

It's a  _big_  change from small town Lima to Long Island City. Everything is louder and more rushed. They're not in the best neighborhood in the world and Quinn is conscious of it whenever she's out of the apartment later at night. If she thought that was a culture shock, going to the Upper West side Manhattan to get to school is even more so.

The four of them take a day and ride the subway route to the boys school, then to Quinn's. To get a handle of where they need to go and get acclimated.

Quinn's condensed all her classes to three very long days a week. Wednesday through Friday she's got classes from nine am straight through until about seven at night. Sam is taking classes Monday, Tuesday and Thursday, about the same time frame. Kurt spread his out a bit more, taking his Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday and Friday morning. He won't be in classes all day long.

Sam was adamant about trying to get classes opposite each other so one of them can be with Beth, while the other is in class. Quinn doesn't expect or even ask Kurt to do the same. It still surprises her that Sam is so willing. Her only issue is what to do with Beth on Thursdays and she panics about it.

That particular problem ends up being solved when Santana comes up to visit them the weekend she gets in her dorm.

" _I_  don't have class on Thursday." She announces.

Quinn whips her head around and stares at her. Santana is surprisingly good with Beth, but she's never spent any great length of time with her all by herself. Quinn quirks an eyebrow in question and bits her lip, afraid to actually ask.

Santana sighs at her. "I'm gonna feed her whatever the fuck I want, she's gonna learn to love tv, and she is gonna hear swear words and have to get over it."

Quinn beams and wraps an arm around Santana's neck, pulling her in and planting a kiss on her cheek. "Thank you." She whispers sincerely.

"Yeah, yeah, don't thank me yet." Santana waves her off and gives her a shove, but there is the barest hint of a smile on her lips.

Quinn can't believe she lucked out enough to have friends like this.

…

…

After eighteen years of wanting out of Lima, Ohio, Quinn has managed it. She honest to God never thought it would happen. Even once the acceptance letters started rolling in. Even after she got all her information from Columbia. Even once Sam found them an apartment. A part of her believed it all was a dream.

She walks down Times Square with Kurt and Sam, Beth up on Sam's shoulders and can't believe she's actually here.

She fucking got out.

…

…

Quinn gets lost five times on her first day.

She accidentally gets off one stop early on the subway and it takes her ten minutes to find the correct one she needs to get back on. For her second class, she goes into the wrong building. In her last class she ends up sitting down for almost seven minutes before she realizes it is not her class and then she can't find the right train to take back home. The amount of times she gets turned around becomes so overwhelming that she almost cries.

When she does finally manage to get home (after going down the wrong block) she flops down onto the couch in tears. Beth bolts for her immediately and climbs on top of her back.

"Mama! We cooked for you!"

Quinn doesn't bother trying to get up, only kicks her legs, launching Beth into the air enough to flip her body around. Beth grins and climbs up until she can cover Quinn's face with messy, wet kisses. It's sort of exactly what Quinn needs and she wraps her arms around Beth tightly and just lays there.

Sam walks into the living room and Quinn starts laughing. "You've got sauce in your hair."

He reaches up and feels it, shooting a playful glare at Beth. "You little demon."

Beth squeals and flattens her body behind Quinn's to hide.

Kurt comes home looking just as tired as Quinn feels, and motions for Quinn to shove over wordlessly. She's about to, but Sam grabs him and directs him right to the kitchen table instead. Quinn hauls Beth up and follows them.

She stuffs her face, decides not to even attempt a bath for Beth (even though she's kind of covered in pasta sauce) and both of them fall asleep within an hour.

…

…

It's completely ridiculous that somehow it's become socially acceptable for an eighteen year old to decide what they want to do with their life.

Quinn has no clue what she wants to do as a career. She loves to read, and she enjoys history, so she picks some classes there that sound interesting. She needs a math class whether she wants one or not; but since she was in AP in high school, she only has to take the one and be done with it, depending on her eventual major.

There are so many options and listening to her temporary advisor list them all just makes her want to lay her head down on the table and cry.

She decides to stick with mainly english and psychology for the time being. They never really had sociology or psychology classes at Mckinley and Quinn's always been curious.

It seems to placate her advisor for now, and nothing is set in stone that Quinn can't change, so she goes with it.

…

…

She needs a job--pronto.

Her mother saved some money away and gave it to Quinn as a graduation present. Quinn will be able to cover her chunk of the rent (and their initial deposit) for the first three months. But there are still groceries to buy and random expenses that Quinn's never even thought about before.

Her phone bill, the internet, coffee, how they split the food, it's...overwhelming.

 _Everything_  feels overwhelming.

…

…

It takes a full two weeks or so to really get into a routine.

On her days home with Beth, she gets up and keeps Beth out of the way as the boys get ready to go to class. Once the two of them have the apartment to themselves, Quinn makes breakfast and just enjoys hanging out with her kid.

By mid morning, Quinn sets Beth up with some toys and studies her ass off for as long as she can. Sometimes they make a lunch and keep on going like that until Beth's nap, sometimes Quinn takes her out to a playground that's not too far away.

Whenever Beth sleeps, Quinn studies.

Afternoons seem to drag on. It's hard, being cooped up with just Beth. As it turns out the terrible twos are in fact a real thing. Quinn can't fathom how her beautiful, happy baby can turn into such a little bratty monster in no time at all. By all accounts, Beth was a fairly easy baby. She's more than making up for it now.

Sam and Kurt seem to be thriving. Kurt wasn't thrilled about going to LaGuardia initially, but Quinn can see how much he loves being in the city. He goes into Midtown frequently and meets up with Rachel at Tisch. He comes home jealous of her, Quinn can tell. But he only bitches about it to Sam and never to Rachel's face.

Quinn has only seen Rachel and Brittany once since school started. They all met downtown once they had gotten settled in their respective dorms and apartments to have lunch. Rachel--the one among them most familiar with the city from the times her fathers brought her to see theatre as a child--shows them a small, relatively cheap restaurant she discovered with her fathers once.

Beth actually behaves, and the food is delicious. Sam and Kurt have never been huge about PDA, but Santana and Brittany haven't seen each other in almost a full week and don't care where they are. The two of them practically maul each other immediately. Quinn covers Beth's eyes playfully and throws a roll at them.

Santana only flips her off and starts kissing her way down Brittany's neck.

Rachel shakes her head and laughs, nodding to Quinn to follow her. She stands and lifts Beth out of the booth, letting her walk on her own. Beth runs over to Rachel, takes her hand, and looks on eagerly as Rachel points out artwork to her that's all over the walls.

Quinn goes up to the counter and orders herself a coffee, and a tea she knows Rachel likes and brings the beverages over.

"Thank you!" Rachel says, surprised as Quinn passes it over to her. "You didn't have to do that."

Quinn just shrugs and takes the hand Beth is holding out to her, spinning her around as she does. Beth lets out a giggle and Rachel smiles down at her.

"How's your dorm room?" She asks Rachel after a moment. Beth has danced her way closer to a purple painting and is giving it her full attention.

"It's actually really nice." Rachel says with a smile. "A little small, but it's larger than I pictured a college dorm room to be. And Brittany's an amiable roommate thus far."

Quinn snorts. "Yeah, Britt's pretty good if you're not sharing a bed with her." Rachel raises her eyebrows in confusion. "She kicks." Quinn explains.

"Ah. Lucky for me, we each have our own beds. How about you? What's the apartment like? You'll have to show me sometime soon!"

"It's not much." Quinn shrugs. "But it's not too bad either. I'm...I dunno how well living with Kurt's going to end up, but so far so good."

Rachel frowns. "Kurt's very neat." She says like it's a question.

Quinn sighs. "Yeah I know, it's not that it's--it's Beth. He likes her alright, when he could go home and be away from her now..." She trails off and shrugs one shoulder. Looking behind her, Santana and Brittany seem to have cooled off a bit, and the boys are up getting their food.

"I see." Rachel reaches out and take a light hold of Quinn's forearm, rubbing it gently. "I'm sure it will be fine. I know Kurt can be a little...taxing, but he's always been there for me when I need him. It might take a period of adjustment, but I'm sure he'll get there."

"I hope so."

Rachel stops rubbing Quinn's arm and links hers through it instead, pulling Quinn close. "I know it!" She says with a smile. Quinn can't help but return it.

Santana yells for them to come get their food, or she's eating it all.

…

…

Kurt gets a job as a waiter in a small diner about twenty blocks from their apartment.

Quinn and Sam take Beth out and job hunt as well, Quinn's not above using her kid to get something she needs. They find a small coffee and dessert shop not far from Tisch and Quinn hounds the owner until she and Sam walk out an hour later, employed.

"He's totally afraid of you." Sam laughs as they head home, Beth on his shoulders.

"Good." Quinn answers with a smile. "I can use that to my advantage."

"And I think he thinks we're twins."

Quinn snorts.

…

…

On Thursdays, Quinn alternates between bringing Beth down to Santana, and having Santana come up to meet her at the apartment.

Thursday her first class doesn't start until 10:30, so she has a little more time to manage with. Usually, Santana's not awake early enough to take the hour long subway there in time for Quinn to leave. More often than not, Quinn gets up early, packs Beth up, and takes her down to Santana's dorm.

The first Thursday, she is genuinely worried all day long and sends Santana a text after every class.

She runs into Santana's dorm, nearing nine pm to find Santana sprawled out on her twin bed, Beth sound asleep on her front, and the tv still on. Before either of them can wake, Quinn snaps a photo and sends it to Brittany.

"She's turning into a total bitch Q." Santana mumbles as Quinn shakes her lightly.

"I know. If this whole terrible twos thing actually lasts the full year I'm going to go insane."

"She's adorable but damn she's got a pair of lungs on her." Santana passes Beth over, making sure not to wake her and sits up a bit.

"I...you don't have to do this Santana, I know that -–"

"-– Shut up Q." Santana cuts her off. "I mean, I'm godmother right? No big. Besides, without me, she'll turn into a freak. Did you know Sam's already reading her comics?" She shakes her head. "Jesus, she'll be a nerd!"

Quinn frowns. "She doesn't have a godmother, we don't do that."

Santana looks affronted. "Do you even  _go_  to your stupid church anymore?"

"Well, no, but..."

"Then she gets my religion. Catholics have godparents. Non-religious people have godparents. Shit, if I'm not godmother, I'm not taking up every Thursday for the next year watching the little devil in training."

"Okay!" Quinn says briskly. "You're godmother."

"And Britt is godfather." Santana orders as she walks Quinn down towards the subway.

Quinn wrinkles her nose. "No. If anyone gets that it's Sam. I mean come on."

"Ugh, fine." Santana sighs. "Britt is second godmother than."

"Is that a thing?"

"Nobody ever died from too many godparents Quinn."

…

…

Puck has called twice. He's enrolled in classes at the local community college, but it doesn't sound like he's attending many of them. He talks with Beth until she gets bored then makes awkward small talk with Quinn.

She can tell he misses Beth and she makes it a point to text him or send him pictures when she does something cute or funny.

At first, she called her mother almost every night, now she calls her maybe once a week. Judy has made new friends and is enjoying working again. Quinn's glad her mother can finally have a life of her own. They do seem to have less and less to talk about. Quinn can only tell her about how studying is hard but she's managing so many times. It still feels awkward, she doesn't confide in Judy much, so everything feels like small talk. Quinn doesn't really know how to change that, so she just calls less.

…

…

The weather finally cools (and thank god, their air conditioning did  _not_  work) and Quinn finally feels settled here. School is hard, and she's exhausted, and work is stressful, but, she's managing--barely--and it finally feels like home.

Quinn doesn't have time for anything besides studying, working at the coffee shop, and taking care of Beth. It feels like junior year all over again, times a million.

Her classmates are okay, but she doesn't interact with them all that much. A few girls from her psychology class invite her to a party the third week but Quinn declines. She doesn't tell them she's got a two year old waiting on her, just says she's busy.

People judge when she brings up Beth.

It's weird, but Quinn's gotten used to people just  _knowing_. Lima was a small town, sure there were whispers and the first year (and being pregnant) were horrible, but people got used to it. Teen mom became old news. Now, it's this thing no one knows. She can be anyone she wants, fresh start. She doesn't have to be the slut who messed up and got pregnant and homeless. So she doesn't bring it up.

It feels like lying.

It feels like she's ashamed of Beth. Quinn thinks of all the times her parents made her feel like shit and walks into class the next day and tells them.

"Sorry I couldn't come, I had to get home to my daughter."

Shock falls onto all their faces, and Quinn steels herself, refusing to let these people she doesn't even really know or care about judge her. "She's two, my friend was watching her. I'd need more notice than that is all."

Quinn sits down and faces the front of the classroom.

A minute or so passes. "Wow. You really have a two year old?" A girl named Katherine asks. Quinn nods sharply, daring her to say something. " _Seriously_? Your body is amazing. I'd never guess. Do you have a picture? There's a party next weekend I think. I can find out the actual time and text you."

Quinn's too shocked to smile.

…

…

She comes home from class early on Friday and finds Sam and Beth in some sort of blanket, pillow fort in the middle of the living room. Sam sticks his head out and grins. "Wanna join?"

"Um..."

Before she can answer, Kurt and Santana walk into the apartment. "Look who I found--what the hell is going on?" Kurt asks.

"We're camping." Sam says. "Obviously."

"Awesome." Santana quips and crawls down onto her knees, slipping inside.

Quinn hears Beth happily yell, 'Tana!' and grins, nudging Kurt. "Come on." She tells him, and follows after Santana. It's cramped, she has to pull her legs up to her chin and still she's halfway on top of Santana.

"Kurt! Get in here now!" Santana yells at him.

After a huff, his face appears in the small opening flap. "If this messes up my hair I'm killing all of you." He says and primly crawls inside.

Sam reaches over and musses up his hair immediately, Kurt squeals as the rest of them dissolve into a fit of giggles. Beth slips off of Santana's lap, pushes Quinn's legs down so she can sit on Quinn's and smiles up at her. Looking around at her idiot friends Quinn thinks that just maybe this is going to be as awesome as she had hoped.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I'm not entirely happy with this chapter, but work has been crazy and is going to continue to be for the next week or so and I kinda just needed to get this chapter out and past it and that's what it is. Sorry about that, and thank you very much for all the response to this story so far:)

Quinn is unsure how exactly, but time both flies by and drags on in an agonizingly slow crawl.

The days themselves seem never ending, classes go on forever, mornings with Beth become one temper tantrum after another, and all she does is study and go to work. In the same vein, there is never time for anything. It seems that once she gets Beth settled and tries to study, it's time for bed. Quinn never sees anyone apart from Beth, her professors, and Sam and Kurt as they pass each other on their ways in and out of the apartment. If it weren't for Santana watching Beth every Thursday, Quinn would never see her at all. As it is, she rushes in, passes Beth over and hurries to catch the train for class. The end of the day is much the same, always eager to get home and get some sleep after nearly an hour on the subway.

It's a blur, full of nothing but tears and books, subways and meals eaten as fast as she can manage.

People who think they can just go to college and party all the time are morons. Quinn is smart, but  _God_  she's never felt so utterly unprepared for anything in her life. By the time Halloween rolls around, Quinn's grades are rapidly diminishing and she is so exhausted she bursts into tears at random intervals.

…

…

Beth is  _screaming_  and Quinn can't handle it anymore. It's been non stop all morning (all month it seems) and Quinn just breaks down and screams back at her before slumping down to the floor in tears. It shocks Beth into silence for about half a second before she lets out another bloodcurdling wail.

Santana chooses that exact moment to let herself into their apartment. Quinn found out she stole one of their keys and had her own made ages ago. Kurt was _not_  thrilled about it.

"Jesus Q." She says in lieu of a greeting. Quinn just continues sobbing. Santana sighs and drops her purse on the couch, bends over and hauls Beth up into her arms, rubbing her back lightly and bouncing on the balls of her feet. Beth keeps wailing, but there is a 'Tana' added somewhere in the middle. Quinn sees them go into her bedroom out of the corner of her eye. She should get up. She knows this, but it seems like a feat that is beyond her at the moment.

Quinn doesn't know how much time passes, but eventually she can't hear Beth's cries, and her own begin to subside. Quinn hears the click of high heels before they come into view. Santana huffs and Quinn is surprised when she lowers herself down onto the floor next to her.

"So, you're a fucking mess."

Quinn starts sobbing all over again.

Santana sighs--yet again, it seems like all she ever does is sigh at Quinn anymore--and takes her hand. The two of them just lay there until Quinn calms down.

"So, Britt invited me--and you and the boys--to a Halloween party up at their school. The theatre kids all have like, crazy awesome costumes so we'll need to up our game. Also, the lizard baby from hell is asleep on your bed and I am coming pretty close to failing math, how's your day been going?"

Quinn chokes out a harsh laugh. "I think I'm failing everything."

"You're not failing everything."

"I'm coming real close."

"Is that why we're on the floor?"

"I'm on the floor because my baby is horrible and I hate her, and I'm so tired I can't stand up, and I haven't eaten today, and I can't be a mother, and I think I'm going to quit college."

Santana laughs at her.

"I mean it San." Quinn rolls her head over to finally face her. "I can't do this." She whispers. "I thought I could, but I really, really can't."

"Quinn, it's hard. I'm kinda freaking out too, but jesus if anyone can do this--and I'll fucking kill you if you repeat this--you can."

"I can't." Quinn whines. "I'm serious, I'm sleep deprived. Like for real. And I've lost like fifteen pounds because I have no time to eat and when I do it's shitty food. My grades are so bad San, I...I want to go home."

That causes Santana to snap. She shoots up and hovers over Quinn so fast Quinn barely registers it.

"Shut the fuck up Quinn."

"San -–"

"-– I mean it Quinn, shut the fuck up. Lima?  _No_. You're not going back to fucking Lima, Ohio to move back in with your mom and go to community college with Puck!  _No._ "

"Santana, I'm serious. I can't do this by myself."

"Then I'll help." Santana says immediately. Quinn loves her for it. There's not a second of hesitation and Quinn knows she means it.

"You already watch Beth every Thursday, it's my job. Not yours, not Sam's,  _mine_. And I can't do it and go to Columbia. I can't."

"Ever heard the phrase it takes a fucking village?

"Not said like that no."

Santana's still hovering over Quinn. She glares at her and stands up, hauling Quinn up along with her. "Sit." She orders, and shoves Quinn down into one of the kitchen chairs. Quinn lifts up one leg and rests her head on her knee as Santana moves around the kitchen. Before she knows it, Santana has placed a turkey sandwich, apple slices and carrots in front of her. "Eat." She orders and Quinn complies.

They sit mostly in silence, Quinn eats slowly, for the first time in over a month. She starts to open her mouth to say 'thank you' but Santana waves her off, grabs her hand and pulls her into her bedroom. The two of them plop down onto the bed, Beth sound asleep in between them.

Despite how tired she is, it takes Quinn a while to fall asleep. It's comfortable like this, it feels like junior year all over again. Santana constantly sleeping over and ordering Quinn around to distract herself from what she was feeling with Brittany. Back then, Quinn felt like she was the one taking care of Santana, now, it's definitely Santana taking care of her.

…

…

She wakes up alone.

When she glances at the alarm clock next to the bed it tells her it's well after ten. Quinn bolts out of the bed and runs into the living room. Frantically glancing around until she finds Santana and Beth on the couch, Beth putting lipstick all over Santana's face.

"I'm late!" Quinn yells and runs into the bathroom, stripping her clothes off as she goes. "My first class was at nine! Where's Sam? Why didn't you wake me up?"

"Go back to bed." Santana deadpans. "You're sick."

"I am not!" Quinn covers her bare breasts and tries to shimmy out of her shorts at the same time. It doesn't work, she yanks them off shamelessly. "Santana, you have class today too! Where is Sam? I've got to go!"

"Quinn. I've got a stomach bug, so do you, which is why we're both absent from class today. Sam is going on a date with Kurt and covering your shift at the coffee shop. You should either shower or put some clothes on, cause I love you and you've got a banging bod, but I'm taken and your boobs are staring at me."

"I..." Quinn hesitates, jumpy and unsure. She should be in class. She cannot afford to skip a whole day.

"Dude, relax and go shower, you smell like shit."

"Mell like tit Mama!" Beth repeats.

"I'm gonna kill you." Quinn warns Santana and goes to shower. She is starting to smell a little.

…

…

They spend the day doing absolutely nothing. It makes Quinn nervous and edgy. She tries to study twice and Santana finds her and throws her math book out the window the second time.

"That stupid book cost 48 dollars!"

"And now it's outside. Come have a dance party with us."

When Sam and Kurt get home, the music is blaring, Beth has learned to do a spin without falling down, and Quinn is laughing.

…

…

Quinn wakes up the next morning and feels more refreshed than she has in over a month.

Santana is still there. Quinn makes blueberry pancakes, and they take Beth to the park and shop around for Halloween costumes. When Beth goes down for her nap, Santana produces Quinn's math book and the two of them buckle down and study their asses off.

It's amazing how much easier it is to study now that Quinn's not falling over with exhaustion.

Santana doesn't say much, and Quinn doesn't either, but Santana stays all weekend long. Neither of them mention Lima. They both study and alternate watching Beth, Quinn eats at regular intervals and sleeps like a baby.

Monday rolls around and Santana goes back to Brooklyn for class. Quinn continues on eating, sleeping, studying, and playing with Beth. She has a major temper tantrum again Tuesday afternoon but Quinn calmly ignores her. It's so much harder than she would have ever thought. But Beth eventually gets tired of yelling and shoves her way onto Quinn's lap, whimpering a little, but otherwise over her temper tantrum. Quinn places a kiss to her head and begins to read her history book out loud.

…

…

Quinn takes it one day at a time. It makes her feel like an alcoholic, but it works.

She doesn't let herself worry about next week, or next month, or her scholarship, or anything that's not right in front of her. It's hard. Nothing actually gets any easier. But Quinn takes time to actually eat, sleeps whenever she gets the chance and stops worrying about failing. She studies and does what she can. Her grades need to stay above a 3.0 GPA in order to keep her scholarship and right now, she's definitely somewhere near a 2.6 or even lower. It's stressful and Quinn does worry about it, but she's got two months to get it up.

Stressing about it wasn't helping. Sleeping more regularly is. The more she sleeps, the easier it is to study and deal with Beth. It's miraculously pathetic in it's simplicity.

…

…

Despite the threat of the theatre students exorbitant costumes, Quinn keeps hers plain. She can neither afford, nor cares to figure a way to make any sort of extravagant costume. She dons her old Cheerios uniform and calls it a day.

Santana (stuffed into a tiny, cliched, nurses costume) laughs at her when they meet up at the subway. Kurt and Sam are dressed to the nines (Kurt as some character in Rocky Horror Picture Show, and Sam as Captain America) Quinn doesn't care. Their neighbor in 4B, Mrs Landingham is watching Beth and she is going to enjoy herself. Quinn had knocked into the woman while rushing to class a week prior. She's a widow, and a sweetheart and refuses to take Quinn's money; so she bakes her healthy brownies and finds her good crime novels instead.

Quinn hasn't actually been up to see Tisch yet and she hasn't seen Brittany or Rachel since school started. The school is impressive and the party even more so. Santana hadn't been lying about them going all out. Brittany is practically naked and Quinn has no idea what she is supposed to be.

"Where's Rachel?" Quinn yells over the loud music.

"She was over there a few minutes ago." Brittany yells back, pointing over towards the stairs.

Quinn slinks out of Brittany's grasp and makes her way--slowly--through the dense crowd. She doesn't see Rachel anywhere, so she gets herself a bottle of water and looks around for Santana and Brittany. Someone slips their arms around Quinn's waist and she jumps, hands clenching into a fist.

"It's me!" Rachel yells. "Sorry, I called your name but it's too loud in here."

Quinn barely recognizes her. "Did you cut your hair?" She gasps.

Rachel grins. "It's a wig." She leans in closer so Quinn can hear her. "Don't you know who I am?" She stands back and does a dramatic little twirl that makes Quinn laugh.

"Um..." Quinn wrinkles her nose. "It looks familiar but..." She shrugs.

"I'm Fanny Brice! Barbra Streisand's quintessential character from Funny Girl!"

"How could I not get that." Quinn says dryly. She smiles as Rachel pouts a little. "How've you been?" Quinn asks a moment later.

"WHAT?" Rachel yells.

"HOW HAVE YOU BEEN?"

"I can't--" Rachel waves her hands in the air. "Come on!" She grabs Quinn's forearm and leads her into a different room. It's smaller, but still full of people. Someone bumps into Quinn and almost knocks her over. Rachel yells at him and takes Quinn's hand, pulling her along gently. The noise diminishes with each room they go into and eventually--Quinn should have guessed--they find themselves in an empty theatre.

"Of course." Quinn says with a smile. Rachel only giggles a little, Quinn suspects she has had a drink or two. They stumble up to the stage and dangle their legs over the pit. "Are you drunk?" Quinn asks after Rachel almost falls over.

"I had an appletini and a manhattan! The manhattan was disgusting, don't ever try one."

"I don't drink, so it shouldn't be a problem." Quinn says with a smile. Rachel wraps her arms around Quinn's and rests her head on Quinn's shoulder. Quinn forgot how much of an affectionate drunk Rachel was.

"Do you like your classes?" Rachel asks a few moments later.

Quinn nods. "They're hard. You?"

"I don't think I've ever had more fun in my life." Rachel beams. "I get to sing and dance everyday. It's actually required of me. I get to study about the people I've admired and loved since I was a toddler. It's  _amazing_."

Quinn can't help but feel a little jealous as Rachel gushes. She wishes college was as fun for her as it appears to be for Rachel. But she smiles anyway. "That's great Rach."

"I miss you though! And Sam! Ugh, I never see you guys. I hardly see Brittany and I live with her."

"Yeah, how's that going?"

"Surprisingly well. Brittany and I had never spent any significant time together previous to Tisch, we get along really well though. It's certainly interesting. I never know what she's talking about and I can tell when she's zoning out and not really listening to me, but I like her. I'm glad we're roommates. Some of the other girls in my theatre program are incredibly catty. I wouldn't want to live with any them."

The two of them sit in silence for a few moments. Quinn's surprised that she doesn't mind Rachel practically cuddling with her. She's never been a very physically affectionate person. She only is with Sam because he's like that and Quinn's just gotten used to it. Same with Brittany. Apart from the two of them and Beth, Quinn can count the number of hugs she remembers from her parents on one hand. It's unnerving that it doesn't feel odd to be close to Rachel.

"How's Beth?"

"Driving me crazy."

"What!?" Rachel laughs.

"No I mean it. The terrible twos are a real thing. I pretty much had a nervous breakdown last week. I--I'm not having as much fun as you seem to be." Quinn admits. Rachel frowns and knocks into Quinn, wrapping her up tightly in a hug.

"I'm sorry. If you ever need me to watch her, let me know. I've got mostly late morning classes. And I know Brittany misses her. She talks about her a lot."

"Really?"

"Mhm. We can't let you have a nervous breakdown. Bring her by!"

"Thanks but...I'm her mom. I shouldn't be pawning her off on other people because I can't handle her. I...I might just go home."

"What!? No!" Rachel protests.

"That's what Santana said."

"She's right! Wow, I didn't think that would be something I would have ever said a few years ago. But she's right. Listen to Santana. Oh Quinn you can't go home, you can't!"

"I...Rachel I'm not having fun like you. Beth is horrible. Like a demon baby or something. I never have time to study because of her, I never sleep, I'm gonna fail and I'll lose my scholarship and I'll have to go home anyway." Quinn can't really believe that it's Rachel who she's choosing to confess all this too, a drunken, costumed Rachel at that, but alas.

"Quinn." Rachel lets go a bit and attempts to stand up, but stumbles and decides (smartly) against it. "You--don't tell anyone this--I'm not having as much fun as I let on. There's this girl, Emery, what a ridiculous name, who--and she's absolutely  _not_  better than me--but she's  _good_. And she enjoys showing me this and it makes me  _furious_. I try not to actively hate people, but Quinn, I hate her. I hate her a lot. I would not be upset were she to fall off this stage and break an arm."

"Why don't  _you_  sit still before you fall of this stage." Quinn tugs her arm and holds her in place. She's a little more buzzed that Quinn had initially thought and she's really starting to fumble around the stage. "And hating people is fine. I enjoy hating people."

Rachel snorts.

"The bitch isn't better, don't let her get to you."

"You've never seen her preform."

"I don't need to, you're better."

Rachel looks at her a little oddly. Quinn squirms a bit under her gaze and realizes just how close and intimate they are right now. She backs up from Rachel, but pulls her away from the pit. The last thing she needs is to take a drunk Rachel to the hospital.

"It's not just her." Rachel adds. "It's...everyone is good here Quinn. Really, really good. I'm..." her voice drops to a whisper, "I'm not the best one here."

"Bullshit."

Rachel gives her a small smile and crawls forward, plopping herself onto Quinn's front. It is exactly the same way Beth does it and she starts to laugh hysterically. Rachel stares at her for about half a second before joining her in a fit of giggles. "Why are we laughing?"

Quinn only laughs harder.

It takes a while for them to calm down, but when they do Rachel grins up at her. "You know, other than my dads, you always believe in me."

"I..."

"Thank you for that Quinn." She says sincerely. Before Quinn can say a word or react at all, Rachel lifts her body up and kisses Quinn's nose. It shocks her so much she almost jumps away from Rachel. Thankfully, she doesn't seem to notice.

"I've got to go, Beth's with a babysitter, if I don't get on the subway soon I'll be way too late to relive her."

Rachel holds her arms up and waits for Quinn to help her. Quinn doesn't want to touch her right now, but she hauls Rachel upward and steadies her all the same.

"I'm glad you came."

"Yeah, me too it was fun." Quinn directs Rachel far away from the pit and gets her down off the stage without any damage.

"No, really Quinn." Rachel pushes away a little and puts her arms on Quinn's shoulders. "College is hard, and it's scary, and everyone is freaking out. If you need me, or Brittany I know she'd love it, to watch Beth for an afternoon, just call me."

"Rach..."

"Even if she's being a holy terror. Promise."

"Okay."

"Quinn, you're gonna be fine. We all are. I'm going to crush Emery and you're going to pass all your classes and Beth will turn three and things will magically be better. You're not going back to Lima. You're better than Lima. You told me that once and I'm telling it to you okay?"

"Thanks Rachel."

Quinn deposits Rachel back with some of her new friends and heads home. Walking around after midnight alone, dressed as a cheerleader the night before Halloween might not have been the greatest idea she's ever had. She sees a group of guys and immediately crosses to the other side of the street, quickening her pace.

She gets Beth from Mrs Landingham--who assures Quinn she behaved perfectly--and gets her set in their bed. Quinn is more tired than she realized and crawls right in next to her. Beth looks perfect while she's asleep. Not like something that screams and throws food at her and makes her more tired than anything. She looks angelic.

Beth curls her little body into Quinn's and reaches up, tangling her fingers in Quinn's growing hair. She's done it since she was a baby and it's one of Quinn's favorite things.

Quinn doesn't like the idea that she can't do this alone. That she is incapable of being a mother and going to college. It feels like somehow proving her father, Frannie, and everyone who looked down at her was right. It feels like letting Beth down.


	3. Chapter 3

"How could you neglect to tell me that you worked not ten minutes from my school? And how have more than two months gone by and I've never even come in here! Sam works here too!?" Rachel asks as she walks up to the counter; arms crossed and an actual put upon look etched onto her face.

Quinn shuffles back and forth on the balls of her feet uncomfortably."Um I dunno. I sort of thought you knew?"

"How would I know if you never told me?"

"Well..." she's got her there. "I--don't you and Sam talk a lot?"

Rachel frowns.

"I'm sorry."

Rachel keeps the frown, looking genuinely hurt and it causes Quinn to flash back to that look on Rachel's face in high school; and all the times she put it there. A line is forming behind her and Quinn glances back at her manager. She's already pissed him off today by coming in nearly fifteen minutes late for her shift. Beth had had a full blown fit and it took forever to calm her down.

"Rach..."

"May I please have that tea you know I like? I don't know the name." She asks tersely.

Quinn nods and runs off to get it. As Rachel passes over her debit card Quinn leans in and drops her voice to a whisper. "I'm sorry Rach, I really thought Sam told you. I'll text you later okay?"

Rachel sighs, but nods and looks a little less annoyed.

Quinn pulls out her cellphone the minute she finds a seat on the subway. Her shift had gone from bad to worse as soon as Rachel left. They had gotten slammed. Quinn is exhausted and she has a nine am class the next morning.

' _Rach I'm sorry I didn't tell you about the job. Free tea or coffee on me?_ _'_

Quinn clicks her phone off and rests her head back against the wall. All she wants to do is sleep.

There is a feeling that has been brewing in the back of her head for a while. A longer while than she's realized if she is being honest with herself. The day before Quinn had spent over four hours googling various connotations of the phrase 'how to know if you're gay'. It was not the first time she had done so. (After Santana came out Quinn had been curious and stumbled upon some things that most definitely scarred her for life.) In the last few weeks Quinn has slowly stopped ignoring the feeling in the pit of her stomach when she thinks about Rachel. It isn't how she feels about other women. And it freaks her the fuck out.

The problem is that Quinn isn't sure if this is a Rachel specific issue or if it is just something that she has successfully ignored for years. The latter wouldn't surprise her much at all. Though she does think that with Santana and Sam as her best friends the idea ought to have occurred to her before if it applies.

Quinn's phone dings.

' _Are you free at all tomorrow after four?_ _'_

Quinn shoots a quick text to Sam to asking if he is okay with watching Beth for a little longer than usual. The subway stops and Quinn hops off, getting shoved by a young guy with a backpack.

"Shit, sorry!" He yells as he runs past her.

Quinn just glares and walks down Astoria blvd. Sending a quick 'thanks' to Sam even though she'll see him in a matter of minutes.

' _I can meet you at 4:30. Does that work?_ _'_

' _Perfect! You know where the dorms are at Tisch?_ _'_

' _Sort of?_ _'_

' _Get to the school and I'll meet you there._ _'_

' _Okay sounds good. Tell Britt_ _I said_ _hi._ _'_

Quinn enters the apartment and is immediately greeted by Beth slamming into her legs. "Mama! You home!"

"I am." She bends down and lifts Beth into her arms; running her fingers through the wet blonde curls. "And you're still awake."

Sam walks sheepishly into view. "Yeah well there was a promise of waiting up for you if someone ate all her veggies, and didn't throw a tantrum. As you can see, success."

"I good all day." Beth announces with pride. Sam clears his throat. "Most day." Beth corrects.

"I'll take it." Quinn says with a laugh. She walks into her bedroom and Beth jumps from her arms onto the bed, giddy as she slips under the covers. Quinn should eat something, and probably read an essay for her history class tomorrow, but she just wants to climb in with Beth and crash.

She tucks the covers tightly around her daughter, just the way Beth likes and places a kiss to her forehead. Before Quinn can shuck her work uniform and pull on some comfy clothes, her phone dings again.

_'Brittany says, and I quote, hi quinn! You have to come with me to see the ducks. I have no unearthly clue as to which ducks she is referring because she had to run to a late night class, but she seemed adamant about it.'_

Quinn chuckles and slips into some pjs before brushing her teeth. She turns off the light and hops into bed with Beth.

_'I'll text her tomorrow and find out. Night Rachel.'_

_'see you tomorrow!'_

Quinn shuts her phone off after making sure her alarm is set. It's not really necessary with the two year old who wakes up before six every morning – but she always does it just in case. Beth is already fast asleep, but instinctively curls her body into Quinn's. Within minutes, Quinn is out cold as well.

…

…

"Quinn!" Rachel yells from across the quad, jumping up a bit and waving. Quinn rolls her eyes as half the students turn to look at her. Rachel continues jumping up and down and waving until Quinn is close enough to barrel into. "Hi!" She says, muffled into Quinn's shoulder.

"Hi Rachel."

Rachel steps back and drops her grin. "Oh wait, I'm mad at you."

"I..."

"No, me first. Quinn if we're actually friends you've got to actually  _talk to me_  rather than assume I'll get information about you by osmosis. Or Sam."

"I will. Promise."

Rachel holds up a pinkie finger and Quinn laughs, but links hers with it. Rachel beams and wraps her arm around Quinn's. "Since you work at Muddy Waters I figured you wouldn't want to go there for coffee. There's a nice little place about twenty minutes from here if you're not in a hurry. Who has Beth?"

"Sam."

Rachel pouts a little. "I haven't seen her in months."

"Lucky you. She's been possessed by a demon."

"I wouldn't have thought as a christian you would find that funny."

Quinn arches an eyebrow at her as they hop onto the subway and find a seat. "Rachel, I haven't been to church since I was fifteen."

"Really?" Rachel bites her lip and looks away from Quinn contemplatively. "Do you miss it?"

Quinn barks out a laugh until she sees that Rachel is serious. Quinn hasn't honestly thought about it much. There just isn't enough room in her brain. But now...well. "Um, no I don't think so. I mean –-" Quinn sighs and tries to figure out a way to say this that will make sense and make Rachel change the subject. "-– it was never something that really gave me comfort. I thought it did for a while. But...it made me more terrified than anything else. All the rules--a good number of which I broke--they just made me feel like a bad person. Like I could never live up to any of them."

"Hum, that makes sense."

Now that Quinn's started thinking about it she can't stop. It's why she avoids things, once she lets something seep out, there's no getting it back in.

"It...I'm not sure what I believe anymore. I've still got to figure that out but, I don't think I'll ever consider myself a christian again. Not in the way I was before." Quinn shakes her head and tries to smile. "But this is all a little too profound for the subway don't you think?"

Rachel laughs and gives her a little shrug. "I don't have boundaries. Anything is fair game, you should know that by now." She's grinning at her, and looks adorable and Quinn's stomach flips. "But this is our stop, you're temporarily relieved."

The coffee place is light and open and lovely. They find a couch in a corner and claim it as theirs. The small talk gets out of the way pretty fast and Quinn just takes the time to breathe and actually enjoy herself.

"You're not still thinking of going back to Lima are you?" Rachel asks quietly after about half an hour.

"No. I mean, I don't want to. I'm trying not to think about it at all actually. If I lose my scholarship I won't have a choice."

"You won't." Rachel says firmly.

"You can't know that. You haven't seen my grades."

"Quinn you are probably the smartest person I know, you can handle it."

"That's–-"

"No look–-" Rachel pauses as if collecting her thoughts. "-–Quinn I don't know how you made it through high school the way you did."

Quinn frowns, unsure exactly where Rachel is going with this.

She sighs and shifts, tucking a leg underneath her and facing Quinn head on. "To put it bluntly, you became pregnant at fifteen, ended up homeless twice, moved homes three times within the span of a single year, were teased and humiliated at school--and as someone who also has dealt with that, I know how much of a toll it can take--and then you had to learn how to be a mother. I've seen you with Beth, you're a wonderful mother Quinn. Even if she's going through a time that is typically hard, you're amazing with her. Through all that, you managed to be salutatorian and were accepted into some of the best schools in the entire country. It's hard. No one expects you to be superwoman, you don't have to do everything yourself. You have accomplished amazing things already. You have to be proud of yourself.  _I'm_  incredibly proud of you."

Quinn can feel the tears welling up and angrily wipes at them. It only causes Rachel to laugh lightly and crawl over the couch, wrapping Quinn up in a tight hug.

"Thanks Rachel." Is all Quinn can manage to get out.

"You're very welcome. Now, enough tears and melancholy, I need a song to sing in class next week that will knock Emery and the rest of the class flat on their asses."

"Do you have any ideas yet?"

Rachel feigns shock. "Do you know me at all?"

"What have you got so far?" Quinn asks with a laugh. Rachel scoots closer to Quinn and pulls out her phone to show her.

…

…

The ducks as it turns out belong to the Central Park Zoo.

On Saturday morning Quinn bundles Beth up--they had the first tiny snowfall already--and takes her on the subway to meet Brittany and Santana. The boys were going to have the apartment to themselves all day long (Kurt pulled Quinn into a grateful hug that morning) and Rachel had some theatre thing to go to for a class.

Brittany squeals when she catches sight of them and runs up to take Beth out of Quinn's arms. Santana glares jealously as Brittany spins Beth around and mostly ignores the two of them. "What the fuck Britt?"

Quinn elbows her.

"I am way cuter than that stupid lizard baby."

"No, not even a little bit." Quinn disagrees. Santana actually comes close to pouting, which is unnerving so Quinn walks up and takes Beth from her. "Go hug your girlfriend and then you can have her back." She orders. Brittany bounces over and starts making out with Santana.

Quinn hadn't thought to bring Beth's stroller and she is instantly regretting it. Brittany reaches over and puts Beth up on her shoulders, much in the same way Sam does and takes off at a run. Quinn almost screams and Brittany thankfully slows to a speedy walk.

The ducks fascinate Beth as much as they fascinate Brittany. Frankly, Quinn thinks they are loud and smell awful, but the smile on Beth's face is worth it. Quinn whips out her phone and takes an embarrassing amount of photos throughout the rest of the day. Her favorite, one of Beth standing by the cage, enraptured with a tiny baby duck Brittany is pointing out to her, gets sent to Puck, Rachel, Sam and her mom.

They spend far more time than either Quinn or Santana would like watching the ducks. Eventually, the two of them go find a bench to sit at a few feet away and leave Brittany and Beth to it.

"They just waddle and quack I really don't see the appeal."

"And they fucking smell." Santana adds.

The two of them purchase some hot chocolate and sip it intermediately as they watch the girls.

"So, my roommate is turning out to be a raging bitch." Santana announces out of nowhere. "She keeps leaving her shit  _everywhere_. And like, I'm messy and whatever, but jesus fuck even  _I'm_  not that bad. And she's dating this complete creep, I think maybe he's a drug dealer which, like, is a little impressive, except for the fact that he's a WASP who deals shitty pot to his WASPy friends. And god she makes the stupidest fucking noises when they have sex. It's like little pew, pews that make her sound like a cat. It's horrible."

"Ew, Santana I don't want to hear that."

"Neither do I! I mean, is a scrunchie on the doorknob really so hard to forget? Or like, don't bring him back there and do it even if she thinks I'm asleep. I mean fuck, I wake up."

"I...really don't want to hear anymore about this."

"Even I'm not that rude. Britt and I almost never have sex with other people in the room anymore."

Quinn pinches the bridge of her nose. "I'm already never going to get that picture out of my head, please don't bring it up anymore."

"You know you liked it."

"I did not!" Quinn hisses. "What kind of friends do that? We had been watching a movie. My mom could have come in with Beth at any moment."

"She didn't. And Britt got me off good." Santana smirks.

"Stop. Stop talking about it." Quinn begs. Santana only wriggles her eyebrows at her as Quinn shudders. "I hate you."

"You love me Q. You love me more than anyone."

"I do not."

"Do too."

"I love Beth way more than you. Also Sam."

"What!" Santana yells. "I am definitely above Sam. I've known you longer. And we've seen each other naked, and you've heard me have an orgasm."

Quinn covers her ears. "Stop talking about it!" She yells. An old lady near them glares at her. Quinn glares back and she turns around after making a face at Quinn.

"Say I'm above Sam and I will. It goes Beth then me right?"

"No."

"Yes it does!" Santana protests. Quinn turns and looks at her. She looks like a petulant child. It's a little bit hilarious. Of course Santana comes after Beth, but Santana doesn't need to know that.

"Nope."

"Who's after? Not fucking Judy, she kicked you out!"

"Santana!"

"What she  _did_ , I automatically get above that." Santana frowns and bites at the corner of her hot chocolate cup. "If you say Puck I'll actually kill you. It's not Puck is it. Tell me you're not pining over Puck."

"God no. It's not Puck. He's pretty far down, but he makes the list."

"Britt?"

Quinn just smiles. Santana crosses her arms and actually does pout this time. Quinn knows if she were with anyone but Quinn or Brittany she would never act like this. It makes Quinn enjoy it all the more.

"Of course it's you, you idiot. Beth, then you, then Sam, then Britt, then my mom. Duh." Quinn stands up and shivers. "Come on, let's get them I'm freezing."

"I knew it!" Santana chucks her empty cup into a trash can with verve.

They go get some lunch and consider seeing a movie. Quinn wants to, but she's not sure how long Beth will last. She's getting fussy and would probably do well with a nap. Quinn grabs her phone and texts Rachel, asking if she's done with her class.

_'I just got back why?'_

_'Can I come let Beth take a nap in your dorm? Britt and San want to go see a movie, if you're not busy, we can hang out while Beth sleeps? If not, don't worry about it.'_

_'No that sounds wonderful! Bring her over.'_

The foursome head over to Brittany and Rachel's dorm. Quinn hasn't seen it yet. It's a nice room, bigger than Santana's, neater too. Brittany wants to put Beth down and goes about shedding her many layers and helping her in the bathroom across the hall. Santana flops down on Brittany's bed and glares at Rachel. To her credit and Quinn's surprise, Rachel doesn't look uncomfortable at all. She simply smiles and asks Santana how her classes are going. Quinn watches, astounded at the way the two of them make small talk. Santana used to mostly just ignore Rachel, now she humors her. If Quinn's reading her right, she actually seems to like Rachel. It's both amazing and hilarious.

Brittany comes back in with Beth and she looks dead tired and reaches out for Quinn with a cry the second she sees her.

"Right well that's our cue, come on Britt. See ya later nerds." Santana jumps up, grabs Brittany's hand and yanks her out of her own dorm.

Rachel shifts awkwardly as Quinn lays Beth down in Brittany's bed, rubbing her back. "Mama sing." Beth orders. Quinn bites her lip nervously. She only sings with Beth these days, and she's never been very comfortable singing in front of Rachel. She watches Rachel's face light up and stifles a groan.

"Um..."

Rachel perches on the edge of her bed eagerly and waits. Quinn can see her trying to keep herself quiet. She sighs.

"What song baby?"

Beth shrugs and lets out a whine. "Sing." She demands.

Quinn shoots an awkward look to Rachel who can't contain herself any longer. "I'd be happy to duet with you." She offers.

Beth looks over at Rachel for the first time since coming into the dorm. Quinn watches her take Rachel in. There's a little recognition there, but not a ton since she's this fussy and tired. Beth glares at her and Quinn has to bite back a laugh. "You know Beth, Rachel is an amazing singer. Do you want her to sing you a song?" Quinn doesn't even need to ask to know that Rachel would take a solo without hesitation.

Beth frowns and tugs on Quinn's arm, shaking her head. "No, Mama sing!"

Quinn sighs. She's not getting out of this one. She takes a breath and sings lightly,  _'blackbird singing in the dead of night...'_

She can feel Rachel watching her the entire time, but doesn't take her eyes off Beth for a second. After she's gone through the song twice, Beth's out cold. Quinn tucks Brittany's blanket in a bit more and finally turns to face Rachel. She has been uncharacteristically silent the whole time.

"So, how's my pitch?" Quinn asks dryly.

The smile that was already on Rachel's face widens. "You've stopped working on your breath control, we can fix that within twenty minutes."

Quinn chokes out a laugh and moves off of Brittany's bed cautiously. Of course Rachel's going to give her honest notes.

"But you're voice is as lovely as ever Quinn. The Beatles are a nice lullaby choice. I approve."

"Oh well thank god." Quinn mocks sarcastically.

Rachel throws a pillow at her. Quinn catches it and uses it to covers her mouth, not wanting to wake up Beth with her laughter.

"Want to get something to eat?" Rachel asks.

"Um..." Quinn looks down at Beth.

"It's a suite, the kitchen's literally right over there, we'd hear her if she woke up."

"Okay. I mean, we had lunch so I'm not actually hungry, but I could go for a glass of water."

"Wonderful." Rachel claps and jumps up before freezing and looking down to Beth. "Sorry, I'm not used to being quiet."

"Yeah, I know. It's alright, she sleeps through almost anything. Santana used to spend the night all the time when she was a baby. And she's not quiet either. Beth learned to roll with it."

The two of them don't end up staying in the for kitchen very long. A gang of girls who share the kitchen with Rachel and Brittany pile in within minutes and start banging around, making some kind of hamburger-like feast. Rachel grimaces and suggests they watch a movie quietly in her room instead.

The two of them get comfortable on Rachel's bed, her laptop propped up between them and watch 'The Way We Were.' Quinn has never seen it – though she gets points for telling Rachel she has now seen 'Funny Girl'. Quinn gets pretty caught up in the story. She understands why Rachel admires Barbra Streisand so much. And Rachel beams when she tells her so.

Beth wakes up near the end of the film. Despite her moods lately, she always wakes up happy from her nap. She sits upright and grins, before rolling out of the bed, slamming down onto the floor and crawling over Rachel without a thought to get herself on Quinn's lap. Rachel giggles as Beth crawls on top of her. "What we watchin' Mama?" Beth asks.

"A musical. Do you need to use the bathroom?"

Beth nods and crawls off Quinn, looking around in confusion. "Mama where're we?"

"We're at Brittany and Rachel's dorm. Like when you go with Santana? It's their school."

"Okay, where potty?"

"I can show you if you'd like Beth." Rachel offers as she sits up a bit. Beth studies her for a moment and Rachel looks nervously to Quinn.

"Okay." Beth decides and holds her hand out. Rachel beams and practically jumps off the bed, taking Beth's hand and leading her out of the dorm. She turns and gives Quinn a tiny squeal. Quinn laughs at her and lays back in the bed, closing her eyes.

She should have known better. Beth runs in and jumps on Quinn, slamming into her legs as she crawls up her body. Quinn can hear Rachel laughing as Beth starts kissing Quinn's entire face. "Movie, Mama." Beth asks.

Quinn grabs her and hauls them both back up into a sitting position, leaving room for Rachel to climb back in next to them. "What do you say?" Quinn asks.

"Movie!"

Quinn shakes her head.

"Movie pease Mama."

"That's better."

Rachel starts the movie back up where they paused it, whispering the entirety of the previous plot to Beth. Quinn doesn't bother telling her that Beth is two and a half and has no idea what she is talking about, because Beth is listening intently and it's adorable. Quinn watches them instead of the movie and is surprised by how well they seem to get along. She wouldn't have honestly thought Rachel would be particularly good with toddlers.

Santana and Brittany come barreling into the dorm room mere seconds after the credits begin to roll. Barbra Streisand is still singing and Beth yells 'Tana!' happily and crawls over to jump up into her arms.

"Sup lizard."

Rachel grimaces. "You call her a lizard?"

"Yeah." Santana tickles Beth's stomach and she giggles, squirming to get out of her grasp. "Cause she's a little lizard."

"That's not a very dignified nickname."

"Really Yentl? I like it."

Rachel pouts. "Santana, in the name of friendship I beg of you to stop calling me that."

"Yeah...no."

"Tana, be nice to Mach." Beth orders.

"Mach huh?" Santana repeats with a laugh.

"Don't even think about." Rachel warns.

"Lizard, should we show Mach the game we play on Thursdays?"

"Oh, Rachel you better run." Quinn warns. "It involves tickling."

Rachel's eyes widen comically. "Santana, don't you  _dare_."

Santana holds Beth out, her little arms up and ready, both of them laughing. Rachel squeals and jumps off the bed, running past them and out into the hall. Santana chases after her, yelling gleefully with Beth. Quinn just shakes her head as Brittany flops down onto the bed and cuddles into her.

"They're crazy." She announces.

Quinn hears Rachel screech and Santana let out a huge barking laugh. "You don't think San will actually kill her do you?"

"Not while Beth can see. She'll hide her first."

"Oh good." Quinn says dryly.

They hear a crash, another squeal from Rachel, a loud 'shit!' from Santana, and Beth giggling loudly. Brittany glances up at Quinn worriedly. "Maybe we should go check."

"Nah." Quinn says. "They're fine."

There is another loud crash. "Oh fuck!" Santana yells.

"Santana! There is a child present!" Rachel chastises.

"A child who's heard me swear a million times. Right Lizard?"

"Fuck!" Beth yells out happily. Apparently she has finally learned the 'f' sound. Quinn is going to kill Santana. She did promise after all.

She jumps up off the bed, Brittany running right behind her. "Santana!"


	4. Chapter 4

She wakes up with Santana's arm flung over her side, Beth smushed a little in between them.

It's not the first time this has happened, not even close. (Junior year Santana slept over all the time, the guest room had been transformed into Beth's nursery, and Frannie's room was  _not to be touched_. She had made that very clear when she left for OSU six years ago.) Quinn squints at her, the thing is, she can't remember Santana being there last night. She was dead tired, but she doesn't think she was  _that_  out of it. She shifts a little and Santana's grip tightens around her.

Quinn's ashamed about it, more ashamed than she is about most things, but the first time they woke up like this, Quinn freaked. It had been a couple of weeks after Santana had come out (been  _forced_  out) and she wasn't with Brittany, and they'd been closer than ever before, and...well, she'd freaked. They had shared a bed before, but Quinn had never woken up to Santana cuddling her and she panicked. Wondering how the hell she was going to tell Santana that  _that_  was never going to happen in a way that wouldn't make her a horrible person and Santana feel worse than she already did. She'd shifted away from her slightly, feeling uncomfortable and horrible until Santana just groaned and muttered, "fucking hell Q, you stink go shower" and rolled away from her. Quinn had instantly felt like the world's shittiest person and smiled, poking Santana's side.

" _I_ smell?" She joked. "You're the one who had Cheerios practice last night. You reek, get out of my bed."

Santana had promptly kicked her. Quinn rolled over and wrapped her own arms around Santana's middle, squeezing tightly for a few seconds. She knew Santana knew what it meant, because she let herself be held for at least seven seconds before squirming and cursing at her again.

Quinn flips over, so she's facing Beth and Santana. Beth rustles a bit, but Santana's out cold. Quinn tugs her arms around Beth as she wakes, quickly but gently pulling her out of the bed so they don't wake Santana up.

"Mama." Beth murmurers, happily. It's almost always her first word every morning and it makes Quinn's heart jump a bit every time. Motherhood is...not easy--at  _all--_ and some days she really and truly  _hates it_ , but other times...it's kind of amazing.

Beth snuggles into her and Quinn kisses her before depositing her on the toilet. When they pad into the kitchen, Sam's in there, shirtless, with messy hair and making pancakes. "Morning." She says and takes a sip of his coffee while Beth dives from her arms to his.

"Is Santana in your bed?" He asks. Quinn nods and finishes his coffee, pouring him a new cup and getting herself a banana. "When did she get here?"

"I have no idea. I didn't know she was 'till I woke up."

"She's got a key right? She didn't like...break a window or something? 'Cause that will really piss Kurt off. And me, a little."

"Nah, she's had a key for weeks."

Sam smirks. "Of course she has." He takes the spatula Beth is currently slamming against his head away from her. Quinn sits down at the table, props a leg up on her chair, and spreads some peanut butter on her banana. She makes a half hearted attempt to hide her grin as Beth frees herself from Sam's grip and crawls across the table top to take a bite without her hands.

"Ask, babe." Quinn tells her. Beth nods and mushes peanut butter all over her face as she takes a huge bite. Quinn reaches up and brushes some of Beth's hair out of her eyes, then takes her banana back. "Want a pancake?" She asks her daughter. Beth nods happily and goes to jump off the table to get one herself before Quinn reaches out and stops her. "Hold on."

"Morning everyone." Kurt says, coming into the kitchen looking perfectly coiffed. "Are we all aware there is a vaguely Santana-like shape in Quinn's bed?"

"Is there a particular reason this is shocking to anyone?" Quinn asks.

"It's not shocking in the slightest, I was simply wondering when exactly she got in. Because  _I_  didn't let her in, and Sam went to bed before I did, and  _you_  went to bed before the both of us."

"She's got a key." Quinn mumbles.

Kurt quirks an eyebrow at her while he digs out his organic cereal. Rachel turned him on to it. Quinn thinks it tastes like eating cardboard mixed with dirt. "Does she now?" He asks. Quinn pointedly busies herself with Beth. "I don't remember giving Santana a key to our apartment." He directs at Sam. Quinn shoots him a look from across the table, Sam just shrugs at her a little sheepishly. He can deal with his boyfriend, Quinn's a bit sick of it. The mere presence of either herself or Beth seems to drive Kurt crazy these days. Quinn mostly stays out of his way and tries to keep Beth as far away from him as possible whenever he's in a mood.

"I think she had one made herself." Sam tells him. Kurt tuts, but doesn't say another word.

They eat breakfast mostly in silence. Kurt heads off to work after giving Sam a kiss (and Quinn a pointed glare) and Quinn cleans up the kitchen while Beth plays.

"So..." Sam says after a minute.

"I don't know why she's here Sam, but I honestly don't see why it's such a big deal. I'll tell her to call first if he's gonna be such a pain about it." Quinn says, slightly exasperated.

"No, that's–-" he runs his fingers through his hair. He's still shirtless and Quinn doesn't know how he's not freezing. "-–that's not what I was gonna say. Thanksgiving's in like...a week. Kurt's dad invited us, I was just wondering if you were going to your mom's? Or...like what your plans were? I know Rachel is flying out with us to see her dads, I dunno about Brittany or Santana."

"Oh." Quinn honestly hadn't even thought about it. She hasn't talked to her mom in over a week at least. "Um, I dunno actually. I'll call her later and let you know?"

"Okay, cool."

…

…

Santana finally graces the world with her presence shortly after noon. Quinn snorts as she pads out of her bedroom, full on bedhead, rubbing her eyes, and shivering in a t-shirt (that Quinn had borrowed from Sam) and underwear. She immediately heads over to Quinn and yanks the blanket off of her and covers herself with it.

Quinn pulls it back so the blanket at least covers some of her legs and balances her math book on her knees. Santana slumps down against her shoulder. "Britt and I got in a fight." She admits with a sigh. Her voice is small and childlike and still full of sleep.

Quinn turns and drops her head against Santana's. "What'd you do?"

"Why do you think  _I_ did something?" She asks defensively. Quinn just kicks her leg at Santana, who huffs in return. "It wasn't just me." She says in a whisper.

"What are you doing for Thanksgiving?" Quinn asks, knowing Santana's only gonna talk about whatever is going on with her and Brittany in her own due time. "Sam and Kurt are going to Lima. Apparently Rachel is too."

"Yeah, my mom wants me to come home, Britt's going. I don't give a shit about Thanksgiving."

"Me either." Quinn admits. "I think my mom wants to go to Frannie's. And I think my dad will be there."

Santana lifts her head up. "What?"

"Yeah, I guess they've been,  _talking_ _amicably,_  her words, and so..." she trails off and shrugs. "I dunno, but it's not really something I want to do at all."

"What a bitch."

"Santana, don't." Quinn warns.

Santana sits up fully now and turns to glare at Quinn. "Q, come on. She  _knows_. She knows what he's done, what  _she_  helped let him do. How can she just-–"

Quinn shakes her head. "I don't know but, I didn't really want to go back anyway, now I have a valid reason that she won't be mad at me for."

"Why didn't you want to go back? I mean I'm not Lima's biggest fan  _at all_  but--" she shrugs, "–-a day or two ain't gonna kill me. And I miss my mom." The two of them are silent for moment, the only noise in the room is Beth obliviously playing with a Wonder Woman action figure of Sam's. "What about Puck's?" Santana asks.

Quinn shoots her a dubious look.

"Well it's an idea!" Santana says, attempting to defend herself. "Have you talked to him lately? Is he expecting you guys to come home?"

Quinn groans. "I have no idea. We barely talk anymore. I mostly just send him pictures of Beth when she does something cute. You probably talk to him more than I do."

Santana sits quietly and Quinn goes back to her homework. She can't wait until this semester is over and she never has to do another math problem again. Out of the corner of her eye Quinn catches Santana sticking her foot out and nudging Beth. Beth grins and smacks her foot away. Santana nudges her again and Beth lets out a giggle. Quinn tries to ignore them and do her work but Santana gives a third push and Beth topples over, laughing hysterically.

"Gotcha." Santana says with a smirk. Beth rolls over and crawls up Santana's leg, biting her. "Ow! You little demon that hurt."

"Beth." Quinn warns, sharply. "No biting."

Beth pouts and Quinn can see her gearing up to a full blown fit, and she  _has_  to get this work done. She sighs and goes to put her book away, but Santana stands up and grabs Beth. "Let's make breakfast Lizard. You can bite that all you want."

"It's lunchtime." Beth informs her.

"Well, it's breakfast for me." Santana says, and spins around. Quinn mouths a  _thank you_  and gets back to work.

…

…

Once Beth's down for her nap and Quinn's done so many math problems she can barely see straight she shoves her book onto the floor.

Santana tuts. "I seem to recall getting yelled at about 48 dollars a few weeks ago. Pretty caviler about chucking that."

"It's symbolic." Quinn says, and slams her head down into the pillow.

"Symbolic for what?"

Quinn shrugs and doesn't lift her head from the pillow. Moments later, she feels Santana sit down and use her back as a chair. "Get off." She mumbles. Santana only bounces up and down. "Ow, bitch. Stop."

Santana just laughs and slides off, poking Quinn's side until she finally raises her head. "Let's get drunk."

"I don't drink."

"Let's get  _me_  drunk." Santana amends.

"And do what with my toddler?"

Santana makes a face. "Yeah, she's becoming a hindrance to my college experience."

"Hindrance?"

"I'm in college now bitch, I know big words."

Quinn bops her on the head with a couch pillow. "I'm sorry my kid's an inconvenience for you."

"Oh shut the fuck up Q, I didn't mean it like that and you know it."

"There's some kind of really gross and cheep vodka under the sink. Go knock yourself out."

"You want me to drink cheep booze, alone, with you and a two year old? That is...the literal epitome of pathetic."

"She's two and a half."

"Jesus fuck." Santana groans, and stands up to go get the vodka. Quinn just rolls her eyes. She curls up under the blanket and watches Santana pour herself a generous shot of vodka into a coffee mug. When Santana flops down next to Quinn's side, she takes a sip and grimaces. "This is fucking nasty." She declares and takes a second sip.

"You know it's 1:15 in the afternoon right?"

"Is that a judge-y tone of voice I hear? Pregnant at fifteen."

"I'll slap you."

"I'll slap you back."

"What'd you do to Brittany?" Quinn asks, with a harshness in her voice she wasn't expecting. She loves Santana, but the whole popping in unannounced, getting her into more trouble with Kurt, bitchy caviler thing is pissing Quinn off. If she's honest, it's a little less to to with Santana than it is her own mood and her nerves just being on edge already, but it is what it is. Santana shoots her a glare, a tint of hurt in her eyes and Quinn sighs, "what happened?" she asks softly.

"Fuck if I know." Santana takes a swig and almost downs the entire mug. It's impressive and disgusting all at once. When she starts choking, Quinn slaps her on the back and smirks. "Shut--up." She wheezes through coughs.

Santana appears do be doing things the hard way, which is annoying, but predictable. "Kurt's pissed at you, which means he's pissed at me, which he always is these days, so call before you come over."

"You were all asleep. That's the whole point of the key."

"Which is what he's pissed about."

"Lady Hummel needs to chill the fuck out."

"I agree, but nonetheless..." Quinn waves her hand in the air and sighs.

"I vote we do Thanksgiving here. You, me and Lizard. I miss my mom, but I'll go home for Christmas. We were never big on Thanksgiving anyway, I doubt she'll care that much."

"That..." Quinn smiles softly at her, "yeah, that sounds good." She takes the empty mug away before Santana can go fill it again. "Try to use the key when Kurt's not here okay? I am finding it much harder to give a shit what bothers him these days, but I live with the guy, I've got to be civil at least."

"Fine." Santana flops down onto the spot Quinn just vacated. "Fill me up again."

Against her better judgement, Quinn pours Santana another shot in the mug--normal sized--and hides the rest of the booze while she's not looking.

…

…

Rachel shows up at five in the morning.

Due to Beth, Quinn is half awake and ends up being the one to answer the door. She's disheveled, sans bra and in a ratty Hulk t-shirt of Sam's. "Shit." Quinn says in way of greeting. Rachel has already dried her hair and has some makeup on. "What... _why_?"

"Are the boys almost ready? Our flight's at seven." She asks, in a fair more chipper tone of voice than is called for this early in the morning. It's then that Quinn notices the bags in Rachel's hands – way more than any one person could possibly need for three days.

"It's  _five_  Rachel."

"Which means we need to get going soon. JFK is an incredibly busy airport and it's a holiday weekend."

Quinn sighs and just opens the door, holding her hand out and walking away. She's not going home, she does not need to deal with this. "You're welcome to go wake them up, I'm going back to sleep."

"How have I not been here yet? Can you give me the tour?"

Quinn shoves some hair out of her face, she hasn't decided yet if she's going to grow it out or not but she needs a haircut soon regardless. "That's the kitchen, we're standing in the living room, their room is right there and that one's mine. The bathroom is the small open door with the toilet, and thus concludes the tour. It's not that impressive."

"It's  _yours_. Your own home. It's incredibly impressive."

"Well...me casa es su casa, I'm going to bed."

Rachel grabs her arm. "Happy Thanksgiving Quinn, sorry I woke you."

Quinn smiles tiredly. "Thanks Rach, you too." She really does want to just go back to sleep, but if nothing else, her mother has beat being a good hostess into her head. "Want coffee? They're not gonna be up for at least half an hour."

"I...you can go back to sleep, I'll just--"

"Rach, do you want coffee or not?"

"I'd love some actually." She admits with a sheepish smile.

"I'll be right back, go have a seat." Quinn heads back to her bedroom and digs around until she finds an old Cheerios hoodie. She yanks it over her head and attempts to brush her unruly hair with her fingers. Beth has thankfully gone back to sleep, but Quinn knows that won't last for very long. The only socks she can find are probably dirty but her feet are so cold she doesn't care. When she pads back into the kitchen, Rachel drops the coffee grounds.

"Sorry!" She whispers. "I was trying to...your coffeemaker is difficult to use."

"You pour them in the top, add water, and hit the button." Quinn says wryly.

"I...don't make fun of me. I'm not technologically advanced."

"It's not technology."

"Shut up." Rachel says, trying to hide a grin.

It's contagious and Quinn matches it before bumping Rachel out of the way with her hip. "Go sit. If you break this I will definitely flunk out. And I'll have no problem blaming you for it."

Rachel sits, primly, and folds her hands. Quinn kicks the machine to life and pops up on the counter while it brews. "So...you're not coming home?" Rachel asks. Quinn shakes her head. "Why not? Isn't...don't you miss your mom? I miss my dads so much."

"Rachel, my relationship with my mother is a lot different than I imagine your relationship with your fathers is."

"But I thought...I thought you guys got along now. I mean, you moved back home and she – it seemed like the last year or so of high school things were okay."

"They were-–" she searches for the right word while Rachel waits patiently for once. "–- _Not terrible_." She finally settles on. "I doubt I'll ever really trust her again. I mean, it was better than it ever really was when I was a kid but...it was always like I was still walking around on eggshells, waiting for the other shoe to drop you know?"

"Not really." Rachel admits. "But I understand what you're saying."

The coffeemaker crackles with finality and Quinn jumps down, pulling out two mugs and filling them up. She pours a little sugar in hers then pauses. "I dunno how you like coffee." She admits.

"A little cream and sugar please. More cream than sugar."

Quinn nods, and makes up the coffee before handing it over and climbing back up on the counter. Something about going to sit next to Rachel feels...she doesn't know, but not like something she wants to do right now. Not this early, in her apartment, with Quinn so utterly confused about what she's feeling. The counter is safer.

They mostly sip their coffee in silence. It's awkward. Quinn has just never felt comfortable with Rachel. They've progressed certainly, Quinn wouldn't hesitate to call them friends and feel like she means it, but comfortable enough to sit together in silence they are not.

When Sam comes bleary-eyed into the kitchen a few minutes later, Quinn has downed her coffee just for something to do with her hands. She jumps off the counter immediately to hug Sam. It confuses him, and probably Rachel, and if she's honest, she has no idea why she does it. "Morning." He says with a sleepy laugh. "Hey Rach, Kurt's in the shower, and we packed last night, so we should be good to leave in like...twenty minutes or so?"

"Okay. Anything I can do to help?"

"Nah." Sam releases Quinn and takes her empty mug, filling it for himself and taking far too large a swig. "Oh shit." He yells, as he burns his tongue.

"Idiot." Quinn punches him. She hears Beth cry and walks out of the room with a weird little wave, leaving Sam and Rachel to it. Beth's a little fussy, which isn't normal for mornings. She immediately clings to Quinn and coughs. "Aw babe." Quinn feels her forehead and it's warm. "Crap."

"Mama, no good." Beth whines.

Quinn hoists her up and goes to find the thermometer she knows is probably somewhere in the bathroom. Thankfully, Kurt is just leaving, wrapped in a towel, his hair already styled. "Hey." She greets him. "You know where the thermometer is?"

"Probably in the cabinet somewhere, is she sick?" He points to Beth.

"She's warm, I dunno yet." Quinn pushes past him gently and readjusts Beth in her arms as she digs around the medicine cabinet.

"Quinn..." He starts, "I...look I know I've been a little--I know we've had our differences the last few weeks."

Quinn doesn't say anything in response. He's been a dick and he knows it. She finds the thermometer and pops it into Beth's mouth before turning to Kurt.

"I'm sorry, is what I wanted to say. It's...my ideal collegiate experience didn't include sharing an apartment with Quinn Fabray and her toddler while commuting to a community college in Queens from Long Island City." He gives her what she assumes is a disparaging laugh and she can't help it, it works. Kurt annoys her a good 40% of the time, but she's forgotten recently that the other 60% can be pretty great. Sam loves him for a reason. He's  _her friend_  for a reason. She remains quiet and pulls the thermometer out of Beth's mouth, 99.8. It's a fever, but it's not too high. Quinn digs out the baby Tylenol and gives some to Beth with a little coercion. "I've had to learn to adjust and I've been less than pleasant at times, so--I'm sorry."

"Thanks." Quinn says, sincerely. "But FYI, Santana's not giving up her key, and she's gonna keep dropping in whether you or I want her too. Contrary to popular belief, I can't actually control her."

"I..." he sighs, "I'm not exactly thrilled about that, but I'll mostly get over it."

"Happy Thanksgiving Kurt, have fun."

"You too. I'll see you when we get back. Hope she gets better. There's tea in the pantry, she's old enough to have a little."

…

…

In half an hour, Quinn's bid all three of them goodbye--Rachel got in two hugs and Quinn had to pry Beth out of Sam's arms. The medicine knocks Beth out and Quinn decides to get some studying done while she can.

She was clearly more tired than she realized, because when she wakes up, it's well after noon and Santana is just coming through her front door.

"Sup bitches."

Quinn just groans at her and sneezes.

Great, she's sick too.

…

…

Santana quarantines the both of them in Quinn's room, depositing food and water occasionally. She and Beth spend the next two days mostly in and out of consciousness.

They miss Thanksgiving altogether.

When Quinn finally wakes up fully, it's nearly noon the day after Thanksgiving. Beth grins up happily at her and Quinn gives her a kiss after feeling her forehead. It seems normal. She gets the sheets off her bed and into the wash before finding Santana studying on their couch.

"I'm sorry."

Santana looks up in confusion. "For what?"

"You should have just gone home, we made you miss Thanksgiving."

"I'm the one who offered to stay, and frankly I'm surprised you haven't been sick yet this semester. Also, I don't give a shit about Thanksgiving. Football is stupid, and I'm not about gratefulness at all. I got a ton of shit done, I won't have to do any homework for like a week." She declares happily. "I  _am_  hungry though, and you're the better cook, so get on that and gimme the baby."

Quinn throws a pillow at her. "Thanks jerk." She says, and goes to find some food; because she hasn't eaten hardly anything in the last two days and she is _starving_.

…

…

They don't have any turkey, but Quinn whips up some mashed potatoes that taste like  _God_  and what her mother used to call 'green bean goop' when she and Frannie were kids. Santana wolfs it down and makes noises similar to the time Quinn walked in on her and Brittany. Quinn tells her so and gets smacked for her troubles.

"I was a bitch." She says as they are washing the dishes and Beth is playing in the living room.

"Huh?"

"To Britt." Santana adds. "She's...we hardly ever see each other. She's always doing stuff with her new friends, so..."

"So you were a bitch." Quinn finishes for her.

"Yeah." Santana sighs. "Nobody'd get that but you."

"Why?"

"Cause you're a bitch too."

"Fuck you." Quinn splashes her with bubbles. Santana retaliates by dumping a cup of water all over her head. "Bitch!" Quinn squeals. "I just got over being sick!"

"Serves you right asshole."

Quinn grabs the dish soap and gets some in Santana's mouth before she even has a chance to scream. They're both on the floor, rolling around and mostly slapping at each other when Beth comes in to see what all the commotion is.

"Mama, Tana, no hitting." She orders, and crosses her arms, doing an almost perfect imitation of Quinn. It's unnerving and adorable all at once and they both burst out into a fit of giggles and release each other.

"Sorry Beth. You're right. Hitting's not okay."

"Sometimes it is." Santana mutters under her breath. Quinn elbows her and gets up off the floor.

…

…

They spend the rest of their vacation much the same. It's a bit pathetic, but they mostly just study, eat and sleep.

It's nice, Quinn sometimes wishes she was living with Santana instead. Her being over an hour away is not Quinn's favorite thing at all.

…

…

The time between Thanksgiving and Christmas flies by.

Before Quinn knows it, finals are everywhere and she can barely see straight from all the reading and lack of sleep.

The one shining light in all this is that Beth seems to have finally gotten over the terrible twos despite not yet being three. She's still a kid, and the occasional temper tantrum happens, but it's like a new leaf has been turned over. Quinn's never been more grateful for anything in her life, because she is barely hanging on between her classes and shifts at work.

She, Sam and Kurt all sort of just stumble around each other and fall asleep on their books. Someone makes sure Beth is fed and just sets her up in front of their small tv, one disney movie after another. One more than one occasion, Quinn wakes up with Santana in her bed. Apparently, the roommate is becoming more and more of a bitch.

Everyone is so tired Kurt doesn't even seem to give a shit. Quinn even catches him covering her with a blanket after she falls asleep on the couch.

…

…

Quinn stumbles out of her last test and almost does the cheesy air punch from The Breakfast Club. She's never been more happy to have something be over in all her life. She's done all she can, and now all she has left to do is worry whether or not it was enough.

Her final grades need to be a 3.0 or higher to keep her scholarship and she won't know for at least a week, if not longer.

Rather than dwelling on something she can't do anything else about, Quinn drops Beth off with Mrs Landingham and goes out with her friends.

For some ungodly reason, Kurt and Rachel pick a gay bar.

Quinn spends the majority of the evening sitting in their booth, sipping a lot of water while her friends dance. It's only when Brittany bounds over and pulls her to the dance floor does she eventually relax. Brittany can make anyone feel comfortable anywhere and dancing with her is the easiest thing in the world.

Somewhere near the end of the night, a redhead catches Quinn's eye and smirks at her in such a way that has Quinn blushing profusely. Before she can run to the bathroom or something, the girl appears next to her and introduces herself.

"I'm not...I--" Quinn stutters and tries to take a step back as the girl (Tammy, she thinks) puts a hand on her waist.

Before Quinn can think of something to extract herself from this situation immediately, Santana wraps an arm around her shoulder and bends forward, placing a kiss very near Quinn's lips. "Hey babe, I was wondering where you went."

Tammy frowns, but heads off with an apology.

"Aw, Quinnie, you're popular tonight." Santana says as two other girls eye Quinn.

"Why are we at a gay bar?" Quinn whines.

"Cause I'm gay? And so's Kurt, and Sam and B are bi and Rachel is like...the single gayest human ever to live. You're very, very outnumbered. Also, dude, would you rather have gross guys leering all over you?"

"No."

"And with that, go dance with Brittany, I'm tired and I have to pee."

…

…

The day before they are going home to Lima for the holidays, Quinn's grades are in.

She spends the morning refreshing her school email account and pacing in front of her laptop. Somehow, everyone else has gotten their grades in before her and their apartment has become the meeting place before they all go to the airport. Santana, Brittany and Rachel are in the living room with all their bags and they're just waiting on a cab.

"Shit." Quinn whispers, as soon as she sees that the grades are in. Her eyes scan the page quickly as her heart pounds. "I did it." She says, astonished. "I DID IT!" Quinn jumps off the bed, slams her laptop closed and runs into the living room. "3.1! I keep my scholarship!"

"AHH!" Rachel squeals and tackles her, Brittany not far behind. It's odd to hug someone so short and someone so tall at the same time.

"Awesome dude." Sam says as he high fives her.

"Congratulations Quinn." Kurt says, sincerely. A horn beeps from downstairs. "The cab's here, come on guys we've got to get to the airport."

They load up their many bags and Santana slinks an arm around her waist. "Fucking A." She whispers. And places a chaste kiss to her lips.

"Fuck off, you wish." Quinn says, and shoves her. But she's beaming. She somehow managed to survive her first semester of college. She's lost at least fifteen pounds, been so sleep deprived it's definitely unhealthy, was most likely bordering on very real depression, and is possibly going to have to revaluate some major life choices, but she  _did it._

Quinn lets out a tiny laugh and climbs into the back of the cab, smushed in between Santana and Sam, Beth buckled in to her right, and feels happier than she has in months.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> pretend The Little Mermaid only just opened on Broadway.

Quinn stares at her mother and doesn't say a word.

"Quinine, I..."

"Is this a  _joke_?" She spits out.

"No. But—he's not the same as you remember. He's been going to therapy! We're trying to be civil."

"Does he want to be civil with  _me_? Does he want to meet his granddaughter?" Quinn snarls, not even bothering to hold back the venom in her voice. This was not how she expected her Christmas vacation to go at all, and she really doesn't care about her mother's feelings right now.

She had come home with everyone else, exhausted from the flight and eager to go to sleep and enjoy an actual break. No school for the next month, her mothers cooking, just enjoying the holiday with her family. She certainly hadn't expected her mother to tell her that she had begun dating her father again.

"It's not  _dating_." Judy insists. "We've been talking, eating meals, trying to learn to get along with each other again."

"Mom, the last time I checked, that's pretty much the definition of dating." Quinn retorts. "How... why even bother with the divorce last year? What was the point? The minute I'm gone you're just—back to him?"

"No, Quinnie, I—"

"—save it Mom." Quinn bites out. Thankfully, she hasn't really unpacked yet, just pulled out the few things she and Beth needed the day before. Her mother hadn't mentioned her father once yesterday. She'd greeted Quinn warmly, and had barely let Beth out of her arms since. All the sudden, Quinn wakes up, comes downstairs to get some coffee, and her mother tells her that she's dating her father. "I'm leaving." Quinn says while hurriedly shoving some things back into her bags.

"What? Quinnie, no—don't..."

"I'm leaving,  _Mother_." Quinn picks up a still sleepy Beth and stamps outside. Judy follows, begging her to stay as Quinn buckles a fussy Beth into Judy's car. Quinn slams the door and stills when her mother grabs her elbow. "He disowned me." She says through clenched teeth. "He ceased to be my father because I made a mistake. I did everything he asked for fifteen years and I made one mistake and he called me a whore and told me to get out of his life. He—God, he's done nothing but make you miserable. You think Frannie and I didn't pick up on any of that? You guys never made each other happy. Ever. And...I'm your  _daughter_ —and you don't even care."

"I  _care_  Quinnie. I just want to see if I can repair my relationship with my husband."

"Ex-husband! You divorced him last year."

"Quinn—"

"If he wants to apologize, or meet his granddaughter, or god forbid—send us some money so I can focus on school and less on if I have time to pick up shifts at work, and study, and take care of Beth. Then tell him to call me. Until then—I don't want to talk to you, or him," Quinn chokes out a harsh laugh. "And Frannie's never given a shit about me, so I'm not holding my breath there either." Quinn climbs into the driver's seat and turns on the car. She's near to sobbing now, and Beth is crying out from the backseat.

Judy grabs the window frame desperately. "Quinn, please..."

"It's—it's him or me Mom. Unless something changes," Quinn sighs and puts the car in reverse, "don't call me."

Her mother's face is pained, and there's tears in her eyes, but Quinn ignores her and pulls out of the driveway. She'll have to return the car at some point, but right now she just can't be there anymore.

…

…

Santana doesn't even look surprised when she opens her front door.

"She's dating him." Quinn explains. Santana suppresses what was sure to be a long stream of curses as her mother walks up behind her.

"Quinn?" Maribel says in surprise. Quinn knows she looks like shit. She's still crying a little, and Beth is trying to dive out of her arms, mumbling about 'Mama and Grammy fighting', and Maribel—God Quinn loves her—just pushes Santana out of the way and opens the door fully. "Oh,  **cariño** , come in. Mija, don't just stand there, help her with her bags! I crié mejor que eso!" Maribel takes Beth and somehow calms her in an instant, taking her into the kitchen and leaving Quinn with Santana. Before Quinn can say anything else, Santana just hauls Quinn's bag over her shoulder and leads her upstairs.

…

…

Santana drives Judy's car back to Quinn's house. She won't say, but Quinn's pretty sure she yelled at her mother.

Quinn spends the whole of Christmas with Santana and her parents. Maribel and Carlos are the kind of parents Quinn wishes hers could be. They barely blink at the appearance of a teenage mother and her child—just set out two extra places at the table, and stuff Beth with Christmas cookies.

On Christmas day, Quinn takes Beth over to the Puckermans. She can't believe how much older Sarah looks—she's grown, only a few inches shorter than Quinn now. Gina is still not Quinn's biggest fan, but thankfully it has come to some sort of truce between them.

Quinn spends most of the afternoon painting Sarah's nails and showing her what moves to use if she wants to get on the Cheerios next year. Gina and Puck play with Beth until she gets too fussy and Quinn bids them all a merry christmas.

Santana had planned to stay home all winter break, but Quinn only took a week off at the coffee shop. She offers to come back with Quinn, but Quinn won't let her. "You stayed with us for Thanksgiving, have fun, I'll see you in a two weeks."

"Quinn—"

"No, San, really. It's fine. It'll be kinda nice just me and Beth. I'll call you, I promise."

It's proof that they really are growing up that Santana just bites her tongue and nods, pulling Quinn in for a hug.

…

…

It's both horrible and lovely just her and Beth. Her manager at the coffee shop being afraid of her comes in handy, and Quinn manages to cut her hours a bit since she is down a few babysitters. With nothing to study, and no roommates, suddenly, Quinn has no idea what to do with herself and her almost three year old.

They go to the park a lot, build some snowmen, and sleep in pillow forts in the living room. Quinn even takes Beth up to Rockefeller center and shows her the Christmas tree (Beth stares at it silently for half an hour). She wishes she had enough money saved up to take Beth to the theatre.

On a whim, she texts Rachel before New Years. An excited reply involving lots of exclamation points tells her to go wait in line at the Tkts booth.

She does just that, and by sheer luck somehow manages to get tickets for  _The Little Mermaid_  for just under 60 bucks a piece. Quinn decides to splurge. Beth is old enough that she totally retains movies and stories—and goddamnit, it's Christmas.

Quinn makes sure to explain to Beth about needing to be quiet during the show. But it becomes a moot point when Rachel calls and Skypes with Beth for nearly forty minutes beforehand, going over proper theatre etiquette. Quinn has no unearthly idea how, but Beth actually sits and listens nearly the whole time. Nodding eagerly at the right moments.

"Rachel, she's two and a half." Quinn moans as she tries to pull Beth's hair back into a ponytail. "And were gonna be late if you don't stop. She won't be able to stand for an ovation anyway."

"Quinn Fabray, you had better hold her up in the air then. Standing to show your appreciation is essential. I—"

"—Rachel!" Quinn yells. "We'll stand. I promise. Now, can we go?"

"Yes! Yes, go have an amazing time. Oh I wish I could be there. I've heard excellent things about Sierra Boggess. And Sherie Rene Scott has one of the best belts I've heard. On the demos for the show I've heard—"

"Rachel..." Quinn groans, feeling another tangent coming on.

"Right, go. Call me immediately afterwards. Actually, call me during intermission if you can."

Quinn pinches the bridge of her nose while Beth falls over trying to get into her boots. "Okay." She agrees, needing to just get Rachel off the line before they end up missing the show entirely.

"I can't believe I'm going to miss her first broadway show." Rachel whines. "This is torture. I want to see her face."

Quinn can't help but smile at that. "You'll see it after. And I'll let you take her to a show some other time."

"But this is her first." Rachel protests. "It's magical." She draws out the word magical in a way that somehow doesn't make it sound incredibly corny.

"It's gonna be 120$ wasted if we don't leave right now."

"Now Mama!" Beth yells, tugging on Quinn's arm. "Bye Mach!"

"Remember to clap after every song, don't talk while the actors are speaking, and stand up at the end!" Rachel yells. "Have an amazing time Beth!" Her voice drops down to normal and she beams at Quinn. "You too. Enjoy it Quinn."

"I will."

…

…

Quinn can't remember having more fun. Beth's behavior would have made Rachel ecstatic. Thankfully, they were seeing a Disney show, so there were lots of other young children in attendance. A few excited cheers and small screams weren't frowned upon. That doesn't stop Beth from leaning over and whispering to a boy of about seven or so; "you're not allowed to talk when the actors say their lines," in a hiss that is such a perfect imitation of Rachel that Quinn nearly falls out of her seat.

True to her word, Quinn pulls out her cellphone and calls Rachel during intermission. She barely has a second to say hello before Beth pulls it away from her.

"Mach! It's awesome!" Beth yells excitedly. "Ariel's pretty, Ursula's scary, and the dancing's really good!" She looks up to Quinn with a smile. "And I'm being  _really_  good."

"Yes you are, can I have the phone?" Quinn asks. Beth readily hands it over and turns to stand up in her chair, inspecting the entire theatre while she has the chance. "Hey Rachel."

"AHH! How is it? Is it amazing? You've got to take a picture of her watching it. How was Sierra's 'Part of Your World'? What about Sherie's act one number? I—"

"Rachel, they're flicking the lights we gotta go."

"Take a picture of her watching!" Rachel yells as Quinn hangs up with a laugh. Beth turns around in her seat and flops down, clasping her hands in her lap excitedly. Before Quinn puts her phone back in her purse, she quickly snaps a shot of Beth and sends it to Rachel before the lights go down.

…

…

The second semester of her freshman year starts, and Quinn feels like she can actually handle things now. She's taking two less classes than the semester before—trying not to burn herself out—and it helps immensely. It's going to take her a little longer to graduate, but it's going to keep her healthy, so she does it.

Two weeks into the new semester, a boy—who introduces himself as Jeff—pulls her aside and asks her out after their child psychology class.

It shocks her so much she trips and almost falls over. Jeff—apparently has catlike reflexes—reaches out and steadies her just in time. "Sorry." He says with a laugh. "Y'all right?" He has the tiniest hint of an accent she can't place, and god he's handsome, and Quinn doesn't know how to react at all except to just nod dumbly. "So—about that date?"

"Umm—" Quinn looks up at him in what is probably coming off as some sort of weird panic. "Can... I'm kind of late actually, I've got to make the subway and get to work but," she hesitates, "gimme your hand." She orders, and doesn't wait for him. She grabs his hand and scribbles her cell number near his thumb. "Bye." She says awkwardly, and runs away.

The minute she makes her train, her cellphone dings with a new message.

_'are you busy this friday?'-jeff_

"Shit." Quinn mumbles, and quickly calls Santana. "Some guy asked me out." She says, panicked, before Santana can say a word.

"Oh, cool. Is he hot?"

"What? I—he's very handsome, but I—"

"So...what's the problem? Is he a douche?"

"I—Santana, I haven't dated anyone since I barely dated  _Sam_. So really, I haven't dated anyone since Finn. When I was fifteen. I haven't gone on a date in almost three years. And my dates with Finn consisted of my ordering him around, eating at Breadstix and making out a little. I have no idea what this guy expects."

"First of all, chill. Second, do you want to go out with him?"

"I don't know." She honestly doesn't. And she can't voice the exact nature of her doubts without opening a whole other bag of worms that she is just not ready for yet. "I..."

"Q, when does he want to take you out?"

"Friday."

"Well, I'm going up to meet Britt then, so, we'll go somewhere near where he takes you and if he's sketchy, or you panic, we'll bust up his face for you."

Quinn snorts. "Okay." She whispers. In all honesty, it really can't hurt. If nothing else, it might make whatever the hell is so confusing right now slightly less. She hangs up on Santana when she starts talking about how it would be good if she  _would_  just go off and get laid, and texts Jeff back, agreeing. Then she proceeds to panic.

…

…

"This amount of nerves can't be healthy." Kurt says. Quinn can feel his eyebrow raise at her back and just lets out what can only be called a whimper. It's embarrassing. "Okay, move. Move." He orders, and pushes her away from her closet. "Stand over there."

"Kurt..."

"Quiet!" He shoves through her clothes, pawing at everything. Quinn sits down on the edge of her bed and smiles as Beth runs into her room and jumps on top of her.

"She broke free!" Sam yells from the other room.

Beth grins and bashes her head onto Quinn's thigh. "I'm like The Flash! Can't catch me."

Kurt pulls out a yellow dress and hums at it for a moment before shaking his head and sticking it back in the closet. Quinn tickles Beth's side as Kurt pulls out two more dresses. "This one!" He finally decides, holding up a deep green sundress against his body.

"It's way too cold for that." Quinn complains.

"Nope, pair it with your thicker black tights, and—" he digs around and pulls out a black cardigan. "—this. And for accessories... your pearls. Makes you look rich and desirable."

"I want my necklace." Quinn protests, reaching up to finger the birthstones dangling around her neck.

"You wear that everyday." Kurt says with a huff.

"Because I like it." Quinn shoots him a glare. It's the necklace Rachel had given her, she wears it all the time. "It's fancy enough."

Kurt sighs. "Fine, get dressed and then we'll worry about your hair."

Quinn shoves him outside and dresses while Beth jumps up and down on the bed. "Where you goin' Mama?" She asks.

"I'm—on a date."

"What'sa date?"

"It's... it's when two people go out together and, they get food and talk. Sometimes they do other things, like go to a movie, or something like that."

"Like when we saw Ariel?"

Quinn smiles and turns around. "Yep, just like when you and me saw Ariel, a mother-daughter date. Can you zip me up baby?" She asks. Beth nods eager to help. "But this isn't quite like that, it's—it's a romantic date."

"What's that?" Beth grunts as she tugs the zipper up. Quinn's learned to pull her hair very far away long ago.

"Like how Sam and Kurt are boyfriends, or Santana and Britt? You know how they go out just themselves sometimes? Like that."

"And kiss? Tana and Britt kiss a lot."

Quinn smirks. "Yeah, that they do."

"So.. you're gonna go kiss a girl?"

"No!" Quinn yells. Beth looks at her a little funny and Quinn takes a breath. "I—I'm going with a boy. His name's Jeff. I'm not—" She sighs. Almost three might as well be the time to learn about human sexuality. "Look there's... okay, you know how Superman and Lois Lane are in love?" Beth nods, loving any analogy with superheroes. It's all Sam's fault. "Okay, well.. you know how Batwoman is in love with Maggie Sawyer? So, there's a difference. There's—" Quinn has no idea where she is going with this. It's too complicated. "Look, some boys grow up and fall in love with other boys, like Kurt. And some girls grow up and fall in love with other girls, like Santana. And some like both, like Sam and Britt. And others just like the opposite. Like... your dad only likes girls." Quinn pauses, Beth's head is tilted and she's frowning at her. "Does that make sense?"

"I think so."

"Okay well...yeah, so that's how it works. Now, should I wear my hair up or down?"

Beth stares, thinking over the options. Then crawls forward and pulls Quinn's hair up. "Do it half. Braid." She orders.

"Kurt? Can I braid my hair?" Quinn calls out. There's not point if he's just going to come in and tear it back down.

He's head pops around the doorframe. "No. I want it down."

"No!" Beth yells. "Just up top."

"Oh, okay, yes I approve."

"My idea." Beth informs him with a glare.

"And a very good one. Hurry up Quinn or you'll be late."

…

…

She's actually shaking like an idiot when she steps off the subway. She had agreed to meet Jeff at the restaurant, not wanting him to pick her up with Beth and Sam and Kurt in fricking Long Island City. It's bitterly cold out and Quinn wishes that she'd worn a hat, but it would have mussed up her hair. Instead, she tugs her scarf a little tighter and shoves her gloved hands into her pockets. The restaurant is impressive, and it makes Quinn feel a bit out of place. She should have worn those stupid pearls.

Jeff stands and waves at her once she sees him. God, he's incredibly attractive and put together. If her mother or Frannie were here, they'd be drooling.

"Quinn! You look stunning."

"Thank you. You look great as well." She says as he pulls her chair out. Her phone is in the pocket of her dress, ready to text Santana to bail her out if need be. The girls are at some swanky bar down the street. Santana already texted her and told her that the drinks cost more than some of her school books.

"I ordered us some wine. I've got a fake ID, and my father knows the chef. Do you like red wine?"

"I don't drink, but feel free."

"Oh—they won't card you."

"That's not... I don't like it." Quinn says with a shrug.

"I promise you, this wine you'll love."

Quinn purses her lips and starts looking through the menu. Already considering sending a text to Santana. "Where are you from?" Quinn asks.

"Here. Upper East Side. Though I went to boarding school in London for a bit, and New Hampshire, so I haven't been back in a while. You?"

"Ohio."

"Hum, you like the city?"

"So far, yes." Quinn smiles up at the waiter producing the wine. Jeff begins to order for the both of them, but Quinn stops him, ordering a chicken salad instead of whatever pasta dish he was going for. She doesn't need to worry about getting sauce all over herself. He nods to her glass of wine and she sighs, taking the cup and sipping it once. She doesn't like it, but smiles at him anyway. This was a bad idea. He's way out of her league. She grew up rich for Lima, Ohio, not Upper East Manhattan. But, good manners are good manners everywhere; and if Quinn's good at anything, it's faking that she's enjoying herself.

They make small talk until their meal arrives. Quinn quickly directs the topic of conversation to their shared class. Turns out, once you get him talking, Jeff lightens up a little. The arrogant, rich boy she had initially pegged him as isn't all he is. He's smart, and seems just as interested in psychology as Quinn is. By the time their food arrives, Quinn is actually beginning to enjoy herself a little.

"So, what's your major?" He asks once the waiter takes their empty plates away.

"I haven't totally decided yet actually. I'm, I like psychology a lot so far, and my history classes are interesting. I really like my writing classes—" she shrugs, "I'm not sure. I like a lot of different things, it's hard to pick one."

"Yeah, I get that. My father wants me to go into law, so, makes my decision easier."

"Why are you in a psych class?"

"I needed a humanities elective." He shrugs. "I like it though. Do you want to get desert?"

"Um.. I'm actually pretty full."

"I'll get the check, would you like to walk through the park after this?"

"Sure, I'm just going to use the restroom first." Quinn bolts into the ladies room and calls Santana.

"Finally! This place is shit Q, we've been here for ages and could only afford one drink each! I'm gonna kill you."

"I think I'm having fun." Quinn admits. "I mean, it's—it's kinda weird and I'm not sure if I really like him or not, but it's not terrible."

"You bitch. You could have texted and told me that. Britt and I could have left ages ago."

"Sorry. I wasn't sure. We're gonna walk through the park."

"It's fucking freezing out. He know's it's the end of January right? Are you sure he's not just gonna grope you in the dark?"

"Santana!"

Quinn hears muffled sounds for a second, then Santana's back. "Britt says to make sure you have the rape whistle Rachel got you."

Quinn sighs. Rachel had bought rape whistles for everyone. Even the boys, declaring that 'everyone needed to keep their persons safe and sexual violence isn't only related to women'."It's in my purse. Go home you bitch."

"Wait—very important question. Do you have condoms? Because I love the lizard as much as the next person, but two of those we need not."

"Fuck you." Quinn says, and hangs up to Santana's laughter.

She goes out of the bathroom and Jeff's waiting with her coat and scarf. She smiles and slips into it as he holds it out for her. They walk outside and Jeff holds his arm out for her, after a second of hesitation, Quinn accepts it.

It starts to snow lightly as they walk to Central Park. And, it  _should_  be the picture of romance, like something out of a movie—but something feels missing. Quinn can't place it, Jeff is charming, and well off, and treats her nicely and seems to be doing everything right. Quinn can't figure out why she can't just  _relax._

He offers to take the subway home with her and she freezes. She lives in a shithole compared to anything on the Upper East Side, and she hasn't told him about Beth yet. It seemed too big for a first date.

"That's alright, it's probably pretty our of your way."

"I don't mind."

"Thanks anyway, I—I had a good time." She says with a smile. Jeff grins at her and bends down, placing a light kiss to her lips. All in all, it's pretty chaste, but sweet. She smiles up at him again.

"I'd like to do this again, if you want to." He asks. He suddenly looks a little shy and something about that endears him to Quinn.

"I'd like that. You've got my number, gimme a call."

Quinn takes the subway home, it's late—nearly midnight—by the time she gets to the apartment. Sam is the only one still up. He's sitting at the kitchen table with a pint of mint chocolate chip ice cream and two spoons. He holds one out to her in greeting and she just smiles and gives him a one-handed hug as she takes it.

"How was it?" He asks.

Quinn shrugs. "It—it was okay actually. I think I'm gonna go out with him again."

"You don't look too excited about that." He notes, without any judgement. Quinn instinctively starts to shrug and say it's nothing, but if anyone would understand, Sam would.

"I—how did you know you were bi? Or, when? Like was... is it more Kurt or—"

Sam considers it, and takes a large bite of ice cream. "Well, I thought maybe I liked boys before then, but... I wasn't really sure," he grins at her, "I guess it was really Kurt. I mean now that I know, it's easy to tell that I'm attracted to both." He shrugs. "How come?"

"I—" She almost tells him, but the words catch somewhere in her mouth, refusing to come fully out. Quinn just shakes her head and shoves some ice cream in her mouth instead. Sam, lovely, perfect Sam seems to figure it out. Somewhat at least. He just leans over and takes the bite of ice cream Quinn had been about to eat from her while she laughs. "That was mine!" She protests.

"Snooze you loose."

"Jerk."

He stands and dumps the empty carton in the trash before turning back to her. "Hey, you want to talk later, you know where to find me." He says softly.

She knows there are tears forming, so she ducks her head and just nods. "Thanks Sam."


	6. Chapter 6

She goes on two more dates with Jeff, and something eases inside of her that lets Quinn finally breathe. This is what she has been waiting for, a nice guy who she can relax—somewhat—with.

She doesn't talk to Sam, if it were Kurt or anyone else she had spoken to, she'd be on the receiving end of a few pointed looks; but Sam doesn't do a thing. Mostly, she's relived, but a small part of her wishes he would push.

Rachel calls her on a Tuesday and asks if she's busy that weekend, she had just told Jeff she'd go out with him on Saturday night; so she tells Rachel that she's free on Friday.

They meet up after Rachel's last class, sometime around three, Beth lights up and squirms out of Quinn's arms, taking off towards Rachel as fast as she can. Quinn laughs as Beth throws herself at Rachel, luckily, she seems to have quick reflexes and catches her with a small groan. "Hi!" Rachel says, brushing some blonde curls out of Beth's eyes.

"Mach, we go onstage?" Beth asks.

"Sure," Rachel looks up to Quinn and she just shrugs back. Beth has been talking about being on a stage since they saw  _The Little Mermaid_  back at Christmas. "The theatre near my dorm probably isn't being used right now. We can hang out there if you want."

"Yeah!" Beth yells happily.

Rachel looks to Quinn in question and she nods, following Rachel through the school. "How've you been?" Rachel asks.

"Good, you?"

"Busy," she sighs, "but good too. This semester seems like it's going by much faster than the first one."

"Yeah, I've felt that too."

"I—" Rachel hesitates, biting her lip nervously, "have you talked to your mom recently?" She asks.

"No." Quinn says, her gaze straight ahead. Thankfully, Rachel takes the hint and only nods, reaching out and rubbing Quinn's arm once, quickly and drops the subject.

They make it to the theatre and Beth wriggles out of Rachel's grip, running up the steps and standing front and center, beaming. "Mach, sing!" She demands. Rachel, never one to turn down an opportunity to preform, goes straight to the piano off-center stage and starts playing. Beth turns to Quinn in astonishment, and stands, mouth gaping and watching Rachel with rapt attention. Quinn smiles and sits down in a chair near the front row as Rachel begins to sing. She doesn't recognize the song, but she knows it's from and older musical.

As usual, Rachel sings beautifully. Quinn joins Beth in clapping once she's finished. Rachel beams and Quinn knows how wonderful the approval of a toddler can be.

"Again!" Beth demands.

Rachel nods and motions for Beth to come over to the piano. Laughing as she tries to haul her tiny body up onto the bench. Rachel helps her all the way up, then with a look to Quinn begins to play. Quinn gasps. She hasn't heard this song since she was fifteen. She knows her face must be doing something horrible, because Rachel stops playing immediately when she turns to look at her.

"I'm sorry Quinn I..."

"Don't stop!" Beth whines.

"No, Rachel..." Quinn shakes her head and takes a steady breath, meeting Rachel's gaze. "Go ahead." She says.

Rachel hesitates another minute then nods and begins playing again. Her voice filling the empty theatre. And all Quinn can think about is being fifteen and terrified. The glee club all dressed in white, and Finn and Rachel singing to her; and for a moment or two thinking somehow, she'd might be okay. That people actually had her back. Quinn never told any of them how much that stupid song had meant to her. Listening to it now, she should have known Rachel was responsible for it, not Finn.

Rachel plays the last chord and Beth claps happily, oblivious to the nervous looks Rachel is shooting at her, or the tears Quinn knows are falling despite her best efforts. She swipes at them quickly and smiles at Rachel. "Leave it to you to make a simple afternoon all dramatic and nostalgic." She says with a shaky laugh. Rachel starts to apologize again, and Quinn waves her off. " _Joking_  Rachel. It was nice, just like it was the first time. Thank you."

"Okay."

"Mama, you song too?" Beth asks.

"Sing," Rachel corrects gently, "and yes!" She directs at Quinn.

"Umm..."

"Yes!" Rachel orders. "Come join us."

"Fine." Quinn climbs up the stairs and lifts Beth up, placing her on her lap so there's room for all of them. "No more sad songs." Quinn says, and Rachel nods enthusiastically.

They play at least five more songs, giggling through half of them. Quinn doesn't think she's had this much fun in ages. She's relaxed and a little giddy. Beth is having the time of her life and adores Rachel in a way that makes Quinn feel... she's unsure of the right word, but it's  _good_.

"Are you two hungry?" Rachel asks later. Beth nods and slumps back against Quinn, tired already. "There's not much in my dorm, but we could scrounge up something. Unless you want to go out? Do you have to be anywhere tonight?"

"Nope," Quinn says without really thinking, "my date with Jeff isn't till late tomorrow." She only realizes it's the first she's ever mentioned Jeff to Rachel when she feels her freeze against her arm.

"Jeff?" Rachel asks.

"Mama's boyfriend." Beth supplies tiredly.

" _Boyfriend?_ " Rachel asks tightly. "You've got a boyfriend?"

"No... I— _no_  he's, I've gone out with him like three times. He's not..." She glances down at Beth. This is Kurt's doing she's almost sure of it, and she's going to kill him for it. "He's  _not_  my boyfriend." She repeats.

Rachel's face seems to be fighting off a grimace, which confuses Quinn. "You never mentioned him." She says slowly.

Quinn staves off a groan. "I didn't not mention him on purpose or anything, Rach really, I wasn't hiding anything from you." She knows Rachel is still sensitive about stuff like this, she always jumps to the conclusion that Quinn doesn't really value their friendship if she doesn't tell Rachel everything. "Rach, I swear it just slipped my mind."

"Three times? I... you must really like him."

"I dunno," Quinn shrugs, "he's nice." She watches as Rachel picks at her skirt. "Rachel..."

"Let's head back for food. Beth looks hungry."

Quinn starts to apologize again, but stops when she catches Rachel's eye. Beth holds her arms out and Quinn lifts her up, brushing some curls out of her face as Beth drops her head to Quinn's shoulder. She and Rachel walk in stilted silence back to her dorm room. Quinn tries to think of something to say more than once, but doesn't manage it. Once they reach Rachel's suite, she immediately busies herself with finding them food (PJ and J sandwiches) and Quinn just sits there, Beth on her lap. "Rachel..."

"Beth, would you like some soy milk?" Rachel asks, pointedly not looking at Quinn.

"What's that?" Beth asks.

"Here, have a sip, see if you like it."

Quinn watches as Beth takes the cup and gulps it down, grimaces, then tells Rachel she wants it chocolate please. Rachel smiles at her and adds some chocolate sauce, before handing it back to Beth. They eat their sandwiches, Rachel talks to Beth and Quinn decides to just be quiet. It's the most awkward she's felt around Rachel since practically sophomore year, and she hates it. Beth climbs off Quinn's lap and re-situates herself onto Rachel's once she's done eating. Quinn can't help but laugh at the awkward way Rachel tries to hold her. Rachel glares at her, but her face softens after a minute. Quinn starts to apologize again, wanting to fix whatever's gone wrong between then; but Rachel picks up Beth and carries her away, telling her they should practice the dance moves Brittany's been showing her.

Quinn sits on the couch while Rachel and Beth do pirouettes. Mostly, Rachel does them and Beth whips her tiny body around while giggling and falling over.

"Mama, you dance too." Beth insists after a while.

Quinn rises and executes a graceful double pirouette (Brittany had taught her and Santana back when they were twelve) and smiles at them both. Beth claps and tries yet again before falling into Quinn's legs. "Good one babe, you almost got it." Quinn says with a laugh. Beth climbs up Quinn's legs until she picks her up, and sees Beth slowly nodding off. "She's probably ready for bed, I should go."

Rachel just nods and Quinn feels like she's wrecked something yet again, she shouldn't be surprised; it's what she's good at.

"Bye Rachel... thanks. I'm—I'm sorry about..."

Rachel shakes her head, "it's fine, I'll see you later Quinn. Have fun on your date tomorrow." She says, her lips pinched, not really looking at Quinn.

"Okay." Quinn whispers, and heads out, feeling horrible.

…

…

She doesn't know what to do to fix things with Rachel, so she just pretends nothing's wrong. Rachel doesn't call her, and she doesn't bother trying to get a hold of Rachel, not wanting to feel the disappointment of being rejected again after the first two tries.

By date number five, she still hasn't told Jeff about Beth, or her friends, or... much about herself in high school really. It just easier to be vague, there're only just getting to know each other, she rationalizes. And it's nice to not have to worry about something. She meets him, they have a nice dinner which he pays for, they walk, they talk about anything, and they do some making out. It's  _simple_.

It's a total lie.

Santana points this out as she's getting dressed for date number seven. "He doesn't know about  _Beth_?" She asks, in an accusing tone.

Quinn clenches her teeth and concentrates on applying her mascara. "We haven't been dating that long Santana, telling him I got pregnant at fifteen and am a single mother isn't an easy topic of conversation to bring up." She defends. Somewhere her brain screams that she's spewing bullshit and she knows it, but she clamps that bit down and fluffs her hair again. "I—" she lets out a nervous breath, "I think he might want... tonight."

Santana raises her eyebrows at her. "Your gonna fuck him before you tell him you've got a kid?"

"Don't...  _God_  Santana, don't be a bitch. I want—I need your help."

"Get a condom from Sam and make sure the boy puts it on. I love the lizard as much as anyone, but we don't need another one of her."

"I didn't—you know what fuck you, I'll see you later." Quinn rises and pulls on her cardigan, wiping a bit of lipstick off the side of her mouth and leaving her bedroom.

Santana follows her, angry and grabbing at her arm. "Q, fuck off, I wasn't—Jesus, I was  _joking_." She insists.

"I'm freaking out Santana, and you're not helping."

"Quinn," she pauses and rubs Quinn's arm a little, "I didn't... if you're freaking out, you might not be ready. I mean, your first time was less than ideal to... put it mildly. You don't have to sleep with the guy if you don't want to."

"What if I do want to?" Quinn asks, her voice coming out small and shaky. She has no idea what the hell she wants.

"If you want to," she shrugs, "get some condoms and have fun." Her mouth twists into a grin, "God knows you could use with a bit."

Quinn slaps her.

…

…

Jeff is a perfect gentleman. It's one of the things Quinn really likes about him. She's never had a boy—apart from Sam—really seem like he cared about anything Quinn has to say. He listens when she talks, and has intelligent responses. He's charming, and a little bit goofy, and Quinn's terrified she's going to do something to ruin it. He'll find out she's a frigid bitch, got kicked out of her home and knocked up at fifteen and never want to speak to her again.

So, naturally, as Santana would say, Quinn tries to jump his bones.

Of course, he's  _into it,_  he's been a perfect gentleman so far but he's a boy in college and before Quinn knows it, they're both half naked and panting. He reaches down into her skirt and rubs a finger against her and she panics, shoving him away.

"Sorry," he apologizes immediately, "if you're not, we don't have to do anything you don't want to."

It just makes Quinn feel worse, because she can tell he means it. "I—" she sighs, "I'm sorry I'm just, it's been a weird day and I... I think I should go."

"Wait, stay. Seriously, my hands will stay locked to my sides unless you want to cuddle." He promises with a crooked smile.

Part of Quinn wants to, or, thinks she  _should_  want to. She can't understand why she doesn't, but she decides it must have to do with lying to him. She takes a breath, it's now or never. "Jeff, I—there's something I need to tell you. I didn't before because it's not exactly first date material, and then I just, well, I was afraid it would be a deal breaker. It still might be."

He frowns and sits up, motioning for her to sit back down and continue. Quinn's chest hurts. He's so open and calm, just waiting for her to go on. "I have a daughter, Beth. She's almost three." She says evenly, watching his face for any change. He's clearly very surprised.

"A daughter?"

"Yes."

"You...  _wow_. Um, is... the father..."

"We're friends, nothing more. We weren't," she sighs, she doesn't want to be talking about this  _at all_. "We were never really all that close. It's... it's kind of complicated and uncomfortable to talk about, but I'll answer any questions you have." She promises, her hands twisting together.

"I—I'm sorry, I'm just sort of trying to wrap my head around this. I mean, I know it must be hard to bring up, but we've been going out for  _over a month_... it seems like you should have told me already."

"It's not a time in my life I like to talk about." Quinn says tersely.

"I get that, but... I'm feeling lied to."

"I didn't  _lie_ ," Quinn insists. "I was always going to tell you. I just didn't know how to bring it up. This wasn't how I wanted to do it, but I couldn't... I couldn't  _stay_  without telling you first." Quinn watches as Jeff unconsciously shifts away from her, and suddenly, she's desperate to not lose him. All the parts of her that had been holding back and were unsure explode, and she panics. "I'm not telling you this to freak you out, or expect anything of you. Beth has a father, and plenty of other father figures, nothing has to change. You just needed to know why I can't always go out on a whim, or why I can't stay without making sure someone is watching her first. That's all."

"Plenty of father figures? What the hell does that mean?"

Quinn pinches the bridge of her nose. "I live with my friends Sam and Kurt, she's got the male presence in her life covered."

"You live with two men?" He doesn't look angry at this, (which is a relief) just confused and Quinn realizes just how much of her life she's kept from him.

"My best friend Sam and his boyfriend Kurt, yes." She says pointedly. "And her dad lives back in Ohio."

Jeff takes a deep breath and sits up, reaching for the cigarettes on his nightstand. Quinn wrinkles her nose instinctually, she hates the smell of cigarettes. Luckily, he hardly ever smokes anymore; he's been waning himself off of them for weeks. "Okay, I—this is a  _lot_  but," he sighs again and takes a deep drag, "alright, can you just tell me everything? Once and quick and be done with it?"

Quinn nods and sits up, she doesn't want to do this at all, but she can sense that anymore lies or truths omitted are going to make Jeff leave for good. "I was fifteen, and a bit drunk, and stupid, and I made the mistake of sleeping with a boy who—was known for getting girls into bed. My parents—who are very Christian and respected in Ohio—disowned me and kicked me out. I moved in with Puck, Beth's father, until she was born. We we're going to give her up but... I couldn't. My mother ended up divorcing my dad and I moved back in with her for the rest of high school and... here we are. It's—a lot, and I get it if you're freaked out but honestly, I just want to enjoy college and be normal for once." She says nearly in all one breath. "And I like you." She adds, twisting her face into a smile.

Jeff silences her by reaching over and kissing her. He smells like cigarettes, but it's chaste and sweet and way more than Quinn thought he would do. "Look, it is a lot, and I don't want to be a father, I'm actually pretty horrible with kids, but... I like you too. If you call someone, can you stay? Or we could have a redo date tomorrow?"

Quinn doesn't respond, just rises and pulls her shirt back on, grabbing her phone and ducking into the bathroom. Sam answers on the second ring. "Hey, can... is there anyway you could—if I stay out all night will that be okay?"

He doesn't say anything for a minute and Quinn holds the phone away, thinking the call was dropped. "I can watch Beth no problem, she's already out cold, Santana's in your bed with her actually. But, Quinn is this..."

"I told him." Quinn interrupts. "I told him everything and he wants me to stay."

"Is that what  _you_  want?" Sam whispers.

"Why wouldn't I?" Quinn snaps back.

"Quinn..."

"I'll see you tomorrow Sam." Quinn hangs up, looks at herself in the mirror and sighs. She feels all of fifteen again, gearing herself up for something that she should want. This time, there's no wine cooler buzz, and she knows more or less what it will feel like, and Jeff has condoms. She shivers, and splashes some cold water on her face. Jeff isn't Puck, and she's not fifteen anymore. This is what college students do, they meet people they like and have a good time, Quinn's not proving anything to anyone; she's being normal for once.

She slips her shirt off and frowns at the small stretch marks on the side of her hip before flicking the light off and going out to the boy waiting for her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so, i want to just make it very, very clear for any young or impressionable readers that it is absolutely not necessary to have sex with someone of the opposite gender to figure out if you are gay or not. in my headcanon for quinn, she is very much in denial, and this is how she is going to figure it out. it is not how anyone would need to figure it out for themselves. i just needed in good conscious make that 100% clear.
> 
> so, this chapter is a little short, i have been super busy with work (which is calming way down now) and working on pezberry week fics, fear not, the next chapter is already started and should be up by friday/saturday-ish.
> 
> no, jeff will not be around long.
> 
> beth pronounces mach as in rach with an m.
> 
> alright, hope this chapter wasn't too hard to swallow, i know jeff seems a little douchy, and the girls are angsty/fighting, but hang in there, things are about to start moving very quickly:)


	7. Chapter 7

It's different than it was with Puck. She thinks you're supposed to feel— _more_ —but she doesn't, not until Jeff is between her legs, and Puck never did  _that_ ; but he does something that makes her hiss and arch her back and she sees... _Rachel_.

There is a boy between her legs making her feel, frankly, a little amazing and she pictures  _Rachel Berry;_ and if that isn't just...

She feels her entire body freeze instantly. Jeff notices, and pauses, sitting up and looking at her. "You okay?" He asks, face full of concern.

She's not, not at all, but she nods anyway; sitting up and pulling away from him. "I—I've got to go."

"Wait, why? Did I—did I do something wrong? Quinn, I..."

"No, it's not—no, I just have to go. I can't...I'm sorry. I've got to go." She scrambles around the floor, finding her underwear in the dark and tugging it on.

"Quinn, we...I meant it, we don't have to do anything. We can just go to sleep. It's really late, you shouldn't go out now."

"I'm sorry Jeff. I can't." She gathers her clothes and pulls them back on half-haphazardly, buttons askew, her skirt off to the side.

"Quinn..." he sighs, then nods, resigned, and sits up digging around his nightstand, "here, please take a cab at least. It's really late." He hands her some cash, his fingers lightly brushing over her hands. Quinn knows he's trying to make her feel better, comfortable; but his every touch and look only makes her feel worse. Guilty for things she doesn't understand.

Quinn takes the money and pulls her hands away, bending down and placing a light kiss to his cheek. "I'm sorry." She whispers, apologizing for something else entirely.

He waves her off, "it's fine. Just, text me and let me know you get home okay?"

She nods, and practically runs out of his apartment, hailing a cab and rattling off her address. As the cab drives away Quinn rests her head back against the seat, and tries not to cry. She thought that she could force herself to just be a normal college student, go to class, hang out with her friends, and date a boy her mother would salivate over. But she'd just been kidding herself, her life stopped being normal the second Beth was conceived. She became a mother at fifteen, she'd had to form her own family, and, despite all her best efforts to ignore it, she's most definitely attracted to women. One in particular.

Fuck.

Quinn slips into her apartment, and shoots a quick text to Jeff saying she's home, then shuts her phone off. She pulls her skirt and top off, dropping them to the floor and finds a large t-shirt, yanks it over her head and crawls into bed. Santana rolls on top of her, sprawled out with one arm cuddling Beth, and the other now over Quinn. She had forgotten that Santana was here. Her first instinct is to push Santana off, instead, she finds herself curling into her as tightly as she can. It takes ages for her to finally fall asleep, her mind going over and over every minute in Jeff's bedroom, and the last couple of years of her life.

…

…

Quinn ignores everyone for days. Blames it on an upset stomach and lack of sleep, they only seem to halfway buy it, shooting her worried looks when they think she's not looking.

She wakes up alone and doesn't stumble out of bed until Santana comes in to find her. "So you get laid last night?" She asks, wriggling her eyebrows and smirking.

"No. I don't want to talk about it. Where's Beth?"

"Eating the best cereal in the world. I mixed coco puffs and lucky charms." With a grin she adds, "it's disgusting."

"Don't poison my child."

Santana crosses her arms and shrugs at her. "She seems to like it. Maybe her taste buds are broken."

Quinn stares at her. "Go to class." She finally says. What she wants to say is, 'help me, I'm drowning.' But that's too ridiculous and melodramatic and Santana would laugh at her and tell her that's something  _Rachel_  would say which...

"Go to class." She repeats, and gets up to take care of her daughter like her entire world didn't just change last night.

...

...

Kurt tries to get her to eat some gross soup that Rachel told him about the next day, and she almost snaps and tells him to fuck off; catching herself only at the last minute.

"I'm not hungry, but thanks."

"You should try to eat something."

"I'm good."

He purses his lips and studies her, and for one utterly ridiculous second, Quinn thinks he can tell that she's gay. He opens his mouth to say something else, and Quinn panics and runs into the bathroom. When she comes out, he's gone, and it's just Beth on her bed, playing with a Wonder Woman toy. Quinn thinks she might be loosing it for real.

...

...

The only person she can stand to be around is Beth. Toddlers questions are easier to avoid, and Beth doesn't look at her and expect anything but a hug and a smile; which Quinn can readily give to her.

She skips two days worth of classes, and wakes up on the third intending to go, but realizing she'd be seeing Jeff in class causes her to feign sickness again. Quinn knows she's being selfish, and she hates herself for it, but everything just feels to overwhelming to do anything about it.

Her phone remains turned off, when she finally plugs it in to charge, it explodes; Jeff called three times, Brittany texted twice about their plans for taking Beth to the zoo, and Rachel tried to get her to go for coffee. Santana barrels into her bedroom, calls her a bitch and tells her Brittany hasn't seen Beth in two weeks and she's starting to complain to her about it. Quinn pulls the covers over her head and says Brittany is free to take Beth wherever she wants.

Santana starts yelling at her in choppy spanish, and Quinn's phone dings with a new message. It's Rachel. Quinn turns her phone back off and cries.

...

...

On day four, Sam let's himself into her room. "Alright, who do I need to beat up? Because Beth is starting to freak out a little, and Santana is being a huge bitch and she won't go home and won't listen to anyone, not even Brittany, so you're gonna have to deal with that. And Rachel keeps calling and asking me if you're dead, and you've missed all if your classes, and two shifts at work—which I covered for you by the way, and I'm super tired. So, tell me who I need to punch and get out of the bed."

Quinn looks up at his earnest face and bursts into tears. She seems to be doing that a lot lately.

"Oh shit." He mumbles, and sits down next to her, wrapping her up into a tight hug. "Seriously, I'll fight anyone, even if it's a girl. If it's Santana...I'll probably shit myself, but I'll do it."

Quinn laughs for the first time in days, and tightens her grip on Sam. "Wow, you really love me huh? You'd fight  _Santana_  if I asked?"

"Well—I'd hope you love me enough not to ask, but okay."

Quinn tucks her head into the crook of Sam's neck, "I'm gay," she whispers and starts sobbing again. It's the first time she's actually said the words out loud, and somehow, the magnitude of it all hits her at once. Sam's arms tighten and he places a kiss to her temple.

"Okay, do I still need to beat up Santana?" He asks calmly, and Quinn starts laughing, tears still falling on their own accord, making her seem deranged. "Cause like I said, I'll do it, but I won't be happy about it."

"I love you." Quinn says, "and I'm freaking out a lot."

"Yeah, that's fine, but the beating up Santana thing?"

Quinn slaps him lightly, "no, you don't have to beat up Santana."

"Oh thank god."

"Sam, did you hear me?"

"Yeah, you're gay, so Beth's been asking to to see a play again, I was thinking we could all pool our money and go this weekend maybe?"

"Sam—I'm gay." Quinn repeats.

"Yeah...and?"

"And—and why are you acting like this isn't a big deal?" Quinn snaps. She feels like her entire world has changed, and his cavalier attitude makes her want to punch him a little.

"Why would I?"

"Because I'm  _gay_!" Quinn yells, then covers her mouth quickly before she spills out the rest about Rachel.

Sam turns and smiles at her. "In case you haven't noticed, you're like the only person who would freak out at this information. The rest of us are all already gay to some sort of degree."

"So why didn't I know before now?" Quinn whispers. "You all figured it out, I should have. Maybe I'm not maybe...I don't want to be." She admits. "And I feel like the worst hypocrite in the world for that. I..." She starts crying again and Sam just holds her until she's calmed down.

"Dude, I freaked a little when I figured it out too. I think the only person I know who didn't have some sort of panic about it was Britt, and I love her, but that's not that norm."

Quinn smiles a bit and swipes at her tears. God is she sick of crying.

"And, dude don't get mad at me, but it totally makes sense that you'd like, repress this or whatever. I mean, your parents...and after everything with Beth...it makes sense is all I'm saying. And I'm not like an expert or anything, but there isn't a right way to figure any if this crap out." Sam releases her a bit and turns so he's facing her, "also, just 'cause I know you need to hear it, and probably no one else will say it in a way that won't make to want to tear your hair out—besides maybe Brittany—it  _is_  okay Quinn. You're gonna be fine." He pauses, "you...might want to break up with Jeff though, he seems to have the wrong body parts. Oh, dude, did you guys—"

Quinn is definitely crying again, but it's only a few tears, she can handle it. It seems completely stupid, but she needed to hear that more than she knew. "God, life would have been really simple if we'd just fallen in live in high school. That would have solved a lot of my problems."

Sam lets out a loud laugh and swings an arm around her shoulder. "Dude,  _we did_." He says with a grin.

Quinn can only nod and hug him tightly. "We didn't," she says after a few minutes of silence, "me and Jeff I mean. We  _were_  but I—I figured it out before much really happened."

"Do you like him?" Sam asks.

"I—yeah, but..."

"Did you like doing sexy stuff with him?" He asks, very seriously, and Quinn can't help but burst out into laughter. "Well, that's important. I thought I was gay once I realized I liked Kurt, but I figured out later I was still into ladies too."

"I—" Quinn hesitates and thinks about it, it feels like all she's been doing the last few days. "No. I mean, I've never really felt...anything with a boy. Not Finn, not Puck, not you either. We—I mean I like Jeff, but I don't think I really  _like_  him. I like..." she clamps a hand over her mouth. She had been about to say Rachel's name.

Sam looks at her oddly, "you like...who?"

Quinn shakes her head, "doesn't matter, she's straight."

Sam raises his eyebrows at her, "is it someone I know?" He asks slowly. Quinn freezes, not ready to open up that can of worms. "Quinn—is it, Rachel?" He asks gently.

Quinn pushes him away with a hard shove. "What! No!" She jumps out of the bed and starts pacing, "I—God no. It's, you know what, forget I said anything. Jeff is great and I like him and maybe I'm just bi like you and freaking out about it. It's not a big deal, never mind."

"Wait, Quinn don't..."

"Don't tell anyone about this Sam. I've got to go make lunch for Beth." Quinn stalks out of her room, leaving Sam alone.

...

...

Quinn can't bring herself to look Sam in the eye anymore. He keeps trying to get her alone and talk to her, but she barely stays in the same room as him for more than five minutes. Everyone notices, but Kurt doesn't say anything, and Quinn's gotten good at ignoring Santana too. In some idiotic need to prove something to herself, she calls Rachel back and agrees to meet her for coffee. Sam overhears and stares at her for a full minute before starting to say something. Quinn glares at him and takes Beth to the park before he can open his mouth.

She doesn't break up with Jeff (she knows she  _should_ ) but instead she continues to mostly avoid him. She's never claimed any sort of bravery, and at this point she's used hurting people and hating herself for it.

Rachel comes running up to hug her before remembering that she's been mad at Quinn. The hesitation is enough to make Quinn feel like shit all over again, and Rachel looks guilty. "Hi." She says, sitting down across from her. "Still sick?"

"No." Quinn takes a sip of her coffee, needing something to do with her hands. Now that she knows—knows that she's attracted to Rachel, being around her is...weird as fuck.

"How is...Jeff?" Rachel asks, her face twisting into something resembling a grimace.

"He's fine." Quinn answers tersely. This was possibly the worst idea she's ever had, and she needs to just get Rachel talking, about anything. "Umm, so Beth wants to see more plays, Sam was thinking of next weekend maybe. Want to come? We don't have anything in mind, figured you'd be the one to defer to."

Rachel beams, unable to contain her excitement, and all awkwardness evaporates for a moment as she starts listing off possible plays. Quinn sits back and just watches her, happy to just listen and not feel awkward for a few minutes. Rachel's face sort of glows, and Quinn notices the way the corners of her mouth twist into this little half smile thing. It's adorable. She's never thought of Rachel as adorable before. Rachel goes through the plot of about half a dozen plays before Quinn realizes nearly two hours have gone by. Her phone dings, it's Jeff—again.

"You have a date tonight?" Rachel asks, seeing his name pop up on the small screen.

"No I—" Quinn sighs, needing to talk about it with someone, even if she'd rather it not be Rachel. "I've been avoiding him actually." She admits.

Rachel frowns, "how come?"

"I—it's complicated."

"I'm incredibly intelligent Quinn, give it a whirl." She says with a grin. Despite the sarcasm, and the hint of actual annoyance in her voice, Quinn can't help but smile back at her.

"He...I feel like I should feel something— _more_  you know?" She watches as Rachel's frown only deepens and she shakes her head. "I don't know, he's pretty much everything I should want right now. It's...I mean I've never really just dated to date. Casual and stuff."

"Is...you  _want_  casual?"

"I—we're in college, isn't that what we're supposed to want? See what's out there? Get to know new people, find out what we like, what kind of person we are?"

"I suppose." Rachel says with a shrug. For some reason, it makes Quinn angry and Rachel picks up on it. "I just meant," she sighs and shifts her body, tucking her legs up underneath her. "I don't think we're  _supposed_  to do anything. Apart from  _learn_. I think college is about learning, academically and personally."

"I think it's also about having fun. I'd like to know when that part starts." Quinn says dryly. "So far it's been stressful, depressing, and panic inducing."

Rachel laughs, hearty and loud, "just think, we've only got a few weeks left. Then we get to do three whole more years."

"Oh, I can't wait." Quinn says sarcastically.

They sip their coffee quietly for a few minutes until Quinn's phone dings again. She really can't keep avoiding him, it's not fair. He's a decent guy, and even if he wasn't, using him is wrong. She's watched her mother hold on to a man she doesn't love her whole life; she doesn't want to become her. As awkward as she feels around Rachel, there's also something that feels...right. With Jeff her skin is always tingly, on edge, even when she feels comfortable there's been something missing. Sitting here with Rachel, she finally notices her skin relax in a way that it hasn't in weeks, months maybe.

"I've got to break up with him." She almost whispers.

Rachel's head whips up, shock all over her face. "What? I thought...a second ago you said..."

"I don't think I'm the casual type, or at least, I think if I'm doing casual then I'm doing it wrong."

"How do you figure that?"

"I like Jeff, but I don't feel anything special. You would think I'd know if I was gonna at this point." She admits. "It feels like using him if I know that."

"Oh...I get that."

"I'm sick of hurting people."

Rachel remains silent, and for that Quinn is grateful. If she'd gone off about Quinn not hurting anyone, she might scream. It's the part of their relationship they don't talk about often—hardly ever—but Quinn appreciates that Rachel never says the things she did to her in high school were okay. They weren't.

"Part of me doesn't want to though." She admits. "It's totally selfish, but I'm sick of being lonely too. I mean, God, all our friends are paired off. I'm surrounded by couples. Couples who are probably going to be together 'till they die, and I just...I'm jealous." She hates it, but it's the truth. Her friends happiness makes her want to punch things. She loves Beth—God she loves her more than she ever thought possible—but loving a toddler and a person you're own age are two entirely different things. "And I'm talking about myself way too much, are you...you're not dating anyone are you? Have you...talked to Finn recently?"

"I saw him over winter break. I don't see us ever getting back together, there wasn't...anything special, like you said. I've gone on a few dates recently though."

"What? Really?" Something prickles down in Quinn's gut and she does her best to stave of a grimace.

Rachel nods, "yeah, a boy from one of my theatre classes, Brody. He's a junior. It's definitely casual. I'm here to focus on my talent and prepare myself for my inevitable career; but it's fun, he makes me feel...desired. Is that stupid?"

"No," Quinn chokes out, "not stupid. I get it." She does  _not_  want to hear about this, some asshole named  _Brody,_  God. She looks down at her phone again, realizing how much time has gone by. "I should get going, I want to tuck Beth in."

"Okay," Rachel stands up, grabbing Quinn's forearm, "just...can we—" she sighs, "we can be fifth wheels together if you want." She says with a shrug. Quinn suspects she had been intending to say something else, but nods anyway.

"Sure. I'll see you later Rachel."

"Not in a month okay." Rachel demands.

"Promise." Quinn answers with a nod, then gets the hell out of there.


	8. Chapter 8

She  _should_ break up with Jeff, she plans to, but instead somehow she winds up out to dinner with him, Santana and Brittany.

It goes about as horribly as she could have imagined.

Santana has seemingly taken it upon herself to make Quinn as uncomfortable as she possibly can; payback for something Quinn's sure.

Thankfully, Jeff takes most of it in stride, despite the fact that Santana introduces herself by saying; "word on the street is you're old money, I'm a lesbian, but I'm totally into that." Quinn pinches her under the table,  _hard_. Once Santana brings up Puck and makes a suggestive face at Quinn, she grabs her and hauls her off to the bathroom, making Brittany come along. Britt would never tell him something out of malice like Santana, but she might mention something accidentally.

"Santana!" Quinn scolds once they are in the restroom.

"Oh come on, I was just enjoying making your face do that horrible constipated thing. I wouldn't actually  _tell_ him anything."

Quinn slaps her for good measure anyway, and hopes the night goes by quickly.

Santana's quips and guilt trip does it's job though, and the longer the dinner goes on, the more awkward she feels. Every time Jeff touches her, she finds herself trying not to flinch; and the confusion on his face only makes it worse. She watches Santana and Brittany and the easy, natural way they gravitate towards each other and craves it. When she leans into Jeff, and he slings his arm around her and smiles; gentle and kind, she has to force a smile back.

…

…

It takes her a few days, but she finally breaks up with Jeff.

She can't avoid it forever, and she can't use him like that. It's shitty beyond belief, even Quinn can see it. The worst part is, for a day or so, she rationalizes that she  _can_ use him like that. He never has to know she doesn't feel anything, and then she won't be alone. Alone terrifies her more than the possibility of being gay.

But Santana comes crawling into her bed the next night, a little buzzed and laughing quietly. She's not drunk enough to be weepy yet, still giggly and affectionate. Quinn covers her mouth and tells her not to wake up Beth. "Oh please, the lizard sleeps like a rock. A dead rock. A rock that is dead. Can rocks be dead?"

"Oh my god," Quinn mumbles, and covers her mouth again, "shut up."

"Jeff's hot, and he likes you." Santana mutters into her pillow, "but you don't like him." she adds, and rolls over, facing Quinn seriously. Quinn presses her lips together tightly and rolls away from her, curling her arms around Beth. "You don't like him Q." Santana repeats.

"Says  _you_."

"Yeah says me. Me who's known you since you were thirteen."

"Go to sleep Santana, or better yet go home. Do you live here now or something?"

"Pretty much. And go ahead and bitch at me all you want, I mean jesus, I can take whatever shit you want to dish out. Doesn't make your panties anymore wet when he calls."

"Go to sleep." Quinn orders, it comes out more like 'fuck you'.

Santana just makes a clucking noise with her tongue and kicks at Quinn's legs, but she goes to sleep and doesn't say anything about it the next morning.

She's  _right_ is the thing and Quinn really can't keep doing this anyway. So she calls Jeff and goes to meet him, not wanting to do this in person, but not able to do it any other way. She owes him that much at least.

He looks a bewildered by the entire thing, and Quinn's not ready to give him the real reason, so it takes a bit of uncomfortable convincing. But if she's good at anything, it's putting on a bitchy face and driving people away. She's seen her father and Frannie do it hundreds of times and within the span of about ten minutes, Jeff stalks out of the restaurant angrily. And just like that, it's over.

Quinn walks to the subway, feeling relieved and guilty all at once. She's been avoiding Sam for days now, but she pulls out her cell phone, tearing up as she walks down the street.

"I broke up with him." She says the minute he answers.

Sam sucks in a breath, "you on your way home?"

"Yeah."

"I've got a pint of mint chip with your name on it."

Quinn chokes out a laugh and hangs up, getting on the subway. She keeps seeing Jeff's face as it falls, his hands slipping out of hers, and the hurt that replaced his gentle face. She hadn't liked him much the first time she met him; but she hadn't liked Santana, or Sam, or Rachel at first either, now she can't imagine her life without any of them. Quinn can't help but think maybe she made a mistake, maybe she could have learned to love him. Then she thinks maybe she did him a favor, and loving her is toxic. All she seems able to do is hurt people. Her father, her sister, her mother, Puck, Finn, Rachel, now Jeff. God, she's been horrible to Santana and Brittany a million times, Sam too. All the times she's wished that Beth had never been born, that's she's too young, too scared, too tired to be taking care of her; they make her horrible. She's no good for anyone, all she can do is cause pain.

When she gets into the apartment, Sam's at the kitchen table, ice cream and two spoons out; and she starts sobbing all over again. She's been a complete bitch to him for nearly a week and here he is, Quinn doesn't deserve him at all.

The idiot stands up and walks over to her, placing his hands on her shoulders. "Say you're sorry for ignoring me for a week, and then I'll give you a hug."

"I'm sorry," she spits out, "I was scared and..."

Sam wraps his arms around her tightly. "You were a bitch, it's what you do when you're scared." He shrugs, "it's nothing new. It's  _shitty_ , but once you apologize and I know you mean it, it's usually fine."

"You're a better person than me."

"Yeah probably."

Quinn smacks his arm, "jerk."

"So, before you run away and get all bitchy again, there's something I've been trying to tell you for like a week." He says quickly. Quinn tenses and pulls away from him. "Don't do that, you've been flipping out all week and I've been trying to tell you that  _Rachel's bi_."

Something in Quinn's brain breaks, she's sure of it. "No she's not." Quinn insists.

"Yeah Quinn, she  _is_. We've talked about it before. I actually thought you knew, everyone else does. I only realized you didn't when you flipped out. Quinn, if you like her then..."

"Stop." she says cutting him off, "can we please talk about something else?"

Sam looks her in the eye, then relents, "yeah fine, come on the ice cream's melting." He slips out of her grip and plops down at the table, shoving a huge bite of ice cream into his mouth. "So, how'd he take it?"

"Awful." Quinn picks at the ice cream, "I basically had to be a bitch. It—it was awful."

"Did you tell him..."

"No."

Sam studies her, "are you gonna tell anyone else?" He asks. It doesn't come out accusatory, or pushy in anyway, just curious.

"Um...I...eventually I guess. I'm not—not yet okay?"

"Okay." He smiles at her, and pushes some ice cream onto her nose.

…

…

Quinn ends up moping around for a few more days after that. It's not that she misses Jeff, but she's lonely and so sick of being scared and confused about everything. She calls Brittany and asks her if she wants to go take Beth to see the ducks. If nothing else, she can start making stuff up to her friends. Plus, Kurt and Santana are both too perceptive to be around right now.

She answers all the texts Rachel sends her, but claims to be busy with work, or school, or Beth any time she offers to go for coffee. Quinn just can't deal with her right now.

In some desperate need for her mother, she breaks down and calls her. Judy is thrilled to hear from Quinn, she starts talking hurriedly, asking about Beth and her studies in quick succession. And it  _hurts_. It hurts how good her mother's voice sounds. It hurts how much Quinn wants her here, wants a hug, _something_ that will make her feel like everything is going to be okay. That she has her mom back—that she ever had her in the first place.

"Does he want to see me? Or Beth?" Quinn asks, cutting her mother off.

"I..." she sighs, "Quinnie, he's been so wonderful. We've gone out to dinner, and he took me to—"

"Does he want to see me or Beth?" Quinn repeats.

"It...I'm not sure it's quite the time yet." Judy says quietly.

"That's a no Mom. If the answer is no, then just say no."

"Quinnie, he's  _trying_ and..."

"Are you still mad at me for getting pregnant?" She's never asked this. She moved back in, and things felt better, some things  _were_ better, but she's never been able to ask this before. The answer has always terrified her too much.

"I—of course not Quinnie, I love Beth. I love  _you_."

She has no unearthly idea how the words get out of her mouth; they spill out without any permission from Quinn and then it's just  _silence_. For a second, Quinn thinks she imagined it. She couldn't have actually asked, "would you still love me if I were gay?"

"I—" Judy doesn't say a thing, and Quinn  _can't breathe_. "You're not." Her mother insists.

Quinn's terror dissipates in an instant; and suddenly she is furious. Nineteen years of anger built up and ready to be released."I might be." She says calmly, "it shouldn't matter...if you love me. But then, if you loved me, you'd have never left Dad kick me out. You'd have never gone back to him after. We—" and now she's crying, "I thought things were different. I thought... _Mommy_..." she sobs. Gut wrenching sobs that hurt her whole body. She hasn't called her 'Mommy' since she was four, after Frannie told her she was being a baby and her father had laughed. Quinn can't move, can't breathe, can't keep quiet. Judy's yelling through the phone, trying to get her attention, but Quinn can't listen to her anymore.  _It hurts_.

The phone is taken out of her hand and Quinn jumps back, seeing Santana appear in front of her. She lets out another sob and Santana's face twists into a glare and she presses Quinn's cell to her ear. Quinn can hear her talking into the phone but the words are all jumbled. The only things she catches are, 'bitch', 'fuck off', and 'old cow'; and then Santana's next to her, pulling Quinn practically onto her lap.

Shamelessly, Quinn clings to her. "Beth..." she chokes out in a panic. Beth cannot see her like this.

"She's at the park with Sam and Kurt, what did she do?" Santana asks.

"I—" Quinn knocks her head into Santana's shoulder and shakes, unable to stop herself.

"Fuck her." Santana says harshly, "you don't need her. You don't need them Q."

"I want them though." Quinn moans. She hates herself for it, they've never made her feel anything but inadequate, but all she wants is their approval. Parents are supposed to love you, and make you feel good about yourself. What's wrong with her that they can't?

" _Fuck her_." Santana repeats, "you've got  _me_. You've got Sam, and Britt, and Kurt, and Puck, and fucking hell you've got Berry! And my mom loves you. I'm shit at sharing, but I can share her with you."

It appears to be a night of words just spilling out of her, because the next thing Quinn knows, she's told Santana too. The arms around her still, but Quinn's unable to stop herself from crying at this point. Santana's body starts shaking, and Quinn thinks she might be crying too. She leans up and looks, and Santana is  _laughing_.

"What..."

"You just have to try and one up me don't you?" Santana laughs.

Quinn's eyes widen, and the shock and confusion stops the crying altogether. "What? I—screw you."

"Oh come on, you can do better than that."

"Fuck you!" Quinn yells, and pushes Santana. It just makes her burst out into more laughter. Quinn climbs on top of her, shoving and slapping as Santana laughs. "Fuck you!"

Santana lets Quinn slap her for about two more minutes, then grabs her arms. But Quinn is stronger than her, and shoves back again. So, Santana—bitch and  _idiot_  that she is—leans up and kisses her on the mouth; shocking Quinn into stillness. Santana just laughs again, sounding more like a cackle than anything else, and flips them over, holding Quinn in place. "Welcome to lesbianhood Q. Could you stop fucking slapping the girl who just offered to share her mother with you." Quinn bucks her hips and tries to knock Santana off her. "Also, I've got to say, considering I don't know another human being who does running from their problems quite like you; I'm pretty damn shocked you told me."

"I hate you."

"You love me."

"Fuck you."

Santana smirks, "if you want, I'll have to text and ask Britt first." and wriggles her eyebrows.

Quinn slaps her again.

…

…

Brittany is the perfect person to be around when you're feeling shitty about yourself. She comes running up to Quinn and Beth, wrapping her arms around them both tightly. "I missed you!"

"Missed you too B."

"I'm a B too!" Beth yells. "B-E-T-H" she spells out proudly. (Santana had decided to start teaching her the alphabet. Deciding that she wouldn't let her goddaughter grow up to be an idiot. 'With Puckerman's genes we're gonna have to get on that quick.')

"Good job babe." Quinn says with a smile. She passes Beth over and Brittany secures her happily on her shoulders, and the three of them take off. Quinn walks in silence for a few moments, letting Brittany just talk with Beth. Within minutes of seeing a cotton candy stand, all three of them are covered in pink, sticky, and giggling. Beth mushes some more into her mouth and Quinn gives up trying to keep her clean. She'll just give her a bath later.

"Do you wanna go on another double date?" Brittany asks a bit later. "That was kinda fun."

"Kind of." Quinn relents, "but I broke up with Jeff." Frankly, she is a little surprised that Santana hasn't told Brittany already; but she finds herself touched by the fact that she hasn't. Begrudgingly, Quinn will admit that occasionally Santana is capable of surprising her.

"Oh, how come? He was super nice."

"I...I didn't really like him that much. Not like that."

Brittany is quiet for a few minutes, then looks at Quinn curiously. "Cause you like someone else? Or cause you just don't like him?" She finally asks.

"Sort of both."

"Mama, can we see ell'phants?" Beth asks.

"Sure sweetie."

As they head over towards the elephants, Brittany slips her hand into Quinn's and squeezes. The expression on her face stills Quinn for a moment, and she almost blurts it out. Beth scampers ahead of them, and Quinn lets her, keeping one eye on her. She takes a breath and grips Brittany's hand, feeling her whole face becoming hot. She really doesn't know why she's nervous, Brittany's never made her nervous about anything in her life.

"I broke up with him cause I think I'm gay." She tries to say it evenly, like it's not a weight that's been pressing on her chest for weeks now, causing her pain to spit it out; but it comes out in a choked whisper anyway. She thought this was supposed to get easier.

For a second, Quinn thinks Brittany hasn't heard her, and she's going to have to say it all over again. Quinn doesn't know if she can manage it. Then Brittany slings an arm around her and kisses her cheek. "Awesome. Well not for Jeff, but awesome. You can date Rachel now! She was worried you didn't like girls. I kept telling her that you did. I mean, you liked it when San and I did stuff. I saw you watch us that one time, you totally wanted to join. You can now if you want!"

Quinn can barely breathe, let alone speak, but somehow she manages to choke out a "no thank you."

Brittany shrugs good-naturedly, "okay, but I doubt San will mind. I think she's always wanted to kiss you."

Quinn doesn't know how to process any of the information Brittany has just given her, she thinks that she makes some sort of squeaking noise in response; then chokes out, "she  _did_." and Brittany grins at her.

Beth turns around and yells for them both, pointing towards a baby elephant excitedly. Quinn nods to her, and feels Brittany's hand squeeze in hers again.

"Why—why did you say that about Rachel?" Quinn whispers, "why would me liking girls have anything to do with Rachel? Why would that matter to her?"

"Oh, she totally likes you I think. She talks about you all the time, it'd be annoying if it was someone else. But I like you, so I don't mind. So much. Can you maybe hang out with her more? She's driving me a little crazy."

"Wait she...she's never said this to you? It's just what you think because she talks about me a lot?"

" _A lot_." Brittany says, "oh! We forgot to see the monkeys!" she runs over and hauls Beth up over her head, slinging her onto her shoulders again. "Monkeys Beth!" She yells, and takes off running.

"Wait! Britt!" Quinn runs after them, snagging Brittany's arm. "Is this something you  _think_  or something you  _know_?"

"Why?" Brittany asks, her head cocked to one side.

"Britt..." Quinn whines, cursing the pained way it comes out. Both Beth and Brittany turn and look at her sharply, and Beth frowns, holding her hands out for Quinn. "Please just tell me." Quinn begs as she catches Beth's dive from Brittany's shoulders.

"She's never  _said_ , but yeah I know."

Quinn sucks in a breath, "forget we talked about this okay? Not the gay thing, you can remember that, but I don't really want to talk about it. But forget everything about Rachel alright?"

"But why? Quinn that'd be so fun, we'd all be dating and..."

"Brittany! I said  _drop it_!" Quinn snaps. Brittany jumps—so does Beth—and Quinn doesn't think she's ever actually yelled at Brittany before. Not for real. She forces her tone to soften and adds, "please." Brittany just stares at her for a minute, then gives her a single nod. Quinn shifts Beth in her arms and rubs her back a little, reassuring her that everything is fine. "It's almost six, we should head back for food."

"Okay."

"Britt..."

"I won't say anything." she promises, "but you should."

…

…

Quinn doesn't bother telling Kurt, or Puck, definitely not Rachel; she figures they'll know eventually and she's done enough coming out for a while now. But Kurt knows within practically seconds of Santana knowing, and he smirks at Quinn, gives her a nod, and instructs her to consult him on her plaid choices of clothing from now on. Quinn throws a pillow at his head and tells him if he goes anywhere near her closet she'll kill him.

The problem with Kurt knowing is that it means Rachel might know any day now unless Quinn specifically tells him not to say anything. And something about Rachel having that information, and imagining her embracing it, forcing them to go to gay bars, giving Quinn some insane lecture about how wonderful it all is; or even just  _knowing_ , makes Quinn feel like throwing herself out of a window. So she walks over to Kurt and asks quietly if he will please keep this information to himself.

He raises his eyebrows at her, "I...of course, but why? I was under the impression that everyone important knows? Sam, your mother, Santana, Brittany knows too right? Why the secrecy?"

"I...I need baby steps," she shrugs, "please? it—it feels like all I've been thinking and talking about and I'm a little sick of it I guess."

"Quinn, I would never offer up anything you didn't want me to. And I get that, the baby steps thing."

"Thank you." Quinn says, and pulls him in for a light hug.

"I mean it about the plaid though."

Quinn gives him a glare and walks away.

…

…

Somehow, it's nearing the end of their second semester, and Rachel's invited them all to her end of the year showcase. They leave Beth with Mrs Landingham and head off to cheer Rachel on. She's  _amazing_  as always, and Quinn sits there incredibly proud of her; clapping and hollering with her friends as Rachel takes her bow.

They wait in the lobby for her to come out of the theater, and Rachel skips out, beaming and jumps into Kurt's waiting arms. She grins and hugs everyone before making her way to Quinn. Rachel stands in front of her, and Quinn says, "so, that Emery girl was flat twice that I counted." Rachel swats her arm, but grins and wraps her arms tightly around Quinn's neck. "You were amazing." Quinn tells her.

Rachel pulls back—but slips her hand around Quinn's arm—and thanks her. Turning to everyone she asks if they'd like to go for something to eat.

Quinn positions herself between Sam and Santana when they slide into a booth, but spends most of the night shooting quick glances at Rachel and hoping no one else notices. It's the most time she's spent with Rachel since figuring out that she likes her, and she feels more awkward than ever. She still has a hard enough time just being Rachel's friend, and she likes it, and she doesn't want to do anything to mess it up.

At the end of the night, Rachel slips her arms around Quinn's waist and thanks her again for coming.

"Of course. You were great."

"We're all going to see a play next weekend still right? After everyone is done with their finals?"

"Yeah, I can't wait. I'm so ready for this year to be over."

"Me too. I really miss my dads. Do you have a flight booked home yet? Maybe we can go together?"

"I—" Quinn glances down at the sidewalk, "I'm not going home Rachel. Puck's coming up here for the summer. He's got some summer construction gig. And I'm not...I'm not speaking to my parents there's—Lima isn't not my home anymore." She shrugs as Rachel frowns at her, "have a great summer though. I'll see you next weekend."

She turns and wraps her arm around Sam's free one, waving goodbye to the girls. She frowns as she sees Santana and Brittany whispering off to the side; their arms crossed and faces angry. But in an instant Santana looks up at her and smirks, and Brittany loops her arms around Rachel and smiles, telling her again how great she was; and Quinn relaxes. Poking at Sam's side until he squirms and giggles, laughing as Kurt joins in with her.

…

…

Finals are  _horrendous_ , but Quinn studies her ass off and nails them all, pulling in a 3.2 GPA for her second semester. Her scholarship is still intact, and nearly all her general classes are out of the way. Her psychology classes had sparked something in her, and Quinn's pretty sure she wants to stick with that field somehow. The utter relief at her first year being over is mind blowing and she comes home from her last test, giddy, grabs Beth and cranks up the music, spinning them around gleefully.

…

…

They all go see Brittany's showcase the Friday night before their plans for the night at the theatre; and it is...one of the single coolest things Quinn has ever seen. Brittany is  _stunning_  onstage. Quinn turns towards Santana midway through and sees a frown on her face. Confused, she nudges her only to have Santana shake her head and tuck into herself more.

During intermission, Quinn hauls Santana up and drags her into the bathroom. "What's up with you?" She hisses.

"Nothing." Santana stalks over the mirror and fixes her hair, refusing to meet Quinn's eye.

"San, cut the bullshit, what's wrong?"

"We've been fighting, it's—just leave me alone Q."

"What? No, why are you fighting?"

"She's  _leaving_." Santana whispers, choking back a sob. Quinn's eyes widen and she steps forward, about to pull her into a hug, but stops herself; realizing that Santana will snap at her and shut down if she does. So she just stands there, practically hovering, and waits while Santana pulls herself together. "I don't want to talk about it." She finally says, and turns to Quinn, eyes hard. Quinn nods and follows her out of the bathroom and back to their seats.

…

…

They pool all their money together, and get tickets to see  _The Lion King_. If Quinn thought  _The Little Mermaid_  was amazing, this is a billion times better. When the animals come down the aisles, Brittany yells out happily and grabs Quinn's arm. Beth spends most of the performance on Rachel's lap, unable to see in her own seat. And during intermission, the two of them talk excitedly about the play like their not almost three and nineteen; and Quinn has to shake her head at the whole thing. When Kurt joins in, going on about Simba's vocal range, and Beth nods like she has any idea what he's talking about, Quinn looses it, and starts laughing uncontrollably. The lights flicker on and off, and Sam has to elbow her in the gut to get her to calm down.

…

…

Quinn doesn't think she can remember Santana and Brittany fighting...ever, and she can say with absolute certainty that she  _hates_  it.

Santana is bitchy and snaps at everyone, and Brittany just looks lost and withdrawn. Quinn got the information out of Rachel that Brittany's been offered a place as a backup dancer for Beyonce's new tour this summer. It's...an amazing offer, and she'd be an idiot to say no. Apparently, she'd gone on an open audition on a whim a month or so ago, and she'd gotten it. Quinn can't understand how Santana can be mad at her for this, and she tells her so the next time Santana snaps at her.

"Santana! This is an amazing opportunity for her, stop being a bitch. And you know what, don't complain about  _my_  room being messy if you can't find your stuff."

"I'm not mad about the tour. It's fucking Beyonce! It's amazing. Of course I'm happy for her."

"Then what the hell is going on?"

"I don't know!" Santana yells. "We've been fighting for months and I don't know why. And this...her leaving is just making it worse." She wraps her arms around herself and makes a whimpering noise that causes Quinn's chest to hurt. "I think we're gonna break up." She whispers.

"What, no you won't."

Santana slinks down into the bed, "no. I think we are, this...this hurts way too much Quinn.  _I hate it_."

"Santana, you can't. It'll be fine you...I've barely noticed you guys fighting, how has this been..."

"We're better at hiding things than you'd think." Quinn drops down to the bed next to Santana and waits for her to continue. "It's been going on all semester Q, it just keeps getting worse and I don't know how to fix it. We've  _tried_. If we don't break up now...it might ruin everything. We've never fought like this, not ever."

Quinn slips an arm around Santana's shoulders and sighs. "I'm sorry."

"You're gonna be here all summer right?" Santana asks a few minutes later. Quinn nods, their heads clinking together. "I'm going home, my mami will freak if I don't, but can I...I mean I live her pretty much already and..."

"Yeah, yeah. I'm never gonna have my own bed again. I've gotten used to that. But you're gonna have to chip in with rent, or groceries or something."

"Deal."

…

…

Santana comes into Quinn's bedroom after talking with Brittany the next night and falls apart. Quinn doesn't think she's ever seen her look this broken; not even after her abuela disowned her. She holds her while she cries, and long after she falls asleep.

…

…

Beth turns three, and she's old enough now to really understand her birthday, so Quinn goes all out.

Despite Santana and Brittany barely being able to look at each other, the party is pretty amazing. Beth goes running back and forth between everyone, thrilled to have so many people in the apartment at once. Puck shows up about half an hour into the party with Mike. Their plane got delayed a bit. Everyone is shocked, but happy to see Mike. When Quinn wraps her arms around him for a hug, she swears he's gotten taller.

Beth is practically vibrating with excitement, tearing open presents with abandon. When she gets to Rachel's and finds that she has a brand new keyboard, she screams and jumps on top of her. Rachel promises that the keyboard comes with lessons, from hers truly. They make a plan to set up Skype every Wednesday.

Brittany and Kurt baked a cake that is supposed to be in the shape of an elephant, but doesn't quite look like it. Beth sticks her face in the middle with a little persuasion from Puck and Quinn sighs, this is going to be a long summer.


	9. Chapter 9

Sam, Kurt, Santana and Rachel all head back to Lima for the summer; Brittany goes off on tour, and Puck and Mike move into the apartment.

It's... not how Quinn expected her summer to go, but all in all, it's not a horrible turn of events.

She's never really spent any sort of significant time with Mike Chang before, but she wakes up and pads into the kitchen to find him making pancakes; Beth sitting up on the counter next to him. She hangs back in the doorway for a minute, just watching them. He's awkward with her, and it's hilarious.

Their apartment isn't exactly huge, and Puck and Mike don't seem like the sharing a bed type, so the couch is Mike's for the summer. Quinn hasn't worked out why exactly he's here, but she's gathered that he's broken up with Tina, and he's probably sticking around all summer, doing the construction job with Puck.

"Morning." She greets him and reaches over to pick up Beth. "How's being three?" She asks her with a grin.

"Mike's making pancakes!"

"I see that."

"You want some?" Mike asks. Quinn nods and says thank you before pouring herself a large mug of coffee. "Sorry for crashing. Puck didn't tell me you guys didn't know I was coming."

"It's fine." Quinn reassures, waving him off. "Seriously, Santana's been crashing nearly all year. In my bed I might add. At least you're polite enough to take the couch."

Mike laughs and shoves over a plate full of pancakes. "Well, I've always prided myself on being more considerate than Santana." He says with a grin, and Quinn laughs. This is gonna work out just fine.

...

...

It's odd living with Puck again but Mike is one if the best roommates Quinn has ever had. He can cook, he picks up after himself, he cleans, he's not loud, she doesn't know why she's never really been his friend before now; but she's glad she's getting the opportunity. Having Puck here brings back memories from sophomore year, ones that after the fight with her mother, cut just a little deeper than she would like. It's not actually Puck's fault and Quinn tries very hard to remember that.

He's different than she remembers somehow. The last year has forced him to grow up just as it's done a bit with her. The fact that Beth talks a mile a minute now, can really play, and has her own opinions seems to make it easier for him to interact with her. He was awkward and tentative the first week he was here, until Quinn let herself into Sam and Kurt's room (Puck's for the summer) and told him to cut the shit, stop being afraid of a three year old and be her dad or leave.

He took her to the park, and she's now a master at the monkey bars. In fact, she's taking to climbing all over everything. People included. Quinn might have a heart attack before she even turns twenty at this rate.

...

...

Rachel is true to her word, and the first Wednesday of the summer Quinn calls her over Skype, Beth sitting in her lap eagerly.

"Hey Rach," Quinn greets her, "you've got a very excited student waiting."

"Hi you two!" Rachel waves and Beth sticks her face right up by the camera, causing her to laugh. "I miss you guys already."

"We miss you guys too." Quinn pulls Beth back so she can actually see Rachel. "How's Lima?"

"Is it weird if I say great?" Rachel asks with a laugh, her nose wrinkling adorably. "I mean I love New York. I love it. But it is oddly nice to be back home."

"I would call you a little weird, but I think I get it at the same time. If that makes any sense." Quinn frowns at herself. She sounds like a complete idiot.

"I can play Mach!" Beth yells happily, and proceeds to start banging on the keyboard with ferocity.

Quinn stills her hands and grabs a hold of them. "Don't break your present," she scolds lightly, "Rachel bought that for you."

Quinn sets Beth down on the couch, in front of the laptop and her keyboard, and curls up at the edge with a book. She can't remember the last time she read a book because she wanted to, and not because it was a requirement for class. She used to read all the time. Quinn's taking advantage of her free time this summer, she's already got a stack of books from the local library on her nightstand. After a few minutes, she barely notices Rachel's patient instructions, and Beth's excited pounding on the keys.

It seems like no time at all has gone by, but when Beth crawls up her legs and smacks her book, Quinn's actually read over a hundred pages. "Mama," she says, with a look of exasperation that Quinn  _knows_ she's mimicking from her (and god does that only get weirder and weirder) "Mach wants to talk to you. We're done. And I wanna watch Scooby Doo."

Quinn brushes some curls out of Beth's eyes. " _Please_ , may I watch Scooby Doo." she corrects.

"Please, Scooby Doo?"

"Go ahead," Quinn nods towards the tv, the movie still cued up in the dvd player from last night. Her three year old is perfectly capable of operating it all on her own. Quinn's not sure if she's proud at her independence, or a bad mother to let her three year old be around screens so often that she can operate it herself. She's going with the first option for now.

Beth runs off and Quinn just shakes her head before turning back to her laptop, Rachel grinning at her. "So, she gonna be a pianist?"

Rachel tilts her head to the side, and Quinn can see she's actually contemplating it, not taking it as the joke Quinn had meant. For some reason, it warms her heart. "There's hope," she says with a light smile. "She has an ear for musicality, time and practice will tell. Between your genes and Noah's and my help she's ahead of the game."

"What game?" Quinn asks with a laugh, "she's three Rach."

"The earlier she starts the better she'll be Quinn." Rachel says, a serious look on her face. "Besides, a musical background could help her in a ton of different factors later in life. Confidence, speaking, being able to express herself..."

Quinn just sighs and gives Rachel a smile as she leans back into the couch and the Scooby doo theme song starts to play. Now there's a song that gets stuck in your head forever. "So, what are you doing this summer besides teaching my kid every Wednesday?"

"Honestly, nothing much. It's weird to not have anything planned, or nothing I need to do. Right now, I'm just hanging out with my dads, I might look for a job, something part time. I think the Lima Bean might be hiring. What about you? How are Noah and Mike?"

"Good, a little weird, but good. Mike taught her how to dismount from flips properly yesterday. She won't stop climbing all over everything and flipping herself over it. I think she's gonna give me a heart attack. Santana's gonna have to stop calling her Lizard and start calling her Monkey instead."

"So Mike taught her  _more_?" Rachel laughs.

"Well, she almost smacked her head while I was at work. He told me if he couldn't get her to stop, he'd teach her how to fall. It was probably a good idea."

Rachel looks up away from the camera and waves at someone, giving Quinn an apologetic smile. "Hey, sorry Kurt and Mercedes are here, we're gonna go to the Lima Bean. Get applications and a coffee. Can I call you later?"

"Yeah sure, hey Kurt! Hi Mercedes!" she yells. His face appears, in front of Rachel, a grin plastered on it and she can see Mercedes in the background, waving at her.

"Puck is  _not_ to bring any girls into my bed. Quinn, I am counting on you to enforce that."

"Ew, god Kurt that is not my job."

"Quinn! I implore you," he dramatically places his hand across his chest, "please, please, I'll babysit for like a week in a row when I get back. Don't let him have sex on my bed."

"Go get a job. Bye Mercedes!"

"Quinn Fabray!" He yells. Quinn waves, smirks at him, and turns Skype off.

…

…

June goes by much faster than Quinn realizes, and before she knows it, she, Puck, and Mike have fallen into a comfortable routine. It's hot as all get out in the city, and they can't afford air conditioning; so they get a few fans, and learn how to keep the house shut up at certain times, and open at others to keep it as cool as possible. They make do, and start taking frequent trips to the community pool. Quinn doesn't let Beth out of her arms, and forces the boys to do the same.

Mike is a much better cook than either Sam or Kurt, and it's nice to have someone else around who can actually feed everyone for a change. She's wishes that she'd spent more time with him when they were in high school, because they become fast friends. He's a great buffer between her and Puck whenever they get into an argument, and he's horribly awkward with Beth in an endearing way.

The boys head off to work before the sun even comes up (something that both baffles and is hilarious to Quinn where Puck is involved) and are usually back around one pm. They all have lunch together, and usually crash by the same time Beth goes down for her nap. Then Quinn goes off to work at the coffee shop, leaving Puck to parent Beth for the majority of the afternoon.

The first week or so, Beth starts having temper tantrums again. She hasn't been left in Puck's care in over a year, and isn't as used to him (and doesn't know Mike at all). She starts crying anytime Quinn leaves if she's still awake and it breaks Quinn's heart. She can see how hard it is on Puck, but thankfully, he takes it in stride and doesn't shut down or stop helping. Actually parenting her doesn't come naturally to him, he's better at playing with her and joking, but once she gets used to him, it works. If she's not bleeding and she's been fed by the time Quinn comes home after dinner, she counts it as a win.

Rachel calls every Wednesday at ten am and has her lesson with Beth for about half an hour, then talks with Quinn. They end up talking for longer and longer each time, about almost nothing, recapping their weeks, laughing over some ridiculous thing Puck did, and idiot customers of Quinn's. Rachel doesn't get a job at the Lima Bean (but Kurt does) instead, she gets a lifeguarding job at the JCC pool. Quinn realizes she is most  _definitely_ gay when Rachel gives her an impromptu showing of her uniform. She manages to choke out, 'oh, nice' before claiming Beth needs her and hanging up, least she embarrass herself.

She doesn't call Rachel unless it's Wednesday, but they text more than ever. Quinn doesn't think she spends a large part of her job paying attention to the children in the pool.

…

…

Quinn comes home from work one night to find Beth, Puck, and Mike all shirtless and pant-less, laying down on the hardwood floor in front of a fan, watching tv with dead looks in their eyes. Beth glances up tiredly, says 'mama', then turns back to the tv, her head resting on Puck's chest. Quinn just shakes her head, and shucks her uniform, digging around for something to eat. She hates summer, always has. Heat makes her cranky. A trait she has apparently passed on to her daughter.

Another night she comes home to find Beth sitting on Mike's back as he does push-ups on the living room floor.

Then there is the night he is teaching her pirouettes, (taking up where Brittany left off) all her friends seem adamant about her daughter being some sort of a performer.

The night she comes home and Beth is in her underwear, down in a crouch, mimicking Puck and growling at him, she just stands there for a second, unsure of what she's seeing. Mike walks up behind her, shirtless as they always seem to be nowadays (the heat is becoming insatiable) a bowl of cereal in his hands and just laughs. "Don't even ask." He warns her.

"Wouldn't even know where to start." Puck growls, and Beth growls back, stomping her legs. "I'm taking a shower, make them stop... whatever the hell this is before I get out."

Mike salutes at her with his spoon.

…

…

Before she knows it, June has flown by and Santana comes and visits for a week. Quinn has never been more glad to see her in her whole life. Beth screams and takes off running, throwing her body at Santana with a bright grin. Quinn smirks as she watches Santana wrap her arms tightly around her.

"Oh shut up, I can miss you guys if I want." She says, and dumps Beth back into Quinn's arms. Quinn just laughs at her. "Jesus it's hot in here."

"Yeah," Quinn fans herself with a plate, "wanna go to the pool?"

"God no. Rachel keeps dragging me to the fuc—" she glances down at Beth, " _goddamn_  pool she's lifeguarding at. I am sick of pools."

"You're hanging out with Rachel?" They get along, but Quinn doesn't think she's ever seen the two of them willingly spend time with just each other before.

Santana scoffs, "Berry hangs out with  _me_." She reaches over and tickles Beth's stomach as she crawls across the kitchen table. Quinn doesn't have the energy to reprimand her. It's too fucking hot. "She's driving me nuts. For some reason, she's decided she needs to cheer me up or something. All it's making me want to do is fucking throw her into the pool and hold her under 'till she drowns."

"Santana!" Quinn scolds.

"Tana said a bad word." Beth says with a grin. Santana wriggles her eyebrows at her while Quinn smacks her arm.

"Yes she  _did_. She's a horrible person and you're not allowed to say that word. Come on, go get your swimsuit on, we're going to the pool." Beth jumps off the table (flipping her body around  _twice_ ) and runs off to get changed. "Stop swearing in front of her." Quinn orders.

"She can do flips now?" Santana asks, impressed and ignoring her completely. Quinn just shakes her head and goes to get changed.

Despite her apparent aversion to pools, Santana dons a very small bikini and slinks down into the pool the minute they get there. Quinn wets Beth's floaties and slides them onto her arms before slipping in with her. They paddle around for a while, passing Beth back and forth and splashing each other like they're thirteen again.

Beth is holding the side and practicing blowing bubbles into the water, Quinn hovering right next to her when Santana picks at the ends of her hair and says, "I miss Britt."

"I know." Quinn tells her. "It's sort of obvious."

Santana splashes her in the face.

"Very mature."

"She's only called me once, and we don't text like at all. I mean, we sort of agreed we wouldn't really, cause it's hard and we didn't want to fight more but..." she shrugs, "I dunno. She called last week, she sounded really happy. And I'm miserable."

"And you're mad at her for being happy." She doesn't bother framing it like a question, she can see it in Santana's eyes, and she's far too similar to Quinn, she knows.

"I'm such a bitch." Santana lets go of her hair and slumps down into the water, letting her body float.

"Yeah," she flicks some water on Santana's face, "but it's alright."

Santana makes a face at her, but looks so much like a wounded puppy that Beth turns around and dog paddles—rather unsuccessfully—into her arms. Reaching up, she wiggles her body until she can plant a wet kiss to Santana's lips. "Be happy Tana."

Santana playfully bites Beth's shoulder, and sends her to paddle back to Quinn.

…

…

Santana's week of vacation goes by much faster than Quinn would like. Despite she and Puck lounging on the couch, wearing nothing but their underwear and drinking beers together; it's fun to have Santana around again. Beth is in Heaven. She barely lets Santana put her down for a minute; and the second she sits down, Beth crawls all over her. The only exception to this Quinn sees all week long is when she comes home from work to find Santana, Mike and Puck playing catch  _with Beth_ in the living room. She squeals with delight as Puck tosses her to Mike and then waves to Quinn mid air as he tosses her to Santana.

"You've got to be kidding me."

"Sup Baby Mama, wanna play?" Puck asks her with a grin.

Quinn doesn't bother dignifying that with a response.

The fourth of July lands on a Thursday, and the four of them head over to the Hudson river to watch the Macy's fireworks display. Quinn makes sure Beth gets a later nap so she can stay up for them. It's incredibly crowded, but they manage to find a space for all of them to sit, get some hot dogs, and the show is spectacular. Beth is scared at first, jumping down from Puck's shoulders and crawling onto Quinn's lap. But when a bright pink firework is released and spins out into a flower like shape, she gets excited and stops worrying about the noise. When they begin the long walk home, Beth falls asleep in Puck's arms and Quinn catches his eye, smiling at the look of wonder he is giving her.

Quinn and Santana flop down into Quinn's bed, exhausted, and sticky and way too hot. Quinn kicks the fan on, making sure a bit of the breeze gets on all three of them. She envies Beth, it's too hot to fall asleep.

"I want to rip my skin off." Santana groans.

"I like Rachel." Quinn whispers. Maybe it's the heat, maybe it's just that she can't keep it inside her anymore, or she's sick of hiding something from her best friend, but it just comes out. No warning, and she finds that she's too tired and too hot to care much about it.

"Yeah, whatever Berry's fine. But I will kill her if she doesn't cool it a bit with the whole cheering me up thing. It doesn't cheer me up, it makes me want to commit murder.  _Her_  murder specifically."

Quinn bites her lip, "no... I  _like_ Rachel." She repeats. "It's... it's how I knew I was gay. Or how I figured it out."

Santana whips her head around and stares at her. "What?" Quinn just nods and rolls over, getting a full blast of the fan as it spins. "You..." Santana stares up at the ceiling, "you know what, this—explains  _a lot_  about high school actually."

"What? I didn't like her then." Quinn insists.

Santana snorts, "keep telling yourself that. Holy shit, how did I not figure this out before?  _Berry_? Really Q? I mean... are you gonna ask her out?"

"No." Quinn says immediately.

"How come, she's bi. Britt told me."

"Her being bisexual doesn't mean she likes  _me_ Santana. We're friends. I'm... I  _like_  being her friend now that I am. I'm not gonna screw that up. It's just a crush, it'll go away."

Santana studies her for a while, until Quinn kicks her shin. "Whatever. Be lonely and miserable with me. We can start a club. T-shirts and the whole deal."

"Go to sleep."

"It's too hot." Santana whines.

"I'll punch you and knock you out." Quinn offers, she's not even sure if that actually works unless it's in the movies. It seems doubtful.

"Go for it. I'm fucking tired."

Quinn pinches her thigh instead. It doesn't knock her out, but she does squeal.

…

…

Santana books a flight home Sunday night, promising to come back near the beginning of August. Quinn goes with her to the airport, glad to see that she seems happier than when she arrived. At least a little bit. "Don't say anything to Rachel." She warns.

"Anything like what? How you're hot for her school girl skirts and knee socks?" Santana smirks and wiggles her eyebrows at Quinn. "You should see the lifeguard suit. I mean it's a one piece, but Berry's got a body she's kept pretty hidden."

"Santana, shut up."

"Nah, I mean it Q, you could—"

Quinn covers her mouth, "Santana, shut the fuck up." She removes her hand and almost smacks the smug grin right off Santana's face. Instead she stands there and glares while her friend slings her bag over her shoulder and walks off to board her plane; making an obscene gesture with her fingers and tongue. "Idiot." Quinn mutters under her breath, and turns to head home once Santana is out of her sight.

…

…

On a particularly humid afternoon mid July, Quinn has the night off and Beth is being a holy terror. Quinn's hatred of hot weather, has absolutely been passed down to her daughter and she can't get her down for a nap. She wants the covers on, because with the fan she's too cold; then she kicks them off within seconds, too hot, and on and on. Quinn's about this close to snapping when Puck walks into her room with his guitar slung over his shoulder and starts to play. He nudges Quinn after a second, and she fights to remember the words to the song he's singing. Beth stares at them, glancing back and forth between one and the other in shock. Before they make it to the end of the song, her eyelids are starting to droop, and suddenly, Quinn's flashing back to being fifteen and babysitting with Puck; wondering if she could raise her child with him after all. By the end of the second song, Beth is out like a light. Quinn turns the fan on to spin, and lightly places a sheet over Beth before they tip toe out of the room.

"Thanks, I was ready to kill her."

Puck shrugs, sets his guitar down and grabs a beer. Quinn raises an eyebrow at him. "What? She's asleep. I haven't drank... drunk?" he frowns for a second, then shrugs, "not a damn thing while I watch her, but asleep is fair game."

"Whatever." Quinn makes herself an ice coffee, not bothering with anything but black coffee, ice cubs and tons of vanilla ice cream. It might as well be a coffee milkshake. "How long 'till you guys are done?"

"Last day's... August... sixteenth? Seventeenth? Something like that. Why, sick of me already?"

"Oddly, no," Quinn pops up onto the counter, and props one leg up, balancing her cup on her knee and sipping through a straw. "It's been alright. Nice for Beth."

"Yeah, it's weird, she seems so grown up now. Like... talking and everything. I mean, she could talk before but it just—she's got like  _opinions_  on stuff. She's only three but... it's wild. Can you believe she's our  _kid_."

"No," Quinn smiles at him. "I know what you mean. It blows my mind sometimes too."

Puck looks up at her, suddenly even more serious than he had been only a minute ago. "You've been doing amazing with her. You  _are_  doing amazing. You're a great mom Quinn."

Noah Puckerman has only made her cry a handful of times, and it's never been because he was being nice to her before. It's a weird feeling.

"I mean it." He says as she wipes a tear away. "You..." He stands and the next thing she knows he's right in front of her, a hand on her propped up knee and the other on the counter next to her. "You're amazing." He leans forward, and Quinn knocks her head back, slamming it into the cabinet behind her. "Shit, sorry." Puck apologizes and steps back from her. "I didn't... I dunno why I almost did that. I don't—honest Quinn I'm sorry. It's not like that. I just, our kid's so awesome. I kinda just..."

" _I'm gay_  Puck. That's... that's not ever going to happen again."

He gapes at her for a second, then laughs, fully bellied and loud. "How is it that a good chunk of the girls I've slept with turn out to be gay. Santana, Britt, you... hell, you all slept with me the same year actually. Which is weird now that I think about it."

"Puck!"

"Sorry," he grins and shrugs, unabashed. "I didn't... I dunno why I did that. I don't actually like you like  _that_  anymore. It wasn't... it was more about Beth. Sorry."

Quinn just shakes her head, because she gets it, and she can tell when he's being honest now. Living with someone for a year will do that. She can read him pretty easily. "It's okay. She  _is_  amazing, and she's ours."

"She's more yours though," he says, and before Quinn can protest he waves her off. "Nah, she  _is_. It's okay. I don't..." he sighs, and leans back onto the table top, "this has been awesome so far, but it's also been way hard. Mike doesn't know what to do with kids either, but... if he hadn't been here to help while you're at work, or that lady across the hall didn't mind me asking her stuff—I couldn't do it. I can play with her and stuff," he shrugs, and looks a little sad, but there's an air of acceptance about him. "I dunno how you do it."

" _I don't._ " Quinn admits. "Sam's here everyday. He's a natural. Him and his stupid little siblings, he always knows what to do. And I've got Santana, and Britt, and Kurt and even Rachel. I don't do it by myself. I don't think I could either."

"No, you could. You do. Help is help, you're still her mom. I've watched you all summer, and before, when she was a baby. You're a natural too."

"I'm not."

"You're better than you think you are Quinn. Always have been." He smiles at her and takes a swig of his beer. "Some lady is gonna be real lucky to have you some day." His smile turns into a wicked smirk, "and as father and co-parent, I should get all the intimate details."

"Fuck off." Quinn says, but she's smiling back at him.

…

…

As much as the school year seemed to drag on, the summer goes by impossibly fast. Santana is back for good by the beginning of August, the rest of her friends only a few weeks away.

Santana comes back with all her things, and Quinn appears to have a new roommate. Their lease isn't up until next year, so Quinn is going to be sharing her bed with two people from now on. At least one of them is miniature sized. It's not just all her things Santana has brought with her, there is a new determination in her eyes; and she's not even back a day before she has two girls phone numbers.

"What about Brittany?" Quinn asks on their walk back to the apartment.

Santana shrugs, and licks her ice cream cone. "What about her? We've been broken up all summer. Feels like even longer."

"Yeah... but San, she'll be back in a few weeks right? Are... I kinda thought you guys would get back together once the tour was over."

"I dunno. Either way, that's not now. And I've only been with Britt, I need to date other girls. It's college, that's what we're supposed to do. Fuck around with lots of people and have fun. You should go on a date or two yourself. Girls, instead of rich white boys like Jeff. We'll find you a rich white girl instead. Uppity-like, old money. Then she can buy us both tons of jewelry and clothes and shit."

" _Us_? Why would this hypothetical girlfriend of  _mine_ be buying  _you_  expensive gifts?" Quinn's ice cream cone is dripping all over her hand, she knew she should have gotten it in a bowl. She reaches over and snatches Santana's last napkin and uses it to dab off her hand.

"Cause I'm your best friend, and if I bagged a rich girl, I'd at least get you a banging purse or something."

"Why thank you." Quinn says dryly.

Santana shrugs, "no prob."

Quinn hadn't thought Santana was serious at all, getting the numbers was one thing; an ego boost or something. But a day later, she comes out of Quinn's room clad in a very tight teal dress, her hair done up to perfection and somehow wearing a cocky, yet slightly nervous expression. "Wha'da you think?" She asks, giving them a twirl. Mike whistles at her and she grins, nodding to him and fake bowing.

"Where are you going?"

"I've got a date, that girl, Michelle. The one who gave us the ice cream cones."

"Seriously?" Quinn asks, Mike whistles again.

Santana nods and grabs her purse, stepping into some killer high heels that Quinn wouldn't wear in a million years. "You look pretty Tana." Beth supplies.

"Thanks Lizard, don't wait up."

And just like that she's gone. Quinn turns to Mike, but he only shrugs and takes another bite of his banana.

…

…

Santana goes on three more dates with Michelle over the next two weeks, and comes back after the third one giggling and drunk; yanking her clothes off with difficulty in the dark. Quinn rolls over and glares, completely ineffective since Santana can barely manage to get her clothes off and stand up straight, let alone see Quinn glaring at her in the dark.

"You smell." She complains.

"I smell like  _sex_." Santana declares proudly.

"Gross, go take a shower."

"Too tired." Santana mumbles, and slumps into the bed in her underwear, no bra, and pressing way too close to Quinn for how hot it is and her level of nakedness.

"Put on a tank top." Quinn orders. Santana only shakes her head back and forth against the pillow. "Now, or I'll shove you onto the floor." Santana groans, but rolls away, reaching out blindly until she finds something from the floor and yanks it on; flopping back down with a sigh. "Did you really sleep with her?" Quinn asks a moment later.

Santana nods, but doesn't say anything else. Quinn thinks she's fallen asleep, and almost has herself when Santana finally whispers, "it was weird. Way different than with Britt."

"Good weird or bad weird?"

"Not sure. She's got a friend though, I set up a date for you. Friday night. I'll watch the lizard if the boys are busy."

"What!? No!"

" _Yes_." Santana says, firmly, and sounding more awake than she has in the last half hour. "You need to go on a date with an actual girl Quinn. It's one goddamn date, it's not gonna kill you. I saw a picture, she's hot. You're going."

"I am  _not_." Quinn insists, "you can't make me."

…

…

It turns out, Santana  _can_ make her because Friday comes along and Quinn is shoved into a sundress, her hair pulled back, and sweating more than she ever has in her life.

"No Santana, I can't do this."

"It's  _dinner_ Q. Dinner. You go, you eat, you talk. That's it. If she turns out to be a freak—which I highly doubt because I did my research—then you text me and I bail you out."

"I hate you." Quinn moans.

"Yeah, yeah, your bra's a little crooked. Lemme just..." she reaches out and starts manhandling Quinn's breasts. Quinn smacks her hands away. "Touchy much? I'm _helping_."

"You are  _not._ "

There is a knock on the apartment door and Quinn feels like she is going to throw up. Santana smacks Quinn's ass and opens the door, greeting Liz, the friend of Michelle's that Quinn is being set up with. She can barely hear whatever Santana is talking about with her, just slings her purse over her shoulder and takes a breath. She was berated by Sue Sylvester for over two years, she grew up a goddamn Fabray, she can handle one fucking date.

"Bye Santana." Quinn says, and shuts the door in her face. "Hi, I'm Quinn. My friend is an idiot, please disregard pretty much anything she just said."

Liz bites her lip and laughs, "nice to meet you Quinn, I'm Liz." Quinn shakes the hand offered to her, and the two of them walked down the hall, and out into the afternoon heat. "Do you like mexican?" Liz asks as they neared the subway line. Quinn nods though she's only ever eaten the odd burrito or whatever food Santana's mother has made. "There's this great food truck that goes near Central Park on Fridays, I thought we could get that, then hang in the park for a while. If that sounds okay."

"Yeah," Quinn tucks a stray bit of hair back behind her ear, "that sounds good."

As they make their way towards Central Park, Quinn remains mostly quiet, studying Liz whenever she thinks the girl isn't looking. Quinn's not sure how to interact with Liz, her only real perception of lesbians is Santana and random stereotypes she's seen in movies and tv. She feels like she is expected to act a certain way, but she's not sure what exactly that is. They arrive at the park, and Liz greets the man at the food cart by name, and after asking Quinn what she likes (Quinn has no idea) she orders them two burritos that smell delicious. They walk into the park a bit until they find an empty bench and sit down.

"So, Santana said your daughter is three?" Liz asks after they eat in silence for a few moments.

Quinn nods, her mouth full, and swallows before dabbing her lips and smiling at Liz. "Yeah, her birthday was in the beginning of June."

"It's... she told me I wasn't allowed to ask much about her unless you seemed willing to talk about her. I was given a lot of rules actually." Liz says with a laugh.

Quinn is going to kill Santana. "You can ask," she offers, "or... I mean it's not much of a story really. I was fifteen, I made a mistake, here we are."

Liz nods, and finishes off her burrito, chucking the wrapper into a nearby garbage can with accurate precision. "So, you pick a major yet? Might as well get all the generic small talk over and done with." She grins, a bit cocky and charming, and Quinn decides right then and there that she likes her, and relaxes for the first time all afternoon.

"No, but I took a couple of psychology classes last year and I really liked them." Quinn shrugs, and crumbles her wrapper into a ball as well, but not about to try chucking it into the garbage can. She'll miss. "I'm taking more this semester, but I don't know what I want to do. It—it just seems so ridiculous that someone our age should just  _know._ "

"Yeah, it feels like it should be easier to figure it out. At least, cheeper."

"Oh god yeah. If I didn't have a scholarship I don't know what I'd do." Quinn rolls the ball of wrapper back and forth between her hands, and watches a boy chuck a frisbee at his father's head. She and Liz both laugh lightly. "How about you? Major I mean."

Liz shrugs, and rests back on her elbows. "I like writing, I thought maybe I'd be a journalist when I was little. You ever read Harriet the Spy? I had a notebook and everything, I'd go around writing about my neighbors, the whole deal."

"Really?" Quinn laughs, and Liz nods, a little red-faced. They talk for a while longer, then stand up and walk back towards the subway. They're going on different lines, so they say goodbye down near the stairs. Liz leans forward and gives Quinn a light kiss goodbye and she waves as she climbs onto her train.

When Quinn gets back to the apartment, Santana bombards her immediately. "So, how was it?"

Quinn shrugs, "it... I don't know, nice I guess."

"Oh come on, gimme more than that."

" _I don't know_ ," Quinn runs a finger through her hair, "she's nice. We had a good time I just..." Quinn wraps her arms around herself. Liz  _was_  nice, and once Quinn had finally relaxed and stopped worrying about what she was supposed to be doing, she had a perfectly pleasant afternoon. She just doesn't know if that constitutes anything other than Liz being a nice person. Talking to Rachel gives her butterflies, a different kind of nervous than being around Liz.

Santana crosses her arms and glares at her, waiting for more information, but Quinn only shrugs and goes to get herself a glass of water.

"Well, if she was nice and you didn't hate it, then you should go out with her again."

"I don't know. I don't think I like dating."

"Why wouldn't you go again?" Santana demands, "and don't say Rachel. If you're not gonna ask her out, then she can't be the reason." Quinn downs her glass of water and doesn't look at Santana, namely because she's right. There isn't much of a reason not to go out with Liz again. "Look, I'll even... if you're gonna be all weird about it, we'll double. Me and Michelle and you and Liz."

"That sounds like a  _horrible_  idea."

"Great, I'll set it up for next week."

…

…

It is in fact the most horrible idea Santana has ever had.

Quinn isn't sure what exactly Michelle and Santana manage to talk about when they are alone, but they don't appear to have much to say in front of Quinn and Liz. Quinn does find out that Michelle and Liz don't actually know each other all that well, not nearly as well as Santana had led her to believe. They go to a restaurant in Harlem, and Santana makes great use of her fake ID. Midway through dinner, Quinn takes her wine away.

The longer they are all together, the more apparent it is to Quinn that Michelle and Santana have nothing in common beyond making out with each other. Which proves difficult to do in the middle of a crowed restaurant, on a double date. Santana keeps drinking, Quinn ends up having a glass herself, and Michelle and Liz just start talking to each other. Quinn's not sure at what point in the night she began ignoring anyone apart from Santana, but by the time they've finished their meals, the night seems like it should have been over hours ago.

Michelle snaps at something Santana says, and tells her that she and Quinn should just fucking date each other before getting up to leave; telling Santana not to bother calling her. Liz leaves with her, giving Quinn a bit of an apologetic look.

Quinn grabs Santana and leads her back home. She's weepy and won't stop talking about Brittany, or let go of Quinn. By the time they make it home and to their bedroom, Santana's swaying in place, relying on Quinn to keep her upright. "Maybe we  _should_  just date each other," Santana declares, and leans in to kiss Quinn before she can stop her. It's somehow worse than if she'd let Puck kiss her, and Santana pulls back immediately. "God.  _No._  Never mind, we definitely shouldn't do that." Santana rests her head against Quinn's shoulder and whines, "I miss Britt so much."

"I know," Quinn says gently, and helps Santana out of her dress, because there is no way she's going to be able to do it herself. And if she tries, she's going to wake up Beth. "She'll be back in like a week, and then you guys need to talk to each other. Figure it out. Stop avoiding her."

"Fuck you Quinn." Santana says, and falls over, her dress stuck over her head. Quinn contemplates just leaving her there, but she starts whining and Beth stirs a little, so Quinn yanks the dress roughly off of Santana's head. "Ow, bitch."

"Bitch yourself." Quinn snaps, and pulls on a tank top and slides into her bed. Their bed, might as well get used to it now, Santana's not going anywhere. Her parents already cancelled her meal plans and room and board at school. Santana crawls in next to her and mumbles apologies, then starts crying all over again. "Come here," Quinn sighs and pulls Santana into a hug, "promise never to kiss me again." She jokes.

"Fuck off, you suck at it anyway. How are you so bad, Britt taught you how to do it."

Quinn gasps, "how do you know about that?"

Santana looks up at her and makes a face. "Really?"

Quinn smacks her arm. "Besides, you pulled away before I even kissed you back. You don't know."

"At least now it's even, we've all kissed each other." Santana tightens her grip around Quinn's waist and whispers, "I just wanna kiss Britt though, no one else."

"Tell her that when she gets back."

"Ask Rachel out." Santana bites back.

"That's totally different and you know it."

"I dare you." She says with a smirk, then cries some more.

"No. Go to sleep."

" _You_  go to sleep."

" _I'm trying!_ "

"Oh... right. Fuck off then."

It takes all Quinn has not to just shove her onto the floor.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i think 10 chapters is long enough to wait, so our girls are finally going to get their heads out of their asses. enjoy!

The apartment becomes incredibly crowded.

Puck heads back to Lima, confessing that the city is not for him, and with another construction job lined up. He promises to call and try and visit as much as he can, and he and Quinn part on probably the best terms they're ever going to get to. Mike chooses not to go back with him. Unbeknownst to Quinn, he had applied to transfer into Julliard, and made it in. But through some mix up, financial or otherwise, there is no place for him in the dorms.

So, their apartment originally designed for two people—three at most—is now housing five and a toddler.

Rather than Mike having to spend all year on the couch, as he had during the summer; and Santana crammed in with Quinn and Beth, they find two cheep twin futons. (Getting them up into the apartment becomes an experience. Kurt's barely any help at all unless he's directing Sam and Mike, Santana's not much better; and at one point, Beth is riding one of the beds up the stairs before Quinn notices and yanks her off.) They put one in the little hallway that leads to nowhere, and with some rearranging of the living room, the other gets shoved into a corner away from the front door. Along with some new shower curtains, they've got a smaller living room and a four bedroom apartment.

It's not  _ideal_ , Santana has to hang the majority of her clothes in Quinn's closet, and Mike has a good chunk of his things in the boys room... but it's what a bunch of nineteen year olds can afford, and they're all sort of clinging together, hesitant to branch out and go it alone; and it works.

Brittany and Rachel manage to continue to be roommates for the next year, and Quinn goes up to help them unpack while Sam catches up on Beth's entire summer. She's not sure who was more excited to see the other, Beth, or Sam.

Quinn tries to get Santana to come with her, but she refuses; unwilling to face Brittany for fear of rejection. God, they're so similar sometimes it scares Quinn.

The minute she sees Rachel, everything she's been trying to force down and get over all summer comes rushing right back. It was easy— _easier_ —to call her feelings a simple crush and realization of her sexuality when Rachel was hundreds of miles away; it's much more difficult seeing her in person.

Quinn has been a fucking idiot. She doesn't want girls, she wants  _Rachel_. And oh,  _god_  how she wants her.

When Rachel squeals and jump-hugs her the second she sees Quinn, there is really no denying it anymore. Rachel in her arms feels right. Feels  _amazing._  And it's over in a second. Before Quinn can get her bearings straight, Rachel pulls away from her and Britt wraps her up in the tightest of hugs. The change from Rachel to Brittany is jarring. Rachel's talking a mile a minute about... who even knows what, and Quinn just shoves her face into Britt's shoulder's, least she make a fool out of herself. Brittany notices though (Britt always notices) and her grip tightens immediately, looking down at Quinn in concern. Quinn just shakes her head, and mouths, 'later' before steeling herself and turning to Rachel with a forced smile.

The afternoon drags on, but Quinn doesn't retain anything either Rachel or Brittany say; too knocked out by everything she'd been trying to shove down inside of her. She remembers saying goodbye, Rachel hugging her again, Brittany slipping into her arms afterwords and hesitantly asking about Santana. She murmurs that Britt needs to call her herself. Quinn is not going to be the go-between for them. Brittany nods sadly and then gives Quinn a knowing look, nodding off towards Rachel. Quinn pinches her arm and shakes her head once, sharply. Britt just smiles at her and kisses her cheek before asking if she can see Beth tomorrow. Rachel's head lifts up at that, and she grins, adding that she'd like to see Beth as well. They make plans to go to the pool the next morning (it's still hot as all get out) and Quinn bolts.

On the subway, Quinn goes back and finally let's herself actually reflect on high school and nearly every interaction she can remember having with Rachel. God,  _how_  has she been so blind for so long? This isn't something that's going to just go away, Quinn's sure of that now. She had thought that the distance of summer and trying to go on dates would help, but she was an idiot. The longer she spends with Rachel, the more she craves it.

It's  _so stupid_. It's... it's dumb things like the way she bites her lip when she is trying to concentrate. Or the way she blows her bangs up off her forehead when she's too hot; hands on her hips and attempting to glare at Brittany for moving a box to the wrong spot. Unable to hold it for more than a second before she bursts out into giggles, then a pout. Her little excited jump-skip when they finally get out of the hot dorm to find some food. Moaning happily as she presses a glass full of ice water to her forehead before she sips it. The way despite the heat, she is incapable of not touching them. As if she thinks Quinn and Brittany will somehow disappear if she doesn't get her hands on them every few minutes. Twisting Brittany's hair up into a bun, grabbing Quinn's forearm and squealing as a good song comes on. A light touch here, a tug at a skirt there, then moving on; lugging a box along until one of them takes mercy and helps her. Trying to hide a proud smile as she picks the lighter boxes and skips up ahead of them. Her inability to stop humming, or singing along to Brittany's music. Britt's laptop open up on a dresser, filling the room with dance music, beats thudding, shaking the whole suite. Rachel spinning into Brittany's arms and giggling before grabbing Quinn to join, the three of them spinning like little girls, arms stretched out and dizzy. Not enough room and knocking into each other, falling, toppling over into a pile. Sticky, hot, skin pressing together, shoving each other away in the heat and laughing; all fighting for the spot in front of the fan.

Quinn had smiled when she saw her display a photograph of all of them right front in center on her desk. They were huddled together in front of the Nederlander theatre before the summer started. They had gone to see Newsies, all piled together as Rachel directed an usher into capturing the moment on four separate phones  _and_  her camera. She's pressed against Quinn's side, Beth sitting between them, grinning madly; Sam and Kurt flanking them with Brittany and Santana behind, draping over their shoulders. All of them linked in someway.

The way she looks at Quinn, no one looks at her like that. Like she is... whole. A whole person who has value exactly as she is. It's somehow more than the way any of her other friends look at her. The only person who can make her feel like that is Beth, and Quinn suspects a lot of that has to do with being a toddler. Still young and full of wonder, not old enough to tell Quinn she has screwed up her life yet. And maybe it's just because of the way Quinn feels, and she's projecting something onto Rachel's face; but it feels good.

Quinn is gay.

And she's in love with Rachel Berry.

And she has no idea what to do about it.

…

…

The urge to call her mother is astounding, and Quinn doesn't know exactly where it is coming from. She's gone to her mother for advice many times, but... never for the big things. She never felt comfortable enough for that. The fear of disappointing her is always too great. Occasionally, she remembers going to Frannie. She'd be dismissed the moment she said the wrong thing, or Frannie became bored, sick of explaining things to Quinn. Far too old to deal with her childish problems. But every once in a while Frannie would pull her in. Show her how to do her makeup properly; tell her about kissing, show her what tampons were, a few cheerleading moves here and there, and on three separate occasions, allow Quinn to sleep in her bed when Judy and Russell's drunken fighting got loud enough to scare her.

Frannie has always loved Russell. Adored him. Quinn has never been able to understand how easily they get along. He yelled at Frannie in all the same ways he yelled at Quinn; but she'd only grit her teeth, twist her face together into a smile, and apologize. Always coming up with excuses for him, she was in the wrong, not daddy, never daddy. Quinn never managed to get as good at it as Frannie, she always carried resentment for Russell. Deep down. It never went away. It's the first time in forever that Quinn wonders if Frannie felt the same. It's that thought that makes her call her sister.

She picks up on the fifth ring. Long enough that she had to think about it, see that it was Quinn, decide to answer. Quinn sucks in a breath, suddenly unsure of why she's doing this. "Hi," she whispers.

"So, Mother's told you?"

Quinn frowns, "told me what?"

"About the baby?" Frannie sounds tired, and annoyed. Which is how she has always sounded when it comes to Quinn.

"Baby? Beth? What about her?"

Frannie sighs, "no, not yours,  _mine._  I'm five months pregnant. Jerry's thrilled. He wants a boy. I have an appointment next week, they said we can find out. They couldn't tell last time. Wrong position or something."

Quinn flops down onto her bed, hard. This was not where she expected this conversation to go. And, despite her distance from her family, she can't believe that not one of them told her Frannie was pregnant for five whole months. "You're... you're pregnant?" she sputters, "why—" suddenly she's furious, "why didn't you tell me? You're already five months?"

"Don't be dramatic Quinnie." She says with a deep sigh, "you know now." Quinn bites down on the inside of her lip. When Frannie calls her Quinnie, it always bothers her more than when her mother does. A fact her sister is well aware of. "So, are you comparing notes? Or giving me advice?" Frannie chuckles. "It's odd isn't it? I never thought you'd have a baby before I did."

Quinn can hear Beth playing in the living room. Laughing along with... Mike she thinks. "Yeah... well."

Frannie shifts around, the phone going slightly static for a moment, then grunts. "Were you always so sore? I feel like a beached whale."

"Yeah, I farted a lot too." Quinn says, because she knows it will annoy her. Just as Quinn suspects, Frannie tuts at her. "You still puking?"

"No, _thank god._ "

"Do you love Jerry?" Quinn blurts out after a minute or so of silence.

"What kind of ridiculous question is that? He's my husband."

"Yeah but... I mean you dated Rick like all through high school, but then you guys didn't get married even though everyone thought you would. And then you married Jerry when you were twenty-two. You... you've never really been with anyone else have you? Did you just know you only wanted him? And like... why'd it take almost three years for you to have kids? I know you wanted them."

"Not that it is really much of your business, but we've been trying for a while. There were some... complications on his end, but everything is sorted out now and it's fine."

Quinn sighs, "that doesn't really answer my question. Why didn't you marry Rick? Do you love Jerry?"

"What exactly brought all this on?" Frannie asks, "I'm tired."

"I just want to know. Are you happy?"

"I'm about to become a mother." Frannie says, as if it should explain everything.

Quinn doesn't think she's going to get much more out of Frannie, but really, she's got nothing to lose at this point by pushing. "But are you happy?" Quinn repeats. "Why didn't you marry Rick?"

Frannie sighs, and Quinn thinks she's just going to tell her off and hang up; but instead she drops her voice down to almost a whisper. "Rick wasn't a suitable husband. He... Father didn't approve because..." she coughs and trails off. "There wasn't a future with him." She says eventually.

"But why not?"

"Father said." Quinn can hear a hint of a sob in her throat and that's when she knows. Frannie had always been enamored with Rick. The few times she'd confided in Quinn, had been when she would gush about Rick and their inevitable life together. Quinn always liked him. He'd lift her up and spin her around, give her high fives whenever he saw her, and Frannie always treated her better when he was around; seeing that Rick liked Quinn. When she was eleven, she thought having him for a brother would be wonderful. He was there all the time, then suddenly, Frannie graduated and nothing. When Quinn asked during dinner once, Russell slammed his hands down on the table and told her to be quiet. At twelve, Quinn knew better than to push when he looked like that; and quietly finished her dinner, never asking about Rick again. Her own boy problems became important, Frannie married Jerry, and she forgot all about her would be brother. He must have done something Russell didn't approve of; not get into the right college, or refuse to fall in line with Russell. Now that Quinn thinks about it, he'd never seemed to like Russell all that much. They butted heads more than once.

"So, you broke up with him because Dad made you?" Frannie doesn't answer, but Quinn hears her suck in a breath and she knows she's right. Quinn decides to drop it. "But... you fell in love with Jerry right? You're happy?" The idea of Frannie being forced into a loveless marriage with someone just because Russell approves of him makes Quinn's skin crawl.

"Why wouldn't I be happy? I've got a beautiful house, my husband has a wonderful job, everyone is healthy and I'm about to become a mother."

"You keep listing things instead of saying yes." Quinn tells her.

"I—Quinnie, I'm tired and I'd like to go take a nap, what was it you needed?"

Quinn gives up, she's never going to get a straight answer out of her sister. But, she's sick of holding her tongue and pretending there aren't any problems in her family. If Frannie wants to, that's up to her, but Quinn is done. "Congratulations on being pregnant, I hope everything goes well." She says sincerely. "I'm sorry you couldn't marry Rick because of Dad; I always really liked him, and he was good for you." She hears Frannie suck in a breath, but just continues on. "If you want to see your niece, call and let me know sometime. I doubt Mom told you, but I'm gay. Being a mother is actually pretty great Frannie, I've never loved anyone like I love Beth, I hope you enjoy it. And... I love you." Quinn hangs up before Frannie gets a chance to respond. She's said all she needs to say. To her father, to her mother, and now to Frannie. The ball is in their court. She's not going to wait around for them to stop making her feel like shit anymore. If they want to be a part of Quinn's life, they know how to reach her. Quinn doesn't need their advice or validation anymore. It'd be nice, but she finally doesn't need it anymore.

…

…

Their sophomore year plows on. It takes a couple of weeks for them to get into a routine with all five of them that works, but they manage. (After the hot water is all gone one morning Kurt when gets into the shower, he comes out buck naked and shrieking. Beth accidentally climbs all over Santana and wakes her up while looking for a toy. Mike walks in on Sam and Kurt about to have sex looking for a t-shirt; he runs out, blushing and declares they need some new rules.)

Santana comes home one afternoon during her second week of school and announces that she's decided on a business major. Quinn raises an eyebrow at that. "Really? What do you want to do with it?"

"I'm gonna open up my own bar." She declares with a grin.

"Really?"

"Yup, piano bar. Maybe, or an upscale place, haven't decided yet."

"Huh, well... good for you." Quinn says, and smiles at her. Santana looks excited, practically vibrating, and Quinn envies her for settling on a major. She still barely has an idea of what she wants to do.

Sam is blowing through his nursing program with flying colors and starts taking some art classes; leaving unfinished doodles all over the apartment. Kurt designs him a pair of scrubs to wear, declaring the plain light blue ones aren't interesting enough and he should stand out. It sparks an idea for him, and he starts designing more and more clothes than normal. His general credits are nearly completely out of the way—he crammed most of them into last year. And he reapplies to Tisch and Pace, and applies to FIT as well. Everyone helps him get his portfolio together for FIT, modeling for pictures of his clothes. Beth proclaims herself his assistant and gets him coffee, holds fabric while he works, has an impromptu fashion show complete with a killer runway walk Kurt helps her with; and then barks orders at everyone while Quinn takes the photos and Kurt rearranges their clothes every five seconds.

He doesn't get in to either Tisch or Pace, and Quinn sees how disappointed he is despite his declarations otherwise. Everyone gives him all the hot water and extra cookies they make for a week and a half. Then he gets a letter from FIT stating he has been accepted for the spring semester and the living room explodes with even more clothes than it had before. They all go out for a celebratory dinner and Beth does a runway walk into every room she enters and tells all the children at the playground that her uncle designed her clothes.

Mike settles in at Julliard and starts practicing with Brittany again at least once a week, usually twice. Quinn watches Santana's face twist uncomfortably each time he heads out to meet her. By the third week, Quinn lays into her, screaming that if she wants to see Brittany she should just call her. She and Santana don't speak to each other for the entire week. The next monday, Santana comes home, slams the door and bursts into Quinn's bedroom. "I called Britt." she announces, "and we're going for dinner tonight to talk. I need something to wear." she stands there, arms crossed in front of her, looking apologetic and refusing to look Quinn in the eye.

Quinn sighs and stands up, going to her closet and pulling out a teal dress of Santana's that hugs her in all the right places. She throws it at her head. "Glad you decided to stop being a dumbass."

Santana glares at her and strips out of her clothes, pulling the dress on. "You gonna stop being a coward and ask out Berry?" She asks.

Quinn only glares at her and walks out into the kitchen.

…

…

The problem is she's not brave enough. Admitting to her cowardice sucks, but the facts are the facts and Quinn is a goddamn coward. Knowing how much she cares about Rachel now... the idea of rejection is too painful and scary. Instead, Quinn spends every free waking minute she has with Rachel and falls more and more in love by the day. She can't believe she was able to deny it for so long, the more time she spends with Rachel, the more she realizes these feelings have been growing for years. Quinn can't pinpoint exactly when, but Rachel's been on her mind in some form or another since the minute Quinn met her. Slowly, she tries to open up more, feeling giddy every time Rachel so much as smiles at her.

Their differences in their interactions are palpable. Rachel's definitely noticed, but she doesn't say anything about it. Quinn... is  _horrible_  at flirting, (like embarrassingly bad) but finds herself joking and doing something that  _sort of_  feels like flirting whenever she and Rachel are alone. It's what she can manage for now and it feels like a giant step forward to Quinn; even though she knows it's barely anything.

Rachel becomes incredibly busy as the semester goes on, after she gets the role of Cinderella in Tisch's fall production of  _Into the Woods_. Their interactions are delegated to mostly texts throughout the day, but even that makes Quinn grin every time her phone dings.

Mike starts spending a lot of time with Brittany and Rachel, and he pops up in conversations Quinn and Rachel have frequently. At first, Quinn doesn't think much of it—she has enjoyed getting to know Mike as well—but the more it happens, and the more it seems like Rachel is... considering something, Quinn starts to get worried. When they all manage to find a weekend to hang out before Halloween (Quinn drops Beth with Mrs Landingham) she finds herself watching the two of them interact. Rachel is giggly and keeps touching Mike as she laughs; falling into his chest at one point in the night in tears from laughing so hard. Quinn can barely contain her jealousy. Santana reaches over and pinches her thigh under the table. "Cool it Fabray." She hisses. Quinn ignores her, and sulks the rest of the night. Remaining in the booth while everyone dances. They're all paired off anyway now that Rachel is dancing with Mike. She's the only odd one out.

Near the end of the night, Rachel comes over, tripping over herself a little. She's drunk. Not overtly so, but enough. "Quinn!" she yells with a smile, and flops into the booth (and into Quinn) "come dance!"

"No thanks." Rachel pouts, linking her arms around one of Quinn's. "My feet hurt." Quinn says, "and I should get back. Beth you know..."

Rachel rests her head on Quinn's shoulder and sighs. "Do you like Mike?"

Quinn freezes, "why... do you?"

Rachel sits up, pulling away from Quinn and suddenly looking much more sober than she had a second ago. "I do." She says, "he's... you know I never really spent much time with him in high school but... I think he's the best guy I've ever met apart from Sam. And, Sam's taken. By my best friend. So that's out. But..." she looks right into Quinn's eyes and Quinn does everything she can not to squirm. "I'm lonely." Rachel admits. "I mean  _I'm fine_ , I have my friends, and school, and I love it all I really do but..." she shrugs, "all my friends are paired off it seems. Or most of them. And... I don't know, it'd be nice to be with someone."

"Yeah," Quinn chokes out, "I... know how you feel."

"Do you?" Rachel asks. Quinn stares at her, there's a different question in Rachel's eyes; but Quinn has no idea what it is. The dim light in the club is glowing right above Rachel, and she looks stunning. Quinn is aching to kiss her. To tell her to forget Mike, to pick  _her_. Then neither of them will be lonely. And she leans forward and almost does so, only stopping herself as her lips are nearly on Rachel's. Rachel lets out a small gasp and Quinn freezes; realizing what she's about to do, and yanks her face back, almost shoving Rachel out of the booth as she practically jumps over her to get out.

"I'm sorry I... I'm sorry." Quinn apologizes, and backs away. Rachel reaches out, trying to get ahold of Quinn's arm and pull her back. But Quinn grabs her purse, apologizes again and runs. She can hear Rachel calling for her to stop, but she just sprints down the sidewalk and into the subway. She's shaking.  _She almost kissed Rachel_. There isn't really any denying or offering up an explanation for what she just did; it was obvious, even to a drunk person. The idea of Rachel and Mike dating just made her... oh god she's an idiot. Quinn has no idea how she's going to ever be able to face Rachel after this.

She gets off the subway and finally slows down, trying to get herself together before going to retrieve Beth.

She should have just kept running.

Footsteps jog towards her and a voice that she'd recognize anywhere yells out "Quinn! Wait!" Rachel has followed her. As much as she wants to just sprint away, Quinn knows Rachel won't let up. If she's followed her this far, she'll barge into her apartment. Rachel's relentless. Quinn stops in the middle of the sidewalk, face bright red and teary, trying to come up with an excuse for almost kissing Rachel that she'll believe.

Rachel catches up, panting a little and out of breath. She immediately grabs hold of Quinn's arm. "Don't run away. Oh... I am  _not_  in shape anymore." She pants, doubling over and griping Quinn's forearm tightly. "I—" she stands, never letting go of Quinn, as if she's afraid Quinn will bolt the minute she releases her. (She might.) "Quinn, please, we need to talk. Can we go upstairs?"

"Rachel..." Quinn hears the agony in her voice and hates it. "I need to get Beth, it's late and..."

"We can get her, and put her to sleep and then I need to talk to you."

"How about tomorrow?" She asks. It sounds like begging, she wants to scream.

Rachel shakes her head, "if I leave now, you'll avoid me for weeks."

"No I—"

"Quinn Fabray I know you." she says firmly. "Avoidance is something you excel at." There really is no arguing with that, so Quinn just sighs and pulls her arm away gently. They start walking slowly up to Mrs Landingham's apartment, Rachel just a step behind Quinn.

They pick up an already sleeping Beth. As Quinn lifts Beth up into her arms, she smiles despite the state she's in as Beth cuddles into her instinctively.

Quinn keeps her gaze forward, only daring to glace at Rachel out of the corner of her eye. She ducks into her bedroom with Beth, telling Rachel she'll be right back. For about half a second, she considers just locking her door and trying to sleep. Rachel wouldn't bang on it and chance waking Beth up. But, it would be cruel. Quinn is sick of hurting people. This is her fault, and she needs to deal with it. She can handle one night, she'll apologize, and then probably avoid Rachel for the rest of her natural born life.

Quinn bends down and kisses Beth's temple, holding herself there for a moment and just taking in her kid. It calms her down and she takes a deep breath and goes out to meet Rachel.

She is in the kitchen, making coffee and tapping against the floor anxiously with her foot. Even with how nervous Quinn feels, she can't help but think how beautiful Rachel looks. She hears Quinn and turns, letting out a sigh of relief. "I thought you wouldn't come out." She says.

"I thought about it." Quinn admits, and remains standing in the doorway, arms crossed protectively in front of herself.

Rachel's foot stops tapping, and she leans back against the counter, facing Quinn head on. "So, you tried to kiss me." she says pointedly.

Quinn coughs, "so... jumping right in are we?" she tries to joke. Rachel makes a face at her, and the coffee finishes percolating. Popping and crackling, the only noise filling the room. "Can we just—pretend it never happened?" Quinn begs. "I'm sorry, it's—it won't happen again I was just..."

Rachel steps forward, ignoring the coffee and Quinn finds herself backing away until she's trapped against the wall. Rachel keeps walking towards her, and finally lifts her arms, pulling Quinn's from where they are crossed in front of her, and joining their hands at Quinn's side. Quinn can feel her skin tingling where Rachel's fingertips touch hers. She lets out a sigh and Rachel smiles shyly up at her.

"You almost kissed me." She repeats.

"I'm sorry, I wasn't..." Quinn pulls her hands away and slips out to the side, heading over to the coffee maker. She busies herself with getting out mugs, preparing coffee for both of them, needing to stall. She sips hers before it's cool enough and burns her tongue, wincing to herself. "Rachel, I—"

"I know you're a lesbian Quinn." Rachel says, interrupting; and takes the mug Quinn has neglected to pass over to her. Quinn's eyes snap up to Rachel's in a panic. Rachel smiles lightly at her, brushing her hand against Quinn's forearm. "Brittany told me. Accidentally. A week or so ago."

"Shit."

Rachel sips her coffee, smiling widely at her for a second before her face drops. "You could have told me." She says, plaintively.

"I was going to. Eventually."

"Quinn I could have—"

"Given me some lecture about how wonderful it is to be gay? Complete with a power point and subsequent blind dates? Drag me to gay clubs and events to 'embrace my people' or something. Yeah, no. I wasn't really ready for that."

Rachel chuckles and tries to glare at her, but can't quite manage it. She slaps the side of Quinn's arm lightly instead. "I wouldn't have done that." She insists. "A minor speech perhaps." She shrugs and Quinn can't help but grin back at her.

They stand impossibly close, sipping their coffee together for a moment and Quinn forgets to panic. Rachel seems to be the only person Quinn knows that can cause her to feel both incredibly uncomfortable, and perfectly calm. Often at the same time.

"What else did Britt tell you?" Quinn asks after a minute.

"Nothing, except not to tell you she told me. Which I've now blown, but in retrospect I think it's okay. You're not angry with her are you?" Quinn shakes her head and Rachel looks relieved. "So... the almost kiss was that you... experimenting?"

"Um—" now Quinn really wants to run; go hide in her bedroom and never come out. "—no. I sort of did that already."

Rachel's eyebrows shoot up, and if Quinn's not mistaken, she sees a hint of jealousy on her face. She's not above admitting that she likes it. "You've kissed other girls?"

"Well, one. And Santana. Sort of." Rachel eyes go comically wide. "We agreed never, ever to do it again." Quinn says quickly. "I wouldn't mention it to her, unless you have a death wish."

"Right." Rachel trails her finger along the top of her mug, "so... the other girl?"

"A blind date over the summer. Santana set it up." Quinn shrugs. "It didn't really amount to anything."

"Why not?" Rachel asks, almost shyly.

Quinn swallows. Rachel has been calm and polite about this so far, and Quinn knows that if she tells her the truth, she'll continue to do so. It might be awkward for a while, but if she hasn't been able to rid herself of Rachel by now, she doubts admitting to a crush will be the thing to do it. "I—like someone else." She whispers, looking down at the floor.

Rachel abandons her mug of coffee now, and Quinn can nearly feel her, pressed incredibly close, their bodies only an inch or so apart. She turns her face up, and Quinn has no choice but to look directly into Rachel's eyes. "Who?" she whispers, and waits, their faces too close together. Quinn can feel Rachel's breath on her lips and she lets out a small sigh. Unable to help herself. Rachel takes that as a cue, and lifts up just that much more, pressing her lips ever so lightly to Quinn's. Quinn whimpers into it, and Rachel reaches up then, pulling Quinn closer and deepening the kiss. Quinn's hands snake around Rachel's hips of their own accord and she feels Rachel buck against her. Knocking her body into the kitchen counter. Quinn moans. They kiss until they need to come up for air, and then Quinn's knees give out slightly, and she pulls away from Rachel and runs her fingers through her hair.

"Why did you do that?" she asks. "Rachel I—don't do that again. I—I don't just like you... I..." Rachel steps forward, reaching for Quinn, but she pulls back into herself, crossing her arms and Rachel hesitates.

"Quinn, I like you too." She says, calmly with a hesitant smile.

"No... you said... you and Mike..."

"I asked about Mike to see what your reaction would be. Which, I'll admit was a bit rude of me, but I think you'll agree it was effective."

"I—" Quinn shakes her head, this cannot be real.

"Quinn, I think I've had feelings for you for a while now. I didn't realize what they were until Brittany told me you were gay. I think..." she pauses, trying to find the right words. "I'm intense." Quinn snorts, that's an understatement if she's ever heard one. Rachel makes a face at her before continuing on. "I'm intense in all my relationships, platonically or not and I just never... I thought it was just that. Me being intense. But once Brittany said you were gay... I realized that the things I feel for you aren't platonic in the least. Or, at least they go beyond that. I just never considered that an option, because I thought it wasn't. For gods sake, I dated every boy you did." She says with a small chuckle. Quinn bursts out laughing at that, unable to keep quiet; and then they're both laughing loudly. Almost manically. Bent over, clutching their sides, uncontrollably. Quinn hears Beth whining in her sleep and covers her mouth, trying to keep quiet.

"Shush," Quinn waves at Rachel, who claps both hands over her mouth, still giggling. "Hopefully she'll stay asleep." They both stand as still as they can manage, listening for Beth, but she seems to have quieted down. Quinn turns back to Rachel with a shy smile. "Do you really mean all that?" She whispers, unable to contain her hope.

Rachel beams at her and steps closer, holding her hand out. Quinn takes it without hesitation and it feels right, their hands intertwined. "Yes." She smiles, and steps up, not quite needing to be on her tip toes and presses a light kiss to Quinn's lips.

"I—" Quinn doesn't know what to say to that. She feels like maybe she's dreaming. This can't be real. Rachel can't actually reciprocate her feelings. Never in her life has Quinn been this lucky. Rachel must be able to read all of that on her face, because she slips her arms around Quinn's waist; holding her tightly. Quinn sighs into her and wraps her arms around Rachel, kissing the top of her head. She's never felt this wonderful in her life.

So of course her daughter comes padding into the room, crying and squeezing herself in between them, ruining the moment.


	11. Chapter 11

So, Beth doesn't actually  _ruin_  the moment. But it feels like that for a second as she scoots in between them, pushing Rachel out of her way and whining, "up, up, up, Mama, up." Quinn groans against Rachel's forehead before bending down and lifting her daughter up into her arms. Rachel presses her lips together, hiding a smile as Beth whines, barely even awake, slamming her hot, sweaty head into Quinn's shoulder.

Quinn mouths 'sorry' and moves away from Rachel a bit, rocking Beth in her arms and making shushing noises. She nearly always sleeps through the night, but when she doesn't, she's relentless in her need to be in Quinn's arms. If it wasn't so annoying, it'd be Quinn's favorite thing. (It might be anyway.)

Quinn sits down on the couch and sets Beth on her lap, unable to hold in her smile as Rachel moves to sit beside her almost immediately. Beth looks up and seems to notice Rachel for the first time, and Quinn laughs lightly. Rachel looks down at Beth awkwardly. Like the time Kurt brought Rachel (and Finn) to her house and Rachel tried to introduce herself to baby Beth with a handshake. Like she isn't one of Beth's favorite people. It's then Quinn realizes that everything is about to change. The world has shifted in the last few minutes, and Quinn wants it to be a good thing, knows it _is_ , but suddenly she's thinking about all the things that will be different. Already are. Rachel feels out of place with a sleepy Beth, middle of the night, Quinn mothering. And Quinn feels awkward and itchy, like her skin's not her skin. She keeps her gaze down on Beth.

The entire time between realizing her feelings for Rachel, and discovering her sexuality, she never actually thought about Beth and dating. Hasn't ever really, not even before, with boys or Jeff. They always felt like two separate worlds. Beth world. Dating world. The dating world slipped from her fingers once Beth was born. It became diapers and crying and never having enough time to herself. Boys were the last thing on her mind. Then... with Jeff, she hadn't even told him Beth existed for so long. Beth world was it's own, a boy had no place there. Then with Rachel... it never seemed like a true plausibility. It wouldn't ever happen, not really. Rachel wouldn't want her back. So the idea of them never managed to stick in her head. Now, suddenly, Rachel looks at Beth differently. Two kisses and the world changes.

Beth studies Rachel for a minute, "Mach, why you here?" she asks.

"We were talking..." Quinn explains after Rachel looks to her in questioning.

"You sleepin' over?"

Quinn snorts, leave it to the three year old.

"Um, no I don't think so." Rachel says, smiling a little awkwardly at Quinn. "In fact I... I should probably get going. It's late." She smiles and scrunches her face at Beth, the way she always does. And Quinn relaxes. Maybe the world hasn't totally changed. "And you look sleepy." Beth smiles at her, tucking her head into Quinn's chest shyly. Rachel stands up, slips her purse over her shoulder and hovers over the couch. "Um... will you call me tomorrow?" She asks Quinn.

"Okay, yeah."

Rachel nods, beaming, then slips out the front door leaving Quinn alone with Beth.

"Mama, bed." Beth demands with a yawn.

"Yeah babe, it's definitely time for bed." Quinn lifts her up and gets her settled in their room. Beth's out cold again by the time Quinn slips back into the bedroom from brushing her teeth. It takes Quinn considerably longer to finally conk out herself. Too wired from the entire evening. The feel of Rachel's lips on hers, her hands around Quinn's neck, their bodies pressed close. She hears everyone come home sometime later—she thinks it's around 3am—half asleep, thinking about Rachel, ignoring them all. The noise of her friends, quietly banging around in their nightly routines calms Quinn, and finally lulls her into sleep.

…

…

Quinn cannot ever remember feeling this awkward in her life. Never has she felt so itchy in her skin. Not since the pregnancy. Coach Sylvester had made her strong. Her body tight, and hard, and  _hers._  Able to flip, fly, throw, soar through the air. In her skin, she could do anything. Even grow a human. Grow a Beth. She'd had itchy skin the whole time she was pregnant. Beth took over. They shared her body. It wasn't just hers anymore.

Quinn feels like that now. Itchy. Like her body isn't hers. It's a nervousness that is uncommon for her and she hates it.

She _r_ _evels_  in it. Her stomach flip-flopping as Rachel nearly skips down the aisle of the theater towards her. Face beaming and a happy squeal on her lips.

She stops directly in front of Quinn, her arms almost going up to hug her, then hesitating. A question in her eyes, wanting permission. Rachel's never asked for permission to hug her. She asks—warns—everyone else, but for Quinn she just hugs. Now, she asks. Not with words, but with her eyes. Quinn doesn't know if it's a good thing or a bad thing.

They're tentative with each other again. The familiarity and friendship they had built up slowly from senior year vanishes; and Quinn doesn't know what to do. So she holds up the bag in her hands, "I brought food." Rachel looks at it. "It's vegan." Quinn adds.

Rachel's face drops, "I'm not a vegan anymore." she says, as if confessing she's helped someone commit a murder. Quinn raises her eyebrows at the dramatics and Rachel sighs, flopping down into a seat with aplomb. Quinn lowers herself into the chair beside her. "It was too hard. I was starving all the time. I don't have enough extra money to eat out, and find all the vegan places. I nearly passed out last month during one of our first rehearsals because I was hungry. Everyone thought I was an anorexic diva. I could see it in their eyes. It was humiliating."

Quinn watches as she looks pained and tries very hard not to laugh. It's not funny. Passing out, being hungry, it's something Quinn knows all too well. Before Beth, during Cheerios, Quinn is familiar with it. But the way she talks about it, like she's let the world down somehow. "Rachel, it's okay not to be a vegan."

"I'm still a vegetarian!" She says immediately.

"That's fine. No one if going to judge you for not being a vegan." Quinn kicks her leg out against Rachel's, getting her to smile. "I'm sure as hell not."

"Thank you." Rachel smiles, relief on her face.

Quinn shrugs, "anytime. Do you still want to eat this? Or can we go get burgers?" She asks with a laugh. Rachel gasps and smacks her arm.

"Quinn Fabray, you will never get me to eat a hamburger."

"We'll see." Quinn says with a smirk.

And just like that, her skin becomes her skin again.

…

…

They're not dating.

They're not,  _not_  dating.

Quinn doesn't know what's happening.

The sweltering heat of the summer city cools, and dips into fall. The semester flies on, and Rachel spends nearly all her free time at rehearsals or studying. Quinn barely sees her. No one sees her. Even Brittany, whom she lives with, only manages to catch glimpses as Rachel runs to class or rehearsals. Quinn herself seems to never have a free moment either. There's always another assignment to read, flash cards to go over, a shift at the coffee house, sleep to be had, Beth to wrangle.

So they text each other constantly.

...

_'the girl playing the baker's wife keeps going flat during Ever After and I can't_ _**not** _ _say something'_

_'a boy in my psych class forgot to zip up his fly and I can't pay attention to anything the teacher is saying'_

_'brittany wanted me to tell you something about lions, but I can't remember what it was. And I have to do a pratfall down the stage and I think i'm going to accidentally kill myself. Or look like an idiot'_

_'beth did a pirouette! A real one! Look!'_

_'what time are you working tomorrow? I want to stop in and say hi before rehearsal.'_

_'what's the name of that show you were telling me about? The cast recording you wanted beth to listen to?'_

_..._

_'brittany and santana are fornicating and it's incredibly distracting. How do you make them stop?'_

_'you can't. Go study in the library, or come here!'_

_'if I come there, I won't study. I'll just play with beth and start kissing you.'_

_'like I said, come over here:)'_

_'quinn fabray!'_

...

They flirt, and they kiss on three other separate occasions; but other than that, neither of them say the word dating, and nothing much changes except that Quinn feels lighter, and happier than she's ever felt in her life.

…

…

Naturally, Santana teases her mercilessly about it.

Kurt glares at her, and makes that annoying, superior, tutting noise of his, but doesn't say a word. Quinn is sure he's going to attempt to give her a lecture about not hurting his best friend sometime in the near future from the way he's staring.

Thank god for Sam and Mike.

…

…

On what feels like a rare occasion where Quinn has a day off of classes and work, she pulls a light jacket on Beth, and heads out to the park. They haven't really had a day, just the two of them, out of the apartment since summer. Quinn can't believe how fast she's growing up. Three doesn't seem old at all, but when she looks into Beth's eyes, there is a whole person in there.

Her gymnastics are getting very good. Mike stretches every morning, and Beth's taken to mimicking him. Children, already so much more flexible, Beth can twist her little body into incredible positions with ease. If Quinn had the money, she'd probably put her in classes next year. But it'll have to be enough for now to just let Beth play with Brittany and Mike.

Quinn watches as Beth hangs from the monkey bars, grinning at her, until she tucks her legs up and flips her body around before dropping down to earth. For the first time in years, Quinn wants to jump too. She joined the Cheerios because Frannie was a cheerleader, and the cheerleaders are popular, and her parents expected it; but she actually  _liked_  it. Liked the way she could make her body do anything. Stretch, flip, soar high above the ground, lift other girls until they were touching the sky. Quinn stands and pulls her arms up behind her back, limbering up before jogging over to Beth. Beth grins as Quinn jumps up just a bit, catching the rings beside the monkey bars and starts slowly. She hasn't done this since junior year, she knows not to go to far too fast. Take it slowly. She swings back and forth, letting her body get the feel of it again. The muscle memory slinks back and Quinn flips, just once. Beth claps madly, only used to Brittany and Mike doing tricks. Suddenly, Quinn wants to make sure her daughter knows she can do this too. Her body used to fly.

"Watch this." Quinn says with a grin, and grabs the rings again, swinging faster. Once, twice, three times and she releases. Her body twists around, tucking into itself, soaring into the air. She's only got enough height for one spin, but it's a good one. Beth cheers, running over to her and slamming into Quinn's legs.

"Mama! That was so good. How'd you do that?"

"Babe, I was a cheerleader with San and Brittany."

Beth's eyes widen, "really?" Quinn nods. "Can you do more?"

Quinn smirks at her daughter, "watch this." She stretches quickly, hands to toes, arms behind her back, flexes up into a releve, and sprints across the grass. The dirt isn't as easy to spring off of, but she used to practice in Brittany's yard all the time. Back when they were freshman, just on the squad. Eager to prove themselves and actually loving it. She manages to do a round off, and can still flip herself into a back handspring. Proudly she waits and Beth runs to her, cheering.

"I wanna do it too!"

Quinn laughs, "alright, let's see what you got girl." Quinn spots her, and they practice cartwheels for the rest of the afternoon. By the time their stomachs start grumbling, Beth can do a pretty mean cartwheel for a three year old. She even manages to point her toes a little.

They walk home hand in hand, both red faced and tired, matching bright smiles on their faces. "Mama, I get to go to Mach's show right?"

"Um, yeah I think so. As long as you behave. You know, like when we went to  _The Little Mermaid_. You have to be nice and quiet while they're preforming."

"And Mach will sing?"

"Yup."

Beth is quiet for a moment, and the reach their street. "Mama, 'member when Ariel floated up in the sky? Will Mach do that?"

"No, it's a different play. I don't think Rachel's part has any flying."

"It would be cool if she did."

"It would."

"Mama..."

"Hum?"

"It would be more fun if Mach and Bitt'ny lived with us."

"I think that would get pretty crowded. Remember to try and say the 'r' sound?  _R_ _rr_ achel. B _r_ _rr_ _i_ ttany."

"Yep. I 'member."

Quinn sighs, " _R_ _rr_ emember."

"Mama, that's what I said!"

Quinn just laughs. "Yep, that's what you said." She bends down and lifts Beth into her arms. It's harder than usual. Her muscles sore from lack of practice flipping her body around. Beth wraps one arm around Quinn's neck and uses the other to play with her necklace.

"It would be fun." She insists.

"What would?"

"All of us." Beth's eyes light up, "we could get a big,  _big_  house and everyone live there."

"Big houses are expensive. Small apartments are expensive. We don't have enough money for that."

"Why not?"

Quinn's not sure how to explain that every fucking thing is too expensive. That capitalism sucks, and minimal wage is bullshit, and people her age are barely getting by with just paying for college the rest of their lives. Three is too young to be that cynical. Nineteen feels too young to be that cynical. Quinn's never had to worry about money in her life before. And it sucks.  _A lot_. But she's not going to lie to her kid either. Quinn wants her to grow up informed about the world.

"Well, because we all pay to go to school. All my books cost money, and you pay for every class you take. And, food costs money. We have to buy that all the time. And when we use the water in the apartment, or the heat, or the electricity, or the internet, all of that you have to pay for." Beth is listening intently and Quinn smiles as they reach their apartment building. "So, when you add all that up, it's a lot. And I don't make as much back when I work at the coffee house."

"How come?"

"There are different types of jobs; some make a lot of money, some don't."

"Let's get one that makes a lot!" Beth offers with a grin.

Quinn bites her lip, smiling at her as they ascend the stairs to the third floor. "Well, that would be nice. But it's hard to get one that pays well."

"Why?"

Quinn shrugs, frankly she'd like to know that herself. "The world is set up weird. You have to go to school to get a good job. Or that's what people say, it doesn't always make much of a difference." Quinn sets Beth down, "really, what you should do, is pick what you like and try to find a good job that let's you do that. But..." Quinn shrugs again and knocks on the door, she hadn't bothered bringing her keys. Mike is home studying. "It doesn't always work like that. Sometimes you've just got to take a job that's available to you. Like how I work at the coffee house."

Beth frowns, Quinn hears a thud and Mike shuffling around behind the door. "So... you don't like your job?" She asks.

Mike opens the door, "hey guys, sorry... I dropped a book on my foot."

Quinn winces and looks down, his foot is indeed turning red. "Ice that." She tells him, and ushers Beth inside.

"I dunno if I need to." Mike stretches up into releve. Testing his foot. He winces a little, "I'm gonna soak them later anyway." He says with a shrug.

"You probably know better than me." Quinn says. Mike chuckles and flops back down onto the couch, pulling a heavy book back across his lap. Quinn turns back to Beth, who is waiting patiently for an answer. "I like it fine, I just don't know if I would want to do it forever."

"What  _do_  you want to do forever?"

"That... is a very good question." Quinn taps Beth's nose. "Let's find something to eat."

"I made pasta," Mike calls out, "there's some left in the fridge."

"Yay!" Beth cheers, and runs over to the sink, dragging a chair along with her. She climbs up and turns the water on, washing her hands.

"Thanks Mike." Quinn says, and reaches over Beth, washing hers too.

"No prob." He mock salutes her with his pen, and Quinn throws her towel at his face.

…

…

What  _does_  she want to do forever? Quinn has no clue, but she's sick of not knowing. She feels like the only one who doesn't know. Rachel's destined for Broadway, Mike and Brittany are going to dance, Sam's going to be the best nurse in the world, Kurt's probably going to become the next hot fashion designer, and Santana's apparently going to own her own bar. Quinn is going to...

Do what?

It's just past the halfway point of the semester. Quinn needs to set up classes for spring already, and she needs to declare a major soon.

Annoyed and restless, she rolls over in her bed and reaches blindly for her cell phone. It rings only twice before Rachel answers, Quinn can hear the tired smile in her voice. "Hi."

"Hey," Quinn rests back down onto the bed, "you busy?"

"Always, but I can talk for a while."

"How are rehearsals going?"

"It's tech week, another name for it is hell week. Take a guess." Rachel says with a bitter laugh. "I don't think I've ever been this tired in my life but it's amazing. Everything is so much more professional than community plays and school plays. It... it feels wonderful to be around people who care, as much as I do about putting on a good show."

"So you love it?"

"I  _love_ it." Rachel agrees. Quinn can hear the passion in her voice. Has always heard it whenever Rachel talks about theatre. She wishes she was that passionate about something.

"How'd you know? That you wanted to preform?" She clarifies.

"I got on a stage and sang a song and the applause was the best thing I'd ever felt. I practiced, over and over until I got it right and it just felt amazing that other people liked something I'd created all by myself like that. So, I did it again, and it felt better every time. I knew I couldn't ever love anything that much. So I wanted to do it forever." Rachel pauses, "how come?"

"I have no idea what I want to do." Quinn admits. "I need to figure it out."

"Well, what do you love?" Rachel asks, Quinn can hear her shuffling around.  _You_. She almost says, but stops herself. They're not even dating yet. Quinn doesn't even know if what she's feeling is actually love. She clamps her mouth shut.

"I don't know Rachel, that's sort of the problem."

"No it's not, list things. Anything. It can be reading books, which actually I'm going to write down because I know that's one thing you love."

"Why are you writing it down?"

"We're making a list, Quinn Fabray... what do you love?"

"Reading."

"I already wrote that. What else? Anything. Don't think about career prospects, just tell me things that make you happy."

"Beth." Quinn sighs, "but I don't see how this is going to—"

Rachel cuts her off, "keep going, anything, just say what comes to mind."

"Watching you perform. And Brittany and Mike. And performing myself."

"Okay good, keep going."

Quinn can hear Rachel's pen scratching across the paper. She closes her eyes, what the hell does she love?

"I liked cheering." She admits. "I taught Beth some stuff at the playground today. I forgot how much I liked it. For a while. Not... not the actual cheering bits as much, but the moves. Doing the routines at halftime, competitions. Even practice."

"Good, what else?"

"Cheer camp. With San and Brittany when we were in middle school. I thought I'd hate it, but I loved it." She lifts her leg up, stretching out her muscles from today while she thinks. "Um... I don't know Rachel none of this is—"

"—No, keep going. This is good. Anything, even just like... you like coffee with just a bit of sugar and a banana every morning. Little things, anything that comes to mind."

"How is the way I like my coffee going to help? And how do you know I like to eat a banana every morning?"

"I pay attention to you, now stop stalling and list things."

Quinn huffs at her, "fine." She switches legs, "be bossy then."

"I will." Rachel says smugly. Quinn can practically see the proud smirk on her face. She shakes her head and tries to really think.

"Um, I like being in an empty theater, I liked playing piano for a while but also I hated it. I like taking naps with Beth, dancing with Brittany," she sighs, "it's all Sam's fault, but I like comic books. Some of them. I like my friends, and I don't think this is going to help me figure out a career."

"You are being incredibly difficult. What are your favorite classes so far?"

"I liked my child psychology class. The teacher made everything really interesting. And my mythology class. It was mostly focused on Greek myths. Everything else has been fine and interesting, or boring and necessary."

"Hum... alright who's your favorite of the Olympians?"

"Hera."

"Really? Why?"

"Because... she'd be the bitch housewife that everyone hates. The one who's husband cheats on her constantly, and all she does is try to love him and keep her kids together. To pretend nothing's wrong and that she has the picture perfect family."  _God_ , Quinn thinks,  _she's like my mother._  "I like her because she's the one everyone else hates."

"Hum..." Rachel taps her pen on her notebook. "What was your favorite book as a kid?"

"Peter Pan. I wanted to fly and go to Neverland. No grown ups sounded pretty great too."

Rachel chuckles, "what do you like about psychology?"

"I like figuring out why people do what they do. What makes them who they are. But... I dunno, I like sociology too. That's more... behavior in general, kind of."

Rachel is quiet for a minute, then she hums."So... you like stories."

"Huh?"

"You like stories. Reading them, seeing them told, listening to them, figuring out the meanings. And you like children. And you don't trust many adults—" she trails off a bit, and Quinn waits, unsure where Rachel is going with this. "—I think... maybe social work. Or a psychologist. With children. Or a teacher. You're very good with people. Or... maybe an editor! Then you'd get to read books all the time. Or a critic, then you could see shows all the time and write rave reviews for me!"

Quinn laughs lightly, "no way. You'd fish for way too many compliments."

"Which you'd give gladly."

"Probably, then I'd get fired for constantly writing about how good Rachel Berry is. Plus, conflict of interest. I doubt they'd let me review my friends shows."

"Friends review each other all the time," her voice drops a little, shyly. "But... if we were anything  _more_ , it might cause problems."

Quinn's stomach flips, "well then..." she takes a small breath, "I guess... being a critic is out."

"I'll cross it off the list then." Rachel says happily. Quinn bites her bottom lip, grinning madly. "Everyone hates critics anyway, unless they tell you you're fantastic, then you must shower them with gifts."

"Drat, I'll have to find some other way to constantly get flowers and champagne sent to me."

Rachel laughs, "we'll figure it out. Don't stress about it."

Quinn latches onto the 'we' and can't stop smiling. "Thanks Rach."

"Anytime, oh... shoot, I've got to go. Rehearsal is at seven tomorrow, and then I've got a class right after, then more rehearsals all afternoon. But, I'll see you opening night right?"

"Wouldn't miss it for the world."

"Goodnight Quinn."

"Night Rach." Quinn whispers, and falls asleep happily.


	12. Chapter 12

Quinn takes the stairs two at a time. Panting from sprinting down the street the moment she jumped off the subway. "Surprise!" She says weakly as she opens the apartment door and sees everyone standing in the living room. Mike turns to her and smiles. "Shit, I missed it." He laughs and walks over, wrapping his arms around her for a hug.

"It was spoiled anyway. No worries." He says with a grin.

"What! By who?"

Before either Quinn or Mike can say a thing, Rachel comes bounding out of the kitchen. "It was an accident!" She yells.

Quinn drops her head against Mike's chest with a groan. "Well, happy birthday. I tried."

Mike laughs lightly and wraps himself tighter around her. "I know, and I love it thanks. I'm not big on surprises anyway. The warning from Rachel helped."

"Oh, well in that case, I totally told her to tell you. This was all planned." Quinn says with a grin. Rachel huffs indignantly behind her. Quinn turns, keeping her arms around Mike and sticks her tongue out at her. Rachel shakes her head and walks back into the kitchen. Quinn sighs into Mike's hug, exhausted from her shift at work. "Well, I smell a little, I'm gonna go change. Eat and be merry and all that. I'll be right back."

Mike releases her and goes to flop down on the couch next to Sam, and Quinn heads off towards her bedroom. She's only just pulled her uniform top over her head when Santana slips into her room. "Santana!"

"Oh chill, I've seen it all Q. Since we were thirteen."

"You're opening the door! Close it!"

Santana makes a face at her, and theatrically shuts the door. "Happy?"

"Not especially, can I change now?"

Santana motions for her to get on with it and then crosses her arms. "Be my guest. So, have you and Berry shagged yet?"

Quinn trips on the dress she'd been about to step into and falls down on the bed. "What!?" She chokes.

"Shagged, banged, boned, fucked, done the nasty—"

"Stop. Talking." Quinn rights herself and pulls the dress up, turning around for to Santana to zip her up. Santana moves to do so immediately, years of dressing in front of each other in locker rooms have left them all too familiar. " _No_ ," she insists, "we haven't even...  _god_ , we're not even dating. We've kissed three times."

"Seriously? It's been like two weeks since you guys sucked face. Berry hasn't demanded to have official status yet? Maybe she  _has_ mellowed out."

Quinn turns around and faces Santana head on, "you are not helping. Please,  _please_ , for once fight against your nature and just shut up. Don't say anything to her."

Something in Santana's face drops, "Q... I—look, I wouldn't..." she sighs and looks Quinn right in the eye. "If she's stringing you along like a little bitch, I'm not gonna keep quiet. I know how much you care about her. That's all."

Quinn resists the urge to wrap her arms around Santana in a tight hug. It's not exactly their nature. "It's not her." She says. Santana rolls her eyes and Quinn grabs her hand. "No, it's not we just haven't... we haven't talked about it yet. She's been busy and I've been busy and... I was too nervous to bring it up."

Santana rises and rolls her eyes again, "whatever."

Quinn smiles, and stands up as well, this time ignoring the small voice in her head that screams,  _you and Santana aren't huggers_ , and slips her arms around Santana's waist. She fights Quinn for half a second, groaning until she reciprocates, giving Quinn half a smile. "I love you too." Quinn tells her.

"Ugh, gross." Santana shoves her away, but Quinn can see the smile she's trying to hide. "Go hug Chang. It's his damn birthday." She smacks Quinn's behind as they walk out of her room and Rachel looks up at the sound of the crack. Her face twists into a frown as Quinn pouts, rubbing her butt and glaring at a smirking Santana. Quinn vows to get her back before the night is over, and walks over to the couch.

Beth is happily sitting on Sam's lap, watching as Mike opens a present from Kurt. She stands and jumps the minute she sees Quinn, flinging herself into Quinn's arms. "Hi Mama." She says, leaning forward and giving Quinn messy kisses all over her face. Quinn laughs as she smacks one to her lips, then her nose. "You were gone all day." Beth groans.

"I know. It wasn't fun let me tell you." Quinn sits down next to Sam, and Rachel perches on the armrest beside her. "Hi." Quinn says, a bit shyly to her.

"Hi." Rachel says back with a grin.

"Mama, next week is Mrach's show." Beth informs her with excitement. (The 'r' sound is finally slipping into her vocabulary. If quite not all the way.)

"I know," Quinn glances up at Rachel, who's beaming. "I'm excited."

"Me too!" Beth yells, and slams into Rachel's thighs. "Mrach, you're not gonna fly though right? Mama said no."

"No flying." Rachel says, a little disappointed. "That would be very cool though."

Beth turns back to Quinn, her head still resting on Rachel's lap. "Mama, she's Cinderella."

"I heard." Quinn says, a smile on her face. Rachel's trying not to laugh.

"Bibbity, bobbity, boo!" Beth yells, standing up and jumping over Quinn's legs, onto Sam's, then continuing on until she lands on Mike. Singing all the while. Quinn just laughs and leans back into the couch, exhausted. If it weren't Mike's birthday, she would probably have gone straight to bed.

Rachel pokes her shoulder gently and Quinn opens her eyes, looking up at her. "I have a free hour tomorrow before my afternoon rehearsal. At two. Are you busy then?" She looks shy all the sudden and Quinn bits her lip to keep from smiling at her nervousness. "I'd like to talk."

"Okay. Let me just see if any of them can watch Beth."

Sam turns around, catching the end of their conversation, "tomorrow?" He asks, "what time? I've got a shift at four, but I could watch her before that."

"For an hour? Around two?" Quinn asks.

Sam nods, "sure, no prob."

"Thanks." Quinn says, and rests her head against his shoulder. She's not going to last much longer at this party. It's only nine pm. She has truly entered the realm of pathetic.

Quinn spends the rest of the night on the couch, half leaning into Sam until he moves and Rachel takes his place. Quinn still feels awkward about physical affection with Rachel, so her head rests back against the couch instead. But she sits so there isn't even an inch between them. Brittany and Beth bring out a cake they've apparently been working on all afternoon around nine-thirty and everyone sings  _Happy Birthday_  as loudly as they can. Santana and Rachel both riffing at the end and Sam and Kurt adding in a little dance move as Brittany and Beth present Mike with the cake. He's laughing and Quinn is so happy that he's here. That she's managed to become his friend and that she has all these idiots in her life. Mike blows out all twenty candles and they cheer. Brittany and Kurt cut the cake and Beth waddles over, ice cream dripping off the side of her plate and climbs onto Quinn's lap. Rachel reaches over and wipes her mouth with a napkin and Beth scrunches her face and tries to wiggle away. More of Beth's cake ends up on her face than in her mouth, but Quinn doesn't have the energy to care.

Once they've finished their cake, Beth yawns and tucks herself into Quinn, falling asleep within a few minutes. It's nearly ten, and Quinn doesn't blame her. She can see that Mike, Santana and most everyone else want to go out and continue celebrating, but there is no way she can go. So, Quinn stands, hauls Beth up and bends down to kiss Mike's cheek. "Night everyone, have fun, I'm out." Mike smiles up at her, and Quinn hopes he isn't disappointed that she can't join them. "Happy birthday." She grins tiredly.

"Thanks Quinn." He says with a smile. "Get some sleep."

They all gather their jackets and purses as Quinn heads towards her bedroom with Beth. Rachel catches her arm, "hey so... I'll see you tomorrow?"

"Yeah Rach, see you tomorrow. Have fun."

"It won't be as much fun without you guys."

"Well... I'm apparently an old woman. Sorry."

Rachel chuckles, "there's nothing old about you. You just have a three year old, and a job, and school. I'm tired too. I'm just a better actress than you are."

Quinn mocks indignation and kicks her leg out at Rachel, her arms occupied with Beth. Rachel just laughs loudly, then smacks her hand over her mouth, afraid she's woken Beth. "She sleeps like a rock, don't worry." Quinn assures her. "See you tomorrow."

"Bye." Rachel lifts up on her tip toes and places a light kiss to Quinn's cheek. Santana whistles from the doorway and Rachel's face flushes red. Quinn glares at Santana, who only wiggles her eyebrows salaciously back at her.

…

…

So, they're dating.

Quinn can't stop grinning.

Rachel meets her with a smile and stops Quinn from hugging her. Worried something is wrong, Quinn frowns, but Rachel cuts her off before she can say anything. "Are we dating?" She asks, "because I would like us to be dating. I very much enjoy kissing you, and I'd like to do it more often but we don't really... we haven't really talked about it since that first night and I just... I would like to date you. Or, if that's not what you want I need to—"

Quinn bends down and kisses Rachel. Surprised, Rachel let's out a little squeak and then relaxes, kissing Quinn back. Her arms instinctively slipping around Quinn's neck. "We're dating." Quinn says when they finally pull apart.

Rachel beams at her and takes her hand. "We are?"

"We are." Quinn grins.

"Kiss her again!" Some boy yells from across the quad.

They walk back to Rachel's dorm hand in hand and do just that for an hour until Rachel's has to go to rehearsal.

…

…

Quinn has readjust her grip onto Beth as she tries to make a run for it a third time. "Babe,  _wait_." She orders. "Rachel will come out to us."

"But—"

"—No buts. I've told you twice now, you need to listen."

Beth huffs, pouting and stamps her foot to the ground. Quinn's suddenly hit with memories from her early days in glee club, Rachel having storm outs all the time. If Beth's picked that up from her, Quinn is going to kill Rachel and she's not going to feel bad about it at all.

Rachel finally comes into their line of sight, and Quinn is so happy to see her, she accidentally loosens her grip on Beth. For half a second. But it's long enough, Beth slips out of her grasp and takes off running. "Rach!" She screams, the 'r' sound finally entered into her vocabulary—much to Rachel's dismay. (She thought Mach was the cutest thing, and she honest to god  _cried_  when Beth got her name right. Hugging Quinn and saying how Beth would never be little enough to say her name incorrectly again. Quinn had just rubbed her back until she calmed down and then gave her some chocolate.) Beth launches herself into the air, Rachel only just catching her. "You were AMAZING!" Beth yells. Looking around to make sure everyone is listening to her. "And I was good the whole time."

Quinn and everyone finally catch up and she glares at Beth who has the decency to duck her head in shame against Rachel's shoulder. "Until it was over." Quinn says to her daughter pointedly. "I recall saying to stand still and wait more than once."

"I just ran to Rach." Beth says, defending herself.

Quinn shakes her head, not wanting to ruin Rachel's night by scolding Beth too much. She'll deal with it later. Quinn takes a breath and turns to Rachel, smiling and holds up the bouquet of roses in her hands. "You really were amazing."

"Superb." Kurt agrees.

"Dude, it was awesome. Sucks the cow bit it though." Sam adds. Santana reaches up and smacks the back of his head lightly.

A few of Rachel's cast members come up behind her and Rachel introduces them all. "And this—" she says turning to Quinn with a huge grin, "—is my girlfriend Quinn. And this little nugget is her daughter Beth, who I've been telling you about." Quinn's stomach flip flops at the word 'girlfriend' and she can't help the grin that slips onto her face as they coo over Beth. Her daughter, who Quinn's never known to be shy, hides her face in Rachel's chest before they coax her out. Rachel steps over by Quinn as everyone starts talking amongst themselves, her voice dropping to a whisper. "I know we haven't officially gone on a date yet due to our schedules, but we agreed that we're officially dating so I thought it was okay to introduce you as my girlfriend. I hope that was okay."

"More than okay." Quinn says, and Rachel's face relaxes. "And... I vote we make a plan for a date on Monday night. That way you can rest and get some sleep on Sunday after this craziness is over. If... if that sounds good to you?"

"That sounds lovely."

Quinn sighs happily, "you really were amazing Rach."

"Thank you." Rachel beams.

…

…

Quinn can't afford to go see Rachel's show every night. She's got work and classes, (Rachel and her cast practically have an out for classes all week. Perks of going to a theatrical school.) but she goes to opening night on Tuesday along with everyone else, and sends her a rose every night after that. (Along with a picture Beth insists on drawing her every night. Each one a different scene she remembers from the play.) On Saturday, Rachel has two shows, a matinee and the final night show. Quinn has a meeting with her advisor for school that morning, but once she's finished she picks up Beth and they head to Tisch. Rachel's matinee has just ended, and she and Beth hang out backstage with the rest of the cast. They order pizza and Rachel gives them a tour of the set.

Beth climbs all over the set and Quinn has to keep an eye on her. If she accidentally broke something right before their final show Quinn would never forgive herself.

"Are you excited for tonight or sad?" Quinn asks.

Rachel sits down, dangling her legs over the pit and contemplates it. "Both." She finally says. "It's been... everything I wanted it to be." She grins and it's infectious. "But I'm exhausted. It's much harder than I ever thought it would be. To have classes on top of it especially. When it's my real job, it will be much easier. Time wise at least."

"That's good." Quinn says and sits down beside her. Reminiscing about the last time they were alone in an empty theater. It had been the first time she'd really started to begin to realize her feelings for Rachel.

There's a small thud and Quinn whips her head around. Beth's lying on the stage floor, shock all over her face. Rachel starts to get up and run to her, but Quinn grabs her and holds her in place. From her child psychology class, Quinn remembers reading that children often start crying because parents overreact when they're hurt. If they always come running, children never learn to try and solve their problems on their own first. "You okay baby?" Quinn calls out calmly. Beth twists her body around, glancing down and inspecting herself. The stunned look on her face falls into a pout and she shakes her head back and forth, holding onto her right elbow. "Come here, let me see." Quinn says.

Beth stands with a bit of difficulty and trots over to them, pout on her face, but no tears yet. "It hurts." She whines and holds her elbow up to Quinn. "I fell over."

Quinn reaches out gently and looks it over. It's a little red, but she doesn't think there's anything wrong apart from a small bruise in her near future. Quinn bends forward and kisses it. "All better." She says with a smile. Beth frowns and knocks herself onto Quinn's lap. "When I said don't climb all over the set, there was a reason babe." Quinn brushes Beth's hair out of her eyes, it's getting long and curly. Quinn's hair was never curly. Must be Puck. "Do you need Rachel to kiss it too?"

Beth nods and holds her elbow up. Rachel laughs before holding it and giving a loud, smacking, exaggerated kiss. Beth giggles, sprawling out on top of both of them. "We get to see your show again tonight Rach!"

"I know!" Rachel runs her fingers through Beth's hair. "I'm very excited. What was your favorite part?"

"Hum... all your songs." Beth says and Quinn rolls her eyes as Rachel gasps happily. "And, the witch. And I like the song that goes," she sits up, singing, " _there are giants in the sky, big, tall, terrible giants in the sky_."

Rachel's eyes light up and Quinn suppresses a groan. Beth's never really sung much around Rachel. She's much more into dancing with Brittany and Mike. Her patience with the piano over the summer waned a bit, but she has a light, pretty voice. Quinn's been waiting for this to happen. Rachel smiles and sings back at Beth, " _When you're way up high,_ _a_ _nd you look below,_ _a_ _t the world you left_ _a_ _nd the things you know,_ _l_ _ittle more than a glance_ _i_ _s enough to show_ _y_ _ou just how small you are_." Beth squeals happily and the two of them stand up, dancing across the stage, singing the entire song. Beth's hurt elbow totally forgotten. Quinn watches them both with a smile, laughing as Beth does a flip and a pose with Rachel at the end of the song.

There's clapping from the back of the theater, and a man Quinn recognizes as the stage manager walks down towards them. "Very nice ladies." He says. Beth ducks behind Rachel's legs. Quinn doesn't know where this shy phase is coming from. "Sorry Rachel, but we're having one last meeting for notes and thank yous and such. And then we've got half hour."

"Okay, I'll be right down."

He nods and heads back out, leaving the three of them alone again. Beth knocks her head against Rachel's leg and sighs. "You've got to go now Rach?"

"Yep, but I'll see you after the show!"

"Okay fine." Beth huffs, and goes over to Quinn.

Quinn presses her lips together to keep from laughing and picks her up. "See you later Rach, break a leg."

"Break both legs!" Beth yells as they walk out of the theater. Quinn can hear Rachel laughing loudly as she walks down the hall towards the green room.

…

During intermission, Beth sticks her hand in Quinn's pocket and pulls out her phone. "Let's send Rach a picture Mama!" Quinn sticks her head down next to Beth's and grins. "Now a silly one!" Beth demands. Quinn sticks her tongue out to the side and Beth mimics her, then passes the phone over and watches as Quinn sends them both to Rachel. "Mama?" Beth asks after a moment, "is Rach your girlfriend?"

Quinn's hands freeze on her keyboard. She hasn't said anything to Beth about dating since she went out with Jeff. She's not sure where Beth overheard this, but she suspects Santana. The girl has no filter. In fact, she delights in explaining things to Beth, declaring that she'll grow up ten times smarter than all the other kids of her generation.

"Um... why do you ask?"

"Well, I saw you kissing her. Like Tana and Brittany kiss. And Tana said—"

"—Of course she did." Quinn sighs, she's gonna strangle her. Brittany can take her place as godmother. "Um, yeah babe she is. Are you... is that okay with you?"

Beth's face twists into a frown—her deep thinking face—and Quinn wishes they were having this conversation somewhere less public, without a time limit. "Well... are you guys gonna go out on dates? Like you did with Jeff?"

"Yes, we are."

"Without me right?"

"Well... yes—" Beth's frown deepens, "—but not always. There will definitely be times where you can come too."

Beth sighs, and the lights in the theater flicker, signaling they don't have time to keep talking. "So, do you love her? Like Sam loves Kurt?"

"Um..." Quinn gulps and the lights flicker again. "Well, it's still—Sam and Kurt have been dating for a long time. Almost three years. And Rachel and I haven't... we're only just starting so... it's a little different." Beth frowns, confused, and Quinn sighs as the lights go all the way off and the orchestra begins to play. "We'll talk about this more after the play's over okay?" Quinn whispers.

"Okay Mama."

Quinn has a hard time relaxing and enjoying the final act of the play. Constantly shooting glances down at Beth. She's slunk down in her seat, watching intently. When Rachel's on, instead of lighting up as usual, Beth frowns. After the reprise of  _'Agony'_  Quinn bends down while the audience claps and whispers, "I care about her a lot. Just like you do."

Beth gives her a look, but doesn't say anything. She does stop frowning whenever Rachel sings or speaks, so Quinn decides to take it as a positive sign.

When the curtain drops, and the cast comes out for their final bows, Beth stands up on her chair clapping madly until she climbs up Quinn; situating herself onto Quinn's shoulders. She lets out a happy shriek when Rachel bows and waves. All her worries from earlier forgotten, caught up in the magic of the theatre. Quinn lets out a sigh of relief, and they go to congratulate Rachel again.

…

…

Beth may have been abated briefly during the play, but not a few days later, as Quinn is dressing for her first date with Rachel, Beth comes sauntering into their room. She climbs up onto the dresser Quinn is sitting at, applying her makeup and picks up a brush, running it over her face. Quinn bites back a smile as Beth looks at herself in the mirror, mimicking Quinn's movements. "Where are you going?" She asks.

"Out with Rachel. We're going to get dinner."

"Why can't you eat here? Santana's gonna make tacos. Well, Brittany will. Tana will help. They're really yummy!"

"Remember, Rachel's a vegetarian. She won't eat the meat in them babe."

Beth picks up one of Quinn's lipsticks and runs it over her lips. It's not quite a clown face, but comes pretty close. Quinn lets her finish, then takes the lipstick away before she gets any other ideas. "Well, we could make her ones without the meat." Beth offers.

"I'm sure if you invite her for tacos some other night she'd be happy to, but tonight we're going to eat just me and her."

Beth pouts and jumps down off the dresser before Quinn can catch her. "Fine." She says, and stalks out of the bedroom angrily. Quinn sighs and pinches the bridge of her nose just as she hears knocking on the front door. Rachel's here. Nervously, Quinn fluffs up her hair one more time and smooths down her dress before grabbing her jacket and purse.

Beth is already in Brittany's arms when Quinn walks out into the living room. Rachel beams at her, her eyes raking over Quinn's dress and causing her to blush. "You look beautiful." Rachel says.

Quinn grins shyly. "So do you." Rachel's wearing a dress that frankly, Quinn would expect of Santana. It hugs her body in all the right places.  _Oh god._  Quinn thinks.  _I really am gay._

Beth jumps down from Brittany's arms, tugging her along into the kitchen and pointedly ignoring Rachel. Quinn swallows as Rachel's face falls slightly in confusion. "Um.. just, give me one sec okay?" Rachel nods and Quinn darts into the kitchen. "Beth," she hisses, "come here." Beth crosses her arms and shakes her head, and Quinn sucks in a breath. If her terrible twos are about to come back, Quinn might actually start tearing her hair out piece by piece. "Beth," Quinn repeats, her voice deep and harsh in warning, "now."

Beth glares at her, and Quinn can't help but think that it is her own face looking right at her. She's performed this tantrum herself. And now it's come back to bite her in the ass. Beth grits her teeth and stamps over to her. One foot slamming against the ground after another, exaggerated and hilarious. Quinn's too angry and worried to laugh. And it would only make Beth even more upset if her anger was laughed at because it's adorable.

Quinn bends down to her level, softening her voice and grateful for Santana and Brittany making themselves busy with the taco ingredients over by the counter. "Beth, what's wrong?" She asks calmly.

"I'm mad at you." Beth says, matter-of-factly.

Quinn hates that she can be adorable when she's being such a brat. She sucks in a breath and can hear Santana trying not to laugh from the other side of the room. "Babe, why are you mad at me?"

"I'm not telling you." Beth says with a glare. "Because I'm mad at you, and we're making tacos and you and Rachel aren't invited." Beth turns around and runs over to Brittany, holding her hands up and jumping impatiently in place until Brittany lifts her.

Quinn sighs, and rises, about to walk over and take Beth from Brittany and tell Rachel they'll have to reschedule. Before she can, Santana walks over and grabs her arm, pulling Quinn along into the living room. "Give us a sec Berry, sex tips and all." She says, pulling Quinn along. Rachel trips on her shoes in shock, and Quinn yelps in horror at Santana.

"What. Is. Wrong. With. You?" Quinn hisses as Santana shoves her into her bedroom.

"Chill out."

"San—"

"—No, seriously, chill out. Take an actual breath." Quinn glares at her, but breathes. "One more time." Santana orders. Quinn breathes again, and instantly feels better. (Apart from the whole, sex advice thing. Santana is really going to get payback for that one.) Santana smirks at her, "and there you go." She grabs Quinn by the shoulders, "Q, the lizard is freaking cause she's three, and she doesn't want to share her mom with anyone. She'll be fine, and she'll get over it probably by the time you get home, if not, pretty damn soon after that."

"But—"

"No." Santana says firmly. "You deserve this. Q, you're fucking hot. Berry is much hotter than I remember her being in high school; and the looks the two of you have been giving each other have been making me sick for weeks now. Go. Have fun. Britts and I got the lizard okay?"

"But—"

"Quinn, you had a baby, you don't have to dedicate your every waking moment to her. You get to be happy too. Kids get possessive and mad. When I was six, I stabbed my cousin with a fork because she kept bragging about how my mom was her godmother." Santana shrugs and Quinn looks at her, horrified. "What, Snix is a real thing and I don't share well. Relax, Beth might have your crazy genes and Puck's crazy genes but... well, actually she's also go my influence so maybe she'll be a crazy murderer but now she's just a bratty three year old who doesn't want to share her mom." Quinn's eyes widen and Santana just laughs, smacking her ass and pushing her forward. "Chill, Sam won't let her be a murderer." Her voice drops and she whispers right up next to Quinn's ear, "if you get to second base, I win ten bucks from Britt, so be as smooth as you can alright?"

Quinn can only watch in horror as Santana cackles and walks past Rachel, smacking her ass for good measure too. Rachel lets out a yelp and glances over to Quinn. "Let's just get the hell out of here." Quinn says, and pulls her out of the apartment.

"Is everything alright?" Rachel asks as they walk out into the night.

"Um... Beth's being a little..." Quinn waves her hands around and shrugs. "I dunno, bratty or jealous or something."

"Of me?"

"I guess?" Quinn shrugs and they get on the subway. "I'm not really sure. I'll figure it out later though." She takes another breath and smiles at Rachel. She really does look beautiful. And Santana was right, tonight is about the two of them, and Quinn wants to enjoy it. "You look beautiful." She says again. Rachel blushes and ducks her head down.

"Thank you." She grins at Quinn and takes her hand, "so do you."

They go to a small restaurant, fancy enough to be special, but not so crazy that two nineteen year olds can't afford it. After some debating and laughter, they agree to go dutch. Quinn's nervous at first, she's always hating dating. But she realizes that this doesn't feel like dating, it feels like hanging out with Rachel. Which, is something she's gotten very used to, and loves. By the time their actual meal arrives, they're just talking to each other like normal. Rachel gives her all the gossip from her former cast mates, gushes about a woman she saw on the subway the other day whom she  _swears_  was a dead ringer for Marin Mazzie. And laughs loudly and with abandon as she recounts chasing her for nearly three blocks to get a better look before losing her. Before Quinn knows it, they've finished their shared chocolate cake and they've got the bill. Quinn doesn't want the night to be over yet, so she offers walking around Central Park for a while. It's chilly out—autumn is nearing to an end early this season it seems—but they've both got jackets on, and Rachel slips her arms around Quinn's, pulling her close as they walk. Their shared body heat warming them both.

"How did your meeting with your advisor go?" Rachel asks.

"Um... good actually. I told her I still wasn't really sure what I wanted, but that I narrowed it down a bit. Probably something with kids, psychology, or social work. Maybe teaching. But I dunno, if I want to switch to education, I'll need to do it really soon. She recommend I try a couple of new classes next semester." Quinn shrugs, "I feel better about it than I did before. You helped a lot actually."

Rachel beams, "well of course I did. I'm very intelligent. My ideas are nearly always flawless."

"You once thought it'd be a good idea to send a girl to a crackhouse so she wouldn't get a solo over you."

Rachel gapes at her, "well... I said nearly always. And it wasn't an active crackhouse!" She insists. Quinn can't help but smile, and she ducks down and kisses Rachel. She'd meant to just calm her down and then keep walking, but Rachel grabs hold of her and deepens the kiss. And the next thing Quinn knows, they're full on making out on a park bench in the middle of Central Park at eleven o'clock at night.

The sound of a twig snapping scares them both about half an hour later and they both grab hands and run. Laughing the whole way out of the park. Under a streetlamp Quinn laughs as she catches sight of Rachel's face. Her lipstick is all over it. She wipes at it a bit, Rachel doing the same with her own face. Once they've deemed each other as appropriate as they're going to get for the subway, they head home.

They don't talk much on the ride back to Quinn's apartment. But they keep glancing over at each other and giggling whenever they lock eyes. When they arrive at Quinn's front door, it's well after midnight. Quinn bends down and steals a few more kisses before they go inside and retrieve Brittany.

"Bye Rach." Quinn says with a grin.

Rachel leans up and kisses her softly one more time, "goodnight Quinn. Sweet dreams." She says, then links her hand with Brittany's and drags the sleepy tall blonde outside.

Quinn leans back against the door and sighs happily to herself before padding softly over to the small hallway that's become Santana's bedroom. She pushes the curtain back and slips into the bed, pressing her body up next to Santana's. "Brittany owes you ten bucks." She whispers happily.

Santana's head whips around, fully awake now. "You sly dog." She grins.


	13. Chapter 13

Quinn looks up at the sound of a happy shout to see Beth come running into the kitchen where she, Mike, and Santana are currently trying to study. Her daughter is decked out in a Robin costume, custom made by Kurt. It's the most adorable thing Quinn has ever seen; until Sam walks into the kitchen behind her, wearing a Batman costume.

Santana drops her pen down onto her book, "holy fuck," she exclaims. Quinn reaches over and slaps her on the shoulder.

"Tana! You owe me a dollar!" Beth cheers, pumping her fists into the air.

"What!" Santana yells, her chair scraping back against the linoleum floor. "Since when is it a dollar? It was a quarter last I checked."

Mike leans over to her, his voice low and grin etching it's way onto his face. "Since you said the 'F' word  _eight times_  in one minute in front of her on Monday." He reminds her. Santana doesn't look at him, despite his face being only an inch or so away from her own. Instead, her mouth twists into a frown momentarily, then she bends over and snatches his pen out of his hands, and chucks it into the living room with a smirk. "Very mature." He says, and goes to retrieve it; patting Beth's head on the way out. "Nice outfit Squirt."

"I'm Robin." Beth insists, "the Stephanie Brown Robin! We both have blonde hair! And Sam is Dick-Batman, not Bruce. 'Cause he is a butthead."

"Hey," Quinn scolds, "butthead isn't nice."

"But it's  _true!"_ Beth says, crossing her arms, and looking far too much like Santana for Quinn's taste. "And I'm allowed to say things that are true."

Santana smirks at Quinn, "can't argue with that."

"Shut up," Quinn mutters, "and put a dollar in the jar."

Santana slaps her hands down on the table, "we are poor college students on a budget, I can't keep giving the three year old my money." She rises anyway, and yanks a dollar out of the pocket of her jeans, stuffing it into the jar on the counter. She grimaces at it before sitting back down. Rachel bedazzled it on Friday when Quinn wasn't looking. At first she had been horrified along with Santana; now every time she looks at it, she smiles like an idiot. There is something wrong in her brain, and it is all Rachel Berry's fault.

"Then stop swearing in front of the three year old!" Quinn snaps back, for what feels like perhaps the millionth time. Before, Beth was too young to even really catch certain words; now, she takes exceptional delight in saying words she knows are bad. It doesn't help that they sound hilarious coming out of her mouth. "Besides, I'm not really gonna let her  _keep_  it. And you're the only one who has to put in a dollar, everyone else just does a nickel or a dime."

"What!" Santana's voice shrieks up into an octave that should only be able to be heard by dogs. She crosses her arms in front of her chest and glares at Quinn, her voice dropping back down to a normal tone. "That is some racist bullshit," she says, without any real feeling to it.

Quinn quirks one perfectly sculpted eyebrow up at her, and Santana rolls her eyes.

"Racist bullshit!" Beth yells with glee.

" _San_ —"

"Yeah, yeah," she stands and digs her hand into her pocket again. "Another dollar," she stuffs it into the jar and turns back to Quinn, flopping back down into her seat."But—just fyi, the kid is never too young to learn about racist bullshit."

" _Santana_ ," Quinn pinches the bridge of her nose; she's got a headache coming on, she can feel it already. "Feel free to explain racism to her, but let's do it  _without_  swearing."

Santana turns at her, a serious look on her face, "Q, sometimes swearing is called for."

Quinn nods, she actually  _likes_  that Santana takes informing Beth about the world seriously. If her daughter doesn't grow up to be a criminal mastermind—with Puck's genes and Santana's influence—she'll be a genius. Nonetheless, her methods aren't always Quinn's favorite. "Can it not be called for in front of the toddler?" She asks.

Santana huffs and slumps back in her chair, "well... fine, but when she's five, it will be called for."

"No," says Quinn dryly.

"Six then," Santana offers.

"No."

"Seven," Santana leans forward, covering Quinn's books with her hands. "Seven is  _definitely_  old enough. My abuela swore when I was that age all the time."

" _No,_ " Quinn says, and lifts Santana's hands up, off her books, and deposits them down onto her own. She's not even going to touch the abuela reference. She sees Santana's mouth twitch once she realizes what she said.

"Eight," she says, pretending she never mentioned her grandmother.

"Santana," Quinn sighs, "stop counting and do your homework. Rachel is gonna be here any minute."

Santana makes at face at her and kicks her legs up on the table. "Well, that's your problem not mine."

"She's bringing Britt with her," Quinn says pointedly.

Santana's eyebrows widen, "oh!" She smiles, "well fine." She slams her legs back to the ground and drags one of her books towards her. "Homework then," dryly, she adds, "yippie."

Beth runs over and helps herself up onto Quinn's lap; shoving Quinn's books out of the way as she goes. "Racist bullshit is why Eli wasn't in  _Young Avengers_  volume two. And why we saw more Loki and Billy than America." She smiles beautifully at Quinn; proud of her knowledge, and Quinn can only sigh at Santana's proud smirk.

"You and Sam are ruining my child." Quinn informs her.

Santana scoffs, "me and Sam are making your kid awesome."

"Hell yeah!" Sam cheers from the other room. His head peaks around the corner, "what are we talking about?"

"Racist bullshit." Beth says with a sigh of exasperation that doesn't quite fit her age.

"Ah..." he looks a little confused, but smiles at her. "Lovely."

…

…

Quinn adjusts the cape at her shoulders and Kurt tuts at her from below. "Can I go now?" She asks, working very hard not to squirm as he gives her leggings one final tug. The only person she's this physically comfortable with grabbing her all over her body is Beth; and that's only because at one point, she was  _in_ _side_  her body.

He finally looks up at her and smirks, "being down between a woman's legs isn't exactly the highlight of my night either." Quinn groans, and he rises to kiss her cheek even as she ducks out of the way, "beautiful as you are." He adds, and steps back to admire his work, "Beth!" he calls over his shoulder, "you can come look now."

Beth comes running into the bedroom, squealing as she catches sight of Quinn, and launches herself up into her mother's arms. "We're both Stephanie Brown!" She screams with glee, and wraps Quinn up tightly into a hug. Quinn has to admit, Kurt has outdone himself with all these costumes. Beth has barely taken hers off for the last week.

Sam knocks on the doorframe, "Stephanie..." he directs to Quinn, "Stephanie..." he directs to Beth, a serious look on his face, "Gotham needs us."

"Dick wouldn't call us that," Beth corrects him, "we're in costume. You have to use code names in costumes, otherwise everyone knows our secret identity." She says, as if Sam should have known it all along. And frankly, as it's all his fault her daughter cares so much about superheroes, he should. Quinn raises her eyebrows at him and smirks.

"My apologies," says Sam, nodding to her, "Batgirl, Robin, are you ready?"

"Yes!" Beth cheers, "let's get candy!" She screams into Quinn's ear.

"I am  _so_  glad I'm not coming with," Santana says as the walk into the living room. "Bring me back some candy!" She adds.

Quinn covers Beth's eyes and gives Santana the finger behind her back.

As they walk out into the cooling night air, Quinn becomes a little giddy herself. This is Beth's first year trick or treating, (last year they'd sort of dressed up in the apartment and watched  _It's the Great Pumpkin Charlie Brown_. Two felt too young, and it had been cold, and Quinn hadn't had any time to help get her a costume together. Beth was none the wiser, but Quinn felt a little guilty about it.) Quinn hasn't been trick or treating since she was twelve. Before she met Santana and Brittany; with a group of girls whose names Quinn can't even remember anymore. (One of them was Heather; there's always a Heather.) Quinn used to love Halloween, she missed it.

Beth jumps up and down, one hand twined with Quinn's and the other clutching to a large pillowcase. (Santana had insisted on them, 'if you're gonna do Halloween do it right, geez'.) They reach the first block of houses—opting to walk a little further to the better part of the neighborhood—and Beth's shy phase appears to still be present; she ducks behind Quinn's leg, holding her pillowcase out.

"You've got to ask honey," Quinn prompts, smiling sheepishly up at the woman in the door. "Sorry, she's... she's never been shy before."

"It's alright," the woman smiles at her, then looks between Quinn and Sam. "How old are you sweetheart? I like your costumes."

"How old babe?" Quinn prompts again. Beth holds up three fingers. "What do you say?" Quinn adds.

"Trick or treat please." Beth whispers, one had wrapped tightly around Quinn's leg. It's easy with the skin-tight material she's got plastered to her body.

The woman's smile widens, and she drops two mini snickers bars into Beth's bag. "Happy Halloween," she looks up at Quinn and Sam, "you've got an adorable daughter."

"Thanks." Quinn says with a smile, and gives Beth a gentle shove back towards the sidewalk. Sam grins at her as they walk down to the next house. "Shut up," Quinn shoves her shoulder into his.

"I didn't say a thing," he insists, "but she totally thought we were together."

"Everyone does," Quinn shrugs, "that, or they think we're brother and sister."

"Which we basically are." Sam adds, grinning at her.

Quinn just shoves her shoulder into him again, "come on Dick, let's get all the candy Gotham has."

"Yeah!" Beth cheers, and tugs them both forward.

…

…

When they finish, Beth has refused to walk any further; instead, climbing up Sam like he is her own personal stroller and ordering him to take her home. Sam chuckles, "I'm not the bat-mobile."

Beth drops her head down onto the top of his—his mask already removed for her comfort—and sighs, "yes you are." Quinn doesn't blame her, if she thought he'd actually carry them both, she'd climb up onto Sam's back herself. They've been trick or treating since five, it's nearing seven now, and all three of them are hungry, tired, and ready to dig into their spoils.

The smell of pasta and meatballs wafts through the air as Quinn opens the apartment door. "FOOD!" Beth screams, and jumps out of Sam's arms, dragging her pillowcase along as she runs into the kitchen.

Quinn drops her own pillowcase with a small thud, and pulls off her mask, following Beth and Sam towards the smell, her stomach rumbling as she goes. Her exhaustion and hunger are forgotten the moment she sees Rachel in the kitchen, sitting up on the countertop talking to Mike. Her hair is falling into her face a little, and she keeps pushing it back every few minutes. She looks up and catches Quinn's eye not a second or two later, and her whole face lights up. Quinn's stomach flips for a reason that has nothing whatsoever to do with hunger.

Rachel's off the counter and wrapping herself around Quinn before she can blink again. "Hi," she murmurs, kissing her quickly and lightly.

"Hi yourself."

"Ugh, get a room," Santana groans from the table. Beth has already climbed onto her lap, the two of them digging through her candy with vigor.

"Yeah," Beth mimics, shooting daggers at Rachel, "get a room."

Quinn sighs as she watches Rachel's face fall, her arms slipping away from Quinn's waist. Beth's resentment of Rachel has only seemed to grow each time she sees the two of them together. Quinn has been hopping that by ignoring her, and not giving her any attention when she behaves like this would make her stop; but it's been nearly two weeks since their first date, and it's not working. She's going to have to figure something else out. Rachel isn't able to focus on anything, constantly worrying about bothering Beth; and Quinn can't stand the look on her face anymore. Beth used to adore her, and Rachel doesn't deserve it.

Tonight is not the night for it though, Mrs Landingham is coming over to stay with Beth while everyone goes to a Halloween party up near Tisch. Tomorrow, once they've both had some sleep, and Quinn has a healthy supply of candy to use as bribery or take away as punishment; she'll deal with it.

"Lizard, these snickers bars are all mine," Santana tells her as she snatches two and pops them into her mouth.

"NO!" Beth yells, grabbing one of them out of Santana's mouth and putting it into her own. Santana starts choking on her laughter and drool, pulling part of the other candy bar out of her mouth. "You can't have both," Beth insists through a full mouth.

"Ugh, germs kid." Sam mutters, and plops down next to them, still in costume with a heaping bowl of spaghetti and meatballs.

Beth turns on him, "it's not germs, we're related."

"Um, actually you're not," Quinn says and begrudgingly retracts herself from Rachel on her way to get her own bowl of pasta. "But I'm sure between all the saliva you two have shared at this point, your immune systems are basically the same." Her face wrinkles, "well... if that's a thing that happens."

"But she's my godmother," Beth reminds Quinn, "she  _is_  my family."

"Damn straight," Santana tugs on a stray curl of Beth's, and takes another piece of her candy while Beth's attention is elsewhere.

Happily, Beth turns back around to her, "family... who owes me a nickel!"

"Have food I cooked instead," Santana says, placing the bowl Brittany hands her in front of Beth.

Beth pouts, but digs in, getting sauce all over her face. Everyone goes to change into their Halloween costumes while Quinn, Sam and Beth eat. They eat quickly—Quinn and Sam both have different costumes for the party to change into—and Beth runs to help after dumping her bowl into the sink with a flourish.

Kurt has made great use of his skills with everyone's costume in one way or another. Beth continues to declare her assistance, but Quinn is a little dubious about anything much more than music and opinions on Kurt's work.

Mike's Edward Scissorhands costume takes the longest to get together. Quinn knows he's all dolled up when she hears Beth's scream of both horror and delight from the boys room. She merely smiles as she finishes applying the yellow makeup to her face, transforming herself into something resembling Tweetie Bird. Sam has been ordered to change so Kurt's costume makes more sense, (a sexy R2D2, Sam was thrilled when he was presented with his own version of a sexy C3PO) and Quinn didn't want to be Batgirl all night without Batman and Robin. She owns a surprisingly large amount of yellow clothing; thus, Tweetie Bird.

Santana knocks on Quinn's door and she spins around, letting out a whistle of approval. "Holy shit San," Santana tips her large black hat down to her and smirks, wiggling her ass a little, "we should ditch Britt and Rachel and you should wear that all the time."

Santana let's out a loud cackle and does a full spin, showing off. She's dressed to the nines as Carmen Sandiego, and if Quinn had any leftover doubts about her sexuality, they're gone now.

"Actually, I changed my mind, I'm super uncomfortable with how hot you are, go change."

"Not on your life," Santana comes over and hops up onto Quinn's dresser, purposefully sticking her bare legs in Quinn's face. "Tweetie Bird, and Carmen Sandiego, how 'bout it babe?" She wiggles her eyebrows at Quinn, who just rolls her eyes and shoves her away.

"Only if Waldo can join in," Brittany says from the doorway, "that'd be really fun." Santana beams up at her and shimmies; Brittany snaps her suspenders in response. Quinn just stands up and rolls her eyes. "Please Quinn? It'd be fun to kiss you while you're sober."

"What!" Santana squeaks, "when did you kiss her when she wasn't?"

"Cheer camp," Brittany shrugs and Quinn just bites her lip as Santana glares at her. "You were with that Heather girl, and we got tequila from the counselor's stash and went down to the lake. Quinn's a good kisser, but she cries afterwards."

"Brittany!" Quinn yelps, "you promised never to tell."

"Oh my god," Santana laughs, "baby freshman Quinn getting drunk and kissing Brittany. You've been gay as a rainbow all along."

Quinn quirks one eyebrow at Santana, "look who's talking."

Santana merely shrugs, "wait, now we've all made out with each other? Have I kissed everyone in this apartment?"

"I have." Brittany says with a smile.

"When did you kiss Rachel?" Quinn asks, finding that she's not jealous. If it were anyone but Brittany, she knows she would be.

"Oh..." Brittany thinks about it, "last year," she shrugs, "can't remember, but she's a good kisser Quinn. You're lucky."

"I  _have_  kissed everyone in this apartment!" Santana yells happily, then her face falls. "Wait, no. I haven't kissed Berry or Lady Hummel."

"When did you kiss Mike?" Quinn asks.

"Ages ago, before he dated Tina I think." Santana shrugs and walks out of the room yelling, "Hummel, put on some chapstick, you and I are kissing. You too Berry."

"No!" Quinn yells after her.

"Yes! It's the principle of the thing."

"What's going on?" Rachel asks, stepping out of the boys room. Santana grabs her face and kisses her, exaggeratedly but quickly. Then pulls back, makes a face at her, nods, and walks off to find Kurt. Rachel turns to Quinn and Brittany in confusion. "Why... did that just happen?"

"San wants to kiss everyone in this apartment, 'cause I have." Brittany says with a shrug. "So has Quinn... right?" She asks. Rachel's eyes widen.

"No," Quinn says, "I've only kissed you, Sam, Santana, and Rachel. Never kissed Mike or Kurt. And I'm okay with that actually." She stares at Rachel, tilting her head and trying to figure out her costume. "Who are you?"

Rachel gasps at her angrily, "I'm Fanny Brice!"

"Oh... uh..."

Rachel crosses her arms in a way that Quinn has learned never leads to good things. It means lectures, and history of musical theatre, and something Quinn probably won't care about, but will listen dutifully to anyway. "Barbra Streisand's seminal character in Funny Girl," her glare deepens, "we watched it last week."

"Oh!" Quinn smiles, "we didn't do a whole lot of watching the movie."

"Gross," Santana says, coming out of the boys room with a grimacing Kurt. "And I have now kissed everyone in this apartment! That also still stands whenever Puckerman visits; I am a god."

"What about me!?" Beth yells.

"I've kissed you before babe." Santana reminds her. Beth sticks both her arms on her hips and glares. "Oh fine," Santana bends down and pecks her on the lips, then hauls her up into her arms. "Happy now?"

Beth nods eagerly. "I wanna kiss everyone too." She declares as the doorbell rings. Quinn goes to let Mrs Landingham inside while Santana holds Beth out to kiss Brittany.

Quinn greets Mrs Landingham, and when she turns back to her friends, Beth is kissing Mike, then Sam, then Kurt on the lips in quick succession. Mrs Landingham frowns and looks to Quinn. "It's... a long story," Quinn says with a sigh. She holds her breath as Beth realizes Rachel is the only one left to kiss. Quinn watches as Rachel stands there, twisting her fingers together while Beth stares at her. One eyebrow raise from Santana is all it takes for Beth to walk over and tug on Rachel's pants. Rachel bends down with a smile, and Beth smacks their lips together for half a second before running over to Quinn; not another glance back to Rachel. "Mama, you're next," she declares. "Hi Mrs L! I need to kiss you too!"

Quinn lifts her up and walks back into the kitchen, Mrs Landingham following along. "She's had dinner, and only a little bit of candy, so she can have some more." Quinn looks down at Beth pointedly, "no more than five or six pieces."

"Ugh," Beth slumps her head onto Quinn's shoulder in protest.

"If you can get her in the bath, that'd be great, but it's not a big deal. We should be back sometime after midnight... if that's okay?"

Mrs Landingham holds out her arms for Beth and smiles at Quinn. "I've got the new Stephen King novel, go enjoy yourself."

"Bye Mama," Beth says with a wave, "look how much candy I got Mrs L!" Forgotten already, Quinn heads back out to her friends, determined to have fun tonight.

…

…

Quinn has never seen so many people in so little clothing in public in all her life. Not to mention, nearly everyone she sees is queer in some form or another. It's... liberating. And horrifying. But when Rachel grabs her hand and hauls her onto the dance floor, it's hard to care about the two boys almost dry humping each other to her right. Rachel's arms around her, and her breath hot on her neck and the thumping of the music are all Quinn can focus on.

She's never going to be as comfortable with the level of PDA that some of her friends are, but she's done caring so much about what other people think. She's  _happy_ , truly happy for what feels like the first time in forever. So she dances with her girlfriend until her feet hurt, steals kisses when no one is looking at her, and stumbles out into the cool night air laughing with her friends at the end of the night.

As she walks home, arm linked with Santana's, her yellow makeup sweating off her face, Mike growling with his sisscorhands at everyone they pass, she can't stop laughing. This is definitely better than Halloween when she was twelve.

…

…

Rachel is kissing her neck, and Quinn's finding it a little difficult to care about her sociology textbook. "Rach, we're supposed to be studying."

"I am," Rachel says in between kisses, "I'm studying your neck. I've found three freckles so far. Very productive."

Quinn giggles and turns her head so Rachel can kiss her properly. They've barely been going at it for a full minute when Beth comes banging into the bedroom. "Mama!" her face falls once she sees them, "oh... Rachel's here."

Quinn watches Rachel's face fall, and frowns as she slides away from Quinn; nearly flattening herself back against the headboard. This has to stop. "Hey Rach, would you mind getting me a glass of water?" She asks. Rachel takes the hint and nods, passing Beth and leaving the two of them alone. Beth immediately crawls up onto the bed with Quinn.

"When is she gonna  _leave_?" Beth asks, "I want to show you my trick."

"You could show me with Rachel here," Quinn says. Beth makes a face at her and tucks her body into Quinn's. "Beth... you used to love seeing Rachel," Quinn reminds her. "You'd get so excited to take keyboard lessons last summer, and you loved singing with her, and talking about musicals. Why are you being bratty every time Rachel's around now?"

Beth gasps, "I'm not being bratty! That's mean!"

"No babe, you are. And it  _is_  mean, and I want to know why."

Beth pouts and pulls away from Quinn, crossing her arms and kicking her legs down onto the bed. The beginning of a temper tantrum if Quinn has ever seen one. She waits, staring down at Beth with what Puck calls her 'mom face'. It works. Beth lasts for less than two minutes of silence.

"I don't like her anymore." She finally says with a dramatic huff; that sort of reminds Quinn of Rachel. Which, is hilarious, and weird, and ironic in every way she can think of.

"Why?" Quinn prompts.

"Because," Beth sits back up and turns her body parallel to Quinn's. "She's... you and her... all you do is kiss her!" Beth finally yells. Quinn knows everyone in the apartment heard that; and not for the first time, she wishes she didn't live with four other people. "All you do is kiss her and not play with me! You were my mom first! And... I don't like you having a girlfriend. You have to stop. Rachel has to leave!"

Quinn just sits there watching the fury pour out of Beth's tiny body. It's... well it's adorable; because even being a bratty, little demon, her daughter is adorable. But it's also horrible to hear her fears being confirmed. She doesn't want Beth to ever feel like someone else is more important to Quinn than her, but she also doesn't want Beth to constantly need her attention.

Quinn thinks for minute, then crosses her legs and smiles at Beth. She reaches forward and pulls Beth closer, so their knees are touching. "So, I'm going to tell you a story," Quinn starts, "and, it might not make a lot of sense now; because you're still pretty little. But, I think you're smart enough to hear it. You're good at paying attention, right?" Beth nods eagerly, loving any compliment. She leans forward and tucks her hands in her chin, waiting for Quinn to go on.

"So," Quinn starts, she never really planned to explain any of this to Beth so young, but now seems like a good a time to start as any. "I didn't plan on being pregnant with you. You were a surprise, a big one, and a little bit of a scary one."

"I'm not scary." Beth says, insulted.

"You were to me." Quinn smiles at her. "I was terrified of you. Because I was young when I had you. Too young. Most people try to wait until they are adults to have kids. Like... when they're twenty-five or something. Even later. And I was still a kid."

"Why?" Beth asks.

Quinn sighs, a lot of this there is just no way Beth will understand now, but she wants to be as honest as she can. "Well, it's complicated, and when you're a bit older we can talk all about it; but basically, I did something I wasn't ready for to try and... prove something to myself I guess." Quinn shrugs, and she feels her body shaking just the slightest bit; as it always does whenever she thinks about being fifteen again. Her father's angry face flashes before her eyes. Beth can sense the seriousness of her tone, and sits up, giving Quinn her undivided attention. Quinn sucks back a few stray tears, but when she speaks again, she can still hear a slight waver to her voice.

"When I found out I was pregnant with you, Rachel was the first person who made me feel okay." Quinn can help but smile thinking about it. "I was really scared, and a lot of people were... a little mean to me, and Rachel wasn't." Beth frowns but continues listening closely.

"But," Beth interrupts before Quinn can go on, "why were people mean to you?"

"That's... one of the complicated parts that is hard to explain." Quinn says. Beth's frown deepens. Like Quinn, there is nothing she hates more than not being able to understand something. "It's, when people have babies young, other people don't like it. Sometimes for a good reason, it's hard to be a parent when you're still a kid yourself."

Beth tilts her head to the side, considering this, then nods. "Okay, keep going."

"Well, like I said, I was really scared, and a lot of people made me feel a lot worse; but Rachel... even though before that, I'd never been her friend—I was actually a bit mean to her—she offered to be my friend. She had no reason to, and frankly, every reason not to; but that's the kind of person Rachel is." Quinn beams, "she's the best friend you could have."

"Why were you mean to Rachel Mama?" Beth asks, and for once, Quinn's happy to hear the accusatory tone being directed at her. Beth is defending Rachel. And, Quinn hates to admit, rightly so.

"I was angry about a lot of things when I was a kid, and I took it out on other kids instead of talking about it. Like we're doing now. If you're mad about something, you can always talk to me about it. Even if you think I won't like it."

"Duh," Beth says, and rolls her eyes rather impressively. Quinn never should have let Santana be her godmother.

"Well, my mom and dad weren't like that. I..." Quinn doesn't want to explain this, doesn't want Beth to ever have to know any of this. "That part is really complicated, and I'll explain it when you're older; but basically, we don't really get along that well. I never felt like it was okay to talk to them about stuff."

"Why?"

Quinn sighs, "it's hard to explain."

Beth pouts, hating being denied information. Quinn pulls her onto her lap, desperately wanting to hug her. Beth wraps her tiny arms around Quinn's neck tightly, and starts kissing all over Quinn's face. She laughs, the kisses are wet and as slobbery as Beth can make them. Quinn tickles Beth's sides until she let's go, squealing and trying to get away. That is when Quinn looks up and sees Rachel in the doorway, tears in her eyes and a happy smile on her face. Quinn has no idea how long she has been there, but is surprised to find that she doesn't mind if Rachel heard the whole thing. This must be was growing up and being in a mature relationship looks like.

Beth breaks away and takes off, slamming into Rachel's legs. Quinn holds her breath, and she sees Rachel do the same until Beth screams and holds her arms up. "Save me Rach!" Beth yells, trying to climb up Rachel's body. Quinn leaps of the bed, and Beth screams again as Rachel lifts her up and runs. "Faster!" Beth screams.

Rachel manages to get into the bathroom and close the door on Quinn. She can hear the two of them giggling behind the door. She gives it a few light kicks and taps for good measure—they squeal each time—then slides down to the floor quietly. Their voices are muffled slightly, Quinn can only hear bits and pieces of their conversation. Rachel sounds tentative still, and Quinn can tell Beth is doing most of the talking. Then, she hears a giggle from Beth, and a laugh from Rachel and finds herself letting out the breath she hadn't even realized she was holding in. The door opens, and Quinn looks up from her place on the floor. Beth is in Rachel's arms, and the two of them are grinning down at her.

"Payback," is all Rachel says, and then she sets Beth down on the floor. Quinn jumps up and takes off, the two of them chasing her all around the apartment. Her sides hurt from laughing so hard when they finally slump down together on the couch; Rachel's head resting on Quinn's shoulder, and Beth spread out onto both of their laps. It's the best afternoon Quinn's had in forever; until Santana dumps water on their heads.


	14. Chapter 14

Quinn keeps getting a feeling in her chest every time she looks at Rachel; a lightness she's not sure what to do with. Each time it expands like a ballon, and she's afraid it will pop and crack her open; exposing every thought that crosses her mind. But then somehow, every time, Rachel smiles lightly at her, and reaches forward to capture her lips with Quinn's. And then, the world has never been so small; it's pressed up tightly into the space between them, and nothing else matters.

Quinn doesn't ever want to stop feeling like this; like the world is vast and incredibly tiny all at once. She's never... felt another person's presence before in the way that she is aware of Rachel. (Apart from Beth perhaps, but, that feels completely different; she is aware of Beth because Beth was a part of her, literally.) Her body feels in tune with Rachel's in a way Quinn can't comprehend or describe. Every molecule that makes her up feels tingly and warm when she's around Rachel, or when she just  _thinks_  about Rachel.

It's unnerving.

And  _amazing_.

She has become one of those annoying people in love. All she can think about is Rachel. It's so pathetic she actually breaks down and cries after a date with her the week before Thanksgiving. Santana makes fun of her for it, but she gives her a one-armed hug while she does it.

"I'm pathetic and gross," Quinn wails, "I  _never_  wanted to be this person."

"I know, but dude—and I'll straight up murder you if you repeat this—I'm totally gross and pathetic about Britt too." Santana shrugs and releases Quinn. There is only so much physical affection she is willing to dish out if a person isn't Brittany—or Beth. "These bitches have ruined our lives," she leans forward, her face mock serious. "We should kill 'em and move to Africa."

Quinn raises her eyebrows, "why Africa?"

"I want to see a giraffe up close," Santana lowers herself down onto her bed, "and Lizard would kill anyone to see a real elephant that's not in the zoo. Which, is all Britt's fault too."

Quinn just stands there for a minute, staring down at Santana. "You want to kill Rachel and Brittany and go on a safari in Africa with Beth?" She asks, making sure she has got the idea correctly. She's not even sure how they would go about it, and she'd be too scared that Beth would get killed by some wild animal. It's a horrible plan.

Santana shrugs at the look on Quinn's face, "it's not the worst idea in the world." Her shoulders sag and she slams her head down against the pillow and groans, "except I could never kill B. 'Cause of the gross and pathetic-ness."

Quinn lays down beside her, cramped and pressed up against her in Santana's twin futon. "Being in love is horrible," she moans.

"Totally horrible." Santana agrees, then her eyes light up and she whips her head around to face Quinn. "Holy shit, did you say love?"

Quinn frowns, "isn't that... what we've been talking about this entire time?"

"Well...  _yeah_ , but I didn't know you were like... there yet." Santana sits up with a gasp, "fuck did you tell Berry you  _love_  her?"

" _N_ _o_." Quinn says quickly, "I would never say it first. Not in a million years."

"Well... old WASP-y, to be married at like nineteen with no bastard children, straight Quinn wouldn't. How about the actual super gay, teenage mother, completely in love with an overdramatic singing hobbit you?"

Quinn bites her lip. The only person she has ever said those words to—and really meant them—is Beth. She has... vaguely hinted, or said it in a sort of joking but serious manner, to both Santana and Sam; but never... like  _that_. Never in the way she thinks she is feeling it now. Because what  _else_  could possibly be making her act like such an utter idiot? The idea of feeling it, (which if she is being honest, she has mostly accepted in these last few weeks) and actually  _saying the words_? Out loud. To Rachel's face. Make her want to throw up and then lock herself in the bathroom for the rest of her life. Sam would willingly raise Beth in her absence. She would probably turn out much better anyway. He is way more stable than Quinn.

"Well... I can't..." Quinn looks pained and twists her fingers together. "I mean, what if she doesn't..."

Santana rolls her eyes, "are you kidding me? Berry has never been more annoying  _in her_ _entire_ _life_! And that is saying something." Santana tucks one leg under her and glares at Quinn. "She cornered me last week and asked me about  _pie._  She talked to me—for half an hour—about what pie flavors you might like. The only reason I didn't kill her on the spot was because I knew it would make you unbearable for months." Santana sighs, "she is fucking  _in this_  Quinn. And she's probably going to tell you with  _pie_." She wriggles her nose, "which is just... weird. And knowing Berry's cooking skills, possibly lethal."

Quinn knows she's doomed when she smiles, "I like pie."

Santana hits her in the face with a pillow.

…

…

The days leading up to Thanksgiving are stressful and go by far too quickly. Everyone is going home for the weekend apart from Quinn, and they've all decided (Quinn suspects Rachel had a lot to do with it) to have their own dinner before everyone leaves. Tuesday, Quinn gets out of classes early, and meets Mike and Brittany at the apartment to cook. By the late afternoon, they've got everything finished besides the small turkey just about done roasting in the oven.

Beth is taking great joy in getting bowls and plates from the high cabinets by way of Mike's shoulders, and since it's too cramped in their small kitchen to fit everyone, they push the couch back into the wall, and lay everything on the floor like an indoor picnic. Quinn eats until she feels like her stomach will burst, then groans when Beth lays down on top of her. "Mama, everything hurts," she whines.

"I know."

Rachel laughs at them, and lays down beside Quinn. "You ate too much," she says. "It's your own fault."

Beth gasps, and then rolls off of Quinn and onto Rachel. Quinn takes enormous satisfaction in the pained grunt Rachel releases when Beth lands on her stomach. " _I_  ate too much huh?" Quinn says with a grin.

"Shut up," Rachel says, but she's smiling widely at her. Quinn leans over and kisses her, to Beth's great annoyance. She pushes Quinn's body away as much as her little arms can manage.

"I'm under here!" She exclaims, "you're squishing me with gross kissing."

"Oh, I'm sorry," Quinn smirks and catches Rachel's eye, who nods. Her light grip on Beth tightens, holding her in place, and Quinn covers her with messy kisses while Beth squeals and tries to wriggle out of Rachel's grasp. "Is this better?" Quinn asks.

"NO!" Beth yells, "Tana, help!"

"I can't move Lizard," Santana groans from across the room. "Save yourself."

Beth screams, "Sam!"

He rolls his body over without a word, then reaches out, snags one of Beth's feet and yanks her backwards. Rachel yelps as Beth slips out of her grasp and into Sam's. He merely rolls with Beth back to his original position—laying on the floor in Kurt's arms. Quinn decides to go back to kissing Rachel.

…

…

Before everyone heads off to the airport, Quinn tugs on Rachel's arm and pulls her into her bedroom. Rachel's eyebrows go up slightly, and she leans forward, expecting kisses, when Quinn shakes her head. "No, I—well I mean  _yes_ , in a second—but, I got you a Hanukkah present. I mean..." Rachel's eyes widen considerably and Quinn feels her face get hot. Maybe this was a stupid idea. "I just, I mean... I know the first day is on Thanksgiving this year so I... well, and Beth actually," Quinn bends down and pulls the small package out of her dresser drawer. "Beth... helped me wrap it," she says, explaining the large amount of tape.

Rachel still hasn't said a word, and Quinn shuffles her weight back and forth nervously. "I... I'm sorry, I just thought—"

Rachel interrupts her by grabbing her face and kissing her.

The world beneath Quinn's feet disappears; and she finally understands the expression of someone going weak in the knees. It doesn't appear to be bullshit after all. There is just Rachel's hands on her face, her lips on her own, and the taste of Rachel's tea swirling into Quinn's mouth. This kiss feels somehow different than all of their others so far. It's fast and bruising, one kiss diving right into the next, hardly giving Quinn a second to catch her breath. It feels hungry and... substantial; like all the things Quinn has been wanting to say to Rachel for weeks, but didn't know how.

When Rachel finally pulls back, her face flushed and warm, she suddenly looks up at Quinn shyly, backtracking a little. "Wow," Quinn whispers.

Rachel laughs, "I didn't mean to... attack you," she winces and reaches up, brushing some of her chapstick off Quinn's face. "I just... thank you," she says with a bright smile.

"You haven't even opened it yet," Quinn says with a laugh. "What if you hate it?"

"I won't hate it." Rachel says, so full of sincerity that Quinn almost feels her knees buckle again. She had no idea that another person could make you feel like this, but god is it amazing; and terrifying. Rachel pulls her in for another kiss—quick and light this time—and takes the present before walking out of the bedroom.

"Bye Rachel!" Beth yells, once she catches sight of her. "Did Mama give you your present? I helped!"

Rachel holds it up in front of her, then bends down to Beth's level and gives her a quick hug. "Thank you for wrapping it for me."

Beth beams at her, "you're welcome. Happy Thanksgiving! And Happy Hanukkah!" She recites—Quinn had prepped her last night—then runs over to Quinn, and climbs up into her arms. Quinn grunts slightly under her weight, and she doesn't even want to think about when Beth is too big to fit there. She hugs her tightly as her friends head out.

"Just you and me babe," she says once they are left alone, "what do you want to do?"

"Just you and me 'till tomorrow," Beth reminds her. "Dad and Sarah are coming."

"Indeed, should we clean this mess up?" Quinn asks, surveying the cluttered living room.

"No," Beth declares, "we should watch Avengers."

Quinn sighs, she is going to kill Sam.

…

…

Puck and Sarah arrive just after eleven the next morning, and Quinn is shocked to see that Sarah is the same height as Quinn now. Three years and the tiny ten year old she did homework with and shared a room while pregnant has all but disappeared; leaving a teenager in her place. It's a bit awkward for the first hour or so, Beth knows who she and Puck are, and is her usually happy self, but dulled down a bit. She hangs around Quinn, offering to help prepare the leftovers, casting shy, curious glances at Sarah every few minutes. Puck is easier, he has been here before, and Beth has seen and spoken to him more recently. Within twenty minutes, she is showing him new tricks she's learned in the months he has been away. It's when she shows him her nearly perfected cartwheel, and mentions Quinn's cheerleading that Sarah brightens. Forgetting the idea that she is too old to play now that she is a teenager, and taking full advantage of the cleared out space in the living room from last night; Sarah starts showing Beth moves she learned from cheer camp over the summer. When Puck comes back into the kitchen, Quinn hears laughter coming from both girls.

"It's so weird that she's as tall as me now," Quinn says, pulling the second small turkey out of the oven.

Puck grins and moves to help her with the rest of the leftovers. "I know," he shakes his head in disbelief, "she's gonna be in  _high school_  next year. I mean... half the time I still can't believe we're even done with high school, let alone that she'll be in it."

Quinn nods to him, her focus on the hot pan in her hands.

"I mean," he sets the bowl of mashed potatoes down in the middle of the table, "I can't even believe how much Beth has grown since the summer. Like... I was  _just_  here and she's..."

"I know," Quinn turns and gives him a light smile, "it scares the shit out of me." She admits.

Puck turns towards the living room at another burst of laughter, then shakes his head again and takes the salad bowl Quinn passes to him. "It still blows my mind."

"What does?" Quinn starts carving the turkey, waving off Puck when he moves forward to help. She has seen him with a knife, they don't need to spend Thanksgiving in the emergency room.

"That we  _made_  Beth," he says, leaning back against the countertop as Quinn works. "That she's a human being, that... I mean it's still  _wild_  sometimes." He chuckles, grinning at her, "I mean, all we did was have some kinda mediocre sex one time and then—bam—Beth."

Quinn sets the turkey down on the table. Then rests one hand on the back of a chair and looks at him, a small grin etching onto her face. "I hate to break it to you Puck, but mediocre isn't really the word I'd use to describe it."

"Well, you don't gotta be mean," he says, and grins back at her, lifting a towel up and whacking her lightly with it. "I just meant that it's insane, and sometimes it still hits me."

Quinn shakes her head, but smiles a bit at him before turning and calling the girls. She gets what he is saying, every once in a while, it still hits her too. She snatches the towel away from Puck and winds it up as the girls run into the kitchen. "Wash your hands," Quinn tells them. Then when they both turn their backs, Sarah lifting Beth up to the sink, Quinn whips the towel out, snapping it against Puck's arm just enough for a small sting, but not hard enough to be mean. He grabs his arm and attempts to glare at her. "It blows my mind sometimes too," Quinn whispers, "but the sex was awful." Puck's face drops to a mock pout and Quinn grins. She reaches out and takes Beth from Sarah, sets her down in her chair, and the four of them dig in.

Puck and Sarah spend the night. After their early dinner, Quinn and Beth take them out to see a bit of the city for an hour or two, then they watch some football before heading off to bed. Puck takes Mike's bed, and Sarah sleeps in Kurt and Sam's room.

They wake up the next morning and eat warmed up leftovers for breakfast, Quinn is sick of cooking, and they are out of cereal and milk. Puck booked a flight to take them back to Lima later that evening; Sarah has some sort of cheerleading practice to attend on Saturday, and he has a shift at work. Quinn and Beth send them off with extra food, Quinn doesn't want to eat turkey or mashed potatoes again for the rest of the year.

Everyone comes back in droves during the weekend. Santana, Brittany and Sam all come back on a flight late Saturday night; and Rachel, Kurt and Mike follow them Sunday afternoon. It seems like no one has any time for much of anything other than catching up on sleep before they are all plunged into preparing for the end of the semester.

…

…

Quinn's workload feels like it triples as the semester flies to an end. The frigid air, and inch upon inch of falling snow make it difficult to drag herself out of bed every morning. Especially when Beth's warm body is cuddled up against her side and school and work wait for her. The apartment becomes a flurry of people running back and forth, eating quick, hurried meals, yelling hellos and goodbyes as they sprint out to their respective schools and jobs; barely having time to brush their teeth before their heads hit the pillow and they have to get up and do it all over again. Most stressed is Sam, who is nearly done with his degree and taking so many final tests before his last semester in the spring that once Quinn actually finds him sleeping while standing over the kitchen countertop and has to direct him into bed.

On top of all her studying and shifts at the coffeehouse, Quinn has Christmas shopping to worry about. Beth is finally old enough to be really excited about Christmas, and Quinn doesn't want to disappoint her. She has been saving up her money as best she can for weeks, wanting to be able to get her more than one or two small things on top of presents for her friends. Santana's mother has invited the two of them to spend Christmas at the Lopez residence, and Quinn is counting down the days until their flight out on the twenty-second.

…

…

Her alarm blares to life and Beth whines into her chest. Quinn quickly rolls over and slams it off, then cuddles back into Beth for warmth. She had set her alarm extra early the night before so she would be one of the first people to go stand in line at the TKTS booth for Rachel's birthday present. Usually open in the afternoons for the evening performances, and mid-morning for matinees, the holiday hours are earlier. Quinn had spoken to a boy Rachel did  _Into the Woods_  with, who has a friend who works there willing to try and hold a pair of the discount tickets for her if he can. She doesn't want to get him in trouble, so she's prepared to get up as early as she needs too. Rachel has been talking about  _A Gentlemen's Guide to Love and Murder_  for months, and now that it's finally on Broadway and tickets are selling out incredibly fast, Quinn wants to be able to take her to see it.

She begrudgingly slips out of the bed and pads quickly into the bathroom, turning the shower on to heat the water up before she pees and slips out of her clothes. Shivering, she climbs in and tries to move her body around to constantly get warm water all over. It doesn't work. It never works. Quinn washes her hair quickly and rinses it, shivering as she shuts the water off and grabs a towel.

When she slips back into her bedroom, blindingly digging around for clothes in the dark, Beth stirs a little. "Mama?" She mumbles.

"Right here," Quinn whispers, "go back to sleep." Anytime Beth wakes, she immediately looks for Quinn. Something Quinn both loves and hates. This time, luckily, Beth rolls back over and goes right back to sleep without a second thought. Quinn tugs on a pair of thick black leggings, a tan skirt, a long-sleeved black shirt, and her favorite thick maroon sweater. As she is looking for a pair of wool socks, she bangs her head against her dresser and curses. Finding the socks, she yanks them on, runs a brush through her hair, grabs her purse and slips out of the bedroom while Beth is still sleeping.

Quinn dries her hair just enough that it won't feel uncomfortable under a hat, then makes some coffee and eats a quick bowl of cereal and a banana. Santana had agreed to watch Beth if Quinn wasn't back before she woke up the night before. She leaves her a quick thank you note by the coffee machine, and bundles up even more before heading out.

Quinn doesn't think she has ever walked around in the city this early in the morning before. It's still pitch black out, and snow is falling lightly around her. It's early enough that anyone who stayed out late the previous night has departed for sleep, and most people who head to work in the mornings aren't up and about yet. It is as quiet as the city ever gets; and Quinn sighs happily as she tugs her scarf tighter around her.

She makes it to the TKTS booth about twenty minutes later and is indeed one of the first in line. She isn't the only person who had the forethought to get up early, but from the small crowed gathered, Quinn isn't worried about getting tickets. She checked the TKTS app on her phone last night and again this morning, and there are still tickets for the evening performance available. She bounces on her toes for warmth, her coffee long gone and chucked into a garbage bin as she departed the subway. It's nearly an hour wait before the booth opens up and then the ever growing line begins to move quickly. Fifteen minutes and 120$ later, and Quinn has two tickets in her purse and is on the subway back home.

It's just about eight am when Quinn lets herself back into the apartment. It sounds quiet. Grateful, Quinn sheds her coat and gloves, and pads back into her bedroom. Beth is still sound asleep. Quinn slips out of her skirt and sweater and climbs back into the bed; setting her alarm for eleven, knowing Beth will probably wake her earlier.

Indeed, Quinn feels hot breath on her face about an hour later. When she slowly opens her eyes, she finds Beth's face pressed right up against her own. "Good morning Mama," Beth half whispers.

"Morning babe," Quinn grunts slightly as Beth kicks her legs out against her. "Let's sleep a bit more," Quinn offers. Beth shakes her head, standing up and taking some of the warmth with her. She jumps up and down twice before Quinn reaches out and yanks her back, giggling with her. "Yes," Quinn says, and holds Beth in place against her stomach.

"No, let's be awake!"

"Let's be asleep." Beth shakes her head, fully awake now and Quinn sighs, about to get up until she hears movement from the kitchen. "Go see who else is awake," Quinn says, releasing her grip on Beth. "Hang out with them, I need a bit more sleep today okay?"

Beth pouts a bit, "but you're done with school."

"I am, but I already got up and went out to get Rachel's present. And so I need a little bit of extra sleep."

Beth gasps, "it's Rach's birthday!" Quinn nods. Beth pumps her fists in the air, "can I have your phone?" She asks, "I want to call her first before anyone else does."

"She might still be asleep," Quinn says, but noticing the clock is nearing nine, doubts it. Rachel has never been one for sleeping in, unless she is overly exhausted. Quinn rolls over and unlocks her phone, dialing Rachel and handing it to Beth. "Don't mention the present, don't yell and wake everyone up, and tell her I'm asleep and I'll call her when I wake up." Quinn orders. Beth is bouncing up and down on the bed eagerly, reaching for the phone. Quinn tugs it back, "Beth... calm and whisper okay? Santana and Mike still might be asleep."

Beth nods once and takes the phone, running out into the living room. Quinn hears a barely concealed, _'hi Rach! happy birthday!_ ' before slamming her head back into the pillow and conking right back out.

When she wakes up for real, it's just a bit after noon. Sam must have slipped in and turned her alarm clock off. Quinn is grateful, she doesn't want to be tired or nodding off during the play—or afterwards. She asked Brittany to sleep over at the apartment with Beth so she and Rachel could be alone together after the play. Quinn thinks she feels ready, but she doesn't want to worry or put any pressure on it. It would be nice to just have Rachel all to herself for a bit without interruptions. Between their busy schedules, Rachel sharing a dorm with Brittany, Quinn sharing a bed with a three year old, and an apartment with five other people; time alone is infrequent at best. And Quinn doesn't want to rush into anything. Her last experience wasn't exactly... anything she has the desire to repeat. Shaky, painful, and nervous, and in far over her head before she was ready. Quinn can't help but associate sex with her entire world crashing apart. Feeling dirty, and shameful; hearing her father's voice screaming out,  _'whore'_ , and her mother turning away, Finn's hand crushing tight in her own, losing everything that ever mattered to her, her body growing in painful and terrifying ways, and feeling more alone than she ever has in her entire life.

She knows Rachel won't accidentally get her pregnant, and she doesn't have parents to lose or shame anymore; her friends will probably cheer her on, not make her feel dirty, but it still makes her nervous. She has an awful, twisting feeling that maybe it always will, and she doesn't want Rachel associated with any part of that.

She decides not to dwell on it for now, she will just make herself nervous and stressed unnecessarily. Worrying about something that might not even happen yet. Instead, she climbs out of bed and pulls the discarded sweater back over her body, and goes to find some food.

The afternoon goes by much too quickly, and before Quinn knows it, Rachel is at the apartment with Brittany; looking  _stunning._ Quinn beams at her, and has to jump to catch Beth before she attacks Rachel with a hug covered in pasta sauce and chocolate frosting.

"Happy birthday!" Beth yells excitedly, unperturbed at being yanked away. She jumps up and down, does a spin, then starts singing. Sam, Mike and Kurt join in while Santana holds out the cake they baked, a smile on her lips she is trying to hide. They've planned some arrangement along with dance moves. When Santana does a little riff at the end as her contribution, Rachel looks like she is going to pass out from happiness. "HAPPY BIIIIRRRTHHDAYYY TO YOUUUUU!" Beth belts out. Then Quinn isn't fast enough to catch her again, and she yells as Beth slams herself into Rachel's thighs.

"Beth! Sauce!"

She freezes half a second too late, then starts to tear up. "I'm sorry," she cries.

"It's fine," Rachel tells her quickly. "I'd much rather have a hug than a clean dress." She looks up to Quinn, "though maybe a towel real quick? And we'll be set with both?"

Mike already has a damp cloth in his hands, and tugs Beth back, squeezing her shoulders reassuringly as Rachel quickly brushes away the sauce. She is wearing a deep blue dress, so it's thankfully not too noticeable to begin with. A few quick strokes with the cloth and it's like it never happened.

"There," Rachel declares with a smile. "Just needs a second to dry and it'll be good as new." Beth still has tears in her eyes. Rachel bends down to her level and smiles. "How 'bout you wash those hands and that beautiful face so I can get a proper birthday hug?"

Beth nods and runs into the kitchen. She comes back wet and Quinn can only shake her head with a laugh as she holds her daughter back again. She snags the towel hanging from Sam's belt and pats Beth dry quickly before releasing her. She watches with a grin as Beth takes off running to Rachel. God is she glad that Beth adores her again.

After enjoying the cake, and Rachel opens presents from everyone, it takes them a few more minutes to get out the door; but finally they are bundled up against the weather, gloved hands entwined, heading off for the night.

Rachel swings their hands between them and grins at Quinn. "You have to tell me where we are going."

Quinn shakes her head and tries to suppress a grin at Rachel's little pout. "I hate surprises." Quinn raises an eyebrow at her and Rachel scoffs. "Okay fine, I love them a little, but can I at least get a hint?"

"Murder." Quinn offers, and Rachel's eyes widen comically. Quinn only smirks back at her.

"I refuse to kill anyone." Rachel states firmly.

"Oh well, good to know where you draw the line," Quinn shrugs and holds back laughter at Rachel's face. "You won't have to," she says reassuringly.

"Quinn, that was a horrible clue."

"It's actually a pretty good one," she says with a smile. "British is the second clue."

Rachel clicks her tongue, "what!?"

Quinn tugs Rachel down into the subway seat next to her, "you'll see."

Rachel pouts into her side.

When they get off at the station near Broadway, Rachel sucks in a breath and turns tentatively to Quinn. "We're going to the theatre?" She asks with excitement. Quinn nods and Rachel squeals, wrapping herself tighter around Quinn's waist. "Ahh!" She yells as they walk up to the Walter Kerr theatre and she sees the marquee. "Gentlemen's Guide!" She releases Quinn and stops her in the middle of the lobby, "how did you get tickets? Quinn..." her smile drops, "Quinn this must have been really expensive, you can't..."

Quinn shakes her head, "don't," she grabs Rachel's hand and pulls her into the theatre. "Come on, let's find our seats."

They sit down and Rachel immediately pulls out her cellphone, "smile," she says and Quinn leans in, pressing their cheeks together. As the orchestra begins to play and the lights dim, Rachel slips her phone into her purse and grabs Quinn's hand.

Rachel only releases her hand to clap enthusiastically in between scenes, and Quinn laughs so hard her stomach already hurts by the time act one ends. By the time the show is over completely, Quinn can barely breathe.

"That was  _amazing_ ," Rachel says as they walk out of the theatre arm in arm.

"It was," Quinn agrees, "probably one of the best plays I've ever seen. Though... I haven't seen that many." Rachel laughs and leans in to kiss Quinn lightly.

"We'll go see lots," she whispers against Quinn's lips. "At least four a year if we have the money. One for each season. Even more if we become rich, and I have time in between my own shows."

And it's a  _we_ , and implying that they will still be together; said so casually, like it is an inevitability that Quinn shivers and it has nothing to do with the frigid winter air. "Um, come on... there's a second part to your present," she says shyly.

Rachel looks at her a little oddly when they walk up to her dorm room, but when Quinn motions for her to unlock the door, and she sees the candlelight picnic dinner Brittany set up for them, she gasps. "Quinn..." she turns back and beams at her, hands up against her cheeks in shock. "I..." she trails off with a small choking sound.

"Brittany is staying with Beth tonight," Quinn says as calmly as possible. Rachel's head whips around to her at once, and Quinn sighs. Not causally enough apparently. "Nothing... I just wanted to... we never have any time for just us really, and I..." she stammers, "nothing has to happen," she insists quickly, and looks down at her feet. This is the most awkward she thinks she has ever felt in her life. She starts to back up, embarrassed and prepared to call everything off, but Rachel reaches out and grabs her arm and forces her to look at her.

"Let's eat," she says, smiling and leading Quinn over to the blanket on the floor. "And you can call Beth and say goodnight."

Calling Beth calms Quinn down, and it's only after she hangs up and looks at Rachel that she realizes it was her plan all along. She sighs and takes a chocolate covered strawberry—Kurt's contribution—and marvels at just how well Rachel seems to know her.

As if reading her mind, Rachel leans forward and kisses her lightly; melted chocolate still on the corner of her lips. Quinn sighs into it happily, and before she knows it, the air shifts, and they've moved from light kissing to much more hungry and deep kisses. Rachel pushes her down onto her back, hovering above her and tugging gently at the bottom of her shirt. Quinn lifts up and lets Rachel yank it up over her head, pulling her own off as well before leaning back up to resume kissing.

As the moments pass, they each shed more and more clothing until Quinn is somehow in only her underwear and Rachel is doing something  _amazing_  with her mouth on Quinn's right breast. Rachel flicks her tongue and Quinn gasps, snapping backwards and knocking her head into Rachel's bed-stand. Rachel screams as a candle falls to the floor, and a bit of the carpet catches on fire. She shoves Quinn out of the way, rising and jumping up and down, shrieking and trying to bat at it with her discarded bra. Quinn grabs a bottle of water from Brittany's side of the room and douses the flame, slinking back down to the floor. Shocked and agitated, Quinn begins to laugh hysterically. Rachel turns to her, confusion all over her face until she bursts into laughter as well; falling down onto Quinn. They laugh so hard that Rachel starts crying, her tears falling onto Quinn's bare breasts; which only causes them to laugh harder.

"We set my room on  _fire_ ," Rachel gasps in between giggles.

Quinn wraps her arms around Rachel as she feels her shiver, "maybe let's blow all the candles out? It would be really embarrassing if the fire department had to come in here with us while we're naked."

"We both still have underwear on, technically, we're not naked." Rachel points out.

"Naked enough to be embarrassed." Quinn protests, "I have stretch marks," she says without thinking. She hadn't wanted to draw any attention to them. Rachel pulls back and looks at Quinn a little oddly before standing up and pulling her underwear off in one fluid motion. Quinn doesn't move a muscle; terrified into complete stillness with a naked Rachel Berry standing in front of her. Everything suddenly becomes very real, very quickly.

Rachel turns, pointing to her hips, "so do I Quinn, stretch marks just mean that you've grown." She stands still a moment longer, and Quinn can't help but just... stare. Despite her nerves, heat rushes down in between her legs of it's own accord. Then Rachel bends back down and tugs at Quinn, running her fingers lightly over the sides of her stomach, causing Quinn to shiver under her touch. "Yours are beautiful," she whispers. Quinn begins to shake her head but Rachel stops her. "Quinn, these mean you've got Beth. They show how incredibly strong you are," Rachel bends down and kisses her skin, and Quinn can't move. "You're beautiful," Rachel says, and leans up, meeting Quinn's eyes. They are filling with tears, and Quinn feels like an idiot. Lots of people have called her beautiful in her life. Many of them have meant it too, Quinn knows that she is pretty, it's one of the only compliments she's ever gotten. But the way Rachel says it... it actually makes Quinn  _feel_  beautiful. It makes her feel like more than just good genetics, a pretty outer shell with nothing else to offer the world.

"You're beautiful too," Quinn whispers back, hoping she is able to convey just how stunning she thinks Rachel is. The small, shy, downward smile Rachel gives her in return tells Quinn she has succeeded. When she looks back up, they lock eyes and just... stare at each other for a moment. It is the single most vulnerable Quinn has ever felt, and it's awful, and incredible all at once. She doesn't feel dirty at all. She feels anticipation, and loved, and she wants nothing more than to feel as close to Rachel as she possibly can. She breaks first, and bends forward, capturing Rachel's lips with hers.

"Wait," Rachel says as they both move towards the bed. She blows out the last candle, "I don't want any firemen interrupting, and technically, we are both fully naked now." And that's just—so  _Rachel_ , that Quinn laughs out loud, giggling as Rachel grins at her and nearly tackles her into the bed.

It's  _nothing_  like her first time.

She had never been able to relax with Puck hovering above her. Hadn't been able to expose herself, it had been painful, and over too quickly for Quinn to feel anything other than agitation, and pain, and then immediate regret.

Rachel makes her feel safe, and then... Quinn finally understands what people are talking about when they say they actually enjoy sex. For a while there, she really thought it might be some big joke everyone was putting on; but Rachel has either been studying, or is just a natural, because within minutes of her fingers slipping inside of Quinn, she's got her gasping for breath and her entire body is humming. Rachel leans up and starts switching from one breast to another with her tongue, her fingers continuing their motions inside of her and Quinn thinks her body might actually implode on itself. All in all, she decides it's not a horrible way to die. When the release finally comes, Quinn lays there, limp and panting with Rachel grinning like a madwoman on top of her, resting her chin on Quinn's chest.

"Oh my god," Quinn pants.

Rachel beams and kisses her again, "really?"

"Oh... my  _god_ ," Quinn repeats.

"I did a little research," Rachel admits shyly.

"It paid off," Quinn says in awe, and they lay there a second or so more, Quinn just catching her breath before she grabs hold of Rachel and flips them over. She'd be lying if she said she hasn't done a few google searches herself, curiosity and not wanting to dive into anything unprepared yet again driving her. She isn't surprised one bit that Rachel is vocal, but the smaller noises she makes are so overwhelmingly hot that it almost causes Quinn to stop—much to Rachel's protest.

She wants to take her time, but within a few more seconds, Rachel is crying out and her back arches up from the bed; pushing Quinn up with her then flopping back down, flushed and beautiful. Quinn slips her fingers out of Rachel and lays down beside her, "happy birthday," she whispers.

Rachel bursts out laughing, and wraps herself around Quinn, kissing her collarbone and tugging the covers up over them.

Quinn wakes up sometime in the middle of the night, Rachel nearly on top of her completely, snoring softly against her chest and smiles before snuggling back into Rachel and drifting back off to sleep. She doesn't feel one iota of regret or shame anymore; just awestruck of Rachel and how much she is totally and completely in love with her.

…

…

Christmas Eve, Quinn puts Beth to bed promptly at eight and she and Santana sit on the couch down in her living room, drinking warm apple cider her mother makes after putting the presents under the tree. Santana spiked hers with something when her mother wasn't looking, and she's just the tinniest bit buzzed. Her head rolls over and clinks against Quinn's, giggling, she snuggles into Quinn's side. "I can't believe you're not a virgin anymore," she says with a laugh.

Quinn chokes on her cider, "Santana, I have a three year old, I wasn't a virgin before either." She chugs the rest of her cider and sets the empty glass down on the magazine stand beside the couch, then flops back into Santana. "Besides, virginity is a myth constructed by a bunch of old, white, religious men to condemn and demonize women. Cherries don't get popped, hymens stretch." Santana makes a face at her, and Quinn ignores it. "Virgin didn't even mean sexually pure originally anyway. It meant  _not married_ , a maiden, not belonging to a man, or just a young woman." Quinn watches the fire crackle before them and feels herself going on a rant. "Ancient moon priestesses were called virgins, and nearly mythic hero was born from a virgin mother. Later, Christians contorted it to mean sexually pure, or never touched because they couldn't conceive the Virgin Mary being sexually independent." Santana's eyes widen, and Quinn sighs, "virginity is bullshit." She smiles, "but sex with Rachel is amazing."

"Ew, I don't want to hear about you and Berry boning," Santana whines, covering her ears dramatically.

"Boning isn't really an accurate term."

"I don't want to hear it!" Santana yells, "it's Christmas, let's watch  _Year Without a Santa Claus_." Santana doesn't wait for a response, grabbing the remote control and turning the television on, then throwing a blanket over them both and leaning into Quinn's side. "I can't believe you're fucking Rachel," she whispers after twenty minutes. "You've got Puckerman's baby and Berry as a girlfriend and me as a best friend. If someone told me that would happen when we were fourteen, I would have laughed so hard all my teeth would fall out."

Quinn snorts, "me too."

"It's kinda great huh?" Santana says a minute later.

Quinn turns to her and smiles, "yeah it is."

…

…

Beth wakes them up by jumping on top of them with a yell, "MERRY CHRISTMAS!" She screams, Quinn sits up with a start and knocks her head with Santana's. Maribel Lopez stands over them chuckling and palming a mug of coffee. Santana groans as Beth sits on her stomach, "Tana, Santa came!" She yells happily, "HE CAME! HE BROUGHT US PRESENTS!" Beth gives up on trying to pull Santana off the couch and moves over to Quinn. She lets herself be pulled upwards and follows Beth as they squat down in front of the tree. Maribel takes Quinn's spot and she smiles to herself as she watches Santana immediately curl into her mother, stealing a sip of coffee, then cuddling into her side.

Mr Lopez walks into the room, and passes one of the mugs in his hands to Quinn. She accepts it with a grateful smile and sips it gingerly while Beth tears through her first present.

They spend the rest of the day in their pajamas, watching Christmas specials and eating sugary foods. Quinn calls Rachel while they have lunch and talks to her for nearly an hour until Santana groans and takes her phone away, tossing it to Beth with a grin.

The three of them fall asleep on the couch entwined in each other sometime after that, taking a mid-day nap that leaves Quinn with a crick in her neck when she wakes; Santana's hair in her mouth and Beth's hot head on her thigh.

She only thinks of her mother once, but she doesn't call. She does send a picture of herself and Beth, grinning and covered in chocolate with a  _'Merry Christmas'_  to Frannie. She gets only a quick,  _'Merry Christmas Quinn, she_ _'_ _s beautiful.'_  in return, but it feels a lot like progress.

When Brittany, Sam, and Rachel come over the next day, Quinn finds herself dragged out to Santana's front lawn, a snowball hitting her square in the back. She grins, pats some snow into a ball herself and chases after Sam. Rachel and Beth, sit on the porch, cheering her on as she tackles him to the ground; and it's the best holiday she has had in years.


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My apologies for the gap between chapters, and the shortness of this one, I've been focusing all my attention on my fic for the Teen Wolf rare pair exchange, and what i had intended to be a 2-3k fic, somehow spiralled into 11. But the good news is, i've got the rest of this story all plotted out and updates should be back to weekly-ish. If all goes as planned, there will be 20 chapters total, so we're almost done with this part of the story.

"My name is Jill Mulder, and yes, I do believe in aliens." The entire class chuckles, Quinn along with them. "This is Women's Studies 320, we will primarily be doing field work and spend little to no time here in the classroom. If you are in the wrong place, or have a weak stomach, please, do leave us now. This class is not for everyone. We will be spending a large amount of time working with women's shelters throughout this semester. Along with women's health clinics, welfare clinics, and political organizations. You will be expected to turn in an essay after each trip, and every friday you will turn in journal entries to me. These may be as informal as you please, but you must write  _at least_  the bare minimum of five-hundred words. At the end of the semester, you will turn in a final, no less than twenty page paper on your experience." She says this all quickly and directly, standing poised in front of them all. Then she smiles. "So, let's begin." Quinn likes her instantly.

...

...

Her workload this semester feels like it's tripled, and going by far too quickly already.

The wind cuts straight through Quinn. Bites at her bare skin painfully. She reaches up to adjust her scarf only to find she forgot it. Cursing, she grips at the neck of her coat, and keeps her head bent as she stalks down the sidewalk. During the school break, there wasn't an abundance of snow, but it seems like with each new week there is more. Making up for lost time with vigor.

She's late. She promised Rachel she would meet her at the apartment at four-thirty, but her class had run over. They had gone all the way out to Brooklyn, instead of the planned shelter in Queens, and now, it's nearing close to six.

She races up the stairs and rushes through the door. "I'm sorry! My class ran late we—"

"MAMA'S HERE!" Beth screams from the couch, "SURPRISE!" She jumps off of Mike's lap, and slams into Quinn as everyone else in the apartment suddenly starts moving. Mike and Sam both yell 'surprise' after Beth, and Rachel comes running out of the kitchen, Brittany close behind.

"Oh no!" Rachel yells. "You were all supposed to be hiding."

Santana shoves the curtain that mimics as her bedroom door open with a flourish. "For like three hours? Sorry Berry, my friendship doesn't extend that far."

Quinn looks between her friends in confusion. "Wait... is this supposed to be a birthday party?"

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY MAMA!" Beth cheers, and starts climbing up into Quinn's arms on her own; too impatient to wait to be lifted.

"Surprise," Rachel says with a weak smile.

Santana blows a kazoo in Rachel's ear. "Happy birthday Q. Berry made you a cake." She positions herself directly behind Rachel and mouths,  _'don't eat it you'll die,'_  then proceeds to make exaggerated gagging noises.

"Santana, I can see and hear you." Rachel says with a sigh. Santana gags further, and slumps down onto Rachel's back, blowing the kazoo in between gags.

Rachel rolls her eyes at Quinn, and then smiles at her, ignoring Santana's antics completely. Quinn can't help but grin back. Santana can go on and claim she only tolerates Rachel because of everyone else all she likes; but she's showing her genuine affection for Rachel right now. If she deems you worth annoying, she's either bored, or showing she cares. Usually some form of both.

Rachel not even flinching only proves it further. She repositions herself with Santana practically crawled onto her back, and beams at Quinn. "Happy birthday. I promise no one let me help make dinner."

Quinn laughs. "Oh good, I'm starving."

Rachel sticks her tongue out at her while Santana laughs all the way into the kitchen.

...

...

Eight days after her twentieth birthday, Quinn becomes an aunt.

Frannie sends her a text message with a picture; he's in the hospital bassinet, pink and wrinkled, face scrunched up tight. He's beautiful.

Quinn waits until her lunch break to call her—sending a text first to make sure she isn't waking her up—and Frannie answers on the first ring. "Did it hurt you as much as it hurt me?" She asks in lieu of greeting. She sounds exhausted, and... relaxed somehow. It's something Quinn doesn't remember ever coming from Frannie. She likes it.

Quinn laughs lightly, and picks at the chipped gold polish on her nails. "Yes, I didn't have time for an epidural Frannie. I went into labor at a high school show choir competition." Frannie laughs. Once. A distinct  _'ha'_  like she is too tired for anything else. "What's his name?" Quinn asks.

"Jerry Jr."

" _Seriously_?"

"He's thrilled to have a son, and the name makes him happy." Frannie says, a little sharply. Quinn leans back into her seat. She should probably hang up and study, but the fact that Frannie reached out to her makes her want to give her sister a chance. Frannie's voice softens. "How... how's Beth?"

Quinn smiles unconsciously. "Great. She can do a near perfect cartwheel, and hold a handstand for two minutes. I can send you some pictures if you want."

"I'd like that." She's quiet for a few minutes, and Quinn thinks she might have dozed off until she nearly whispers, "Mother misses you."

"Is she still  _dating_  Dad?" Quinn snaps.

Frannie sighs, "Quinnie—"

"—I hate that." Quinn says, interrupting her. "Don't call me that. I've always hated it."

"I... sorry.  _Quinn_ , do you have to be so hard on her? She deserves to be happy too."

"Frannie, you weren't there. He was... he  _disowned_  me. He looked at me like I was worse then trash because I made a  _mistake_. I was only fifteen. I needed his help and he called me a whore and told me never to come back. That's not something I can just forgive. Especially if he never apologizes." She doesn't add—though she wants to—that their mother just stood idly by as well. And she knows that Frannie would have done the same had she been there. What Russell Fabray says is law in their family.

"He was angry. I don't think he really meant it Quinn. He was disappointed. He wanted better for you."

She won't get it. Quinn will never be able to explain it in a way that Frannie will understand. She's been desperate for Russell's approval too long. Their father is Frannie's glaring blind spot.

"I've got to go to class Frannie." Quinn tells her with a sigh.

"Wait I—happy belated birthday."

"Thanks Frannie. Congratulations. Sleep whenever he sleeps, even if you don't want to. Trust me." She rises and starts gathering her things.

"Okay," Frannie yawns, and Quinn holds back a laugh. "I meant it... about pictures of Beth. I'd like to see them."

"You send me some of Jerry Jr. and I'll send you some of Beth."

"Deal."

She doubts that she and Frannie are ever going to agree on much, but the fact that Frannie seems to want to try anyway is enough for now.

...

...

There are misshapen red paper hearts lining the entirety of her bedroom walls.

"Oh... my god."

"Happy Valentine's day." Rachel whispers, coming up from behind her. Quinn turns around slowly; Rachel is clad in a bright red sweater, with a huge white heart on her chest, and a pair of black leggings. Her hair is pulled back into a messy ponytail, and there is flour on her cheek.

"Um..."

"Mama!" Beth calls out, coming up behind Rachel and slipping an arm around one of her thighs. She has decidedly more flour on her person than Rachel. "We made you cookies! And decorated! Happy Valentine's day!"

Rachel gives Quinn a shy smile. "It was supposed to be a sort of surprise. Since your birthday was a bit of a bust," she cringes. "But apparently, I'm terrible at this. Santana has informed me that you might not enjoy the classic Valentine date out, and that you hate surprises."

Quinn tries not to grimace. "I'm not big on them no. And I do think Valentine's day is a load of crap, but I know you like stuff like this..." She turns around and retrieves the necklace she bought for Rachel. "Here," she passes it over as Beth watches on, bouncing excitedly. Rachel opens it and beams. "It sort of matches the one you got me." Quinn reaches up involuntarily, playing with it. "Your birthstone. I—I know it's not really—"

Rachel jumps forward and kisses her before she can say anything else.

Beth groans behind them. "Gross, can we eat cookies now?"

Rachel pulls away laughing, and turns to Beth. "Yes. Well," she glances back to Quinn quickly. "If it's alright with your mother," she adds.

Quinn nods. "Cookies it is." She bends and hauls Beth up as they walk into the kitchen. "Where's everyone else?"

"Sam and Kurt are on a date. I assume something of the similar vein with regards to Santana and Brittany, and I believe Mike has a late dance class."

"So, you've been babysitting?" Quinn asks as she sits down at the table. Beth and Rachel don't ever seem to spend a lot of one-on-one time together. Quinn thinks maybe Rachel is afraid to. They get along, but lately, Quinn has noticed that she never lets herself be alone with Beth for any lengthy period of time. She always has someone around as a buffer.

"Um... yes." Rachel brushes some flour off the counter and into the garbage nervously. "Well, sort of. Sam and Kurt only left about twenty minutes ago."

"They missed cookies." Beth says with a grin. She grabs one and plants herself onto Quinn's lap as she eats it; getting melted chocolate all over her face.

"Well, we're not going to eat them all." Quinn tells her as she wipes at her face.

"But we  _could_." Beth says, hopefully.

"Nice try." Quinn takes a bite out of Beth's cookie. Grinning at the indignant look her daughter gives her. "So," she asks Rachel. "What's on the agenda for the night?"

"I thought we could watch a romantic comedy." Rachel shrugs.

"Which one?"

"Well... Beth and I picked a few out, you get the final vote."

" _A vote_ ," Beth corrects. "She get's  _a_  vote, we still get to vote too." She looks back and forth between both Quinn and Rachel. "Right?"

Quinn picks up a cookie and sticks it in her daughter's mouth. "Right."

After some back and forth consideration, and the consumption of seven cookies between the three of them, they settle in to watch  _The Princess Bride_  on Quinn's bed. Beth tucked up between them, the plate of cookies on her lap. Quinn hasn't seen the movie in ages, and though three and a half might be a bit on the young side, Beth loves it. She is asleep almost as soon as the credits begin to play out on screen. Teeth unbrushed, covered in flour, and proudly full of nearly nine cookies all on her own. Quinn contemplates waking her up, and getting her properly ready for bed, but decides against it. One night isn't going to kill her. They'll brush and floss extra tomorrow.

She and Rachel slip out of her bedroom and sit on the couch. Laughing at the shy looks they each give each other before they start to make out. Quinn had been afraid that after they had sex, small things wouldn't be as amazing. She's been thrilled to discover that kissing Rachel is just as wonderful and important as it was before.

…

…

"You alright?" Ms Mulder asks.

Quinn glances up from where she had been staring down at the floor. "Oh, yeah. No I'm fine." She insists. "Just... it's been a long day."

Ms Mulder studies her for a second. "You've done exceptional work this semester." She gives Quinn a rare smile. "Do you have an idea for narrowing down your studies?"

"Um... well I didn't, but..."

"Spit it out Miss Fabray by all means." Ms Mulder says, hint of a smile still on her face.

Quinn laughs, "Well this class actually helped a lot. I think I'd like to keep doing something like this somehow. Working with people daily like we've been doing. I'm just not sure exactly how to narrow it down." Quinn shrugs and ducks her head down.

"Have you signed up for my class next year?"

Quinn nods. "Yeah."

"We'll talk again then, I'll see you next week." And with that she rises and leaves Quinn sitting alone, confused smile on her face as she gathers her things and leaves the classroom.

…

…

Quinn looks up as Sam comes through the front door. "Hey."

He looks exhausted beyond belief. "Where is everyone?" He asks, and trudges into the kitchen for a glass of water.

"Uh... Mike's at class, so is Kurt. Brittany wanted to take Beth to the zoo, and Santana went with. I'm drowning in homework, how 'bout you?" She drops her papers down on the table in front of her. "I mean you're nearly done."

Sam walks over and plops down beside her, kicking his feet up on the table. Quinn tuts at him. His still has his shoes on, slightly muddy, getting her books dirty. Sam gives her a tired smile, and reaches over, pulling his shoes off. "I'm so ready for this semester to be over. The next month can't come fast enough." He downs the rest of her glass, then rests his head on her shoulder. "This whole, school, adult thing makes a person tired."

Quinn laughs. "Yeah, it does." They sit like that, resting into each other in silence. It's nice. The apartment is always so full of people, they hardly ever spend time just the two of them anymore. "It's weird isn't it?" she asks after a few minutes.

Sam hums. "What is?"

"This," she says. "Life. Growing up. All of it." She clunks her head against his lightly and smiles at him. "It blows my mind sometimes that we're not just still in Lima, worrying about whether or not we'll win the next show choir competition."

"Yeah," Sam sighs. "It is crazy. We're all in relationships, and we pay for own on crap, and it's crazy. Who let us do this?" He kicks his leg against Quinn's. "We're definitely not grown up enough for it. I ate a fruit by the foot for lunch."

Quinn bursts out laughing. "I ate three snickers bars."

The two of them laugh until Quinn's stomach hurts. She curls into him, catching her breath slowly. "Speaking of relationships," he pokes at her side. "You and Rachel have been dating like... what almost seven months?"

Quinn beams at the thought of it, and Sam pokes her again, laughing. "Shut up," she says. "You and Kurt have been practically married for the last two years."

"Yeah but," he smiles at her. "You seem really happy."

Quinn bites her lip and grins. "I am. I mean I'm a little scared." He frowns at her and Quinn shifts, looking up at him. "It's just... I'm like 99% sure I'm in love with her, and I'm about 90% sure she's in love with me back—"

"She is," he interrupts.

Quinn smiles at him, and goes on. "But, I keep thinking that... I mean I've had to start really thinking about my future, and..." she laughs harshly. "This is going to sound really stupid, but I basically just realized that I've got a daughter. I can't just enjoy the moment. I've got to think about later, because of Beth and I just..." she trails off, shrugging. "I  _a_ _m_  really happy though. Are you?"

"Yeah Fabray, I'm grand." He says with a deep voice. Quinn's pretty sure he's mimicking someone, but she has no idea who. Rather than burst his bubble, she kisses his cheek and lays back to do more homework while she has the free time.


	16. Chapter 16

Quinn looks up from her book and raises her eyebrows. "Are you aware of the fact that you're naked?" she asks calmly. Mike frowns blearily at her before glancing down at himself. She could look away but, she's gay, not blind—and Mike has the best abs of anyone she's ever met.

So...

When realization dawns, he simply shrugs and finishes pouring his coffee. "I thought I had boxers on actually," he explains through a yawn. "My bad." He shuffles out of the kitchen with his mug and Quinn just laughs quietly to herself. Finals have been kicking everyone's asses.

…

…

After her last final of her sophomore year, Quinn flops down onto Santana's bed and groans. "I'm done."

"Me too," she says, rolling over to face Quinn. "Thank  _fuck_. You know—I think two years of college is enough. Let's just be done now."

"Good plan," Quinn sighs. "We can buy a huge van and just travel around like hippies. Once Beth's hair is down past her butt, that'll be our cue to stop."

Santana laughs loudly. "God, you as a hippie riding around in a dirty van. If only fifteen year old Quinn could see you know."

"She'd have a coronary," Quinn agrees. "So are you buying the van or am I?"

Before Santana can answer, Sam shoves her bedroom curtain open with a panicked look on his face. "Does Beth have my cap? I can't find it anywhere."

"You look like a moron," Santana says, kicking her feet at the bottom of his graduation gown. "I can't be seen with you in public wearing that thing."

"Two more years and you'll be in one too," he points out.

Santana makes a face at him. "Not on your life. Imma take the diploma and call it a day. I wore one for high school, that's the one that counts. I don't need to do it again. Frankly, I'm surprised you are."

"Why, cause I go to a community college and it's less important than your college?"

"Yes. Obviously."

Sam drops down on top of her and gives her a nuggie.

Quinn rolls away as Santana screeches about her hair and leaves them to it. She finds Kurt in the kitchen, giving Beth a particularly good argument about why she should give him back Sam's graduation cap. Quinn walks past them, snags the cap out of Beth's hands—clutched tightly behind her back—and passes it over to Kurt. Beth releases an indignant squawk which Quinn mimics back to her. Kurt trots off to find Sam with the cap—another yell from Santana rings out into the living room.

Beth narrows her eyes at her mother, and Quinn bends down and drops a kiss to the top of her head. "Go get dressed babe. We've got to leave in half an hour."

Beth gives her a rather spectacular eye roll before running off to get dressed.

The cap goes back on Sam's head, and an hour later Beth cheers louder than all of them combined as he walks across the stage and receives his diploma.

…

…

"So, I have called you all here today because—"

"Berry, it is eight-thirty," Santana groans. "Who even let you in? School is over. I want to sleep."

Rachel hands Santana a mug of coffee before continuing on as if she never spoke. "The lease on this apartment is up in approximately two weeks. And as it no longer accommodates the number of people living here, renewing the lease seems foolish."

"How come you even know when our lease is up?" Santana asks. Everyone turns and stares at her. "Never mind," Santana backtracks with a wave. "Are you getting to your point sometime soon?"

"Yes," Rachel brightens. "There is a three bedroom apartment available on the second floor of this building in three weeks; and I've found another three bedroom apartment in a building about twenty minutes from here that opens a week from now." She claps her hands together and grins at her half asleep friends. "So, my proposal is that half of us take one apartment, and for the interim week we all sleep a little cramped in it, and then the other half moves downstairs. What do you think?"

"Who's going in what apartment?" Sam asks. Half of his hair is sticking up in odd ways. Quinn reaches up and attempts to brush it down with her fingers. It doesn't help.

"I'm glad you asked," Rachel pulls out a chart and everyone apart from Quinn and Brittany groan.

The next forty minutes consist of everyone trying to discreetly eat breakfast while listening to Rachel. At the end of it all, Rachel has called both landlords, secured the apartments, and designated who will be in them. The girl knows how to get things done.

Quinn finally grabs Rachel and pulls her down into a seat. "Eat something."

"I think that went well, don't you?" she asks. Quinn nods and pops a piece of mango into her mouth. "Are you sure?" Rachel asks, sliding down next to her. "You're not mad that we won't be in the same apartment? Because I thought... well I thought maybe we could... I mean, we still  _can_. I just wasn't sure if we we're..." she shrugs and gives Quinn a self deprecating laugh.

"It's fine Rach," Quinn says, rubbing her arm lightly. Rachel relaxes into her touch. "And it's another two year lease, we can always switch stuff around if we have to later."

"Okay."

Beth comes running back into the kitchen. "Mom! Watch this!" Before Quinn can react, Beth flips her body backwards; performing a near perfect back tuck and causing Quinn's heart to stop.

"Beth!" she yells. "You need a spot for something like that. You could have broken your neck."

Brittany walks into the kitchen. "Nah, we've been practicing. She's done it a couple of times without me spotting. She's got it down." Brittany grins. "Awesome huh?"

Quinn looks down at her daughter. She's bouncing with excitement, waiting for Quinn's verdict. Rachel kicks her lightly under the table and she sighs. "It  _was_  awesome babe. Good job."

Beth beams, "Watch me do it again!" and flings herself backwards.

…

…

"I don't see why Rachel doesn't have to do anything." Santana says with a grunt as she hauls half of the couch up.

"I'm directing," Rachel insists. "Move a little to your left."

"If anyone says pivot, I'll kill them." Quinn announces. She ducks under the couch Mike and Santana are lifting up and opens the door for them. The two of them lift the couch higher, and shuffle slowly into the apartment. Beth tries to chase after them, but Quinn catches her with her leg. "Take the costume off," she orders.

"No!" Beth yells. "It's my birthday present!"

Quinn bends down to her daughter's level. "Babe, it is 87º and you are wearing a skin tight, long sleeved, costume. You're going to get heat stroke and then die. Dying on your fourth birthday wouldn't be very much fun. For one thing, we'll eat all your cake without you." Beth's mouth drops open in indignation, but she crosses her arms angrily.

"It's my present," she insists. "And I'm not even that hot."

Quinn licks her lips and suppresses a sigh; catching Sam's eye, she glares at him. "This is your fault."

"Come on, Mini Spiderman is goddamn adorable," he insists.

"It's June in NYC! It's 87º out!"

"I'm not hot!" Beth yells, muffled through her mask.

Quinn yanks it off her head, "No mask," she holds up her hands before Beth can start to argue. "No mask," she repeats. "No gloves either, go help Kurt. Spiderman is strong right? Then she can lift boxes." Beth runs away, eager to show off. "Nothing that says 'fragile' Beth!" Quinn yells after her.

"I can't read!"

"You know what the letter 'f' looks like, sound stuff out."

Nearly an hour later, they've taken a break for lunch. Most of Quinn, Beth, Santana, and Brittany's things have been moved into their apartment for a week—while the boys and Rachel's things sat in boxes in their living room. Enough boxes that one couldn't really move around the living room all too well. Kurt and Sam have been sleeping in what is now to be Beth's bedroom, while Beth and Rachel bunk with Quinn in hers. Mike seems especially thrilled to no longer be sharing a bed with Santana and Brittany. Quinn isn't sure she could take much more of Santana glaring at him over breakfast either. They woke up with Brittany cuddled into his side and Santana practically falling off the bed.

However much those three weren't enjoying their temporary sleeping arrangements, Beth and Rachel have been loving it. It continually takes longer and longer for Quinn to get Beth to sleep each night; all she wants to do is stay up and sing with Rachel. Who isn't much help at all in wrangling Beth to sleep when singing is the other option presented to her.

It's going to be fantastic to have her own room again. It's been over two years.

By dinnertime, Beth has shed her Spiderman suit and is running around in just a pair of neon green cotton underwear that Quinn doesn't remember buying. Sam and Mike both took their shirts off hours ago, and Kurt is wearing what barely passes for a tank top and something that looks like a mini kilt. Brittany and Santana are both in sports bras and shorts, and Rachel is in tight workout gear. Quinn is the only person in the apartment still fully clothed in a tank top and shorts. Most of the boxes and furniture are in the rooms they are supposed to be in, and the majority of the kitchen things are unpacked. The weather has only dropped down to 85º.

They decide to call it a day, and Sam, Mike, and Brittany take turns jumping through quick, cold showers—as they did most of the heavy lifting and sweating. Everyone else towels off, sits in front of some small fans, and changes into clean clothes. They head out and take the subway into Midtown to Ellen's Stardust Diner. Beth decided she wants to be serenaded by waitstaff for her birthday.

It takes all of about ten seconds after they've been seated for Rachel to jump up and run over to a waiter before Quinn can grab ahold of her. She can only sigh and slump back into her seat as she watches Rachel animatedly converse with the boy. He hoovers over her by nearly an entire foot, and he looks terrified.

Beth crawls onto her lap, grinning from ear to ear. She is back in her Spiderman suit despite the heat. Quinn relented, the restaurant has air conditioning, and it's her birthday. Not to mention, she looks adorable.

"I think you might be getting too big for my lap," Quinn jokes. Beth turns up to her, with a stricken look on her face and Quinn laughs before kissing both her cheeks. "Relax babe, I'm joking. You'll never be too big."

"Yeah, when you're fifty and Q's an old fart sit there and break her legs. It'll be hilarious," Santana says.

Quinn reaches over and pinches her bare leg as Rachel slips back into their booth. Rachel frowns at Santana's squawk and looks to Quinn, who shrugs, feigning innocence. Rachel's eyes narrow slightly, but she just ducks down and smiles to Beth. "They're pulling out all the stops for you," she grins.

"I want french fries," Beth requests, the minute the waiter walks up to them.

Quinn slaps her leg lightly, "Babe, manners."

"May I please have some french fries?" Beth amends. "It's my birthday."

"So I heard," the waiter—Julio, according to his name tag—says with a smile. He takes their orders, and by the time he's gone off to put them in, some of his coworkers have already started to sing.

They eat their dinner loudly; reaching over each others plates, stealing bits of food, singing along with the waitstaff, and bumbling into each other with the familiarity of living in one cramped apartment together for years. It's then that it hits Quinn how much things are about to change. Sam takes a bite of her hamburger without asking, and she takes a sip of his milkshake without thought. It's going to be very different with him twenty minutes away instead of less then six feet. She bumps her shoulder against his, and sips his milkshake again, loudly. Sam grins at her and yanks it back.

By the time they are mostly done with their meal, Rachel has jumped up and joined the waitstaff in song. It's... not technically allowed as far as Quinn understands, but no one seems like they are objecting. They announce that it's Beth's birthday, and Rachel pulls her up on the table top with Julio. He raises her up on his shoulders as they all sing happy birthday, and Quinn manages to get a hold of Rachel—keeping her in the booth.

The heat has dropped down to 80º, and thankfully, there is a semblance of a breeze as they walk home. When they reach their old apartment building, Sam sets Beth down from her post up on his back, and the two of them do some sort of handshake that involves pretending to shoot webs out of their wrists. Quinn rolls her eyes when Santana jumps in at the end, hauling Beth up onto her own back and running up ahead. The boys head upstairs as Brittany chases after Santana.

Quinn kisses Rachel, "Night," she whispers.

Rachel smiles, "I love you," and kisses her again before freezing. Quinn knows her eyes are probably bugging out of her head and she doesn't think a single muscle in her body has moved. Rachel backs up from her in a slight panic. "I mean... I just meant... I—"

Quinn grabs her by the back of her neck and kisses her fiercely before pressing her forehead against Rachel's. "I love you too," she whispers. Rachel makes a squealing noise and kisses her again.

"MA-MAAA!" Beth screams from down the street. "Come onnn!"

"Yeah!" Santana yells, "Quit macking on Berry! I want more cake!"

Quinn huffs against Rachel's forehead, kisses her once more, then runs after them, yelling goodbye over her shoulder. When she reaches them, Beth launches herself into Quinn's arms. "I'm four!" she announces with glee.

"I can hardly believe it myself," Quinn grins.

"Cake," Santana insists. "I was promised more cake."

"Cake! Cake! Cake! Cake!" Beth begins to chant. Santana joins her while Brittany rolls her eyes at Quinn.

"Oh yeah," Quinn says dryly, "this should be fun.

…

…

Quinn wakes up with a headache. She rolls over and stuffs her head back into her pillow. Maybe if she just doesn't move she can fall back asleep and stay that way all day. She's exhausted.

Beth was less than thrilled by the prospect of having her own room when presented with it all night long. Quinn had tucked her in, made sure that her fan was on, read two stories, then said goodnight. Within ten minutes, Beth had left her room and crawled in with Quinn. They had spent an exhausting and horrible night of back and forth, putting Beth back in her own bed. Pretty much every book and class Quinn has taken over the last two years say that children should get used to sleeping on their own. By two a.m. Beth had been screaming and clinging to Quinn while sobbing. Quinn herself had been crying for the last hour. Finally Santana had given Beth to Brittany, and grabbed Quinn. "Fuck books Q. If it's killing you, and it's killing her, then fuck it. You don't have to get this over with in one goddamn night. Also, I'm really tired. And if she doesn't stop crying, none of us are gonna get any sleep." Quinn had finally given up and Beth spent the rest of the night clinging to her until she fell asleep. Quinn hadn't been quite that lucky.

So, she tries to go back to sleep now. She is nearly there when suddenly her brain rebels. There's no fighting it, she's awake.

And her head is fucking pounding.

Reluctantly, she flops out of bed and heads into the new kitchen in search of coffee and some aspirin. What she finds is Brittany on the couch in the living room; her laptop propped up on her legs, eating cereal. She gives Quinn a salute with her spoon as she walks past. "Morning Britt," Quinn says with a wave. Santana and Beth are both sitting on top of the kitchen table, cross-legged, throwing grapes into each others mouths.

"Mom watch," Beth throws a grape up into the air. Santana has to dodge forward a bit to catch it, but she does.

Quinn gives her a light smile, "Nice babe," and heads to get a glass of water. She downs two aspirin, then pours herself a mug of coffee. Beth and Santana each catch four more grapes by the time she sits down next to them.

Santana hands her a banana. "You look like shit."

"I don't feel much better," Quinn says, then nods to the swear jar on the counter.

"Bad word Tana," Beth grins. "Give me money."

Santana grabs Beth and gives her a nuggie instead. "It's your fault everyone is tired and swearing. You kept us up all night long."

"I didn't," Beth looks on the verge of crying and Santana loosens her grip.

"Aw Lizard, I didn't mean it like that. Only joking."

Beth's lower lip wobbles a bit, but she nods.

Brittany calls out, "Hey San, what was the name of that bar you wanted to apply to?"

Santana uncrosses her legs and jumps down off the table, "Uh, Jerry's I think? It's by Sam's hospital." She goes into the living room with Brittany.

Beth turns to Quinn and she gives her a tired smile. "Today is a nap day for us both," Quinn tells her.

Beth frowns, but nods. "In my bed or yours?" she asks.

"How about we try naps together, and bed tonight separate?"

Beth thinks about it, "How about we switch?" she asks. "We can nap in our rooms, but I can sleep with you tonight?"

She looks so hopeful, and it's not a bad way to start easing her into sleeping in her own room, so Quinn nods. "That sounds like a pretty good idea babe. Gimme a kiss." Beth beams and crawls over the table, giving Quinn a particularly wet and smacking kiss. Then she throws a grape into her mouth.

…

…

Sam starts his job as an emergency room RN in Queens. From everything he's told Quinn so far, he loves it, and it's a little bit terrifying.

Santana applies to be a bartender across the street from the hospital. But applies seems like the wrong word to Quinn. The two of them walk with Sam to work that morning, intending on getting some coffee on the way when Santana sees the bar. She grabs Quinn then proceeds to badger the manager for the next fifteen minutes while he repeatedly tells her to fill out an application. She ignores him, but has Brittany print one out anyway. When she goes back the next day, she hands him the barely filled out application, then hops behind the bar and demands to be taught how to mix drinks. When she shows up the next day, she tells Quinn that he nearly cries at the sight of her, but she now officially has a job.

The jobs continue flowing when Quinn adds an internship Ms Mulder recommended her for to her shifts at the coffee shop. Between two jobs, and trying to get Beth into her own room at night—Quinn barely sleeps the entire summer.

Rachel offers to take Beth along to her dance and vocal summer lessons most days. Which, Quinn loves and appreciates, but is also the tinniest bit terrified of. Her enthusiasm is intense. Especially for a four year old.

Quinn and Beth head up the stairs to drop Beth off before Quinn's morning shift at the coffee shop and hear odd noises coming from the apartment. Quinn knocks and hears Rachel call, "It's open!" with a bit of a grunt. Beth bursts through and Quinn has to chase after her. They find Rachel and Mike in the living room, both of them half dressed, humming, and tangled up together in what looks like a very painful yoga-like stretch.

"Morning?"

Rachel's head twists around from under Mike's torso and she grins once she catches sight of Quinn. "Hi!" she disentangles herself with only a bit of difficulty and runs over to kiss Quinn hello.

Beth runs and jumps onto Mike's chest, he grunts before giving her a hug.

"You do yoga now?" Quinn asks.

"A bit," Rachel shrugs, entwining their hands. "Mike is teaching me. It's very relaxing."

"That didn't look relaxing so much as painful," Quinn says. Rachel laughs lightly. "So, my shift is done at two. Do you want me to meet you guys here or at your studio?"

Rachel considers it, "Um, probably here. But I'll text you."

"Okay," Quinn kisses her again, then calls out goodbye to Beth.

"Bye Mom!" Beth calls, she's twisted herself into a position that doesn't resemble Mike's at all—but is very cute.

Quinn rolls her eyes, waves to Mike and heads out to work. Hopefully her daughter will still have all her limbs in the correct place when she gets back.


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry for another delay between chapters. My friend died on the 19th and her funeral was on Saturday and honestly it has just been really hard to focus on anything for very long. I'd sit down and manage to write 2 or 3 sentences then give up. She has been sick for about 2 years, we knew it was coming, but I really never thought it would actually happen. I never thought that a girl I've known since she was 5 years old would really die. She was my sister's best friend and I've been trying to be there for her, and wrap my own brain around it and just... yeah, that's where I'm at right now. And it really sucks. But, when I did finally sit down and write, it started to help, so I am getting back into the swing of things, and I should definitely have the next chapter up sometime next week. Hope you're all still with me.

Junior year is undoubtedly going to be the hardest year for Quinn academically. Her internship from the summer is extended—though drops down in hours, thank god—and on top of her shifts at the coffee shop, all her homework, and Beth, she barely manages to get five hours of sleep a night. Thankfully, Beth has finally adjusted to sleeping in her own bed, and she begins preschool this year every Tuesday and Thursday. It is only from nine till noon, but it gets them on a regular schedule. Quinn drops her off on her way to her morning class, picks her up, they have lunch, then Beth goes down for her nap. Santana studies at home while Beth sleeps and Quinn goes to her afternoon class.

Beth is... not a particularly good student according to her teachers.

She's smart, she is ahead of most of her peers as far as letters and numbers go, but—she does not play well with others. After her first three weeks in school, Quinn is called into a meeting with Beth's teacher. She tells her that Beth is frequently disruptive, doesn't know how to share, in constant need of attention, and doesn't focus well.

Quinn is devastated, but Beth's teacher assures her that all of Beth's behaviors are typical to only children who don't spend a lot of time with other kids their own age. She is already improving and most likely will continue to do so, she just wanted to make Quinn was aware.

She doesn't look at Quinn like she's incompetent, or imply that it's her fault, but Beth's other teacher certainly does.

Quinn cries in Rachel's bed for nearly an hour. Going on about what a terrible mother she is while Rachel holds her and tells her every way in which she is wrong. It takes a while, but eventually, Rachel gets her to feel better.

Another month later, Beth is still known for needing quite a bit of attention, but she has a best friend named Javier, and a much better progress report. And Quinn finally relaxes.

…

…

Living with Brittany and Santana makes her feel like she's thirteen again. It's cheer camp all over except instead of sharing a cramped cabin with a bunch of other thirteen year olds, they have a semi-spacious apartment of their own.

Their first night at cheer camp, Brittany had cried. Homesick. Santana had crawled up into the top bunk and held her. Quinn knew they were already friends—they'd arrived together, pinkies locked. She had been about to turn around and leave them alone in the cabin, but Santana had glared down at her. To this day, Quinn can't remember what it was in that glare that caused her to climb up and hold Brittany's other side. They sandwiched her in between them until she finally calmed down. After that night, the three of them had become inseparable. In the safe bubble of camp, they shared everything; but once they were subjected to high school they had become tense and suspicious of each other. Quinn got head cheerleader, Santana wanted it, and the entire team was encouraged to fight by Coach. She thought the competition kept them on their toes. By the second half of their freshman year, Quinn wouldn't trust either of them with a single honest thing.

It took almost five years, but now, the only people she loves more in the world are Beth and Rachel. And living with them brings back the bubble of cheer camp, only this time she doesn't think anything could break it.

The summer feels like an endless sleepover despite how busy they all are, but by the October, they've settled into a constantly evolving routine.

Some days, the morning is dedicated to getting Santana the fuck out of bed and on the subway to school. Occasionally, Beth is brought in to jump on top of her sleeping form. Other times, all three of them throw water on her—or they all jump. Only once in a while can Brittany coax her out of bed all on her own.

Sam used to just pull her out of bed and leave her whining on the living room floor.

Other days, everyone makes sure Brittany doesn't forget all her things for school and her late dance classes. Beth in particular takes delight in packing all Brittany's dance shoes in her bag.

When everyone focuses on Quinn, it's usually a day she has to go to her internship. It's always small things; Santana handing her a full mug of coffee before she can think to get one herself in the bustle of the morning. Or Brittany stuffing an extra granola bar in her backpack when she's not looking because she knows Quinn forgets to eat. Or Beth just behaving. Picking up on Quinn's stress and deciding to not make her mother's life hell for a few hours.

Beth's preschool days are the most noticeable. Tuesdays and Thursdays Quinn wishes that they hadn't split up between apartments. With Beth finally sleeping in her own bed, she has become nearly as difficult as Santana to wake up. Sam has always been the one who could coax her out of her naps in a good mood and he is sorely missed in the mornings nowadays.

All in all though, they're getting the hang of it.

The biggest surprise for Quinn is how easy and settled her relationship with Rachel becomes. They are both relatively busy during the summer, but they manage to see each other nearly everyday. The mere twenty minute walk between their apartments is a godsend.

On their one year anniversary, they go to small vegan place Rachel stumbled upon. (Though she reminds Quinn that she is no longer vegan, looking as guilty as she had the first time. Quinn just smiles and kisses her.) Then they get tickets to an off-Broadway play. When they go back to Quinn's apartment, she takes great advantage of the fact that Beth now sleeps in her own room.

…

…

Watching as Rachel and Beth's relationship continues to blossom makes Quinn grin like an idiot. The three of them start making regular "dates" every Friday night—per Beth's request. Usually it's nothing more than cooking dinner, or going out to dinner and watching a movie; but occasionally they will head to Central Park, or play around in an empty theatre at Tisch. Nights at the theatre are Beth's favorite. She and Rachel rehearse with each other throughout the week, then generally perform excerpts from Rachel's classes for Quinn.

Halloween falls on a Friday night this year, and they are talked into dressing up as Batgirl by Beth. Even though they've previously done that costume, Quinn doesn't object.

Beth designates Quinn to be Stephanie again, Rachel as Barbara, and herself as Cassandra.

They look  _good_.

Rachel—who is not as into superheroes as Beth is—takes a surprising delight in it. The two of them take over 105 selfies in the hour before they go out. It takes Quinn and Rachel over two and a half hours to go through and delete a third of them in bed later that night. Rachel likes every little variation and is reluctant to delete anything.

They also eat over half of the candy, which Quinn only feels slightly bad about.

…

…

Quinn can't catch her breath.

She can barely feel Santana clutching her arm as she drags her down the hospital hallway. Santana is yelling at everyone in their path, but it sounds dulled to Quinn. She can't make out any of the words.

Except  _Beth_.

"Lady, I will  _kill you_ ," Santana growls at the nurse in their way.

"Quinn!" Rachel pops into sight from behind a curtain in the ER. Her hair is disheveled and her face is red, puffy, and streaked with tears. Quinn can see her body shaking from all the way over here. "Quinn... I..." her voice cracks, "I'm  _so_  sorry."

Santana plows forward, knocking into the nurse without apologizing. "What happened? Where is she?"

"Right here. Sam's got her. She... her arm is broken." Rachel won't look up from the floor, and Quinn still can't breathe.

Santana keeps a vice grip on Quinn's arm, and yanks the curtain open with the other, sucking in a breath at the sight of Beth on the bed in front of them. She looks so small. Smaller than when she was born. Quinn doesn't know how that is possible.

She's been crying, and the minute she catches sight of Quinn, the tears begin to flow again. "Mama," she moans and reaches out for her.

Quinn immediately dashes to her side and kisses her forehead. "Baby, you're okay."

"I broked my arm," she whines.

Sam looks up from where he has been wrapping her arm gingerly with gauze. He smiles and Quinn instantly feels better. "She's a tough cookie. Batgirl would be proud," he directs at Beth.

"Is she—"

"She's  _fine_  Quinn." He insists as the doctor steps in past Rachel. "It's broken, but she's alright." He shoots a glance over to Rachel, who is standing back as far away from them as she can and still be inside of the curtain. "She's gonna be fine." He repeats firmly to her.

"Quinn I'm..." Rachel's voice cracks again, and she chokes out a sob. "I'm so sorry. I... I turned away for  _a second_..." she shakes her head back and forth, "I..."

" _She's_ _fine_." Sam insists again. "Gonna get a cool cast and tons of ice cream. And next time," he turns to Beth, "she'll  _listen_ when Rachel tells her the top of the jungle gym is too high to do tricks off of."

Beth pouts, but nods before turning her head into Quinn's side. The doctor smiles down at her. "What's your favorite color?" He asks. "I know from Sam you're partial to superheroes. We could deck it out in red and gold? Do you like Iron Man?"

Beth shrugs. "He's ok."

Quinn can already tell Beth is perking up. And the tightness in her chest loosens just the slightest bit. Santana is still pacing back and forth behind her, shooting glares between the doctor and Rachel. Beth settles on green—apparently she and Sam are getting into the Hulk comics—and frowns and whimpers as the doctor wraps and sets her wrist. Sam sits there, making faces and doing impressions until she begins to laugh; and Quinn doesn't let go of her for a second.

When the doctor finishes setting her arm, Beth is half asleep from the pain medication her gave her. But she knocks her head into Quinn's shoulder, "Where's Mach?" she asks. Reverting back to her old nickname.

It's only then that Quinn even realizes that Rachel and Santana aren't in the room anymore. Quinn hasn't said a thing to Rachel since she walked into Sam's hospital. She'd been so blindly focused on Beth. "Um, you stay here with Sam. I'll go find her okay babe?"

"Kay," Beth mumbles and curls her body into Sam's.

Quinn is reluctant to leave her daughter's side. She's been sick before, but she hasn't ever been this scared about Beth's wellbeing. Logically, she knows Beth is alright. But a bone in her child's body is  _broken_.

Quinn sighs and rises. Her hands, steady mere seconds ago, are suddenly shaky, along with her knees. She stands up straight and sucks in a breath—Fabrays are experts at masking pain and fear—and walks down the hallway of the ER. There is no sign of either Rachel or Santana, so Quinn gets herself a cup of coffee. The steaming liquid calms her nerves and gives her something to hold onto. She can't squeeze the cup or she'll burn herself, so she focuses on holding it just so, and her hands begin to steady.

As she walks down another hallway she finally finds Rachel and Santana. Standing very close together at the end of the hall, Rachel has her arms wrapped around herself and Santana's hands are clenched down at her sides. It's what she does when she is either furious, or trying to stop herself from hugging someone. From this far back, Quinn can't tell which it is this time. Rachel chokes out a sob and Santana sighs, reaching up and wiping away some of Rachel's tears before pinching her arm.

"Santana!" Quinn chastises as she makes her way down the hall. They both jump at the sound of her voice, springing apart.

Santana reaches out and steals Quinn's coffee, "Lizard okay?" she asks.

Quinn nods and takes her cup back after Santana takes a large sip. "She's asking for Rachel. We can take her home after I sign some stuff. Sam's with her."

"She's asking for  _me_?" Rachel asks in disbelief.

Santana scoffs and Quinn kicks her before handing over her coffee. "I'm gonna go find the nurse and sign everything. I'll meet you guys back there in a few minutes."

"Quinn, I—" Rachel starts.

Santana grabs Rachel's arm and hauls her forward, "Come on Berry. Don't want to keep Beth waiting." She glances back over her shoulder to Quinn, and with a glare Quinn gets her to sigh and give Rachel an awkward pat of comfort.

By the time Quinn has filled out nearly all of the forms, Sam appears beside her with a new cup of coffee. "She's asleep on top of Rachel." He grins and slips down beside her. "It's very cute."

Quinn takes the cup from him gratefully, dropping the forms on the table in front of her and leaning against him with a sigh.

"She's fine," he says as he rubs her arm.

"I know. It's just..." she sighs. "I've never been that scared before. When you called I just..."

Sam squeezes her arm. "Rachel was kind of amazing. I thought she'd be the type to panic, but she was calm the whole time. Beth was more scared then hurt I think. I mean, I broke my arm when I was nine—it hurts—but the shock of falling is usually more overwhelming. Rach just held her and calmed her right down. Better than half the nurses I work with could have."

Quinn smiles proudly along with him and sips her coffee. "I would have panicked," she admits.

"A Fabray? I doubt it. I've seen you in a crisis. And I've seen Rachel—which is why I was a little surprised." His voice softens, "And she's... she's really worried about you blaming her."

"What?!"

"She was calm until she saw you. It wasn't her fault Quinn. We were on the bench, and Rachel told her twice not to go so high. She was trying to jump from one end to the other. Some trick. She jumped again—purposely when we weren't looking—and she missed."

"I don't...  _I know_  it's not her fault. I never—she thinks I'm  _mad_  at her? I just haven't had a second to... I was just focused on Beth. I don't blame her." Quinn jumps up. "I don't blame her. Is that what she and Santana were talking about? Goddamnit Sam."

"No, I don't know I just—Quinn!"

Quinn runs down the hall and shoves the curtain open. Rachel is up on the bed, Beth asleep on her chest. Her good arm is clasped hand in hand with Santana's, who is sitting rather close to someone she supposedly yelled at earlier. Santana jumps up at the sight of Quinn, pushing herself away from Rachel and easing her hand out of Beth's grasp. Quinn wishes she would stop trying to pretend she isn't actually friends with Rachel. It's getting annoying.

"You okay?" Santana asks immediately.

"I'm fine. Can you sit with Beth for a minute? I need to talk to Rachel." Santana nods and she and Rachel switch places. Rachel won't look Quinn in the eye as they walk down to an empty lobby. "Rach—"

"—Quinn I am so, _so_  sorry." Rachel interrupts her. "I completely understand that you never want to see my again. I just..." she releases a sob. "I'm just so sorry. I never should have taken my eyes off of her."

"Woah, Rach  _stop._ " Quinn grabs her arms and forces Rachel to look up at her. "I'm not  _breaking up with you._ Are you crazy?"

"Quinn, I endangered the life of your child. I—she—you can't trust me with her.  _I_  don't trust myself. I can't..." she breaks off into sobs and Quinn grabs her, pulling her close against her chest.

"Rachel, I  _was_  terrified, but kids fall down and they get hurt. I've broken and sprained a million things over the years."

"I've never broken anything," Rachel moans into her chest. She sounds oddly put upon by it.

Quinn chuckles and rubs her back. "Well... you're kind of weird. We already knew that."

"That's rude," Rachel pulls back slightly and Quinn bends down and kisses her.

"But true." Quinn pushes Rachel's bangs out of her face. "Sam said you were kind of amazing. I'm glad you were there."

Rachel shakes her head back and forth disparagingly.

"Did Santana tell you it was your fault? Because when Beth was one and a half, she totally dropped her once, so she doesn't have a leg to stand on. She's just scared. She lashes out when she gets scared."

"I know. She wasn't yelling at me. She told me it wasn't my fault and you wouldn't be angry. She's been a surprisingly good friend as of late."

"She was right."

"Quinn... I'm sorry."

"You don't have anything to be sorry for, but I know you won't stop, so apology accepted."

The two of them walk hand in hand back to Beth. She's awake and reaches up for Quinn the second she sees her. She refuses to be put down all the way back to the apartment, and she demands that Rachel sleep over. Despite their talk in the hallway, Rachel still seems cautious around Beth.

Beth asks to sleep with them and Quinn lets her. She snuggles in between the two of them and Rachel looks confused as she curls into her. The pain medication causes Beth to fall back asleep rather quickly, but Rachel tosses and turns for a bit before falling asleep herself. Instead of talking to Quinn as she usually does whenever she sleeps over, she remains quiet until she nods off.

Quinn has never been someone who can fall asleep quickly, but tonight it takes her considerably longer than usual. She wasn't lying when she said she didn't blame Rachel. Beth has a habit of climbing up and jumping off of on things she shouldn't, and not listening as of late. It was an accident. But the second she saw her daughter in a hospital bed, scared and hurt, something twisted inside of her. She is never going to be able to really protect Beth from the world. She is going to get hurt.

It's the worst feeling in the world. So much more so then when her father called her a whore and kicked her out of her home. Quinn honestly thought nothing would ever top that.

…

…

Rachel goes back to being tentative around Beth, never letting herself be alone with her for more than a minute or two. Beth herself barely bats an eye over her arm, other than to brandish her cast around and demand people draw things on it. She does become a little clingy with Rachel for the first couple of days, but other than that, it's like nothing ever happened.

With how frequently Beth asks for Rachel, and the way she seems to start avoiding both Beth and Quinn—Quinn finally realizes that her relationship isn't just about her anymore. Quinn can't see herself ever wanting anyone other than Rachel, but she's not sure if Rachel wants the responsibility of being a parent to Beth. She is too scared to talk to her about it, so Quinn starts avoiding Rachel as much as Rachel avoids her.

…

…

Thanksgiving is barely an affair at all. Brittany and Santana both get bad colds, and none of them go home.

Rachel hardly says goodbye before she leaves, and she looks guiltily at Beth's cast the entire time.

Quinn and Beth make everyone turkey soup instead of chicken noodle, and they all watch the Macy's Parade then take naps.

…

…

On the days after the holiday, Rachel seems to disappear completely. They talk, but it's always awkward and short.

It's not worth it to throw Rachel a surprise birthday party, because she expects it, so they mostly just differ to Rachel for whatever she wants.

The night before, Quinn and Rachel are blowing up balloons in the living room when Quinn finally loses it. "If you want to break up, you need to just say it," she snaps. The way Rachel's face flinches twists her gut, but she's always lashed out before anyone can hurt her first—it doesn't look like she's about to stop now.

"I don't want to break up," Rachel says quietly.

"You've been weird ever since Beth got hurt. And I get it, I wouldn't want to be a parent this young either, but I  _am._  And frankly you knew that going in, so freaking out on me now really isn't fair."

"I'm not—alright  _yes_ —a little. I  _was_ freaking out but not because of  _that_. Well not because... I know you're a mother Quinn. I love Beth I never... I never faulted you for that or was scared of it."

"Then what—"

"I love her," Rachel whispers.

Quinn shakes her head, the balloon in her hand squealing as the helium pours out of it. "I don't see what—"

"—She isn't my daughter." Rachel interrupts. Quinn drops the balloon down to her lap. "But that day... it felt like she was. We—" she laughs harshly "—we've only been dating a  _year._  I have no right to—my dads think I'm crazy."

"Oh my god," Quinn groans. "You talked to your dads about this?"

"I talk to my dads about  _everything_. You know that. I told them the first time we made love," she shrugs.

"What!?" Quinn screeches.

Rachel makes a face at her, "Not  _details_  Quinn obviously. Well... I  _did_ tell them we almost set my dorm room on fire due to too many candles, but only because it was an amusing story and it endeared them to you. But that's not the point. Quinn I overstepped my bounds and it scared me. I knew I loved Beth, but I didn't know I loved her that much and it just... maybe we are moving a little too fast."

"So you want to just break up?" Quinn snaps. "Fine," she rises and stalks into the kitchen.

"No! That's not what I meant!" Rachel follows her, half filled balloons still clutched in her fists. "I just got scared! That's a perfectly normal reaction. And I don't think it's fair for you to be angry with me about it. I was just trying to distance myself a little bit so I didn't step on your toes in any way with Beth."

"What! Rachel, that's insane!"

"No it's not! Quinn, you have a daughter. Our relationship effects her! And I  _knew_  that but... Quinn I got so scared when she screamed." Tears start falling down Rachel's face. "I turned to talk to Sam for  _one second,_  and the next thing I know she's screaming and crying, and on the ground and I just... it was terrifying. I've never been that scared." Her voice rises, "I thought you would never speak to me again. And then you just  _forgave me,_  and Beth wanted me there all the time like it was normal. Like she wanted  _me_  just as much as she wanted  _you_  and I... Quinn I love you both so much, but I'm only turning twenty years old tomorrow."

Quinn sucks in a breath. "Rachel, if you can't do this—if you  _don't want_  to do this. You need to tell me now," she says evenly. She doesn't know how it comes out sounding so calm, because her heart is racing.

"Quinn—"

"—No I mean it Rach. I need to know  _now_. I know that's not totally fair, and that this is a lot, and we're only twenty but... I can't do that to her Rach. She loves you. And..." Quinn's voice cracks as she tries to keep herself from crying. "And  _I_  love you. I've loved you for a long time Rach. And I know what I want and it's  _you_. That's... it's not going to change. No matter how old I get. This has been coming since I was like sixteen, I just didn't realize it. So..." Quinn takes a deep breath. "If you can't do this—I won't blame you—but I need to know now."

Rachel is uncharacteristically silent throughout the entire time Quinn speaks. And it scares Quinn a million times more than if she were yelling or stamping around the kitchen.

Finally, Rachel visibly sucks in a breath. "What is this?" she asks. "What are you asking me? I—"

"If you're going to be able to be here. I'm not... asking for any declarations or anything. Just... Rachel, if we ever break up, you have to still be in Beth's life. She loves you. You can't do that to her. You can't disappear cause you get scarred. I don't need you to be her parent, I need you to be in her life."

"I don't want to break up." Rachel says quickly.

"Good, neither do I. But I do need you to promise."

"I promise." Rachel says firmly.

They just stand there, staring at each other until Quinn can't stand it. It doesn't feel like everything is resolved, but it does feel less overwhelming that it had a minute ago. She lifts the balloon in her hand up to her mouth and sucks in the helium. "Was this our first fight?" she asks, her voice high pitched and hilarious.

Rachel grins, then sucks the air out of her own balloon. "I'm not sure." Her voice is ridiculous and Quinn starts to laugh before Rachel interrupts her. "First one to laugh loses!" she yells in a high pitched squeak.

"Are you kidding me?"

Rachel grins, sucks in some more helium, then starts singing the titular song from  _Anything Goes_.

Quinn loses. But she feels pretty good about it.


	18. Chapter 18

"I think I'm gonna throw up," Quinn groans. Rachel tuts at her and doesn't look up from her phone. "I mean it," Quinn says. "I'm gonna throw up on you." The turbulence of the plane is not helping the nauseous feeling growing in her gut.

"Don't you dare," Rachel's fingers fly across her phone and Quinn knocks her head into Rachel's shoulder. "Quinn..." she says tersely.

"I'm gonna puke Rach."

"Ew, Mom don't," Beth whines from the window seat. Quinn swings her arm around and pinches her leg lightly. She giggles and swats at Quinn's hands, who only pinches her again. "You have to do it in these bag things," Beth points to them. "It's the rules of the plane. The lady said so."

"I don't want to throw up in the bag thing," Quinn ducks her head down near Beth's. "I want to throw up on your head," she musses up Beth's hair.

"Ugh, Rach make her stop," Beth whines.

"Quinn, stop traumatizing your child," Rachel clicks her phone off and reaches out to clasp her hand in Quinn's. "And you are  _not_  going to vomit. My fathers are not that terrifying. We're going to have fun. Right Beth?"

Beth shrugs. "I dunno, I like being in New York for Christmas. And we'll miss the tree and the skate park. And Mom hates Ohio."

Quinn refrains from commenting on that.

Rachel sighs beside her and the hand entwined in hers squeezes lightly. "The tree and the skating rink will both still be there when we get back. They keep them open a bit past the new year. And Ohio has many lovely qualities. Foremost, my fathers who are  _very_  excited to meet you."

"What does foremost mean?" Beth asks.

"First of all," Rachel explains to her. Beth nods, as if she knew this information already and just needed reminding, and Quinn has to suppress a laugh.

She had very reluctantly agreed to come spend the Christmas holidays with Rachel's family. It will be the first time she sets foot in Lima in years—and the first time she will properly meet Rachel's fathers.

Hence, the need to vomit.

"It's going to be fine," Rachel says, giving her hand another light squeeze. Quinn doesn't quite share her optimism. In high school, Quinn was great at wooing parents. Santana and Brittany's both loved her, despite their somewhat tumultuous relationship at the time. And Finn's mother was easy to charm. The only parent that ever actively dismissed her was Gina, Puck's mother. And with a bit more perspective than she had at age fifteen, Quinn knows it had a lot more to do with Puck than her.

But she  _has_  to make a good impression on Rachel's fathers. A teenage mother who used to torment their daughter in an unconscious effort to suppress her true romantic feelings doesn't seem like much of a catch. If Beth ever came home with someone like her, Quinn would probably throw them out in a heartbeat.

Lima looks exactly the same. Quinn can't decide if that is a good thing or a bad thing.

Everything is familiar. The parking lot for Breadstix packed, and the park where Quinn dared Santana to bum a cigarette of a senior when they were thirteen is frozen over. Only a few children are braving the cold to play. As they slowly drive through the town, it feels like she's never left—which is both horrifying and comforting all at once.

The taxi drives past her old home and Quinn sucks in a breath, refusing to look at it. Rachel's hand on her knee squeezes briefly and remains there until they arrive at her house. Beth shoots out of the taxi—eager to finally no longer be cooped up. As Quinn starts pulling bags out of the trunk, two men appear in the doorway, and Rachel screams happily before sprinting towards them. Beth watches on curiously by Quinn's side as Rachel jumps into their arms. Quinn hands her one of the smaller bags, and slings her own duffle over her shoulder before taking her hand and walking them slowly up the steps.

"Dad, Daddy, this is Quinn. And this is Beth," Rachel says, stepping back from her fathers and beaming at them.

"It's very nice to meet you," Quinn says, and sticks her free hand out, praying it isn't clammy.

Hiram, who looks nearly identical to Rachel, reaches out with a bright smile and takes her hand. "It is lovely to finally meet the girl Rachel talks non-stop about," he says warmly before turning to Beth. "And you, are just as adorable as I was told. I'm Hiram."

Beth keeps her arm locked around Quinn's leg, but waves at him slightly with her cast. "Hello," she whispers. "Thank you for inviting us to your home," she manages to recite before ducking her head into Quinn's thigh. Hiram releases a squeal and Quinn now knows exactly where Rachel gets her enthusiasm.

"Oh my god, she is the most precious thing I've ever seen," he says to Rachel. "But enough standing around, it's freezing, everyone inside while I pay the taxi fare."

"Oh, sir you don't have to—" Quinn starts digging into her pockets for some cash, but he waves her off.

"Nonsense, everyone inside," he orders.

Rachel pushes them in as Leroy picks up her bag. Beth remains latched onto Quinn's leg, making it difficult for her to shuffle forward. Quinn can tell from her demeanor that she has about two minutes before Beth demands to be lifted up into her arms. Leroy turns and stares down at Quinn. His gaze makes her want to run out of the house and never come back, but she stands there and forces herself to look him in the eye. "It's nice to meet you sir," she says.

He hums. Which could be taken as agreement, but doesn't exactly feel like it's meant that way. Rachel prods him in the stomach. "I've set up the guest bedroom for you and your daughter," he says, smiling down at Beth. "I hope that's all right."

"Yes, thank you." Quinn says before Rachel can protest.

"Rachel, why don't you show them where it is and get settled, then come on down for coffee. Do you drink coffee Quinn?"

"Yes sir."

Leroy nods and his eyes follow as Rachel slips an arm around Quinn's waist and tugs her up the stairs. They haven't even been in Lima a full hour, and Quinn has the desperate urge to go home already.

They dump their bags in the guest bedroom and head back downstairs. Quinn takes the steaming mug from Hiram with a shaky smile as he directs them into the living room. Beth won't take the mug of hot chocolate from Leroy, so Quinn thanks him and holds it in her other hand.

She sits down beside Rachel on the couch—Beth immediately climbing onto her lap—while Hiram and Leroy sit on a love seat adjacent to them. Rachel and Hiram make up most of the conversation, chatting quickly and often talking over each other in their excitement. Quinn answers whenever something is asked of her, and often has to speak up for Beth as well. Leroy sits mostly silent and watches Quinn and Beth. It's a huge relief when Beth yawns one too many times and Quinn mentions it's a little past her bedtime.

She bids goodnight to everyone, then carries Beth back up to the guest room. By the time she has got her settled and crawled into bed beside her with a book, Rachel knocks lightly on the door.

"Well, they hate me." Quinn tells her.

"They absolutely do not." Rachel insists, and sits down on the edge of the bed. "Dad is just a little... protective and intense. He just doesn't know you yet. Not like I do." She leans forward and kisses Quinn lightly on the lips. "He is going to love you as much as I do. Just be your normal self." Quinn sighs, but nods. Rachel leans forward and kisses her again, "Goodnight."

"Night Rach." Quinn grins as Rachel slowly walks out and shuts the door behind her.

…

…

Quinn is on edge the entire five days she spends at the Berry residence. It only takes chocolate chip pancakes from Hiram and a quick mention of musical theatre the first morning for Beth to warm up to him. By the time breakfast is over, she is talking as animatedly as Rachel and Hiram, and gotten both men to sign her cast.

Like Quinn, she is a little more wary of Leroy; but by noon, she has gotten into a strong argument about her favorite superheroes with him. He wins her over when he tells her that he too feels Batman is overrated. "I was always a Spiderman fan myself," he says, causing Beth to gasp happily.

"Do you like Mary Jane or Gwen?" she asks with narrowed eyes.

"Both. I thought we should have gotten to see more of them being friends."

Beth grins and runs over to him. "In Ultimate Spiderman, they do. I have some issues upstairs, you can borrow them if you're careful."

"It's a deal," he says with a smile.

"Mr Berry," Beth asks, "how come we're having Christmas if you guys are Jewish?"

"Beth!" Quinn scolds.

Leroy smiles and waves her off. "I'm not Jewish," he explains. "Hiram is. I grew up Catholic, but I was never particularly religious. We've always celebrated Jewish holidays, and Christmas. It was my favorite as a child."

"Oh... did you know my dad is Jewish?" Beth asks.

"I am familiar with Mr Puckerman, yes." Leroy says with a look to Rachel and Quinn. Hiram ducks his head to stifle a laugh and Quinn relaxes slightly as Rachel smacks his arm.

"We're going to see him on Friday," Beth tells Leroy. "And my aunt Sarah and my grandma Gina. Do you know them?"

"I haven't had the pleasure yet."

"Oh, well... you can come if you want." Beth offers and trots back over to sit next to Rachel. Leroy smiles after her and locks eyes with Quinn.

"That is a very generous offer," he says. "Thank you."

Quinn offers to help him with dinner a few minutes later. He directs her towards the potatoes without a word. Once Quinn has washed them all, and has begun to peal them, he sips his coffee and studies her. "So... you used to be one of the girls who made my daughter come home from school in tears."

Quinn stops pealing the potato in her hand and turns to meet his gaze dead on. "Yes sir," she admits as calmly as she can manage. "I did a lot of things I regret very much in high school. Hurting Rachel is probably what I regret the most."

His eyebrows raise slightly at that. "Not becoming pregnant at fifteen with Noah Puckerman's child?"

"I've never regretted having Beth," Quinn says seriously. "It certainly would have been nice if I'd been older, or married, or any number of things..." Quinn shrugs, "but then she wouldn't be Beth. And I love her more than I ever thought was possible, so... no. I don't regret it. Not even a little." She picks up the potato and begins pealing it again. "Besides, I'm not sure who I would be if I hadn't gotten pregnant at fifteen. My perspective changed about a lot of things. I didn't like the person I was before that very much. Maybe I would have changed anyway, but I doubt I would have stayed in Glee Club if I hadn't been ostracized by everyone else. And then I wouldn't have become friends with Rachel, and Santana and I never would have reconnected, and I might have not been friends with Sam, so maybe not..." she trails off and focuses on the potatoes.

"When I was fifteen, I told all my friends that Greg Wilkens was a weirdo and that he was stalking me." Leroy says softly. Quinn pauses and looks up at him. "He had been my best friend the year before, but he was scrawny and sort of feminine and none of the other boys liked him. So I pretended I didn't either. He barely had any other friends throughout high school. I never teased him again, and I directed my friends away from teasing him whenever it came up—but I was never his friend again. And I know I hurt him very deeply. I'll never forget the look of betrayal in his eyes." He turns and meets Quinn's gaze. "Children can be incredibly cruel when they want to be accepted. The ones who grow up to recognize their mistakes are the smart ones." He pauses and sips his coffee again. "And I have to admit, I am familiar with your parents, and how terrifying it can feel to be unsure of your sexuality. Rachel and Hiram were both the same, they barely ever gave it a second thought once the idea popped into their heads."

Quinn snorts at that and catches Leroy smile out of the corner of his eye.

"I can see how much you love my daughter," he adds softly. "You make her very happy."

Quinn can help but beam. "She makes me very happy too sir."

Leroy nods and points to the potatoes. Quinn resumes her work as he places the vegetables in the oven. "I am obligated as a father to say however, that if you hurt my child in anyway, I will abandon all my principals, become a gun owner and hurt you very badly."

Quinn freezes as he smiles devilishly down at her. "Uh... yes sir."

Leroy smiles, then bends down and kisses her cheek before waltzing out of the kitchen.

…

…

By the time they head back to the airport, Quinn is no longer terrified of Leroy (slightly on edge around him) but not afraid of being told off from dating his daughter. Beth seems to have throughly charmed both of the Berry men, and Rachel seems more relaxed than she has been in weeks.

Quinn doesn't go near her old home, or call her mother—but she and Beth both go home with presents Frannie mailed over to them.

She rings in the New Year back home, everyone piled into her apartment and Beth practically asleep on Sam's lap. Rachel tugs her over for a kiss as the clock strikes twelve, and quite a bit more when they finally head off to bed two hours later.

…

…

When the doctor comes at Beth's cast with a tiny saw, Quinn's stomach clenches, but she smiles reassuringly at her daughter. The second it is off, Beth's arm drops down to her lap. She gasps in fear and starts to cry. "I can't move it! It's still broken!"

"No, the muscles are weak from lack of use," the doctor explains. "We're going to put this brace on it for a couple of weeks, and you'll ease back into using it."

"See babe, totally normal." Quinn says and rubs her arm gently.

Beth frowns as the doctor shows her how to put on the brace. "Do you have any pink ones?" she asks. "Or green?"

"I'm afraid for the braces, we only have beige."

"That's super boring," Beth informs him helpfully. The doctor laughs as Quinn shuffles her out the door.

…

…

"Q, you're twenty-one, you have to drink. I mean, come on!" Santana complains. "It's what twenty-first birthdays are  _for._ "

"It's... not actually," Quinn says dryly. "But, if I have a glass of champagne, will you leave me alone?"

"Q, if you drink an entire glass of expensive, awesome champagne right here and now, I will leave you to your boring sober life forever." Santana promises, crossing her finger over her heart. Quinn sighs and Santana grins devilishly, sticking her hand up and signaling to a waiter. "What's good champagne that's not crazy ass expensive?" she asks. The waiter frowns at her, but goes off to find something.

"I think you should also pick some desert," Rachel says, reaching up to rub Quinn's back. "They said it was free."

The waiter comes back with a bottle of champagne for them to split (and they are now out 150$ which Quinn doesn't think is worth it at all) but her friends are all beaming, and it actually tastes alright. The bubbles tickles her throat, and leave her feeling warm as she splits her chocolate cake with Rachel.

She still feels giddy as they all walk home together, one hand entwined in Rachel's while Santana continuously prods her in the side. She is more than a little buzzed and keeps coming up with ideas for never before tried cake flavors they should invent. (Quinn mostly stops listening when she offers up the idea of spaghetti cake.) And she's still giddy when she and Rachel fall into her bed together half an hour later.

"Happy birthday," Rachel whispers, curling herself into Quinn's side. "Did you have a good time?"

"Yes," Quinn absentmindedly plays with the ends of Rachel's hair. "I even liked Santana's champagne," she admits. "But I don't really have any intention of drinking it again."

Rachel laughs. "That's fine," she rolls over and digs around for a shirt and Quinn's skin gets goosebumps as the cold air hits her. Rachel tosses some pjs at her head and tugs some on herself before settling back beside Quinn. "Did you notice anything weird about Kurt and Sam?" she asks a few minutes later.

Quinn frowns, half asleep and trying to remember. "Um, I dunno Sam seemed okay to me. But I didn't really talk to Kurt much. Why?"

Rachel shrugs one shoulder and yawns. "Probably nothing, never mind." She tucks herself in closer to Quinn, and they drift off.

…

…

By April, everyone has stopped pretending that Rachel hasn't basically moved into the apartment with Quinn, Santana and Brittany. Nearly all her things have been over there since the winter break, and finally, they just move all her things over. The pretense was stupid and not fooling anyone.

Not long after, Sam moves out of his bedroom with Kurt and into Rachel's recently vacated one.

He dodges around most of Quinn's questions—and she doesn't ask many—but he does say they aren't breaking up, just taking some space from each other.

Naturally, Rachel doesn't take to the news well.

Quinn does her best to wrangle Rachel away from Sam at every opportunity she gets, and distracts her if she fixates on Kurt for too long. Her heart is in the right place—she just wants her friends to be happy. But she tends to go slightly overboard.

…

…

Quinn covers her eyes and looks down the beach, smiling when she finds Rachel and Beth. The two of them are in their bathing suits, squatted down in the wet sand, making a very impressive drip castle. All year long, she and Rachel have been setting aside cash whenever they had some to save up for a week long vacation in Cape Cod—just the three of them. The minute Quinn finished sitting for her last final, she called Rachel and told her to start packing.

(Rachel had already been packing for the last two weeks, but she appreciated the phone call just the same.)

For lunch today, all they ate were s'mores, and they've barely left the beach in the last two days at all. Quinn has lathered Beth up with so much sunblock, she has a faint opaque, white sheen to her skin. But Quinn burns easily, and Beth totally inherited her skin, and she is not about to take any chances.

Quinn doesn't think she has been on a vacation—a real one—since she was eleven. They'd all gone to the Hamptons to celebrate Frannie's graduation. Quinn had been mostly left to her own devices. Since they're weren't any other children her age, she'd wandered around alone for the majority of the time. Until the tail end of the trip, she had befriended an old woman named Millie. Her father thought she was senile and told Quinn to stay away from her. But Quinn thought she was glamorous. She'd never made it big, but she'd done lots of small bits in movies in the nineteen thirties and forties. Quinn hasn't thought about her in years—Rachel would have loved her.

"Mama!" Beth yells out. "Come swim with us!"

Quinn puts her book down, tucking their things away slightly and heads over to them. Beth loves (and is terrified of) the ocean. She will only go in with one of them, and only for a few minutes at a time, but it has become a constant request for the last two days.

When Quinn gets close enough, Beth runs to her, yanking her along faster and pulling her into the ocean. She squeals as some seaweed brushes past her legs and does a little hop to shake it off. Quinn laughs and hauls her upwards. She's not going to be able to do this much longer, Beth will turn five the day before they go back home, and she's getting too big. She has grown almost two inches since Christmas alone. Quinn squeezes her tightly, not wanting to think about her being to big for her to lift up and drops them down into the water with a happy yelp.

Beth shakes her head when they bob right back up and squeals. Quinn pads in deeper, hearing Rachel only just behind them, and stops when the water comes up to her chest. Beth doggy paddles back and forth between the two of them for about four minutes, then declares herself done.

Rachel laughs at her as they make their way back to shore. Her doggy paddle leaves a little something to be desired. "There's a concert up in the commons tonight," she says. "It starts around seven. We could get dinner at that pizza place. It's right across from it."

"So is the ice cream store!" Beth cheers.

Quinn kicks at Rachel underwater.

"Like you weren't going to say we should get ice cream after dinner?" Rachel asks, splashing her back. "You're the one who's had that idea every night since we've been here."

"We've only been here three nights."

Rachel's eyebrows go up.

"Alright point made," Quinn says, and ducks down as a small wave comes on. "Ready babe?" she asks Beth. "Just like this morning."

Beth grins and mimics Quinn's position, and the two of them paddle quickly and ride the wave onto the sand. Rachel lets it hit her legs then walks over to them. "I can  _see_  all the sand in your suit from here," she informs Beth.

She frowns. "Yeah, it's all in my butt."

Quinn can't stop herself from bursting out into laughter. Rachel bends down and smacks her arm. "Do not encourage her!" she yells, then lowers her voice. "Beth, it is not  _in_  your bottom. It is in your  _bathing suit_. Which is rubbing against your—oh my god never mind, both of you up! If we're going to have enough time to shower before dinner, which we  _need_  to do, we need to head back to the cottage now."

Beth scampers up and shakes her butt, attempting to get the sand out of her suit. She gives up and proceeds to start digging it out before Rachel grabs her hand. "It itches!" she protests.

"You can't show your butt to the whole beach Beth!"

"But—"

Quinn just laughs and gathers up their things as Rachel holds a towel up and helps Beth empty her suit as much as they can. Before Beth manages to work her way out of it completely (she has started copying Brittany in shedding her clothes whenever possible) Rachel wraps the towel around her, pinning her arms at her sides and carries her down the beach.

Quinn sets Beth up in their outdoor shower, and shakes all the sand and seaweed from her suit out onto the grass. Rachel refuses to allow sand to get in any place she doesn't want, so she heads inside to take her shower. "It's six-fifteen!" she announces on her way in. Quinn gives up, strips out of her suit, and jumps in with Beth.

"Outside showers are fun," Beth declares as Quinn picks a piece of seaweed out of her hair. "The whole beach is fun. We should move here."

"It would be kind of awesome," Quinn agrees and rubs shampoo into her scalp. "But wouldn't you miss the city?"

Beth ponders it while she steps aside and lets Quinn wash the suds out of her hair. "Well... yeah I guess. But, we should come here more."

"That, I agree with," she switches the water off and grabs for a towel, wrapping it tightly around Beth. Outdoor showers  _are_  convenient for after the beach, but the cottages are very close together, so it can be a bit of a gamble. "Come on, let's beat Rach and get dressed first," she says with a grin, and together they run dripping into the house.

The concert consists of mostly an older crowd, and the music is all oldies songs. Upbeat pop numbers from the fifties and sixties, along with every classic romantic song ever sung.

Rachel is in heaven.

(If she is being perfectly honest, Quinn sort of is too.)

The three of them dance around like idiots with their ice cream cones, and chat with an older couple who have come here every summer together since they were fourteen years old.

"You've been together for sixty-three years?" Rachel asks in awe.

The woman, Eloise, smiles and takes her husbands hand. "We met in 1951. I'd only turned fourteen three days before. Been together ever since."

"My birthday is in two days!" Beth announces. She doesn't seem quite as impressed with the Roberts' story as Rachel and Quinn.

"How old will you be?" Eloise asks.

"Five!" Beth moves to sit down beside her, chocolate ice cream dripping down to her elbow. She barely notices. "I'll start kindergarden this year. How old are you?"

"Beth!" Quinn scolds. "Not everyone likes to be asked about their age."

"How come?" she asks, then turns back to Eloise. "You look really old, I'll be you've been alive forever." Quinn wants to deny any relation to her child. This is absolutely Santana's fault somehow. Thankfully, Eloise smiles as Beth plows on. "I'll bet you saw  _Phantom of the Opera_  when it opened. Or  _Funny Girl!_  Do you know Barbara Streisand?"

Rachel beams with pride. Quinn is going to kill her and Santana both in very painful ways.

"I haven't had the pleasure," Eloise says, and wipes gently at Beth's face with a napkin. "I did meet Elvis once. It was very exciting."

"Really!?" Rachel asks, astonished.

Beth scrunches up her face. "Who's he?"

"They just played one of his songs, you danced very well to it."

"Oh!" Beth shrugs and jumps down from the bench, taking one last bite of her soupy ice cream cone, she chucks the rest of it into the trash bin. "Cool. Mom, let's dance!" she tugs on Quinn's arms. "We can show Eloise our flips."

Quinn and Beth proceed to do a few cheerleading moves to 'Great Balls of Fire' while Eloise, Rachel, and Ed clap along with the beat.

…

…

Beth's birthday lands on their last full day in Massachusetts.

Quinn wakes up slightly sore from the previous night. (Rachel had gone a little overboard with something she'd read about on the internet, but Quinn hadn't been complaining at the time.) The sun is shining into their bedroom and she doesn't think she's been this content in a long time.

Eventually, Rachel drags her out of bed. She has already been up for over an hour, attempting to make chocolate chip pancakes for Beth. When Quinn shuffles into the kitchen and straight for the coffee pot, she sees a few burnt pancakes in the garbage can. She lifts her mug up to her lips and smirks behind it.

"I saw that," Rachel says from across the room.

"I didn't say a word."

"I saw the thought."

"You can't  _see_  thoughts."

"I can see yours."

"Mom! Rach made pancakes!" Beth yells from the living room. The cottage they have rented for the week isn't particularly large, and she is only a few feet away, planted in front of the television. Rachel turns to refill her own mug and Beth quickly makes a gaging motion with her hands.  _'_ _They're terrible!_ _'_  she mouths. Then takes another large bite when Rachel turns back to her. "They're awe-thome," she says with a full mouth.

Rachel beams. Quinn is going to have to get Beth an extra present just for that. She walks over and kisses the top of her head. "Happy birthday."

"Thank you," Beth grins, syrup dribbling down her chin.

They spend the morning riding bikes around the town, looking at all the different types of cottages. When they rented bikes on the second day, Quinn had gotten a two-seater for her and Beth to share. Mostly, she just holds on and kicks her legs out. Only occasionally pretending to help peddle. Quinn had been afraid that she wouldn't be willing to even try riding it, since she has never been on a bike before, but Beth has insisted on riding nearly everywhere all week long.

Rachel packed them a lunch—which she did not make—and they find a bit of a secluded section of the beach. It mostly consists of a large rock wall and a tiny strip of sand, but no one else is around. They climb up onto the rocks and spread out their lunch. The view from the ocean up here is spectacular and it takes Quinn's breath away.

Rachel pulls out her phone once Beth abandons the rest of her lunch and begins to climb all over the wall of rocks. Quinn leans back into the one she is sitting on. It's warm and surprisingly comfortable.

"This has been kind of amazing," she says softly.

Rachel pauses mid picture and turns to her, a shy, serious smile on her face. She crawls up and kisses Quinn. "Yes it has."

They have everything mostly packed up when they come home from the beach for dinner. Beth gets three scoops of ice cream, and Rachel finagles her way onto the concert stage. Eloise and Ed give her a seashell necklace made from shells they have had since 1956. And Beth never stops smiling once all night. Afterwords, they head back out to the beach and Skype everyone back in New York. Beth runs down the beach with Quinn's phone, trying to show them all the ocean in the night.

…

…

Rachel wakes her up at an ungodly hour the next morning. Beth is stuffed into a sundress and a hoodie, grumbling and rubbing her eyes beside her. "We're going to go see the sunrise on the beach," Rachel informs her. "Get up. I've got coffee."

Quinn groans, but rolls her body forward and Rachel hauls her up, shoving a sweatshirt and a travel coffee mug at her.

When they get to the beach, they go from tired silence to awestruck. It might be one of the most beautiful things Quinn has ever seen in her life. The three of them sit down together on the cool sand. Beth moves herself onto Quinn's lap and Rachel loops her arm through Quinn's and they just sit there watching the sunrise in silence.

When it's nearly over, Beth gets restless and jumps up, running down the strip of the beach doing cartwheels. Quinn watches Rachel wince as her arm pushes into the ground, but Beth has been active on her wrist for months and never gives it a second thought. Rachel is the only one who still worries occasionally about it. Quinn pulls out her phone and snaps a picture of Rachel, grinning off at Beth in mid cartwheel, the sun still rising up into the sky. Then she jumps up and runs after Beth, flipping her body through the air as Rachel screams—half in delight, half in terror.

"Come on Rach!" Beth yells, flapping her arms around in her sweatshirt.

Quinn laughs as Rachel stands up, executes an embarrassingly pathetic cartwheel, then grins and chases after them, the sun rising up into the sky in their wake.


	19. Chapter 19

Quinn rolls out of her bed and shuffles into the living room to find Sam asleep on her couch. She frowns, but passes him and heads to get some coffee. Santana is sitting at the kitchen table, one leg continually poking Beth in the stomach while she scrolls through her phone. Beth is steadfastly ignoring the prods and focused on eating her waffles. Quinn bends down and kisses Beth's head before pouring herself a mug of coffee.

"Morning," Santana greets her without looking up from her phone. Quinn takes a sip and catches Santana's eye. She nods towards the living room in question. Santana sighs and shoots a quick look towards Beth.  _'Kurt'_  she mouths with a shrug. Quinn pinches the bridge of her nose. She had been hoping the boys would work out their issues over the summer, but things only seem to have gotten worse.

Sam stumbles into the kitchen, still in his scrubs and with his hair sticking up on the side. He catches Santana's leg before she can prod Beth again and tickles the underside of her foot. Santana screams and kicks at him while Beth laughs at her.

"So Lizard, you ready for school?" Santana asks once she rights herself and has smacked Sam.

Beth nods eagerly and shovels a large bite of waffle into her mouth. Quinn moves to sit beside her and clenches her jaw. The idea that Beth is starting kindergarden tomorrow is nerve racking. Mostly, Beth seems excited, but Quinn can tell she is nervous.

"Rachel said she helped you pick out an outfit," Quinn says.

"Yep!" Beth makes a face when Sam steals a sip of her orange juice. "I'm wearing my new pink top she bought and my black skirt. And I wanna have braids."

"Sounds good."

Beth yanks her juice back from Sam and chugs the rest before slipping out of her chair and putting her dishes in the sink. She wipes her mouth with the back of her hand and runs out into the living room in search of Brittany.

"You know you're bed is more comfortable than our couch right?" Santana asks.

Sam glares at her, but his heart isn't in it. "Leave him alone," Quinn orders, and passes over her mug to him. "What time do you work?" she asks him.

"Half an hour," he grabs a banana and peals it.

"Eat something else too," Quinn she tells him and goes off to shower. Leaving Santana to start kicking Sam in the stomach in place of Beth.

...

...

She throws up.

But she does it like a Fabray. Silent and quick, then swigs some mouthwash and makes sure there are no traces of a thing.

Somehow, Rachel knows. Quinn has no idea how she can read her so well, but she does. The minute she walks out of the bathroom, Rachel shakes her head and rubs her back. "She is going to be  _fine_ ," she insists. "More than fine even."

"I know."

"Then why are you puking in a sundress?"

"Because I like sundresses, and I needed to puke."

"Ew, Mom," Beth walks up behind her and complains. Quinn and Rachel turn around and Quinn forces herself not to cry. Beth looks adorable. She and Rachel went over and over what clothes to wear and Brittany pulled her hair back into two braids. Rachel immediately whips out her cell phone and starts taking pictures. Quinn complies with every one of her demands and poses—knowing she is going to want them all later.

She holds Beth's hand as they walk down the street towards the elementary school. Beth's excitement slips away when they reach the front steps, and she squeezes Quinn's hand in a panic, yanking her to a halt.

Quinn pulls her over to the concrete wall surrounding the school and lifts her up before sitting down beside her. Santana and Rachel wait over at the steps for them.

"Hey," Quinn says softly, "you okay?"

"Um..." Beth glances up to the school with a worried look on her face. "What if they don't like me? Javier isn't going to this school. I don't know anyone!"

Quinn tugs Beth closer and wraps an arm around her. "Babe, every other kid in your class is feeling the same way. It's new for all of them too," she grins. "And everyone is going to love you," she kisses all over Beth's face until she finally groans and pushes Quinn away with a smile.

"Mom! People might see you."

"Oh no!" Quinn says sarcastically.

"You gonna upchuck like a nerd Lizard?" Santana calls out as she walks over to them. Rachel smacks her rather roughly on the arm.

"Santana!" she hisses.

"What! I'm toughening her up. Plus, she knows I love her better than anyone else." Santana shrugs and grins mischievously at Beth while Rachel just shakes her head.

Beth however, smirks right back at Santana and jumps down off the wall. "I'm not gonna upchuck," she declares. "Unless it's on your shoes."

Santana gasps, "These heels cost sixty-five bucks. I'm a poor college student. Don't you dare." Beth mimics gagging and bends down until Santana gets a hold of her around the middle, swinging her forward. "Demon spawn," she hisses.

Beth sticks out her tongue.

"Alright, come on, you're gonna be late." Quinn moves her by the shoulders up to the steps. Her teacher, whom they met last week, is gathered up at the front with the rest of Beth's class. Quinn greets her with a warm smile and catches Beth's eye one more time. Her daughter straightens her back and takes a deep breath before turning and walking over to her classmates. Quinn watches proudly until Santana tugs her away.

"Come on, I was promised coffee."

Rachel sighs and smacks Santana's arm again—lighter this time. "You'll get it. Relax," she says, and loops her arm with Quinn's, directing her down the sidewalk. "She is going to be fine. Santana has been toughening her up since she was two."

"Damn straight."

Quinn rolls her eyes.

...

...

Beth comes home  _ecstatic_.

She starts talking the minute Quinn walks up to her and doesn't stop until well after dinnertime. Quinn is washing her hair in the bathtub when she tells her—yet again—about her desk buddy, Maleeha. "And she lives in Queens and it's not that far from here, and she has four older brothers!"

"She sounds great," Quinn says (for the fifth time) and pours water over Beth's hair. "I'm glad you had fun."

"She already knows how to read pretty good. Better than me even."

"Well," Quinn corrects and reaches over to start draining the water. "You say it pretty  _well_ , not good."

"Oh," Beth stands up, dripping and shivering and Quinn reaches for a towel. As she starts patting Beth dry, Rachel knocks on the door, peaking her head around it. "Rach!" Beth yells happily. "I made a new friend! Her name is Maleeha and she's gonna be six before me, and—"

"Babe, chill," Quinn says, and wraps the towel around Beth, helping her step out of the tub. "Rachel  _just_  got home. Give her a minute."

Rachel smiles and steps inside, hugging Beth despite the dampness. Quinn can see how drained she is from her tired smile. "I'm so glad you had a good first day sweetie. And I would love to hear all about it. How about you get your pjs on, and I'll come tuck you in and you can tell me then?"

"Okay!" Beth runs into her room.

Quinn stands up. "You don't have to do that, she's gonna talk your ear off. Get some food and some sleep and tomorrow she can—"

"I'm fine," Rachel insists. "I want to hear about it. I promise I will eat and come to bed right after. Same bedtime as the five year old," she snorts. "It's been one of those days."

"I'm sorry." Quinn kisses her. Rachel leans in, holding Quinn in place with a tired sigh. Her chin hooks onto Quinn's shoulder, gripping her just a bit tighter around the waist. They remain like that for a moment, just holding each other, till Beth yells out for Rachel. "I'm sorry," Quinn repeats, letting out a small laugh. "You really don't have to..."

Rachel kisses her silent, then heads off to Beth's bedroom.

...

...

Maleeha becomes a topic of conversation nearly every afternoon for the next week. Every day, Beth has something new to tell everyone about her new best friend. Finally, on Friday afternoon when Quinn goes to pick Beth up, she meets Maleeha and her older brother, Bruno. He is nineteen and sullen, but he offers Quinn a smile.

Beth begs for Maleeha to come over to play. Bruno promises to ask their parents, then stalks off with Maleeha in tow.

Maleeha's overprotective, older, muslim parents don't seem especially keen on allowing their five year old to come over and play in an apartment full of lesbians. Quinn doesn't come out and tell them she is gay, but when Beth starts talking excitedly about her 'Aunt Tana and Brittany' and Rachel, and her lack of a father—Maleeha's parents seem to clue in. The gay thing doesn't seem to bother them as much as Quinn's age, but Quinn suspects that is only because it isn't as apparent on first glance.

Regardless of their discomfort, Maleeha is clearly as taken with Beth as she is with her, and they agree to let Beth come over to play instead. It becomes a regular thing every Wednesday afternoon; Bruno picks the two of them up from school, and Beth has a snack, does her homework, and plays until right before Quinn picks her up around dinnertime. With each week, Quinn offers to return the favor, and Maleeha's father says thank you, but no.

Since Halloween has become Beth's favorite holiday, she pesters Maleeha's mother, Amara, until she relents to Maleeha coming trick or treating with them. Beth has introduced Maleeha to her favorite comic books, and the two of them are especially taken with Ms Marvel.

Maleeha goes as Kamala, and Beth goes as Carol.

Amara finally looks at Quinn with something like respect as she drops Maleeha back home at the end of the night.

Wednesdays Beth goes to Maleeha's apartment, and now, every Thursday, Maleeha gets to come to theirs.

...

...

A week and a half before Thanksgiving, Quinn's mother calls her and invites her and Beth home for the holiday. From what Quinn can gather, Frannie and Judy have been working on Russell for a long time, and he finally agreed.

Quinn isn't exactly excited about the prospect, but she does miss her mother, and she wants to meet her nephew, so she agrees—a little reluctantly.

Rachel and Santana both offer to come along (Santana a little more forcefully) but Quinn decides against it. As nice as the company would be, it doesn't feel like something she wants to subject either of them to. She barely wants to let Beth come.

For her part, Beth seems mostly curious about meeting her family. She doesn't seem to remember Judy much, and she's never met Russell or Frannie before. She is quiet on the plane, reading her comics until she dozes off against Quinn's shoulder. When they pull up to the Fabray household, it's past eleven, and Beth is barely able to stay awake. Quinn is exhausted herself, and greets her mother tiredly before climbing up to her childhood bedroom and conking out.

She wakes up to Beth sitting on top of her, gently blowing air onto her face. "Hi Mama," she smiles. Quinn grunts and wraps her arms around Beth.

"Morning babe," she says. "How long have you been up?"

"Couple minutes," Beth looks around the room, "is this your bedroom?" she asks. Quinn sits up and brushes hair out of her face, nodding. "I like it." Beth declares, snuggling into Quinn further. "This is where you slept when you were my age? And me when I was a baby?"

"Yep. Well, most of the time you slept in the nursery. I think it's back to the guest bedroom now though, but I can show it to you later."

Quinn hears the familiar shuffle of her mother in the kitchen and smells coffee and bacon. Judy is pulling out all the stops as hostess. It feels weird to think of herself as a guest in her own home; especially with how normal it feels to wake up in her childhood bed, surrounded by all her old things. Truthfully, she hadn't thought her room would still be the same; but Judy hasn't moved a thing. The sheets feel clean though, and her old dresser and bookshelf are dust free—she has prepared for them to stay.

It's that thought that rouses her, she sits up further and hauls Beth out of the bed along with her, shuffling her over to the bathroom. It's early—nearing seven-twenty—and Quinn has no desire to get dressed yet. The Fabrays have never exactly been a pjs for breakfast kind of family, but Quinn isn't going to go back to old habits. She splashes some water on her face to wake herself up and pulls on a hoodie, running her fingers through her hair lightly, then she and Beth make their way downstairs.

Beth shows her first signs of nervousness now, holding tightly to Quinn's hand and walking just slightly behind her as they enter the kitchen together. Quinn is relieved to find that Russell and Jerry are nowhere in sight. As much as she isn't going to change herself for her father's comfort, she'd rather see him again fully dressed, and after a cup of coffee.

Frannie is sitting up at the counter with twenty-two month old Jerry Jr, sipping a mug of coffee and talking to Judy as she flips pancakes. She is the first to notice Quinn and smiles at her warmly. The years have been good to Frannie; despite the early hour, and her casual clothes—she looks stunning. Happy, in a way Quinn can barely remember ever seeing her.

"Quinn," she says, lifting Jerry Jr up and depositing him in a stool of his own. He continues on chomping at his muffin, barely noticing the change. Frannie wraps her arms around Quinn's neck, pulling her tightly into a hug. She is still taller, but only by an inch or so. "I'm so glad you came," she whispers. Then pulls away and glances down at Beth. "Oh my god, you're beautiful," she says, bending down to Beth's level. Beth remains tucked into Quinn's side, but smiles shyly.

"So are you," Beth nearly whispers. Then clears her voice and straightens. "You're my Aunt Frannie right?"

Frannie nods and moves back a bit, "Are you two hungry? Mom's been cooking for ages."

"Not that long," Judy insists, a little embarrassed. She wipes her hand on a cloth and cups Quinn's cheek. "You look good."

"Thanks Mom, you too."

Judy waves her off and brushes away hairs that aren't out of place before turning to Beth. "Do you remember me?" she asks tentatively.

Quinn doubts it, but Beth is becoming an intuitive child, and nods once. "A little. I remember this kitchen... kinda."

Judy laughs lightly and motions for them to sit. "I wasn't sure what you two would like, so... I made quite a bit. Russell and Jerry went in to work for a while, and I figured after we eat" —she glances down at their clothes— "and shower, we can start on dinner for tonight."

"Sounds good," Quinn sits beside Frannie and grins at Jerry Jr. "Hi," she waves at him a little. "I'm Quinn, and this is my daughter—your cousin—Beth."

"I know," he says with his mouth full.

"How old are you?" Beth asks.

He holds up two fingers.

"Not quite hon," Frannie says. "He'll be two in February."

"I'm five." Beth declares proudly. "I go to kindergarden."

Jerry Jr shrugs and eats a bite of a mushy banana. Beth glares at him.

Her attention shifts the moment Judy places a plate of pancakes in front of her, and she digs in happily. Quinn eats very little. Her mother and sister fire questions at her, one after another. Nearly everything they ask has to do with school, her internship, and Beth—glossing over Rachel or anyone else.

It doesn't last long, the minute Judy gets Beth talking, she excitedly goes on and on about musicals with Rachel. Quinn watches Judy visibly swallow and take a breath the minute she is mentioned, but smiles on encouragingly as Beth plows on, oblivious.

By half past eight Beth and Jerry Jr have relocated to the living room to play, and Quinn escapes to shower. She stays standing under the warm stream of water far longer than necessary, then hurries to get dressed. She has a text message from Rachel when she checks her phone. Grinning, she shoots her a hello back and heads downstairs rather than calling her—she has already wasted enough time.

Beth seems to be playing fine with Jerry Jr, so Quinn heads into the kitchen. Her mother immediately puts her to work peeling and cutting potatoes. The conversation staves off a bit as the three of them fall into an awkward silence.

Squealing from the living room causes Frannie to bolt to check on the kids. Quinn can tell Beth is just happy, so she doesn't even flinch.

"He's cute," she says to her mother. "Jerry I mean."

"We usually call him Junior."

"Oh, okay."

"Beth seems very happy. And well mannered."

Quinn shrugs. "Most of the time."

Judy finishes stuffing the turkey and turns to face her. "Quinnie, you've done a wonderful job with her. Please don't sell yourself short."

"I'm—"

"I think I should give him a nap early," Frannie says, coming into the room with Jerry Jr on her hip. "If dinner will be ready by... what? Two?" Judy nods. "That way he'll be awake by then. When did Daddy say they'd be back?"

"One."

"Okay, I'll be back down to help in a few." Frannie takes the baby upstairs as Beth walks into the kitchen.

"Can I help?" she asks.

"Sure," Quinn says before her mother can answer. "Mash these for me babe." Quinn puts the peeled potatoes in front of her and hands her the masher. Beth grabs it eagerly and jams down at the potatoes with vigor.

"Quinnie do you think that—"

"She knows how to do it." Quinn assures her mother, and moves back to help her with the vegetables.

By the time Frannie comes back down, the three of them have nearly gotten everything prepped and it's coming close to ten-thirty. Quinn and Beth snack lightly on some veggies until Quinn's phone rings. It's Santana. Quinn assures her (as discreetly as she can manage with her mother watching her like a hawk) that everything is fine, then passes the phone to Beth.

Her daughter is less discreet.

"Yeah, they're both nice Tana. Not bitches at all I don't think." Beth grins at Frannie and Judy, giving them both a thumbs up while Quinn contemplates ways to seal Beth's mouth shut permanently.

Luckily, neither of them say a thing after Beth hangs up. They finish cooking dinner within the next two hours, then Quinn ushers Beth upstairs to change when she hears her father at the door. Beth is crammed into a red velvet dress, white stockings, and black buckle shoes that Judy bought special for the occasion. Quinn has to admit, it's adorable; and very reminiscent of her own childhood holiday clothing. Quinn slips into a tight navy blue dress herself, and braids half of her hair back from her face.

The last time she saw her father, her hair was half pink and choppy. She was dressed in a tattered bohemian skirt, and she'd told him to fuck off. Seventeen and scared, holding unlit cigarettes in her hands, she'd cried in Santana's arms afterwords.

She descends the stairs with her back ramrod straight. One hand clutched in Beth's, nervous, but refusing to show it.

Russell and Jerry both have drinks in their hands already. (Scotch, neat. Quinn is sure.) Jerry raises his to her and gives her a nod. Russell turns and studies her, then glances down at Beth.

"Hello," Quinn says calmly.

"Quinn," he gives her a single nod, barely taking his eyes off Beth. "And you're..."

"Hello sir. I'm Beth."

"Hello," he says awkwardly.

They are saved by Frannie. Swooping into the living room, polished up just like Quinn always imagines suburban 1950s housewives would look, and ushering them all to the living room table. Junior is already strapped into a chair, and stuffed into a tiny suit. He looks like he is about five seconds away from tearing it off and Quinn doesn't blame him. Russell stands and carves the turkey, going on about some man at the office he and Jerry both know all the while. Quinn tunes him out and waits to be served. She keeps one hand on Beth's knee the whole time. Her daughter isn't used to waiting and praying before meals.

It's as awkward and stilted as Quinn imagined it would be; but it could be far worse. Quinn eats her meal in silence, only speaking when spoken to, and is thrilled that Beth mimics her. Russell and Jerry take up most of the conversation, and near the end, Junior lets out a wail and tears at his tie. Effectively ending the meal. Russell and Jerry move to sit in the den and continue to talk business with a football game on low; while Quinn and Frannie help their mother clear the table and do the dishes.

Beth takes a surprising pleasure in watching out for Junior. To Frannie's surprise, she yanks him out of his suit and lets him play in his diaper. Thankfully, neither Jerry nor Russell notice and Frannie crams him back into it by the time everyone relocates to the living room with coffee.

Beth and Junior play on the floor while everyone mostly ignores them and talks. The girls in hushed whispers to each other, Russell and Jerry growing louder with each new drink.

Quinn freezes a few hours later when she notices Beth talking to Russell. Junior is next to her, yawning due to his extra early nap, and Jerry has slipped into the bathroom briefly. Quinn watches from the kitchen as Russell's face twists into a frown and Beth animatedly talks with a grin on her face. Jerry slips back into the room, and Russell shifts his attention back to him and Quinn lets out the breath she hadn't realized she'd been holding.

It's a relief when Frannie announces that it is Junior's bedtime. Quinn claims Beth needs to sleep too, and bids everyone goodnight along with her.

"I'm not really too tired yet Mama," Beth complains once they reach Quinn's bedroom.

"I'll read to you for a bit," Quinn promises. That gets Beth moving, and within minutes they have both shed their fancy clothes, brushed their teeth and climbed into Quinn's old bed.

Their flight the next morning is at nine, so they wake up early and shuffle downstairs for a quick breakfast. Quinn is greeted by the sight of her father at the table with the newspaper and some coffee. She quickly gets Beth a banana and some toast, and eats her own meal as fast as she can without it being too obvious.

Quinn sends Beth off and running to say goodbye to Frannie, Junior, and Judy and is sequestered by her father before she can run after her.

"She told me some very unfortunate things last night," Russell says, unfolding his newspaper and looking Quinn in the eye. "You are living with that girl. The one who was exposed to be a deviant on your cheerleading squad. And you... share a bed with the other one? That child of the gay jews?" Quinn sucks in a sharp breath. "Quinnie, I just... how can you expose your child to that? If you are going to live a life of sin, don't subject her to it. She could stay here with us. Go to church. A good school."

Quinn barks out a harsh laugh. "Don't talk about my family like that," she sneers.

"Your  _family_? We  _are_  your family. How dare you—"

"No,  _Dad_ , how dare  _you_." Quinn can hear footsteps approaching, but she doesn't care which one of them it is, not after what Russell just said. "You stopped being my family the minute I told you I was pregnant," she snaps. "You said so yourself. I know you never wanted me here, it was Mom and Frannie, but how dare you try to take away the child who you probably haven't thought of  _once_  in the last five years. I needed your help when I was  _sixteen_. Or nineteen. I don't need your help now!" she yells. "And Santana, is Beth's godmother. She loves her more than anything, and she has helped me take care of Beth since she was born. She changed Beth's diapers, she babysat when she should have been studying, she played with her even when she'd have rather been out with her friends. She was  _outed,_ " Quinn yells. "By an  _adult_ , and idiots who should have known better when she was only a child. And frankly, they should have been sued, or arrested for it."

"Quinn—"

"And Rachel," Quinn sighs, feeling her whole body shaking with anger. "Rachel is the single best person I have ever met. And her fathers are  _wonderful_. They are ten times the man you are. I love Rachel. And she loves me. And she loves  _Beth_. And if you ever insult her or her family in front of me again, or talk about taking my child away from me, I will gouge your eyes out."

"Quinn—" Russell's face is beet red and he rises angrily, but before he can say his peace, Frannie places her hands on Quinn's shoulders and starts yelling.

"You threatened to take Beth away?" she screams. "Daddy, what is the _matter_  with you?"

"She is living as a deviant and exposing her child to it!" he yells. "Why is she even here?"

"Because  _I_  wanted her here," Frannie yells back. Quinn can't move. For one, Frannie has got a hold of her, but the shock of Frannie standing up to their father is truly what has Quinn rooted in place. "She is my sister. She's  _your daughter_  Daddy. She belongs here."

Russell is livid, but the shock of Frannie talking back to him for probably the first time in her entire life has kept him just as silent as Quinn. Quinn can feel Frannie's hands shaking on her shoulders, but she stares at Russell head on and defiant. Quinn has never loved her sister more than in this moment.

"I won't have it," Russell finally says.

"Then you may spend Thanksgiving elsewhere next year." Quinn and Frannie both whip their heads around in shock. Their mother is staring calmly at their father's shocked face. "Or perhaps, next year, we can go and see New York while you stay here," Judy shrugs. "I'd love to see your home Quinn" —she takes a breath, and smiles a bit hesitantly— "and I'd love to meet Rachel. From what Beth tells me, she sounds lovely."

Russell scoffs, but Frannie's grip on Quinn's shoulders tightens. "Me too," she says, and pulls Quinn into a backwards hug, leading her out of the kitchen.

Quinn is too shocked to say much of anything as her mother kisses her on the cheek and deposits her into the back of a taxicab. Frannie waves with Junior on her hip, and Beth sticks her body out the window, happily and obliviously waving goodbye to them as the cab pulls away.

...

...

Quinn flops into her bed exhausted, and sighs happily as Rachel starts rubbing her back. "How bad was it?" she asks softly.

"You know... it was weirder than I ever imagined." Quinn rolls over a bit, so she can see Rachel. "They... I mean my father was awful and I don't really want to talk about it, but I'll tell you later; and Jerry was... Jerry. But, my mom and Frannie were..." Quinn doesn't know how to describe it. "They want to meet you," she finally settles on.

Rachel's eyes widen. "Oh?" she smiles. "Wonderful! I'd love to meet them!"

Quinn laughs and rolls back into the pillow. "It was so weird. I mean, we actually talked kinda, and Beth  _loved_  Jerry Jr. I mean... she wouldn't shut up about him the whole plane ride back. She thought it was amazing to boss around someone smaller than her." Quinn picks at the edge of her t-shirt. "I've never really thought about her having siblings before, but all the sudden..." she shakes her head, trailing off. Then freezes when she hears Rachel suck in a breath to her right. Her hand on Quinn's back stills. "I mean" —Quinn sits up quickly— "I didn't mean  _we_... I just meant, abstractly I've just never thought about it before and..."

"We should give her siblings someday," Rachel says, interrupting her. She says it so calmly that Quinn thinks maybe there is something wrong with her brain, and she heard it wrong. She must have exhaustion overload or maybe a tumor.

"I... what?" she sputters.

Rachel bites her bottom lip in thought. "Perhaps when we are a bit more financially stable. And maybe have a place of our own. Not that I don't enjoy living with Santana and Brittany, because surprisingly, I  _do_. But it would just be a bit more prudent to have our own home before we impose more children on them."

"I...  _what?_ "

Rachel laughs and continues rubbing Quinn's back until her frozen, straight posture relaxes just a bit. "Quinn, you know me, I have had our lives planned out since our first year anniversary. Well... if I'm being honest, slightly before that, but that was when I actually sat down and thought it out." She leans over and digs into her nightstand drawer. "I've got a notebook with it all written down somewhere."

"I... stop," Quinn yanks Rachel back. "You..." she feels like she can't breathe very well anymore. She's never allowed herself to think about the future. Not where Rachel is concerned. Whenever her mind drifts there, she immediately shuts it down—terrified of wanting it too badly and being disappointed. Quinn forces herself to breathe. "What is the plan?" she asks, hoping that she doesn't come off as scared as she feels.

"Well, keep in mind this isn't unwavering." She sits up and clasps her hands in her lap; which she does whenever she is excited, or about to give a lecture. Right now, Quinn suspects both. "But... first, we graduate in the spring, then take maybe a week or two off. Not necessarily to go on a vacation, which would be lovely, but more so that we have time where we don't need to worry about anything—job or school wise for a bit. Then I'll start auditioning and hopefully get a part within a year; while you take that paid internship your teacher basically said is yours already," she smiles warmly at Quinn. "We should get married next summer." If Quinn couldn't breathe before, she certainly can't do it now. Rachel rubs absentmindedly at the palm of her hand. Calming Quinn without her even realizing it. "Or at the very least move into our own place then. And then, depending where our careers are after a respectable amount of honeymoon and newlywed phase—at present I'm going with five to six months, but I'm flexible on this—we have another child. The logistics of that, I haven't thought out quite as much." Quinn narrows her eyes at Rachel. "Well, alright I  _have_ , but you already look overwhelmed and that is at least two, if not three or more years into the future, so it's unnecessary to discuss right now."

Quinn can only stare at Rachel; afraid if she moves that she'll realize she has dreamed this whole conversation up.

"Of course this will depend on which parts I am playing, and if I'll be vying for a Tony or not. And where you are in social work. Because, as you've told me, and through my own research, starting out is much lower income in that profession. And you still aren't locked in on where you want to take it yet."

Quinn still hasn't responded. She knows she should have by now.

"Quinn? I did it didn't I? I pushed too much and now you are panicking. This is all very flexible! Well, actually some things  _aren't_ , but I'm willing to negotiate on a few..."

Quinn bends forward and kissed her; shutting her up quite effectively.

"I love you," she says when she pulls back a minute later.

"Oh, good. That certainly would have out a damper on my plans."

"You... realize that you basically just proposed to me right?"

Rachel hums. "Technically, yes. But we will need to do something more romantic for posterity's sake."

"This feels pretty romantic to me."

Rachel shakes her head. "No. Absolutely not."

"Next summer huh?"

Rachel smiles shyly and Quinn beams back at her, suddenly she's not that tired anymore. Quinn tugs at the bottom of Rachel's t-shirt. Rachel shakes her head affectionately and pulls it off, bringing Quinn down on top of her once her chest is exposed.

"Next summer isn't that far away," Quinn says with a grin, then starts kissing her way down Rachel's bare stomach.


	20. Chapter 20

Quinn can smell coffee.

She smiles and shifts in bed, bumping into Rachel before she opens her eyes. Beth is standing next to the bed, a look of concentration on her face as she sets a tray of food on the nightstand. "Babe?" Quinn asks. "Whatcha doing?"

Beth's eyes widen and she whips around, trying to hide the tray out of Quinn's view of sight. "Mom!" she half whispers, half yells. "You're supposed to be asleep!"

"I just woke up," Quinn shrugs, and sits up against the pillows. Rachel groans and curls deeper into the blankets.

Beth smiles, reaching forward and banging out a drum roll on the headboard behind her. Rachel makes a terrible noise of distress while Quinn grins at her daughter. "Happy Birthday!" Beth cheers, and moves back to reveal her breakfast concoction. And the source of the coffee smell.

"Is anyone else awake?" Quinn asks. "What time is it?"

"It is 7:06. You'll be twenty-two in four minutes!" Beth says happily. "And no, no one else is awake. But I promise I didn't use the stove. I made waffles instead of pancakes. But they're chocolate chip!"

"Wonderful," Quinn says, and pulls her in for a hug. "Thank you babe. This is a great birthday present."

Beth grins and lifts up the tray, placing it down onto Quinn's lap. She has indeed made chocolate chip waffles. Two of them are placed on a plate, with blueberries in the middle of them and a banana covered in peanut butter (with more chocolate chips stuck to the peanut butter) underneath. The whole thing forms what Quinn can only guess is supposed to be a smiley face. It's adorable. Quinn grabs Beth's head and kisses her. "Thank you."

"You're welcome," Beth says, clearly very proud with herself.

Quinn glances back at the nightstand. Two steaming mugs of coffee are sitting on top. She holds out her hand and Beth passes one over to her. She hadn't been a huge fan of it at the time, but now, she wants to kiss Santana for teaching Beth how to properly make coffee at the tender age of three.

Rachel groans again and Quinn laughs. "I made you some coffee too Rach," Beth tells her. She grabs the second mug and carefully walks around to the other side of the bed, holding it down in front of Rachel's face. Quinn sips hers as she watches Beth coax Rachel's eyes open. "Good morning," she says with a grin. Rachel sits up slowly and rubs at her eyes before taking the mug, sipping it, then pulling Beth onto the bed with one arm.

"Good morning," she answers. Beth repositions herself in between them while Quinn eats part of her waffle.

"I got breakfast too," she says smugly to Rachel—who pouts.

"Cause it's her birthday," Beth looks to the clock, "in one minute."

"Well, in that case I'll wait to say it." Rachel sips her coffee and sighs happily before leaning back into the headboard. "Thank you for the coffee Beth."

"You're welcome," Beth says, without looking away from the clock. Quinn passes Rachel a bite of waffle over the top of Beth's head. "And... HAPPY BIRTHDAY!" Beth screams. Quinn laughs as she hears Santana mumble an obscenity from the other room. Beth and Rachel ignore it and start singing a rendition of  _'Happy Birthday'_  with their sleep-filled, croaking voices. It sounds like a Tony winning song to Quinn, and she kisses them both for it before digging into the rest of her breakfast.

She finishes one waffle by the time Santana comes into the bedroom. A blanket is wrapped around her shoulders and a grimace is etched onto her face. She glares at them. "Who the hell is singing at seven a.m. and  _why?_ "

"Seven- _ten_  a.m." Beth corrects. Santana's glare deepens; but before she can say anything in response, Brittany comes shuffling up behind her.

"She made us coffee too," she announces, holding a mug out to Santana before kissing her cheek, and climbing into the bed with them.

Santana sips her dubiously, then sighs in content. "I have taught you well," she says to Beth. "But we're going to have to have a conversation about being woken up before ten." She shuffles forward and drops down onto the end of the bed. Beth crawls down next to her while Brittany rolls over to lay down next to Rachel; her coffee abandoned on the nightstand, she falls right back asleep. Rachel leans against Quinn and accepts another bite of a waffle. "Hey!" Santana protests. "Gimme."

Quinn throws a measly blueberry at her.

"God, bitch!"

"Tana owes me a quarter!" Beth cheers.

"I do bloody not!" Santana has been recently adopting British slang into her vocabulary. Along with a constant stream of Spanish obscenities, and a few German, and Chinese ones. She's working up to being fluent in every curse word available. "You woke me up at  _seven_! That is an hour that doesn't count. We established that years ago."

"That is true," Brittany mumbles sleepily.

"Damnit," Beth pouts.

"Hey!" Quinn says. "That is your fault," she directs to Santana. She only sips her coffee and shrugs, before grabbing hold of Beth with her free hand. She pulls her into the blanket and covers her mouth. Beth makes a half hearted protest, then snuggles into the blanket with Santana.

"We should sing Happy Birthday again now that everyone is here," Beth says with a grin.

"Absolutely not," Santana says.

Beth and Rachel start singing at the top of their lungs.

…

…

Quinn walks down the hospital hallway, two paper cups of coffee in her hands and smiles when she catches sight of Sam. He walks out from behind a curtain and gives her a tired, half wave.

So, they have been fighting again.

Quinn walks over to him and holds out the coffee. "Do you want this or the hug first?"

Sam studies the cup in her hand. "Both," he decides.

Quinn nods and pushes the cup into his hands, then wraps her arms tightly around his torso. She can feel the tension in his back muscles. He sighs and holds onto her for longer than is generally the socially acceptable time frame for a hug in the middle of a busy ER hallway.

"How long of a break do you have?" she asks after he finally pulls away, taking a large swig of his coffee in the process.

He glances at his watch with a grimace. "Ugh, this is hot."

"Generally hot coffee usually is." Quinn says dryly at the same time that Sam says, "Like twenty minutes."

He loops his arm with hers and leads her into the nurses break room. Quinn flops down onto a couch and he rests beside her; his head leaning against her shoulder.

"Want to talk about it?" she asks.

"Not really," he pauses. "But yeah."

Quinn waits. She has never been fond of people pushing her to talk about things before she is ready. And Sam had always afforded her that respect. She's been trying very hard these past few months to return the favor.

"We broke up," he whispers into the plastic top. "For real. He's gone on a date or two already."

"Wait, what—" Quinn starts.

"No," he waves her off. "We already agreed on that. We..." He sighs. "We didn't really tell any of you—well, Mike knew. But Mike knows how to keep his mouth shut. I've gone on one too. Last week. With this girl Jamie who works up in Maternity. It was terrible. I spilled spaghetti sauce on her lap. I can never go up to the Maternity floor again."

Quinn can't help but chuckle at the look on his face. "Sorry, go on," she motions.

"Well... we thought maybe seeing other people would... I don't know exactly. Either prove we really wanted to be together, or that we don't. The latter seems to be the case."

"For him or you?"

Sam shifts a little. Sitting up and taking a large swing of the coffee now that it's cooled a bit. "Honestly? Both of us." He runs a finger through his hair and Quinn can't help but think he desperately needs a haircut. If Kurt not forcing one on him isn't a sign of their demise, Quinn doesn't know what is. "I mean... we've been together since junior year.  _Of high school_. Apart from when we broke up back then it's been great the last four years but..." He trails off, rises, and chugs the rest of his coffee in one fell swoop. Chucking it in the trash can and turning back to Quinn, he gives her a single shoulder shrug. "Maybe not everyone is destined to meet the person they're going to spend the rest of their life with in high school. Between Santana and Brittany, and you and Rachel, the odds are at least one of us don't make it."

Quinn clenches her jaw. She has had that same thought once or twice before, but she always ignores it the second it crops up.

"And let's be honest, Santana and Brittany are never going to break up. And you had me worried for a little while, but you're not stupid enough to screw your relationship up now. Old Quinn maybe," he tries to smile at her, teasing, but it doesn't work.

"Sam..."

"I've got to get back to work."

"You have four more minutes." Quinn says, shoving her phone in his face. The clock forcing him not to bolt. "Are you sure?" she asks. "Because fuck that honestly. Do you love him?"

"Sometimes, that's not enough." He sighs in a way that just looks resigned and it breaks Quinn's heart. She is about the protest, but the look he gives her cuts her off before she can begin. "It's not always enough Quinn. We... It might not be forever, but maybe it is," he swallows thickly. "I do know that I can't keep fighting with him. And he can't keep doing it either. So, before we end up hating each other, and tearing all you guys apart... this is how we're fixing it."

"Sam..."

"He's moving out."

Quinn's eyebrows shoot up. "Really? Are... I mean is he coming to our—"

"—No," he cuts her off. "That guy he went on a date with a few weeks back? Well, he said the date was kind of terrible, but they liked each other as friends. He works for some fashion magazine. Kurt told me which one, but I don't remember. It's closer to FIT, and all his new friends in the fashion industry so... it'll be good for him. Career-wise."

"Oh."

"He's gonna wait till our lease is up in a few weeks. Which, I figured we should talk about anyway, cause yours is up then too."

"Yeah," Quinn picks at the top of her cup; peeling the edge up in a way that makes it hard to drink. The coffee is cold now anyway. "Rachel has been looking. Santana too."

"Yeah... well, I mean, Mike and I are cool living together still. As long as we can afford it. Are you... I mean, do you and Rachel want your own place?"

Quinn shrugs. They haven't really talked about it. Rachel and Santana have been looking together. It's actually driving her and Brittany a little bit nuts. They're constantly fighting about décor and bathrooms. It's unnerving, if not entertaining. She and Brittany just nod at whatever they say.

"It would be kind of nice, but I don't think we'll be able to afford it. I'm almost definitely going to get that paid internship after graduation. Ms Mulder basically said it's mine, and it's her friend I'd be working with—but it doesn't pay very much. And Rachel will be auditioning. The money isn't great when you're first starting out. And theater actors make less then movie and tv anyway. So..." She shrugs, pulling the entire top ring of her cup up. "Probably not."

Sam looks like he wants to talk a bit more, but glances over to the clock. "I've got to get back," he says. "The kid in bed two needs a scan I've got to take him up for. But... I'll talk to you later tonight?"

"Sure," Quinn rises and dumps the remaining coffee into the sink, then chucks her empty cup in the bin. She follows Sam out of the break room and down the hall; hugging him quickly before she leaves.

Despite it technically being the first day of spring, it's still freezing. Quinn tugs her scarf closer around her neck and yanks on a beanie as she steps outside of the hospital. There isn't really any more snow on the ground, and hasn't been the last week or so, but the temperatures haven't really risen, and the wind has been a bitch.

She thinks Santana is working at the bar right now, so she cuts across the street and quickly makes her way down the sidewalk. She's in luck. When she jumps inside, her hair totally windblown despite the hat, Santana smirks at her from behind the bar.

"Sup loser?" she asks.

"It's freezing out," Quinn complains as she sits up on a stool and pulls her gloves off. "And Sam and Kurt finally broke up," Santana's eyebrows shoot up at that. "He's gonna move out."

"Damn." Santana moves and passes her a mug of coffee without being asked. Quinn gratefully wraps her cold fingers around it. She is going to actually drink this one, not let it get cold.

It's late afternoon, and the bar is mostly empty apart from the three old men who show up every day at two for a beer, then plant themselves at the bar until after they've had dinner. Santana loves them—they are all as curmudgeonly as she is. Anytime she works days, she mostly just sits beside them and talks her whole shift. Occasionally getting them beers and pretending to wipe down tables. They've been coming to this bar since they were in their thirties. Quinn doubts they will be much longer from the looks of them. The one on the end has an oxygen tank.

"I thought this whole, date other people thing would fizzle out and they'd be jumping each others bones in a week," Santana says, leaning on the bar.

"Apparently it had the opposite effect."

"So... who gets who?" Santana asks. "Cause... Rachel's gonna want Kurt, but obviously Sam is yours."

Quinn takes a sip of the coffee and nearly burns her tongue. "Kurt is moving in with a guy he went on a date with. Some friend from FIT. They're gonna live in Chelsea with another guy I think."

"Oh," Santana says. "Well... that doesn't change our plans too much. I'm surprised she hasn't texted you yet—maybe she's in class—but Rach and I found a place last night."

"Really?"

Santana nods. "A house actually. This cool old brownstone in Astoria. It's a tiny bit rundown, but nothing major. If we all move in, we can totally afford it. For what it is, it's surprisingly cheep. Rachel really dug around, and then together we basically made the landlord cry and knock the price down," she says proudly.

Quinn snorts. Rachel and Santana are a force to be reckoned with on their own; together, it can get a little terrifying.

"There are only four bedrooms though," Santana says with a frown. "Two on the third floor with a bathroom between them, two on the second. Plus a kitchen and living room. But, downstairs there is this sort of closed off room from the other like... den area that we could make a bedroom pretty easily."

Quinn shrugs. "Sounds good to me," she tests her coffee again, then takes a large sip.

"Sweet! I'll call Trouty Mouth and Boy Chang and tell 'em to start packing."

"God, all of us in a house is gonna be chaos."

"Nah, it's big. It's gonna be kinda of awesome I think. The downstairs can totally be a practice area for Britt and Chang. Also, it's closer to Maleeha's. So Lizard is gonna flip her shit."

Quinn looks up from her coffee. "You and Rachel found a place close to Beth's friend?" she asks, a little shocked that was a deciding factor.

Santana only shrugs and cracks open a beer, sliding it down to the boys. Her favorite one, Henry, or Harry, Quinn can't remember, tips it to her in thanks. Never once taking his eyes off the baseball game on the TV.

"Want food?" she asks.

"No," Quinn finishes her coffee and pulls out some change, leaving it on top of the bar even though Santana protests. "I've got to pick Beth up from school, then I have a paper to start. What time are you done today? Will you be home for dinner?"

"Eh, probably not. Ian's sick, I'm doing a double."

"Oh," Quinn tugs her beanie back onto her head and pulls on her gloves. "Okay, well I'll save you some leftovers."

"Thanks."

Quinn starts to leave, but Henry-or-Harry speaks up. "You can kiss her goodbye, we don't mind," he says, eyes still on the game. "Our friend Tom is a queer too."

Quinn's eyes widen and Santana laughs. "Dumbass, that one is Quinn. Not Brittany. Also, you is  _is_  queer. Not a queer," she sighs, and Quinn can tell this is part of an ongoing conversation. "Dude, just say gay," her eyes widen. "Not  _a_  gay though. Don't day that." Henry-or-Harry shrugs, and sips his beer.

"Alright," he says. "You can go ahead and kiss the gay blonde girl if you want."

Santana bites her lip. "The other blonde one is mine," she appraises Quinn with a smirk. "Well, this one is totally mine too, but different kind of mine," she adds.

"Shut up," Quinn says and pushes the door open as the boys cheer at something on the television.

…

…

Quinn passes all her finals. Most with flying colors, one by the skin of her teeth. Ms Mulder smiles at her proudly and tells her that the internship with the Women and Children's Center is hers.

She walks across an auditorium stage, and takes her diploma to the sound of her family cheering loudly. Her mother and Frannie are there—along with Puck. Beth is sitting up on top his shoulders branding a sign that Rachel  _definitely_ made and screaming louder than all of them combined.

She could hardly believe it when Columbia accepted her four years ago. The first year, she never thought she would be able to make it; failure was all she could see. Motherhood and college were not meant to mix. Especially all alone in New York City.

But the deafening cheers of her friends and family make her smile widely. She hadn't ever been alone. And she did it.

…

…

Quinn goes to all her friends graduations. Cheering loudly each time one of them walks across the stage. She'd kill anyone who said a thing, but Santana looks damn proud of herself as she holds her diploma up and Rachel and Mike whistle.

Mike's parents look shocked at the volume of noise all of them (including Rachel's fathers) make as he walks his way across the stage after Rachel, then again as Brittany follows him.

Their graduations all fall within the same week, and the following week their lease is up. They all agree to fly home and indulge their parents for a huge party at Brittany's house for everyone once they've mostly moved their things into the new house.

The house does turn out to be an amazing find on Rachel and Santana's part. Mike and Sam are given the two rooms up on the third floor, Quinn and Rachel share one on the second, with Beth's adjacent, and Santana and Brittany turn the downstairs room into their bedroom. It's the most spacious place Quinn has lived in since high school even with all of them together. They move all of their things in, not really bothering to unpack much before flying home.

The party doubles as graduation parties for all of them—Sam included even though he graduated two years prior—and a sixth birthday party for Beth. There are seven cakes, and more food on the grill than any of them will be able to eat. Quinn spends half the time in the pool, and the rest of the time eating and smiling.

Sam, Mike, Puck and Beth only leave the pool for bathroom breaks, and spend a good amount of time trying to get Kurt and Santana's hair wet. Beth eats her lunch sitting on the ladder in the shallow end while Puck splashes her. She eats her soggy hamburger and chips happily, then with help from Sam—dunks him for his troubles.

Sam and Kurt mostly avoid each other when possible, but whenever they do talk, it's with more ease than Quinn has seen coming from either of them in months. As much as it sucks, both of them seem relaxed and happier. She's glad there doesn't seem to be any lasting resentment between them. They still seem like friends. Or, that they will be.

Quinn squeals as Beth gets her with a water gun, grinning madly and swimming back to Puck in victory. Judy sits down beside her afterwards. She's in the most casual clothes Quinn thinks she is capable of managing, and she delicately dips her legs into the pool beside Quinn's.

"I'm very proud of you," she says, looking out and watching Beth and Puck both spray Sam at the same time.

"Thank you," Quinn whispers.

They are both silent for a minute or so, then Judy turns to her. "She's a lovely girl."

Quinn thinks she means Beth, and smiles at her daughter across the pool. But when she turns to meet her mother's gaze, she frowns. "I—"

"Rachel," her mother clarifies. "It's..." she sighs. "It's not what I ever would have imagined. Or wanted for you. But... a lot of my life has turned out to not be quite what I would have thought," she smiles softly, swinging her legs back and forth through the water. "I grew up with expectations put on me. Thing just... worked a certain way. And I put those expectations on you. And I'm afraid they made you as miserable as they made me once upon a time." She looks up from the water briefly, meeting Quinn's shocked gaze. "I'm sorry." Her mother's eyes are watery and her voice is dropping down into whispers, but she swallows determinedly. "I should have stopped him," she says. "The minute he called you a..." she breaks off, her voice catching through her tears. Quinn feels cold despite the warm temperature. "I should have stopped him," she says firmly. "The biggest regret of my life is going to be letting you walk out our door hand in hand with that boy, looking terrified. Russell did it, but I didn't stop him. And I should have. And I am terribly,  _terribly_  sorry."

"Mom... I..."

"I have made quite a few mistakes as a mother. We all do—as I'm sure you're finding out—but that was unforgivable, and I don't think I have ever properly apologized. I'm sorry for that too. I'm sorry for a lot of things Quinn. I don't deserve your forgiveness for them, and I'm not asking for it; but I love you, and I'm not going to let other people's expectations of my life rule me anymore." Judy reaches forward and cups Quinn's face lovingly. The tears are falling down both their cheeks. Judy ignores her own (something Quinn has never seen her do, crying in public is a big faux pas for Fabrays) and brushes gently at Quinn's.

"Mom..."

"I can see how happy you are. And I can see why you love her. I would very much like the opportunity to get to know her myself."

"Okay," Quinn whispers. As she glances up, she can see Rachel talking animatedly with Frannie. Jerry Jr is between them and they are both smiling; Quinn feels like something inside of her is going to burst.

"I've spoken to your father, he... isn't quite on the same page. I'm giving him some time to get there, but if he doesn't, I'm not going to continue to wait for him to do so."

Quinn just nods, then her mother pulls her into a hug. "I'm gonna marry her Mom. Probably soon."

"I expect to have a say in flower arrangements." Judy says firmly. "And in venues."

Quinn chokes out a laugh; ragged and unbridled and her mother smiles. Beth turns at the sound and swims towards her, a mischievous look on her face.

"Don't you—"

She's cut off by a stream of water spraying into her face. Beside her, Judy screams, and Beth actually  _cackles_. Pumping the water gun in her hands manically, she sprays them both until it's empty. Judy just sits there, soaking wet in shock.

"You're dead," Quinn says, and launches herself into the pool. "Being the birthday girl isn't going to save you."

Beth screams and tries to swim away, but Quinn is faster. Judy admonishes them both, gasping down at her clothes. Quinn gets a hold of Beth and sees Frannie and Rachel walk over to Judy out of the corner of her eye. They are both laughing, and Frannie passes a second water gun over to Judy. "Get your revenge Mom," she offers.

Judy stares down at the contraption in her hands in confusion, then a wicked smirk slips onto her face, and Beth's eyes widen in fear. Quinn grins and holds her daughter in place. "No!" she screams, trying to wriggle out of Quinn's grasp. "It's my birthday!"

"It can be your present," Quinn offers. "Or my graduation present. Either one works for me."

She watches as her mother stands up, soaking wet in her peach skirt and pearls, hair matted against her face, and grins before spraying Beth for all she's worth while Frannie and Rachel laugh in the background. It's the most relaxed she has ever seen her mother, and it might be the happiest Quinn has ever felt in her entire life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and... that is the end of part 2! I hope you have all enjoyed this story as much as I have enjoyed writing it. Thank you so much for all the feedback throughout. I'm not quite finished with this 'verse though. The beginning of Part 3 should be up sometime later this week, and it will be a little different. If all goes according to plan, it will be four chapters, each with a different POV, and cover the next 2 years. Then I'll give you guys a little epilogue Part 4 after that. I hope you check it out!


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